Clueless Joe Bidens Acceptance speech was a doozy.

I really loved Clueless Joe's acceptance speech "Four score and seven years ago I first entered the Senate...."

I love all my readers.

I was just busting balls when I said I had only three readers. I thank everyone who drops by and comments. It is really appreciated.

And Knox, you are one of my most valued posters. Your kind and civil posts are always on the point and very cogent. Thanks.

The show is over.

The Magic and Moda and Lingerie and Swim and Project and WINN shows are finally over. We can final relax this labor day weekend and not have to deal with vendors and decision making. Whew!


Last night we got together with Jacklyn of New Orleans and Liz from Philly who have the other two great stores in the United States. We were the only ones who really showed up to shop the show to get new fashion forward clothes. Anyway we met up in the circular bar in the Rio and the girls proceeded to get smashed. I was able to enjoy a couple of great cigars, inexpensive Maduro wraps that were very tasty. It was great to be able to be in a bar where you could smoke.

Later we adjourned to the MGM for Mexican food. The Carne Asada was great. A good time was had by all.

Now to relax before the big trunk show on September 16th.

Light post, no butter!

There is very light posting and commenting this week and next as we are at the shows and I am only on the net in the morning. Sorry to my three readers. See you soon.

The new line

We have met with one of our vendors and the wife has designed six or seven new dresses that we are putting in production. What's interesting is that only three plus stores in the entire United States came to the show to buy. It seems that everyone else is cutting back and the show seems pretty empty. Which makes the vendors even more desperate. So they tackle you and try to tie you down to buy stuff. The problem is that everyone is going the safe route. So to get the fun things you have to buy a lot since no one is taking a chance on anything so you have to buy the whole cutting ticket. That makes for some hard choices.

We even called one of our vendors and said it was foolish for them to come show their line for so few people. Why waste the money?

What I think we are going to do is clip some photos of Jackie O and Doris Day from the early sixties and just copy that. That is what will be in, especially if Obama wins and Michelle becomes the first lady.

It still makes for a tough decision making process.

PDA'S

I was reading a post at Althouse and Mort was spewing about homosexual public displays of affection and fat chicks in porn. Now I like Mort, but he couldn't be more wrong on both counts.

Gay people are people just like anyone else and if they want to kiss or show affection in public, than that's what they should do. When we were in the Mandalay Bay last week, there was a lot of gay people all over the place. In the hallways, the bar and the pool. And occasionally they kissed or hugger or whatever. So what. If you know who you are it shouldn't bother you.

It probably only bothers you if it gets you hot and that scares you. I mean if I was in the meat aisle at Kroegers and RH Hardin started fingering the hole of a frozen chicken, I wouldn't care. It doesn't effect me. So maybe you can leave those kids alone.

As far as fat chicks go, I love the chubby girls. So Mort doesn't know what he is talking about. I have a sneaking suspicion that's true about all kinds of women. Fat ones, thin ones, ones that sit on cocks. They are all a mystery to Mr. Brenzy.

But I am glad he is out of his shell and talking about something other than racism. And like Ernie Borgnine, he still has the internet for some private displays of affection.

Purple Reign, hee hee.

Well we are shopping the shows at Magic, Moda, and WINN and are laying in a bunch of purple stuff. I feel that purple is going to be really big and that is in fact what everyone is showing. Michelle Obama is a big purple fan and will be wearing a lot of purple on the campaign trail so that can help us.

I have to say that an Obama victory would be better for the store. Michelle buys the kind of clothes we sell and would be a godsend for sales of certain brands. That might be a funny way to think about it, but I have to hope for what's good for me.

Six staight hours of ponte

We are into the sixth straight hour of the fabric and dress designing meeting. I am sitting at the desk blogging away and interjecting the occasional comment on the fittings.

"Good Boobage." "HOW MUCH DOES THAT COST A YARD?" "What an ugly color in that print."

Then they all throw something at me and I go back to blogging.

The girls are back in town.

I am fielding calls from the rest of the girls who own plus size shops who are on their way into town for the Magic show. They are all ready to party and we are ready to fall asleep by the pool. This might get sticky.

Say it ain't so Clueless Joe.

While I was busy getting a sunburn and getting a pedicure and picking out fabric swatch's, it seems that Obama has picked Clueless Joe Biden to be his running mate. Wow is that messed up or what.

A bigger blowhard overbearing big mouth is hard to find. Unless I look in the mirror of course. But that's another story.

