On the Town!

Yesterday was a little different for us. Normally we are off on Tuesdays but we had set up a Doctors appointment in the city so we went into the belly of the beast. It was a beautiful summers day so it was quite pleasant.

We had an appointment with a homo-pathetic physician. No he wasn't a sword swallower. Well he was but this wasn't what is it about. He basically uses vitamins and supplements to treat allergies instead of all these pills that the other doctors prescribe. He had a whole apothecary where you can get all of the vitamins and such. I know it looks like a racket but it was surprisingly plausible as he backed up his reasoning with blood tests so we are going to try it. This is the tea section alone.

So we got finished at around five and had some time to wander around the city on a pretty summer day.

The first thing we did was take some selfies at the fountain in front of the Plaza.  Plus a couple of photos of my honey.

So I will be putting up a few posts about our adventures during the day.

You never know who you will meet

There is a different dynamic now that we have split into two stores.

The back store is the lingerie department and is the domain of my wife and our full time store manager. Of course I always joke with the customers that I am not the bra fitter because they get a little weirded out if I bring to the back if the girls are busy with other customers. So I try and stay in the front and deal with the Lee Lee's customer.

Yesterday I had a very nice girl come in looking for some clothes. She told me she had just had a baby and her body changed and she needed a different fit. Still and all she was in my smallest size and I put together a couple of nice outfits. A pencil skirt and a couple of tops with a cardigan. A wrap dress. A maxi. She was very happy and loved the fit.

So she decided to come in today to buy bras. She had said she was going on a second honeymoon and needed some great lingerie. Of course Lisa got the real story.

You see she had a baby. But it had died. She had to carry it to term and have it delivered by C-section. My wife and I and the girl were all weeping. When you see someone be so brave after a tragedy like that most of the rest of the bullshit you see is just meaningless. I just had to think of all of the poor babies that were murdered at the hands of this Supreme Court. It is just unbelievable how much evil there is in the world. Here is a family that so wanted a child and was denied in the cruelest possible way. So many others treat it like a wart removal.

In any event she is now part of the Lee Lee's Valise family and is off to the Caribbean.

There really are no words.

The Normalization of Deviance

All societies have a natural progression from birth to death. Born in health and vigor they gradually decline into scleroses and entropy until such time as they fail and are swept from the board. The surest sign that such a society is doomed is the acceptance and promulgation of the deviant as the norm. The tried and true values of human society that built successful societies is chipped away bit by bit. The elite will of course call the tune and demand that all dance to their music. Their boredom and existential ennui leads to them to sensations and indulgence in deviant behavior that has long been abhorred by conventional society. Soon enough they engage and celebrate sexual excess, incest, bestiality and homosexuality as though this is perfectly normal behavior. The most outré practices will soon not merit censure or even comment. You risk all you own to disavow such behavior. That is how you end up with a horse in the Senate.

We are well along the route of this descent into madness. Deviance will be normalized and voices that caution that this has all happened before will be shouted down. The sybarites and hedonist will rule and anything that puts a brake on excess will be at best mocked and belittled or at worst outlawed and criminalized. Those that refuse to accept deviance will be marginalized and driven underground. The process is ongoing and if you do not realize it you have not been paying attention.

You will not be able to opt out of the normalization of deviance. You will be coerced by the state and your religious and moral values will be dictated to you by the elite. You will not have a choice in the cakes you bake or the photos you take or the religious values you hold. If you express your disagreement you will lose your job and be harried from the public square. Soon even the symbols of your faith will be outlawed. Much as in China the government will dictate that the Cross will go the way of the Confederate Flag. They will deem Christian symbols “hate speech” and restrict their display. Churches, temples and synagogues will be forced to perform same sex marriages or be sued and penalized and driven underground.

Those who tell you this will never happen are lying. Those that tell you that the Courts will protect religious freedom are deluded. The elites will enforce the normalization of deviant behavior with all of the power at their disposal.

