"I am going on the stand Major but I hope you will not be too hard on me."
"I think you like it hard fraulein. Why else would you go out in the words with Robert Blake and Sargent Carter. Let alone the likes of edutcher and Seven Machos. You protest too much leibchen. You like the abuse. Admit it. In fact I can prove it."
"What do you mean? How can you prove it?"
"That dress! PLAID!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY BITCH YOU ARE JUST ASKING FOR IT!"
"Ohhhh boo hoo booo hoo boo hooo!"
"You make me sick. I have no pity for you."
Looks like she's itching to touch her comments section.
ReplyDeleteIt would be worse if my comments section itched. Just keep Edutcher and Seven Machos out of it.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with "comments section" as a euphemism is that we can't shorten it to "c-section".
ReplyDeleteWhat's that from? Dr. Strangelove? Judgment at Nuremberg? Beach Blanket Bingo?
ReplyDeleteTown without Pity?
ReplyDeleteComment Allie's Vu?
ReplyDeleteCama Comment Chameleon
ReplyDeleteHow to sell a contradication
You come and go
You come and go
Inspired by the chameleon who attempted to cross plain and was kilt trying.
ReplyDeleteCross PLAID
ReplyDeleteBetter than being a snake in the grass.
ReplyDeleteBoys and girls take warning, if you go near the lake
ReplyDeleteKeep your eyes wide open, and look for Sneaky Snake
Now maybe you won't see him, maybe you won't hear
But he'll sneak up behind you, and drink all your root beer
And then Sneaky Snake goes dancin', wigglin' and a-hissin'
Sneaky Snake goes dancin', gigglin' and a-kissin'
I don't like old Sneaky Snake; he laughs too much you see
When he goes wigglin' through the grass, it tickles his underneath
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ReplyDeleteAnd dear children, sneaky snake is doing nothing so innocent as drinking your root beer, he is putting his own brand of venom into it. The other children just haven't realized it yet, slow learners perhaps.
ReplyDeleteAnd away he slithers, chuckling not because of the tickly grass, but because he put one over on you once again.
Dear dear children!
ReplyDeleteInnocents and rubes
Sweeties and naifs
Waiting to be fooled.
No better place to the inexperienced and guileless to gather than the TY House of Mirrors, with The OP as a close second.
AllieOop said...
ReplyDeleteBetter than being a snake in the grass.
My brother chases down snakes with his riding mower. They slither, but nothing runs like a deer.
My brother chases down snakes with his riding mower. They slither, but nothing runs like a deer.
ReplyDeleteRight before he mows them over does he shout,
Ohhhh boo hoo booo hoo boo hooo!"
"You make me sick. I have no pity for you."
or wait until he sees their tiny forked tongue blows out the chute?
Blow, not blows. Sometimes the sss sneaks in like a snake.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThere was no answer from outside, so Rikki-tikki knew Nagaina had gone away. Nag coiled himself down, coil by coil, round the bulge at the bottom of the water jar, and Rikki-tikki stayed still as death. After an hour he began to move, muscle by muscle, toward the jar. Nag was asleep, and Rikki-tikki looked at his big back, wondering which would be the best place for a good hold. "If I don't break his back at the first jump," said Rikki, "he can still fight. And if he fights--O Rikki!" He looked at the thickness of the neck below the hood, but that was too much for him; and a bite near the tail would only make Nag savage.
ReplyDelete"It must be the head"' he said at last; "the head above the hood. And, when I am once there, I must not let go."
Then he jumped. The head was lying a little clear of the water jar, under the curve of it; and, as his teeth met, Rikki braced his back against the bulge of the red earthenware to hold down the head.
Speaking of snakes, nobody seemed to like my little ourosboros sketch: link
ReplyDeletePerhaps I'll make it into an avatar.
I liked it. The only thing missing is a bubble over the head with the words, "Hmmm, Who knew the little mongoose would taste like chicken???"
ReplyDeleteMy brother chases down snakes with his riding mower. They slither, but nothing runs like a deer.
ReplyDeleteAw. Unless they are poisonous to humans there is no reason to hurt snakes. They are beneficial in that they eat rodents and moles. Also some eat bugs and snails. Lizards and snakes are good things.