Hit two exacta's today.

I hit two exacta's today which is pretty much all the gambling I have done. Other than sit on the next stool while my wife plays the slots. I don't find cards that interesting anymore and I don't have the patience. But I still love the ponies and they are running at Saratoga today which is always fun.

I am in a fabric meeting and I want to jump out the window.

We are in our suite in Vegas and the wife is working with one of our vendors as they design next spring's line. So there are fabric swatches and samples strewn all over the suite. I am getting the food and drinks and keeping score as to the final results of the dresses. Sort of like Karl Malden in the Cincinnati Kid.

But I can blog in between times. I just have to pay attention or the wife will shoot me like Spider in Good Fellas. Heh.

The World Champion New York Giants get no respect!

I went to the sports book to get down on the Giants repeating as WORLD CHAMPIONS. They were 16 to 1 while the fucking dog ass Jets were 12 to 1 and those loser Packers are 12 to 1. And those loser Cowboys are 3 to 1 favorites. What's up with that shit? These people are idiots.

I got down for twenty dimes on a repeat.

Sun burns suck.

I got a sun burn on my right arm. Don't ask me how I managed to put sun block on the rest of my body and forgot one arm. It is red and tender and smells like burgers on the Fourth of July. The wife always gives me a lot of shit about how much sun block I put on. So I went light and ended up burned to a crisp. Boy am I stupid or what?

The Pool at the Mandalay Bay

We spent most of the day hanging by the pool at the Mandalay Bay. They have this thing they call a wave beach. They set up sand like a real ocean beach and have a wave machine. All these people go out into the pool and ride the waves in like it was the Jersey Shore or something. It is pretty interesting.

The most interesting thing at the pool is the culture clash. You have people from all over the United States. People from Alabama had one side of the pool and some California types were on the other side.When they got drunk enough, the boys and girls started interacting. That was interesting. We left just before the fist fights were scheduled to start. Time to get ready for dinner.

Great Restaurant in Vegas.

Well last night our friend canceled because he wasn't feeling well and we decided to stay in the Mandalay Bay at one of their joints. So we decided to go to Strip Steak which is a Michael Mina restaurant. Apparently that means something.

Well let me tell you the service was superb. We didn't have a reservation and they put us in a table right in front of the waiter's station. There was just too much activity. So I called the hostess over and asked to move and they did it with out any fuss or muss. Very professional.

While we looking at our menus, they brought over an amuse bouche of fries which where deep fried in duck fat with three dipping sauces. Three bowls of fries each seasoned separately as well. Man they were delicious.

The appetizers were mostly fish and raw meat so we ordered side dishes as our appetizers. Beer battered onion rings and a delicious macaroni and cheese made with fotina cheese. It was great.

The main course was filet mignon seasoned to perfection. Side dishes of goat cheese potato au gratin and a big baked potato for me. It was unbelievable.

The desert were these little donuts with chocolate and caramel dipping sauce along with some caramel ice cream.

Oh and the wine list was great. It didn't have any prices listed which is a downer but I picked a great Spanish Rijoica which I knew would be comfortably in our price range.

The waitress was terrific and the manager came over to see that everything was all right. All and all it was a great meal, superbly prepared and served. Worth every penny. Highly recommended.

Relaxing in Vegas

Well we went early to Vegas before the show to relax for a while. We are at the Mandalay Bay and there will be a bunch of posts about how they screwed up and made my life miserable. But we are making the best of it.

The pool is pretty cool but very busy. So we hung out for part of the day, but the wife wanted to go to the Spa. We got tandem massages where the massage the husband and wife next to each other. My masseuse Pat was very good and she really got into my torn rotator cuff in a big way. Man that hurt.

Before the massage you got to hang out in the Spa which had separate Men's and Woman's sections. They have a sauna, steam room and three pools. A warm pool a hot tub and a cold pool. The idea is to go from the sauna and then into the cold pool. They also had nice chaise lounges to rest on while reading magazines and stuff.

There were basically two types of guys in the spa. Oh by the way everyone was naked. There were the gay guys who were there for the facials and manicures and stuff. Then there were the fat old bastards like me or the athletes who all have aches and pains and who just want to sit in the hot tub and soak away the pain.