They are enjoying their victory dance in the endzone right now. But soon enough they will put their shoulders to the goal posts to move them once again. This is not the end of the matter. The drive to normalize deviant behavior will progress into even more ridiculous extremes.

(I originally posted this as a comment at Lem's Levity but I feel it is too dangerous to express such sentiments in public. We must follow the example of Saint Benedict and divorce ourselves from society until such time as the fever breaks and the body politic can heal.....or die)

I finished the latest Spenser Novel and it was pretty good

But not as good as one written by Robert B. Parker. He had a unique voice that is hard to imitate. I think Ace Atkins does a pretty good job but he is just too crude. He doesn't have the subtlety with invective that Parker had.

I know that Parker took a lot of inspiration from a great Boston Crime novelist called George V. Higgins. You can taste the echo's of Higgins style in the early Spenser books. Higgens best book was his first "The Friends of Eddie Coyle" that was made into a movie starring Robert Mitchum. There is a lot of that character in Spenser. But he branched out from there.

The problem for Parker was that Spenser has become sort of a superman. He wins every fight and every shoot out. Consider the fact that he mentions he was a Korean War vet in an early story it would make him about seventy years old right now. So some of the exploits he gets into are sort of ridiculous. Atkins tries to blend in some younger characters but the bulk of the story is still Spenser. I don't know how much longer they can pull this off.

Still it is a lot better than most run of the mill hard boiled detective novels.

Uber is destroying yellow cabs and you know what...its a good thing.

Yellow cab drivers have always been nasty arrogant fucks. They would almost always refuse to go to Brooklyn back in the day. Sometimes when I would go down to Clinton St to catch a cab to go downtown they would refuse to take me unless I was going to Manhattan. When you hail a yellow cab it was always a crap shoot. It could be dirty and smelly. He might not have air conditioning or even refuse to turn it on. The last cab driver we had fell asleep on the FDR drive and I had to slap him on the back of the head to wake him up.

The Post has an article about how the Yellow Cab companies are trying to destroy Uber because it is putting them out of business.

We have been using Uber lately and it is working out great. You just use the app on your phone and they come right to you and take you to where you have to go. They charge your card and email you a receipt. You don't have to fight with the cabbie if you want to use a card instead of cash. You don't have to worry about a tip since it is included. It is cut and dried. You pay a little more but you don't have to fight about the route where the cabbie might go roundabout to run up the tab.

The Yellow Cab is going the route of the horse and buggy. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of illegal immigrants.

It's De Blasio time .....and nobody was flying the Confederate Flag

A woman was pistol whipped and robbed a couple of doors away from Bill De Blasio's house in Park Slope. He is renting it out so his police detail was not around. So these mooks figured it was good hunting in Park Slope.

From the New York Post:

"A woman was pistol-whipped by two thugs during an attempted robbery just doors from Mayor de Blasio’s home in Park Slope, cops said Monday.

The 43-year-old woman was attacked by two men who targeted her while driving by her parked car on 10th Street near Seventh Avenue early Sunday, cops said.

The thugs hopped out of their car and pulled her out of her vehicle, with one jamming a silver handgun in her mouth and demanding she hand over her cash, cops said.

When the woman fell to the ground, clutching her purse, one of the attackers repeatedly bashed her in the head with the weapon before both men jumped back in their car and drove off without any loot."

It looks like they robbed two women a few blocks away on Degraw Street so they made out.

Meanwhile the citizens of the city are going to have to brace themselves for a long hot summer.

When your favorite write croaks....what do you do!

We all of us have favorite writers. People who we eagerly await the next book to come out. It could be a series or just the general output of the author.  I have a bunch of guys I follow and get every book that comes out as soon as it is published. Robert B. Parker. Eric Flint. SM Stirling. George RR Martin. Elmore Leonard. Elmer Kelton. Robert Conroy. Harry Turtledove. Sean Chercover. George Peleconos. Dennis Lehane. Loren Estleman. And a bunch more.