Don't wallow in your delusions Mama It, I've dealt with snakes before, the mongoose always wins.
ReplyDeletethe mongoose always wins.
ReplyDeleteHowever, they can be more destructive than desired: when imported into the West Indies to kill rats and snakes, they destroyed most of the small, ground-based fauna. For this reason, it is illegal to import most species of mongoose into the United States, Australia, and other countries. Mongooses were introduced to Hawaii in 1883, and have had a significant negative effect on native species.
But your species isn't native to any polite society.
ReplyDeleteThese were big when I was a kid though the "hip-to-waste" of time ratio seems pretty big now.
ReplyDeletePolite society???
ReplyDeleteAs with the other episodes of back and forth preceding this one, I consider this latest over the top burst of faux rage, complete with more name calling, accusations and insinuations of mental imbalance, to be another Saulzall.
A MALEDICTION FOREBODING MOURNING.
ReplyDeleteAs virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."
So let us melt, and make no noise, No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere umbrage of our freude
To tell the polity our love.
Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears;
Men fathom what it did, and meant; But desiccation of the wells,
Though greater far, is innocent.
Dull sublunacy lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove The thing which elemented it.
But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.
Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.
If they be two, they are two so As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To moove, but doth, if th' other do.
And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam, It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.
Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
My firmness makes thy circle joust, And makes me end where I begun: ourosboros
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ReplyDeleteNo insinuations needed anymore, CLEARLY, you are a loon, seek help.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs with the other episodes of back and forth preceding this one, I consider this latest over the top burst of faux rage, complete with more name calling, accusations and insinuations of mental imbalance, to be another Saulzall.
ReplyDeleteReciprocity cuts both ways. Consider the redemptive salve of a Paulzall. I think there's a political message there. If the destructive wrath of certain certains could be made a force for good, think of the possibilities!
CLEARLY, you are a loon, seek help.
ReplyDeleteYour observations and experiences may be different from mine, nothing wrong with that.
Fair enough until you act out your lunacy toward other people. Harm to self or others, criteria for admission.
ReplyDeleteHave I mentioned before that my real name is Emperor Norton?
ReplyDeleteChip, prove it, links please or it's not true.
ReplyDeleteThat's my family lore, handed down through generations of crazy people.
ReplyDeleteHOW DARE YOU QUESTION MAH AUTHORITEH?
My assertion was a realistic one, yours is an impossibility. But hey maybe your parents really did name you after Emperer Norton.
ReplyDeleteIf one goes around doubting every single thing anyone says, especially if it has absolutely nothing to do with them, it shows that they are suspicious, or paranoid or just plain weird, or maybe even projecting their own lack of honesty onto the person they are so doubtful of. It's not normal behavior.
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ReplyDelete@chickelit
ReplyDeleteWhile waiting for the next slide show to be projected, I became caught up in possibilities of a Saul to Paul exchange and remained temporarily blind to the reciprocity presented until this morning when I saw the light. When one is affected by lunacy, full phase revelations take time to be realized.
Between Done and the Hoop Snake there is much to consider, with Norton and the Discordians throwing in another loop.
Over the years, Norton's eccentricity has been a continuing source of inspiration. He appears as a patron saint in the religion of Discordianism
If you want in on the Discordian Society
then declare yourself what you wish
do what you like
and tell us about it
or
if you prefer
don't.
There are no rules anywhere.
The Goddess Prevails.
—Malaclypse the Younger, Principia Discordia, Page 00032
Lunacy waxes and wanes, always stopping a hair's breadth short, who finds it depilatating like some progressive disease. The waning of reflected light cannot hold a candle to the source.
ReplyDeleteAh yes I remember well the long nights nursing at the County Psych hospital running up and down the back stairwell with a jangling set of keys and a noisy pager. The Lunatics always were "brighter" under the full moon.
ReplyDeleteAnd before I am accused being disrespectful to my patients in using the terminology Lunatics, I am merely using creative writing to describe the phenomena of the effects of the full moon on psychiatric patients.
ReplyDeleteBut of course Mama you are the mistress/ master of creative "lunacy".
You reached for the secret too soon,
ReplyDeleteYou cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night,
And exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome
With random precision,
Rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!