Anyway the massage was really great and I am totally relaxed. Dinner tonight with our flamboyantly gay friend who is a big executive at one of the casino's. The last time when we were in the cab line he started making fun of this cholo drug dealer guy and almost got us killed. It should be interesting. Stay tuned,

Leaving on a Jet Plane!

Off to Vegas for the clothing shows, and I don't think I will be doing a lot of blogging or commenting for the next two weeks. I wonder if anyone will miss me. Oh well, we have to soldier on!

Tough day but there's always tommorrow.

Very slow today, but we are spending the time getting ready to go to Vegas. I just finished writing up the procedure guide and preparing all the stuff we need to go shopping. It should be interesting while we are away.

Long but profitable day.

It was a long but profitable day at the store as we had a very good sales day. Of course that meant we couldn't do any preparation for our trip, but we will pull an all nighter like we usually do the night before we go. I was posting in between times of ringing up sales as I don't want the women to think I am paying too much attention to their choices unless they ask my opinion. So it was a kind of crazy mixed up day.

Don't diss Blondie

New York Post Weird but True August 16, 2008

This debate got a little too spirited.

Two debate-team coaches got into a profanity-laced argument that ended when one yanked his pants down and flashed her rear end at the other.

"In 18 years of taking part in debates, I have never seen an incident like this," said Gordon Stables, who presided over the competition between the University of Pittsburgh and Law School at the State University of Wisconsin.

"The little blonde was one crazy broad," said Stables "of course now we know she ain't a real blonde. Heh."

Maxine loves the Internets

New York Post Weird but True August 16, 2008

As if you needed more proof that Facebook has grown utterly uncool, a 102-year-old British grandmother has become the oldest person on the social-networking site.

Ivy Bean lives in a nursing home and has been using the site to keep in touch with family.
"I love being online, and it beats writing with a pen," she said.

She also enjoys posting under the name Maxine Weiss and other various sock puppets when venting her spleen. "Have that nice Ernie Borgnine give me a call."

I hate packing.

We have to pack for a two week trip to Vegas. I hate packing and we have to bring a lot of crap because it is a fashion event and my wife has to look great and I have to slide slightly above the level of tolerable which is usually how I dress. And I can't wear shorts so it will be a real pain in the ass.

Thank God Chris Russo is gone.

They announced that Chris Russo is leaving the Mike and the Mad Dog show today. He even called in for a teary eyed goodbye. Hey don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. He was the worst. He knew jack shit about sports and life in general. It was comical what a fucking idiot he was. The best example I can give you was one day they were going over current movies to see which one they should see and Francesa goes "Well there's Daredevil." and Russo goes
"Is that a true story?"

Thank God he is going to satellite radio and we don't have to listen to that douche bag anymore.

The visit with the stylist was a big success.

The visit by a stylist for a big Hollywood star went very well and she picked out a bunch of clothes. If the star likes them, we will have made a great new relationship. Stay tuned.

Hank Spouts and Francesa Pouts.

Hank Steinbrenner was in the papers today saying it might not be the Yankees year because we had a lot of injuries. Very reasonable in my opinion. You can't make the playoffs every year no matter how much you spend. We had a ton of injuries and sometimes shit happens.

But that douchebag Mike Francesa on WFAN was blasting Hank and saying he didn't know what he was talking about. Now this is the same douche who said that we had to keep Joba as a reliever when anyone can plainly see his future is as a starter. Just like Hank said. Who the fuck does Francesa think he is and what the hell does he know? The only douche who is more clueless is his partner Chris Russo.

Let's see how the rest of the season goes. We can still steal the wild card. But if we don't that's ok because this is a transitional year. Anybody with half a brain can see that.

Photo shoot today.

Well the are in the midst of a photo shoot of new items for the website. Now the photographer is on the next block, but we were supposed to go over there it started pissing down rain and that delayed it. They are staying after hours and I have to tip all the workers big time to keep a happy crew. Nothing is ever smooth ya know.

Ernest Borgnine is my Hero!

And that's all I have to say about that.

Keep on strokin' Ernie.

Dreamgirl's at Lee Lee's Valise.

We just got word that Jennifer Hudson's stylist will be shopping in the store for her. The first step to getting her to come in and shop. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

This will be cool.

Tom Hanks is full of crap!

New York Post Weird but True August 13, 2008

A German man, tossed out of his girlfriend's apartment, has been living out of a luggage locker at the Dusseldorf railway station for the past 10 years.

Now authorities are trying to remove him and have him prosecuted for breaching the peace.