Sometimes the author dies. People like John D. MacDonald. Elmore Leonard. Tom Clancy. Robert B. Parker. Then your supply is shut off. Your favorite characters will not be having any new adventures. Series are cut off in the middle of their run.

Now some authors are so popular that other people step up to continue the legacy. Sometimes it is the son or daughter of the author. When Michael Shaara the author of one of my favorite books "The Killer Angels" died his son Jeff picked up the mantle and produced some pretty good books. But more often than not there is no one to carry on the series.

That is not to say that many people don't try to use the famous characters in new stories. The most prominent example is of course Sherlock Holmes who seems to have moved into the public domain. There are innumerable pastiches using Holmes and Watson in stories by fans and authors who pay homage to the great stories first put forth by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Some are great and some are dreck. I always wanted to try my hand at that and the Inspector Lestrade letters are a nod in that direction. Maybe someday I will try.

The estate of Robert B. Parker is trying a different approach. They have several different professional authors to carry forward three of the series. The Jesse Stone novels are being written by Reed Farrell Coleman and more interestingly TV producer Michael Brandman. He is making a cottage industry of Jesse Stone has he has produced a series of TV movies staring Tom Selleck as Jesse Stone. You can catch them on Netflicks and they are pretty good although quite different than some aspects of the books.

Robert B. Parker's Westerns are being carried forward by Robert Knott. Now Parkers Westerns were always his weakest work and this has not changed with a new hand on the reins. I sympathize because I am a big Western fan and wish I could write them as effortlessly as someone like Louis Lamour or Elmer Kelton or Elmore Leonard. It is a noble effort that just doesn't quite cut it.

Finally they hit a bullseye when they got novelist Ace Atkins to pen the new Spenser novels. He is right on the mark. He captures Parkers voice without slavishly copying him. The latest Spenser novel is called "Kickback" and is about the for-profit prison systems that have sprung up to house juveniles in the Northeast. I just bought it and will read it today. Nothing is better than getting one of your favorite authors new books to read. It is not actually Robert B. Parker but it is close enough to top off my jones for hard boiled detective fiction for a while.

Now I have to wait until September for the next SM Stirling book. Waiting sucks.

Rereading Francis....we just don't read the same thing.

Tim who is a great commenter and a fan of Pope Francis directed me to a blog post from a site called "Ethika Politika" which I had not heard of before. In this post the author makes light of those Catholics like me who have their doubts about this Pope and his penchant for proclamations and interviews that have to be reinterpreted because the media always twists and changes his plain meaning.

Here is the meat of her post:

"One line used to criticize Francis, which I saw in emails as soon as the subject of the encyclical was announced, has been to lament his failing to write on the persecution of Christians. “While the Holy Father has spoken eloquently about the present genocide of Christians in the Middle East,” writes Fr. George Rutler in his inevitably elegant way, “those who calculate priorities would have hoped for an encyclical about this fierce persecution, surpassing that of the emperor Decius. Pictures of martyrs being beheaded, gingerly filed away by the media, give the impression that their last concern on earth was not climate fluctuations.”

I normally read Fr. Rutler with pleasure, but this, I’m afraid, is a cheap shot. None of us, should we be blessed to be awake as we’re dying, will be thinking about the weather, but those we love and leave behind will care about it a great deal—especially if it gets worse, as the majority of scientists seem to say."

Talk about dismissing a legitimate issue. Climate change might be a very important issue. Or it might not. Scientists differ. Some want to blame everything on the free enterprise system that is the best thing that ever happened to the poor that should be the concern of the Holy Father. It is the surplus that our Western Industrialized society provides that serves to succor the poor and impoverished of the world. Not the failed socialist states like Cuba that seem to be the apple of the Pontiff's eyes.