Mama It, so apparently you are a Discordian, now it all makes sense in a loony sort of discordant way. Yes, I can imagine you in your black flowing robes, howling at the moon. Discordian Goddess.
ReplyDeleteAh, so illuminating.
LMAO!
ReplyDeleteDon't blame the moon
Just blame your smile
That kisses many devils
That were fashioned out of style
Don't blame the moon
It only glows
Tracing silhouettes
Of skeletons that arose
Don't blame the moon
Don't blame the moon
She will clear her name soon
Don't blame the moon
The barman cheers
Dancing on your lashes
As your eyes fill with tears
Don't blame the moon
It's not her fault
Reflecting off the sea
As your eyes fill with salt
Don't blame the moon
Don't blame the moon
She will clear her name soon
But if you blame the moon
See past its glow
Look beneath the skin
Look into your soul
Don't look where it shines
Or how the tides flow
It's easy too look down
Now look into your soul
Don't blame the moon
Don't blame the moon
She will clear her name soon
Io is a jovian moon, blake. The song woulda been more down to earth as a Selena song.
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ReplyDeleteWell! This conversation has taken a very interesting twist, because dear Mama finally revealed a bit about herself. Henceforth I will accept her for what she is, freedom of religion and all that jazz.
ReplyDeleteBut Mama dear don't get your feelings hurt when I call you out on your lunacy, when you jump the moon with the spoon and the dog. I won't take anything you have to say too seriously as I can now attribute it to you merely practicing your "craft" under the light of the full moon.
I'm a liberal, I accept all loony religions as legitimate.
I won't blame the moon, or Mama.
Am I right Mama, are you a Discordian? You fit that role so well, I bet you are the head Goddess or something.
Anybody ever read any Marion Zimmer Bradley? I dislike her books, trashy science fiction, but she seemed like a Discordian type to me.
ReplyDeleteDiscordianism is for all but the uncool.
ReplyDeleteDiscordians use subversive humor to spread their philosophy and to prevent their beliefs from becoming dogmatic.
I know there's a chao in this thread, b/c it once said "Moo". The chao exists to convince us of the truth of the Law of Eristic Escalation: Imposition of Order = Escalation of Chaos.
Chip, I have a very bad taste in my mouth left by my fundamentalist evangelical upbringing. I personally think almost all regligions are machinations of the human mind, to convince them of something, don't know what, it varies.
ReplyDeleteI think we live in a society that allows free expression of religion, but some are pure horseshit.
You think that left a bad taste in your mouth?
ReplyDeleteTry reciting the Pentabarf.
I belong to a dissident Discordian sect that believes hot dog buns to be acceptable, provided that they are the flat-sided kind, properly buttered and grilled.
Wow, radical.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good place to meet some Discordians if you're so inclined.
ReplyDeleteMaximum disorder was our equilibrium.
ReplyDelete- T.E. Lawrence ("Seven Pillars of Wisdom", 1926)
I only know the quote from the chapter heading in a popular undergraduate chemistry text. I never read that Lawrence, nor am I a devotee.
The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder.
ReplyDelete--Richard the First
Wholly Chao, I have had my eyes opened today!
ReplyDeleteWe are all Discordians now.
ReplyDelete#5. Of the Pentabarf
ReplyDeleteA Discordian is Prohibited from Believing What He Reads
Ah this explains it!
Thou hast said it.
ReplyDeleteLike the hippies used to say: Life's a gas!
ReplyDeleteDiscordians seem to have failed and made it a religion.
ReplyDeleteAllie,
ReplyDeleteI read "Mists of Avalon". It was okay.
Each to their own I suppose. Weird, but fascinating .
ReplyDeleteI mean Discordianism, not Mists of Avalon.
ReplyDeleteDiscordians seem to have failed and made it a religion.
ReplyDeleteFive Tons of Flax!
Stephen King's The Dark Tower series mentions Discordia in several contexts; one of the main characters, Mordred Deschain, is from Discordia, and the castle that is home to the main antagonist is called Castle Discordia. There is also a spinoff online game called The Discordia Experience devoted to it.
If MamaM is a Discordian, does that make Allie an Accordian?