When asked why he didn't just find another girlfriend, he said "I can't do that. I have too much baggage."

Dateline Chappaqua New York

New York Post Weird but True August 13, 2008

A man posing as a "porn inspector" tried to get the owners of an X-rated shop to give him free videos, claiming he had to make sure the performers weren't underage.

Of course, the local police don't have a porn inspector.

After being denied the free videos, the impostor left muttering something about going back to being just another ex-president.

You question my bill, I cut your balls off.

I had a couple of clients question my bills the last few days. They were paltry sums, but they were kids who had opened up bars after having worked in them for a while. So they opened on a shoe string and this is their first immersion in paying payroll taxes, sales taxes, utilities and payroll. It's not just emptying out the tip jar and locking the gate. Since I am planning to drop most of my clients anyway, it gave me the very great satisfaction of saying "You questioned my bill. Who the fuck do you think you are. Guess what, find someone else to hold your hand you dipshits."

Well one of the kids is partners with one of my other clients who knows the score. When he heard what happened he shit a brick. He called all of my answering machines begging me to forgive him and take him back. Luckily I am in a position to not have to do that.

Thank God for ladies bloomers.

Viva Las Vegas!

Well we are getting ready for our trip to the clothing convention in Vegas. We are going a few days early to hang out and get some rest. We are staying at the Mandalay Bay. The wife wanted a beach so we originally thought about going to San Diego or something like that. But the Mandalay Bay has a fake beach, and I always like fake stuff so we opted for that.

Then the next week is the Magic, Moda and WINN which are the clothing shows that we have to hit. In addition several of the vendors wanted to have private meetings with us before the show. So it will be a busy time.

They ain't no Angels!

Why can't the Yankees beat the Angels? Man we just dropped a series to these yahoos. I mean the are beating us like a red headed step child and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. Where are the Angels of my youth with Jim Fregosi and Dean Chance. The lovable losers who were so busy soaking up the sun and banging Mamie Van Dooren that they could only make it to the game an hour before it started. Bring those guys back. Jeeeez.

Arrested Devlopment

New York Post Police Blotter August 9, 2008

A woman spotted an exposed Stephen Gilmer, 23, sitting on a bench pleasuring himself by a pool in Faber Park Thursday morning, law-enforcement sources said.

She called police, and Gilmer was busted, said a spokesman for DA Daniel Donovan.

Faber Park is just outside the limits of Kennedy airport. Mr. Gilmer had just flown in from Cleveland and claimed he was over stimulated. Police are baffled by his explanation and are charging him with indecent exposure.

Great day in the morning.

Had a great day in the store today. A nice lady from Alabama came in due to seeing us on What Not to Wear. I directed her husband to the Brooklyn Brewery in Williamsburg, so he was happy. That struck Alabama off the list and there are only five states that haven't bought something from Lee Lee's Valise. North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont, Wyoming and New Hampshire are the only deadbeats. Get with the program people. Don't make me come out there!

When Trumpit sued Downtown lad.

New York Post WEIRD BUT TRUE August 9, 2008

Where's Judge Judy when you need her?

A German jurist had to call a recess because two feuding neighbors were acting like such idiots before her in court that she couldn't stop laughing.

The two men had launched into calling each other childish names like "smelly bum" and "donkey face," causing the judge to lose her composure.

Holy shit II

NEW YORK POST AUGUST 9, 2008
MANNY'S REVENGE: EYES BX.
By GEORGE A. KING III
Posted: 3:54 amAugust 9, 2008
ANAHEIM, Calif. - Having successfully orchestrated his divorce from Boston and his landing in with the Dodgers, Manny Ramirez would like to make life miserable for the Red Sox during the next few seasons.
According to people who have spoken to the eccentric outfielder since he was dealt to L.A. on July 31, Ramirez wants to sign a free-agent deal with the YankeesNew York Yankees this offseason and get 19 chances a year to punish Boston.
"He wants to play for the Yankees so he can get at the Red Sox," a close friend of Ramirez's told The Post.
Of course, every free agent says he wants to play for the Yankees. They pay well, will always have a chance to make the postseason, and when they show an interest in a free agent, the price from other clubs skyrockets.
Considering Ramirez is represented by Scott Boras, every imaginable angle will be played when the 36-year-old, a product of George Washington High School in Washington Heights, will become a free agent following the World Series.
Yankees GM Brian Cashman would not comment on the situation. Ramirez forced the Red Sox to deal him to the Dodgers by badmouthing the organization, not hustling and sitting out a July 25 game against the Yankees with a knee injury that didn't show up on an MRI the next day.
Once Ramirez was dealt, two club options for $20 million (2009-10) were eliminated.
Ramirez, the premier run producer of his generation and a Hall of Fame lock, has hit four homers in his first six games for the Dodgers, giving him 514 for his career.

Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manny Ramirez may want a deal with New York Yankees in the offseason, report says
by Frank Della Femina/NJ.com
Saturday August 09, 2008, 2:17 PM

From the New York Post:
According to people who have spoken to the eccentric outfielder since he was dealt to L.A. on July 31, Ramirez wants to sign a free-agent deal with the Yankees New York Yankees this offseason and get 19 chances a year to punish Boston.
"He wants to play for the Yankees so he can get at the Red Sox," a close friend of Ramirez's told The Post.

OH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buying a dress with my sister.

So this dude comes in tonight with his sister who is touched as the Irish say to get her a dress for her birthday party. I come out of the back as I always do when men come into the store to establish a presence.

Just the other day a homeless dude came in and started his rap but when I came out from behind the curtain he ran away like his pants were on fire.

Anyway the guy was a neighborhood knock around guy who was basically an arrogant asshole. You know just like me. But he was doing a good thing in getting his sister an outfit for a family occasion tomorrow in Casa Rosa next door.

She picked out a nice dress, well he did since he had to be in charge of her. But my wife told him that she really needed a new bra because the stuff she had was horrible. He was a dick but a good hearted dick and a good brother. He said sure set her up. She ended up getting three bras because when he saw nice she looked and how good she felt in the right bra he said "Fuck that get her one in every color."

Now my wife is wearing a cute halter dress in very bright colors of red and white and a light blue that is very cute and the poor dear kept saying, "I like what you are wearing, I like what you are wearing." Now that wouldn't be appropriate for her affair tomorrow but my wife put her in one anyway. She looked so happy when she had it on. She kept saying to her brother "Don't I look pretty in this dress. I feel pretty in this dress." So my wife gave it to her. For free.

We might not be the best business people but we never went wrong doing the right thing. That's why I love her. She is my heart.

Can Meade bring his inflatable girlfriend for a pre cana conferance?

New York Post Weird but True July 8, 2008

Beach goers in Italy can worship more than just the sun.

Some Catholic nuns and priests are bringing an inflatable church to the seashore.

The 98-foot-long blow-up church - staffed by priests ready to take confession - will debut tomorrow on the Adriatic coast, an organizer said.

As part of the new liberalized policy in the relaxed atmosphere of the diocese, the church will of course perform marriages to inflatable partners provided they are of the opposite sex.

A new doggie for Titus?

New York Post Weird but True July 8, 2008

A deep-throated canine managed to swallow a 2-foot-long stick whole.

Hector, a Great Dane puppy, got a conifer branch lodged between his neck and his stomach while playing in his family's garden in Britain.

The stick was removed with forceps by a veterinarian, who presented Hector's owner with a $4,000 bill.

Which way did they go?

New York Post Weird but True August 8, 2008

A woman driving drunk in South Dakota picked the wrong person to ask for directions.
When she pulled over and knocked on the door of a nearby home, a sheriff's deputy answered.

The deputy told the 37-year-old woman she could not get back behind the wheel.

A wrestling match ensued, and the woman was hit with a DWI rap.

Some people have all the luck.

I told you not to talk to Althouse before she has her coffee in the morning.

New York Post August 8, 2008

A food-cart patron in Long Island City was busted after she decked a woman also waiting in line, officials said.

The unknown blond customer 56, for unknown reasons began raging at the 61-year-old victim as they waited to make their al fresco purchases at 23rd Street and 43rd Avenue last Friday morning, cops said.

The assailant who was wearing only a white shirt, black bra and men's pants, shouted at the victim, "What the f--- are you looking at?" and allegedly punched her in the mouth.

The suspect was cuffed and charged with assault and resisting arrest, according to the DA.

Yanks get sued for beatdown of Red Sox Fan.

