Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

I don't understand why you don't realize that Steve and I deserve to be together. I mean I did everything for him. I carried his bags and got him his stats and got him his diet Cokes and I let him give me a dirty Sanchez while we were on the road. I even watched the Mets with him and you know I had to love him if I was watching the dog ass Mets.

I even hid under the desk while he did MLB Tonight so he could teabag me while talking about the pennant race. He said it calmed him down. He told me I was the best production assistant he ever had!

I don't know how you are blocking my calls. I guess you changed Steve's cellphone number without telling him so he doesn't know I am calling. I know you blocked his email account. You know you can't keep him away from me. He wants what I got and he wants it bad.

So you better tell him that I am waiting. But he better not wait too long. David Letterman called me for an interview. There's more than one bee buzzing around this honeypot.

Toodles,

Your friend,

Brooke.