Be that as it may I would think that the persecution of Christians and others by forces of Muslim extremism should be the focus of the Pope and all the resources of moral suasion he can wield. He must beat the drum each and every day and put pressure on Catholic politicians and people in power to do something to intervene and protect the innocent. You can't tell me that if he was on TV every day he would not marshal world opinion in some way. These are murders and persecutions not seen since the days of the Romans for crying out loud! How is this not the focus of the Church and it's leaders. Each and every day. Nonstop. Pushing and pushing until something is done to stop this genocide against Christians and other non Muslims. Why do people who are apologists for the Pope just shrug and say it is a "cheap shot" to mention this? Would it have been a cheap shot to call out Pope Pius for being silent about the fate of the Jews during World War 2?  Is the Pope immune to criticism and doubt? Should we just shut up and put our money in the collection basket so they can build a bigger cathedral?

It comes down to reading the Pope and listening to what he says. And what he doesn't say. Where he chooses to put his emphasis. His teaching. His moral suasion. He seems to want to talk about climate change and green house gases and curtailing industrialization and prosperity and the free  enterprise system. Instead of Christians who are being beheaded or made into sex slaves or throw off a boat on the way to Italy. I don't think you have to reread him. It is becoming pretty clear where his priorities lie.

I always aced the reading comprehension test. 

A great new book for Yankee Fans

As usual I am reading about four books this week. One is the latest from Eric Flint and the 1631 universe "The Cardinal Virtues." Another is a scifi book about an alternative universe with World War One era troops in another dimension called "The Grasslands." The new biography of Ty Cobb which posits that he wasn't the monster that he is portrayed in most other accounts. And a great new book about the Yankees: Strangers in the Bronx: DiMaggio, Mantle, and the Changing of the Yankee Guard.

It is about the 1951 season which is the only one that the two Yankee Icons played together. DiMaggio was at the end of the string although he was still pretty close to the top of his game. He retired before he became a pitiful joke like Willie Mays in his last years with the Mets. It is tough for athletes. Very few retire on top like Jeter and DiMaggio. Their skills might not be at the top of their game but they were still very good players. It is a very interesting book.

There is a changing of the guard right now with the Yankees. The problem is that we do not have any home grown talent that the fans can latch on to as True Yankees. Bret Gardner just does not cut it. Robbie Cano had a chance to be that guy but he sold out for top dollar and is having a miserable season out in Seattle. So we are going to have to wait a while for the next great Yankee.

I was privildeged to see several All Time Yankee greats play in person.  Yogi in his last year. Mickey and Roger. Thurman. Posada. Pettite. Bernie. Jeter. It will be a long time to someone of that caliber comes up in our system. But I can still revel in our history and remember the good times.

I just wish that I could afford a ticket.

I hate when a great series is over for the season

A bunch of my favorite shows are ending this week. It is the end of the season and some of them are on the bubble so we don't know if they are coming back.

Orphan Black is one of them. A BBC show it has decent ratings but there are rumors that it might not make the cut. They had a great final show that wrapped up the seasons plotlines while setting up next season.

This is the show where one very talented actress Tatiana Maslany who plays several different clones. My favorite is Helena who is a Ukrainian psychopath hit woman who is always chopping up people who put the "seesters" in danger. She has a great knife fight scene in the garage of the Suburban Soccer Mom's Allison's house. I know that sounds weird but if you watch the show you will get it.

It is a very interesting sci/fi show and well worth checking out on Netflicks or On Demand. You will enjoy it. (Yes Chuck you were right)

If the Pope is the Father of the Church we might be in trouble.

I know youse guys are getting tired of hearing me complain about this Pope. I know my parish priest is big time. He keeps telling me "I don't want to hear it....he was misquoted....they are distorting his meaning.....just put some more in the collection basket and don't think about it because there is nothing we can do."

I sized him up as your typical ultra-liberal liberation theology Sandinista type. Just like De Blasio as a matter of fact. I just don't want him to do the Church what De Blasio is doing to New York.

Powerline had a couple of good posts on this today. One talks about his laughable qoute that good Catholics should not be in the business of producing firearms. What? We should not make or have weapons so it would be easier for the Muslims to cut our heads off? What the hell is he talking about?