New York Post August 8,2008
LAWSUIT
FAN BEATEN AT STADIUM
By TOM LIDDY, LORENA MONGELLI and JENNIFER FERMINO

A roaring Red Sox fan who took a beating at Yankee Stadium for rooting for his team filed a federal lawsuit yesterday, blasting the Bombers for doing nothing to stop the dustup that left him "seriously injured."
Charles Hillios, 40, alleges that he was "viciously attacked and physically assaulted" in the House that Ruth built by two overzealous fans who objected to his hooting and hollering for the hated Sox, according to the complaint.
"I got beat up, because I'm a Red Sox fan," he told The Post.
Hillios was trying to enjoy the game on Aug. 29, 2007, when he was jumped by Shawn Sellick, 27, and Daniel Benjamin, 24, who also are named in the suit, according to the complaint. Sellick, a real-estate agent with Bond New York who lives on the Upper East Side, and Benjamin were arrested at the Stadium on the night of the beating, and later pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault.
"Somebody hit a home run and my client cheered and some Yankee fans took offense to that," said Hillios' lawyer, Michael O'Neill.
The trash talk got so bad, Stadium security warned Sellick and Benjamin to stop tormenting the Massachusetts man.
A security officer allegedly told the two Yankee-loving loudmouths he'd eject them if they didn't zip it.
The rabid Red Sox fan felt safe enough to go to the refreshment stand, but the two Bomber supporters followed him.
Benjamin yanked Hillios to the ground and squeezed his neck so tightly, the Chicopee, Mass., man couldn't breathe. Then Sellick "kicked [him] in his face, torso and legs," according to a criminal complaint.
Hillios said he suffered cuts, bruises, a swollen face and forehead, and a sore neck.
"I'm doing better," Hillios said yesterday. "But I'm going in for a second eye surgery."
In addition to the two goons and the Yankees, the lawsuit also names Burns International Security Services, which provides security at the Stadium.
Sellick, who was reached on his cellphone, said, "I don't want to talk about this until I talk to my lawyer." Benjamin could not be reached for comment.
A spokesman for the Yankees said the team had not seen the lawsuit, and had no comment.
A call to Burns International was not returned.


There is no excuse for this kind of behavior in the stands. The asshole has a right to root for his team. What you have to do is mock him and belittle him to the point where he throws the first punch in front of witnesses. Then whatever you do is self defense.

Trust me, that is the way to go.

Garbage in, Garbage out.

New York Post Weird but True August 8, 2008

If there's a online site for this kind of fetish, don't tell us the Web address.
A naked man was busted in Kennewick, Wash., for allegedly masturbating while chasing a garbage truck.

John Foster says he chased the truck because he was upset that the driver had looked at him.
Foster was charged with public drunkenness.

Mr. Foster who post comments on line under the pseudonym Alpha Liberal, blamed his arrest on Republicans, conservative Christians and George W. Bush.

He said he would continue to masturbate in the privacy of his own home as he posts the "truth" to the uninformed.

Reader_iam has a new blog.

One of our all time favorite bloggers has a new blog called Simply Skinning (ReaderIam) which you should check out. She is very intelligent and has an interesting perspective on life. I always enjoy reading her comments even though we often disagree. Give it a shot and add it to your list of blogs you check out every day. You will be glad you did.

Paris Hilton sucks, and not in a good way.

I have been busy all day, and when I check into Althouse, it was as our old friend Lucky would say: a suckfest. Obama and affirmative action, Paris and McCain's competing videos, calling people cunts and saying everything is racist. Plus a preponderance of left wing idiots without a sense of humor. And no chicken or dog porn from RH. What a mess.

It might be time to disappear again.

Hey let's buy pocket books.

I have not been posting because I was at the Accessories show the last two days. Lots of pocketbooks and gloves and jewelry and hats and stuff like that. We also went to the MODA show to yell at some of our vendors. Anyway, full speed ahead. Damn the torpedo bras.

Trooper Bait.

Two of my favorite bloggers felt since it was shark week, they had to throw chum in the water to get the Trooper to comment. (I love to call myself the Trooper, I feel like Deon Sanders or Bo Jackson or some asshole like that).

First Blake posts about She Wore a Yellow Ribbon and Johnny Guitar.

Then Althouse posts about sandwichs.

How am I ever gonna sell any bloomers if I am busy commenting all the time.

No fair.

My Top Ten Alternative History Novels.

10. 1901 by Robert Conroy. This is one of the most common scenarios in alternative history as the United States goes to war with Kaiser Bill's Germany before the First World War. It features reconciliation between North and South as they beleaguer United States is invaded by Germany. Led by Theodore Roosevelt, they call General James Longstreet out of retirement to fight the Hun in the streets of New York. Good solid entertainment without frills as it speaks to a common yearning for Americans to unite against a common foe.

