Ferdinand the duck: Look, there's something you should know.
Babe the pig: Yes?
Ferdinand: Humans eat ducks!
Babe: [gasps] I beg your pardon?
Ferdinand: Ah, most ducks prefer to forget it, but the fact is that humans like to eat plump, attractive ducks.
Babe: Ohhh, I don't think so. Not the Boss, not the Boss's wife.
Ferdinand: Oh, come on. Humans don't eat cats - why?
Babe: Well, they're...
Ferdinand: They're indispensable: they catch mice. Humans don't eat roosters - why? They make eggs with the hens and wake everyone up in the morning.
Babe: Right.
Ferdinand: I tried it with the hens: it didn't work. So I didn’t know what to do. I was lucky though.
Babe: How is that?
Ferdinand: Well their uncle down the road is sort of different…. I started talking with him …and well we had a few drinks …and well…. the next thing you know we were fucking.
Babe: Oh my god. Is that the weird guy with the funny hat and the Dobermans. The math guy. What did he say afterwards?
Ferdinand: He was very happy. He said that he had ducked a lot of fucks but this was the first time that he ever fucked a duck.
(Babe, 1995)
Michaleen Flynn: No patty-fingers, if you please. The proprieties at all times. Hold on to your hats
Sometimes a pig just needs a drink or two, when lipstick is lacking.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on a new joke:
ReplyDeleteQ. How many lipstick lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Barak Obama.
Q. That's not funny.
A. I didn't say it was funny, I said I'm still working on it.
Q. Oh.
ReplyDeleteA. Oh what?
Q. Obama.
A. (Applause. Crowd roars.)
Q. How much lipstick would you have to put on Gary Hart to make you want to kiss him?
ReplyDeleteA. Pig!
Q. Okay. Suppose Gary Hart really was a pig.
ReplyDeleteA. Shouldn't you be using the subjunctive form? But anyway, yeah, so?
Q. Well, would you let him in by the hair on your chinny chin chin?
A. I think you're a little confused.
Q. Maybe so but if you think I'm confused, you should try listening to Gary Hart.
I always thought 'lipstick on a pig' was a reference to Bea Arthur in Maude.
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me, whatever happened to Adrienne Barbeau?
Q. Where's the beef?
ReplyDeleteA. Walter Mondale
Q. Now that is funny!
A. Not to Gary Hart it's not.
In the Minnesota State Fair they sell pig lips on a stick. Fried. $3.50 for a pair.
ReplyDeleteTotally nonsexist.
Not a big seller, though. Too fishy.
Q. Is it true that Adrienne Barbeau, at age 57, gave birth to Sarah Palin's love child?
ReplyDeleteA. I don't think so but you may have just started the latest Sarah Palin rumor.
Q. Well, if it were true, I'd bet between the two of them they could get a few lightbulbs changed.
A. Pig.
Q. Thank you.
Q. What did joe Biden wear?
ReplyDeleteA. I don't know, I'll ask Michael Dukakis.
Oink.
ReplyDeleteIf you watch the pig-lipstick video, I think you'll agree that the offending remark (which was NOT offensive, just a COMMON SAYING) was actually said by the man in the grassy knoll. You can see a little puff of smoke just before the sentence. He was smoking. Smoking. No lie.
ReplyDeleteIn the grassy knoll? Not on?
ReplyDeleteThat really does change everything.
Yes. IN.
ReplyDeleteMole-people. They're everywhere. And do NOT try to put lipstick on one. Just take my word for it.
Typical Pogo, reinforcing his anti-mole-man prejudice when this was OBVIOUSLY THE WORK OF GNOMES!!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, Sarah Palin even drives my blog traffic. Record number of posts. Thanks dudes.
ReplyDeleteBissage had the best comment yesterday at Althouse.
ReplyDeleteHe said you could put lipstick on a fish but it still won't suck your dick. Mrs. Bissage said he was a pig.
Q. Oh.
ReplyDeleteA. Oh what?
Q. Obama.
A. (Applause. Crowd roars.)
I've actually heard this one!