Then there is a post about the new encyclical that buys into the climate change alarmist prescription to stop economic because the earth is warming or cooling or whatever fits the scenario that will put shackles on the Industrial West. He is pushing a line that will result in more suffering and pain for the poor who need cheap energy more than anyone! Talk about your unintended consequences.

I am taking Michael Haz's advice and following the example of St. Benedict. Hunkering down and waiting this out. I have faith that this is a short term thing and that the Church will weather the storm of having an incompetent and pernicious Pope. I have faith.

Happy Father's Day

(Reprinted from a Post I made on June 21, 2009)

I loved my father with all my heart.

He always took me with him when I was a kid. Wherever he would go I would be right there beside him. He used to take me to work with him when he worked an extra job on the weekends. He used to do the books for this furniture store in middle of Bed-Stuy in the sixties which was a real rough place back in the day. We used to get out of the subway and walk past burned out buildings that made the landscape look like Dresden during World War 2. He taught me that if you walked confidently and looked people in the eye and always treated people with respect, you would be OK.

He met my mom when they were both working for the Irving Trust Bank on Wall St. She was the naive first generation Italian girl in the cable department and he was the handsome personable Irishman who was quick with a joke or a kind word. He used to tease her and ask when she was going to cook him a nice Italian dinner. She finally invited him over one night. They ate dinner together every night for the rest of their lives.

He was an Irishman surrounded by Italians. He liked to go to the bar on a Friday night with his buddies and tell stories and hoist a few. But he was a family man through and through. He loved his family more than anything. But he was also partial to the Mets and his Reingold Beer. Everynight in the summer he would put the game on the radio or TV and pop a can of Reingold. Well a few cans of Reingold. You know what you have to do as a kid. You have to go against your old man. So I became a Yankee fan. He didn't care, he made sure to take me to see the Yankees in the Old Yankee Stadium. I got to see Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris and the 1961 team.

He would spend his vacation with me. When I went to Boy Scout camp for two weeks, he used up part of his vacation to help out. Whenever I was interested in something he taught me about it or showed me how to find out about it by looking it up long before we had such a thing as the internet.

He was very active in the church and the Knights of Columbus. He was always tabbed to be the treasurer or some other thankless job. He was always about doing the work and not about getting the credit. To this day I meet people who come up to me and tell me how he helped them with some problem in their life. Immigration or taxes or just a letter they needed to compose for their kids to go to college. People still remember him vividly and he will have been gone for twenty one years this August 15th.

Most of what I know about being a man I learned from him. How to treat people. How to be a son. How to be a friend. How to be a dad. How to be a grand dad.

I miss him every day and think about him more than you can know. Tonight I am going to have a Reingold. I will even watch a little of a Met's game for him.

If your dad is alive, give him a kiss and thank him for what he has done you. If your dad has passed, say a prayer for him.

Happy Father's Day Daddio. I love you.

A well deserved recognition of a True Yankee

I really enjoyed the Old Timers Day ceremonies this year. They honored a couple of True Yankees. Willie Randolph for played and coached for the Yankees for many years got a plaque in Monument Valley. It was very well deserved.

I remember when we traded with the Pirates for him and how excited we got someone for second base instead of Horace Clarke. That was one of the most one sided trades that the Yankees ever pulled off. I remember that the GM of the Pirates was watching Doc Medich get hammered in a pre season game and screamed "Doc Ellis is a better Doctor than this asshole!"

It was also tugged at the heartstrings to see Mel Stottlemye who has terminal cancer. I remember going up to the staduim when he was the ace of our staff with nudnicks like Fritz Petersen and Mike Kekich and Steve Kline and Jim Bouton. The Yankees surprised him with a plague and there was not a dry eye in the house.

This is what the Yankees do best. All of the old timers were. The Yankees fly them in and give them a great day in New York. Reggie. Mickey Rivers. Lou Pinella. Chris Chamblis. Ricky Henderson. Cecil Fielder. Charley Hayes. Tino. O'Neil. Pretty much all of the old time guys no matter how obscure.