9. The Hammer and the Cross by Harry Harrison is a different interpretation of the history of the Vikings in England. Here they combine with King Alfred of the Wessex to unite England. He follows a new version of the Norse pagan religion which is set up as a direct competitor with Christianity. And it succeeds. The first of a trilogy that is well worth reading for an alternative history of the Dark Ages.

8. On the Ocean of Eternity is the final book of a trilogy by S.M. Stirling which begins with Island in the Sea of Time. The island of Nantucket is sent back through time to the era of the Iliad. Agamemnon, Ulysses and other historical figures interact with ordinary Americans who are forced to find their way after being sent back in time. This final book is quite good and wraps up the storyline in a very interesting way. This has a strong science fiction element but does have an interesting alternative history slant.

7.Time Spike by Eric Flint is another time travel epic where a maximum security prison is sent back into pre-historic time where it meets up with other groups such as the mound building Native Americans, Cherokees from the Trail of Tears and Hernan De Soto of all people. The convicts and guards have to work together to defeat such enemies as a megalomaniac prisoner who seizes control of the prison and the savage conquistadors as well as the stray dinosaur. Not Flint’s best, it is good beach material. Sort of Oz meets Jurassic Park if Blake was going to review it. (Oz from HBO not the one with the tin man).

6. Island in the Sea of Time is the first book of the Trilogy by SM Stirling and is quite enjoyable as a stand alone item. This is where the Island of Nantucket and a stray Coast Guard sailing ship are transported back in time.

5. Stars and Stripes Forever by Harry Harrison is another alternative history where intervention by the British leads to the North and South combining to fight the British Empire. Southern generals like Lee and Stuart join with Grant and Sherman to conquer Canada and take a shot at Great Britain. Generally panned because of it’s over the top animus toward the English, the Irish based Harrison has a refreshing take on perfidious Albion and I found it very enjoyable.

4. 1812 The Rivers of Way by Eric Flint is an alternative history of Sam Houston, Andrew Jackson and the Cherokee nation at the time of the Trail of Tears. It revolves around the defense of Washington by Sam Houston and a motley band of volunteers that beat off the British attack. Mixed up with slavery and other issues of that fascinating time one of the main characters is James Monroe which is just unbelievable because he is almost a cipher in our history books. Highly recommended.

3. 1824 the Arkansas War is the second volume in the series by Eric Flint. This one is even better as the characters include such famous and fascinating people as Henry Clay, John Quincy Adams, Winfield Scott, James Monroe, Sam Houston, William Henry Harrison, Zachary Taylor, the abolitionist John Brown and Senator Richard M. Johnson of Kentucky who I personally find endlessly interesting. I really think this is a great book, not great literature, but a really great read. If you love history, you will love this book.

2. 1632 by Eric Flint is the first in a series of books and a media empire. It is the story of how a town in West Virginia called Grantville travels back in time to 1632. The town has to rally together to survive and meets up with such historical personages as Gustav Adolphus, Peter Paul Reuben’s, Cromwell, Richelieu and tons of other famous soldiers, politicians, artists and explorers. A great starting point for the series, I think once you start it you will get hooked. I have read every book in the series and am a subscriber to the Grantville Gazette which is an online magazine that features stories set in this time line. This is the future of science fiction and alternative history in the way they integrate online e-books, fan fiction and low cost alternative to hard cover prices.

1. The best alternative history book I have ever read is How Few Remain by Harry Turtledove which is about the second Civil War. The Confederates receive aid from Britain and France and triumph in the Civil War. The continent is divided by an uneasy border. Open warfare breaks out lead by various historical figures such as George Armstrong Custer and Theodore Roosevelt who lead the only successful Northern Army. Abraham Lincoln was never assassinated, but instead is a socialist agitator who is shunned in most of the places he visits. It’s a real curve ball and kinda fascinating. It is by far Turtledove’s best book and now I think he should have quit while he was ahead. I couldn’t wait for new books in the series but they got weaker and weaker until I was happy the whole thing petered out. But this first book in the series is very highly recommended. Give it a chance; I think you will really enjoy it.

I just finished the new Harry Turtledove.