ReplyDeleteWhy yes it does! Bellows the Chao.
ReplyDeleteI am a holy cow, Mama is a wholly chao.
ReplyDeleteMama's got the squeezebox, according to this: link.
ReplyDeletePranking, an interesting Discordant practice. "Remember though that a Prankster with hubris is basically useless".
ReplyDeleteTruly fascinating stuff.
I had the great good fortune to see The Who twice, once in the fall of '68, the other in August of '69. They were smashing.
ReplyDeleteKeith Moon might have been the most melodic of all rock drummers ever.
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ReplyDeleteI had a Druid professor from a well known university here in Wisconsin come on to me VERY VERY strongly several weeks ago. He was incredibly hot, promised all kinds of "magical" sex, he actually spoke of Discordianism, I don't know if Druids practice this, promised me my mind would forever be altered. Unfortunately he was married and a bit scary. Maybe I should've taken him up on his offer.
ReplyDeleteChip and Mama , I won't fault you for not believing this, in accordance with your faith.
Sorry faith may be the wrong word.
ReplyDeleteIf MamaM is a Discordian, does that make Allie an Accordian?
ReplyDeleteThe opposite of Eris is Aneris, the Goddess of Order(s!) and Non Being.
The sterile Aneris becomes jealous of Eris (who was born pregnant), and starts making existent things non-existent. This explains why life begins, and later ends in death.
And to this day, things appear and disappear in this very manner.
Considering the prodigious deletions on record and ongoing denigrations of "it", Aneris seems a more fitting description than Accordian, though pressed buttons and bellowing may be involved with both.
@Sixty: I was lucky to see them in 1976, before Moon died. I wrote about a strange encounter link.
ReplyDeleteI was just reminiscing last week with a best friend from HS. We had hatched a plan to camp out for a couple days up in the rafters at the Coliseum after a Badger Hockey game--then come down for the Who show. But then my brother came through with a ticket.
So Mama, remember the hubris part.
ReplyDeleteThe funny part is Mama, you can no longer press my buttons! I know what you are and I forgive you, done in honor of my Christian upbringing.
ReplyDelete@Sixty: sorry to be as self-referential as a Crack whore, but you're pushing the right buttons: Sheer Brilliant Lunacy
ReplyDelete@Allie: beware Druids bearing fluids.
ReplyDeleteCL - unless and until you start writing that you were raised by former slaves or ranting about, well, I guess everything that isn't Crack, then link away, my friend. Who links are always welcome. They were astounding. Crack is not fit to carry Keith Moon's jock strap - that pathetic caterwauling he used to link to - sad, just sad. His lack of talent is exceeded only by his lack of self awareness.
ReplyDeleteI still have my ticket to the August '69 event. Paid 18 bucks, 6 dollars a day.
I still have my ticket to the August '69 event. Paid 18 bucks, 6 dollars a day.
ReplyDeleteUpstate New York?
I saw a show in Torino, Italy dubbed Woodstock II in 1979. I think Ten Years After headlined--with Joe Cocker, Richie Havens, Country Joe McDonald.
I still have the ticket stub.
ReplyDeleteWhite Lake, to be precise. We drove up through Pennsyltucky and avoided the traffic jam. The rain was a bit much. But the worst was seeing Carol Herman on brown acid, naked, rolling around in the mud. Trust me, that's not a pretty sight.
ReplyDeleteShe would have been only about 32 at the time--at her peak. I don't believe you, Sixty. Pictures or it didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was lying about seeing Carol Herman. She was 30, and as a 19 year old, I would have thought her too ghastly for words. Plus I was married and my wife was right by my side. We used to live in the actual town of Woodstock back in '68 before moving to Boston. Yeah, those were the days.
ReplyDeleteSo Mama, remember the hubris part.
ReplyDeleteBah, humbug.
This just in, Carol Herman is God.
ReplyDeleteI floated that theory at TOP but edutcher nixed it. But since She reads here, perhaps we can petition Her.
ReplyDeleteedutcher is a chick? Or God is? In any case, while "God" is a disgusting commie bitch, he is slightly less deranged than CH.
ReplyDeleteAs for floaters, this place has its share.