The widows were there as well. When I was a kid it was Mrs. Babe Ruth and Mrs. Lou Gehrig. Now it is Diane Munsun and Mrs. Murcer and Mrs. Catfish and Arlene Howard. They are part of the family and stand in for their husbands. To get a warm welcome and an ovation once a year from the fans must feel pretty good. Their husbands are remembered. Yankee history and tradition are remembered.

I just wish I could afford a ticket to the game.

Les Miserables!

Man when you think you are out they try to pull you back in.

It seems that Leisure Suit Larry and his scabrous spinster spouse are still obsessed with me for some unknown reason. Imagine my surprise when I go over to Lem's and see that he pulled a random comment from months ago to make a stink about and peg his sanctimonious bleating to burnish his credentials as not a racist? What the fuck?

I have to laugh. I guess they miss the days when Spinelli and Inga and Shouting Thomas and Titus and Ritmo and I were pushing the comment count to over 400 on every thread. Now that Spinelli and Inga have taken their dance over to Turley and Shouting and I have pretty much concentrated on our own blogs I guess their count must be really down. I know some of youse guys like chickie still follow and post over there so they would know better than me.

It is pretty reprehensible that Larry wants to use a tragedy as a way to score points but you can't expect anything better from him. I know he wants to capitalize off this tragedy. Even if it to just put on his mantle of self righteousness (TM Freeman Hunt) to cover up his sins.

It does pose a problem for me. Do I let it go? Or do I respond to the shots. I responded to the bullshit this time but I don't know if I want to make a habit of it.

Life is too short and I am just too busy these days.

Whose that Meth Head?

She looks like Pennsatucky from "Orange is the New Black" but she is actually a famous TV star.

She used to camp out in the St. Regis but now she is hanging with big black dudes and she is not even a Kardashian. How about that!

Whose that Meth Head looking bitch?

Problems of a shopkeeper.

So I have been sort of off the grid this week since I had so much to do. We are working on two big projects to increase revenues. Which you have to do if you want to stay alive. You can't stand pat. I think Dick Nixon first said that. Anyhoo you have to keep moving because if you stand still you die.

Of course something had to come along to fuck everything up. On Monday an inspector from the Fire Department came and demanded to check out the boiler. Now we weren't there and our employee is instructed to play dumb and not give up the key or any information. Now this infuriated the Russian asshole who started yelling at her and threating a $5000 fine. So she was shitting green. But she did the right thing and got him to leave. I called up later to make an appointment for Friday afternoon which was as far as I could extend it.

Now the reason he couldn't go downstairs is that the cellar is a fucking mess. When Omar and his merry band of Bengali cab drivers were redoing the back store they just threw everything down the cellar. And they were fucking pigs. They left coffee cups and soda bottles and wrappers all over the place. Plus I had a bunch of stuff piled up there.

So I call up Omar because he is my minion and I needed him to clean up. I am too old and tired to do this kind of work so I needed help. The thing is that Omar is so successful now he has his own minions. He has started a construction company using my store as an example of what he could do. I gave him recommendations so he can get jobs but he needs to help me out when I have something to do.

So he sent over one of his workers Yusef who is a Muslim from deepest darkest Africa. Nice guy. He doesn't have to worry that his parents are going to claim that he is not black. He's not worried about that. I think he is just worried that they don't out him as a cannibal as he had shaved down teeth.

The goal was to take everything off the two oil tanks that had shit piled all over them. They had the coffee cups and sandwich shit and other stuff on them and other shit piled on top. It was a lot of work.

That's the oil tank. It took a lot of cleaning to get everything up to snuff. The oil lines also had to be cleaned up and all the shit taken off of them. There is whole bunch of pipes and valves and all kind of shit to keep clean.

The problem for me is that I am not a lazy asshole. I shouldn't have been down the cellar with all the dust and the toxins. I have a heart condition. But I had to direct the guy on where  to put everything and supervise while he cleaned. He stirred up a lot of dust and dirt and my Michael Jackson mask might not have been enough protection.