I just finished the new Harry Turtledove book, The Man with the Iron Heart. It was very disappointing. His speciality is alternative history. In this book, he imagines that Reinhard Heydrich survives the assassination that happened in real time and lives to set up a guerrilla operation in the "Alpine Redoubt." That was the big fear of Allied high command at the end of the war. So there are terrorist attacks, suicide bombings, car bombings and a lot of obvious parallels to Iraq. A peace movement springs up in America to protest the deaths in occupied Germany that parallels current events as well.

What originally attached me to Turtledove was his book "How Few Remain" which dealt with the world in which the Confederates won the Civil War. That was a great book that used real life figures in American History like General Custer and Teddy Roosevelt in interesting new ways. He expanded that time line into a series of about ten or twelve books that got progressively less interesting. I read them all, but it got to be a chore after a while. I think he has run out of inspiration. You can't stretch it out so long that you can't bring the spark to it.

This new book just tries too hard to move the alternative history time line to echo current events. It just doesn't ring true. It was fine to read on the subway, but not anywhere near his best work. He's starting to repeat himself. That's a problem a lot of authors have after a while. Or any artist for that matter. So don't pick this up as your introduction to alternative history or Harry Turtledove.

We are back on line.

It seems that the problem last night was that sitemeter was conflicting with Internet explorer. So it wasn't a massive plot to censor the Internet. Or a virus.

I still think Althouse caught something from Pamela Anderson.

I was aborted.

Well the last fifteen times I tried to access Althouse I got the message:

Operation aborted.

That's more abortions than all the girls at Pandagon.

Well maybe not.

And I didn't even get a T-shirt.

Tales from Amy's Garden-Spam edition

Fiver: There's something very queer about the warren this evening...
Hazel: Is it dangerous?
Fiver: It's not exactly danger, it's... oh, I don't know. Something oppressive... like thunder.
Fiver: I feel it too. I think there will be lighting and thunder soon.
Hazel: Well the lady in the cottage must think so. She is running around screaming and yelling about something called spam.
Fiver: Yes. I think that is what they call a woman who puts out for everyone and wakes up with strange men in their hutches every night.
Bigwig: Like that Spam Anderson.
Hazel: I thought spam was some kind of pig. Like a hog.
Fiver: That can’t be right. I don’t think she likes hog.
Bigwig; I heard her talking to herself. She was yelling about how she likes the single life. And she didn’t shut off all of her machines. She has a little one that seems to be buzzing a lot. Especially at night.
Hazel: People are strange sometimes. I prefer rabbits.
(Watership Down, 1972)

Hey you can all hang out at my place.

All of you Althouse posters who are being blocked by Blogger are welcome to post here. But no legal mumbo jumbo Simon. And Beth only NOLA oriented stuff you hear. And no, I repeat no obscene chicken photos RH. That's why they closed down Althouse.

The Yankees seem to be in a good spot right now.

With all of the moves complete, it seems that the Yankees did great with what they had to work with. Ivan Rodriquez will be on his best behavior and will play his ass off. He's a Hall of Famer and won't let up in front of Jeter and A-Rod. So he will be a big plus. Nady is out tonight with a sore triceps but he will gut it out and play. We can mix and match with him and Damon and Matsui when he comes back. The reliever was a little shaky but he is tough on both righties and lefties so he was a great pick up. So we are ready for our strecth run.

Of course the best thing is that Manny is gone from the Red Sox. So he won't be killing us anymore. The stiff the Saux got from the Pirates is just another guy, not a first ballot Hall of Famer like Manny. I mean he is a pain in the ass, but his production makes it worth it.

The team that really screwed up is the Mets. They could of easily traded for Manny and made a run for the World Series. But the Coupons wouldn't pull the trigger. I mean I know Omar was for it, cause Manny is Latin after all. I think Freddie Coupon just didn't want to pay the money. Which is funny because the Dodgers got the Red Sox to pick up the whole check. What a bunch of douches.

Hey I figured it out!

Well it seems that blogger is designating certain blogs as spam. So far Althouse, Blake and Zach Sire are blocked. All of them talk about sex. A lot. You dirty birds. Now I ain't blocked and neither is the Baseball Crank. More baseball talk and less sex and you won't get in trouble.

What's going on here?

I can't seem to get into blogger. What's up with that?

Well that's not quite true. I can get my stuff and RC and AJ but I can't access Althouse or Blake. Hey I wonder if they hooked up in LA? Maybe a Virus? Nah, couldn't be. Could it?