The upshot was when the inspector came he gave us thirteen violations. But they all related to the boiler itself and not the cellar. That is on the landlord not me. So I skated. Well almost.

You see Lisa figured out I was not around for an hour and went to front of the stairs and yelled for me. When she saw all the dust she started yelling at me for being down there. She is still yelling at me. She enlisted everyone in the family to yell at me.

But I got it done. No fine on my watch. Another problem solved. There will be another one tomorrow.

Did you ever get the feeling.....

That ricpic misses the 1970's.

Did you ever get the feeling....

That some kids are just born lucky.

Did you ever get the feeling ......

There was a reason that Titus couldn't get a date for the prom.

A-Rod Must Go!

So there is a  new controversy with A-Rod today. It seems he was talking with this kid in Baltimore who told him he was going to hit a home run yesterday. And he did.

Now he wants to channel Babe Ruth. Not by doing something cool  like eating nine hot dogs during the game. That would be something. No he wants to do hitting a home run to make a kid happy bullshit which is a myth made up by Christy Walsh the Yankees PR guy in the 1920's. So A-Rod sends out his minions to find the kid and he is nowhere to be found.

This could have been an hallucination of a drug addled mind. More likely just more A-Rod bullshit and part of the circus he brings to town with his nonsense. The only thing that made sense was the number of his home run.

It was number 666.

Camel Toe Corner: An ounce of prevention department

You should always give yourself a Vagina wedgie to make sure that you don't have cameltoe when you are performing your routine. Everybody knows that.

Dear Kris

Kris,

I am sorry I have not been in touch but I have been very busy. There have been a lot of demands on my time. Press. Motivational speaking. Photo shoots. Having my insides scooped out like a cantaloupe so I can have a road ready twat. I know I can never have as nice a twat as you. Or even be as big a twat as you. I think you are the twatiest twat that ever twated. In fact you have been instrumental in my transition. I figured if you can't beat em you might as well join em.

I have decided to continue my transition so as the maximize my earning potential. I have signed a contract to recreate many famous photographs for Vanity Fair. Marilyn Monroe on a subway grate. The nurse kissing the sailor in Times Square after VE day. Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra being carried into Thebes. And my favorite. The Iwo Jima photo. Only it is bunch of soldiers implanting their flagpole in my special spot. And of course the most famous of all.

Our Kim's shot that was heard around the world. Now everyone associates around the world with Kim. Especially with a black guy because of her sex tape. But her latest photo has proven to have gone viral. And not the virus that Khole is passing around the NBA. Viral. You know what everyone is talking about.

I hope you like it. I feel I look pretty. I love to look pretty. Now is my time.

Please don't be jealous.

I will be coming by next week to pick up my toy helicopter. I need a new hobby since I can't jerk off anymore.

With hugs and butterfly kisses,
Bruce now Caitlyn Jenner.

Why haven't we heard from the Crack Emcee lately?

He has been transitioning. To Aunt Esther. God bless.

Why red blooded Americans love surfing!

Mainly it is because we are not European homos.

Why European Homo's love Soccer

European homos and those who aspire to be European sophisticated homos. You know like Titus and John Kerry.

Whose that girl

She was a hot chick in the forties and fifties in  bunch of film noir classics but she is best know to a many as a nurse in a very popular doctor show back in the day. She was sultry and hot but very efficient.

It was very interesting to see her tone it down for seventies TV.

Whose that girl?

Gratuitous Bathtub Scenes........Dreams of my Tenure Edition

"What? Aren't you supposed to be walking your borrowed dog?"
"Don't stay on the computer too long. I don't want you to step on your dick again. Athough how you can step on something so small but there you go."
"What?  Yes I saw that Walker is going after tenure. I don't care. I can retire. Let me soak here you numbnuts. Later you can shave my feet."
"Oh and make some pancakes."
"Now let me sit here and dream about Bissage for a while. He was wonderful. He never betrayed me like all the rest. Those filthy stooges."
"AND GET OFF OF THE COMPUTER!!!!!"

Dear Kris

Kris,

I know it is awkward for you. I just am a hotter chick then you are you just have to face it. I mean I know you are a big slut and did a bunch of guys. OJ had stretched you out so much banging you was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

But how do you think I felt all those years when Khloe was much more masculine then me. I had to deal and so should you. You just have to realize that you are a woman who has too much mileage on her greasy stretched out twat to get any action. Even the black guys don't want you anymore. That is why you have made a career out of pimping your daughters to every ball player you can find.

Of course you are a ballplayer too. I remember how you used to play with my balls that you keep in the music box on the night table next to the bed. You used to roll them around like you were Captain Queeg in the Caine Mutiny. In fact you had a lot in common with him. Not to mention that you sort of look like Humphrey Bogart after he got the cancer.

So please don't be a hater. Just accept it. Accept who you are. Accept who I am.

And one more thing. Do you have Lamar's new cell phone number. I always thought he was cute.

With hugs and butterfly kisses,
Bruce now Caitlyn Jenner.

ee cummings on Abe Vigoda

being
twelve
who hast merely
gonorrhea

            Oldeyed
child, to
ambitious weeness
of boots

tiny
add
death
what

shall?

I remember you well

We desperately need another President like the Gipper. We didn't appreciate what we had when we had it. I mean we appreciated it but nowhere near enough.

Cameltoe Corner

Did you ever have Hot Wheels when you were a kid.

I had a big collection. All kinds of makes and models. Cool cars from the sixties. GTO. Baracudda's. Mustangs.

But I never got that.

I would have started another collection.

Stop staring at my tits.

"Look stop staring at my tits!"
"My eyes are up here!"
"Cut that shit out."
"Screw it. I am taking my mattress and I am leaving. Asshole!"

You've got Mail

To: Reverend Al Sharpton
From; Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton
Re: The Election

Hey Reverend Al hows it hanging. Better than that mo Bruce Jenner I bet.

Listen I want to talk to you about supporting me this time round for President. I know you don't have a dog in the fight since nobody can follow your boy Barack so you have to look around for sumtim else if you know what I mean.

I need your help to become the first woman President. Now you know you want to be part of a historic first. What could be better?

To help you along I decided to make some changes. I think you will approve.

Toodles,
Your Soul Sister
Hillary

Dear Kris

Kris,

I haven't seen you the past few weeks as we have not be filming. I now you are very busy pimping your daughters out to black men. I understand it is our daughters time so I won't complain. Prostituting our children has been a good living for us and who am I to complain.

I don't know if you have been following the news lately but I have made some changes. You see ever since you took my balls the night we got married I have been feeling different. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I thought about getting a divorce and marrying an elderly spinster blogger to live off of but that was not something I wanted to face. The Mid West is too cold for me.

I thought about running for President. But Hillary has the not really a real woman slot so that was out.

Then I thought about moving to New York and starting a fashion line but I am not gay so that would not work. I like woman. In fact I love woman. In fact I love women so much that I have decided to become one.

Now I realize we have a very tolerant open marriage. I didn't care about your history of three ways with OJ and Nicole. Or the bastard children you conceived when you were married. In fact I am not even sure that Kylie is my daughter since you have my balls in the drawer next to your coffin so how do I know it was even my sperm. But even this might be too much for you.

You see I have decided to be a woman. A broad. A bitch. A C you next Thursday. I hope you can forgive me but we can't be married anymore. If you can't I can take you for a drive and we can work it out.

Please take my balls and give them to someone who can use them.

Farwell. Please think of me kindly. As I do of my balls.

With hugs and butterfly kisses,
Bruce now Caitlyn Jenner.

Girls just like to have fun!

Sometimes they just rock out while working. Work can be fun! It's what you make of it.

Sally Ann rocks out for our Photo shoot

We did a full photo shoot with Sally Ann the face of Lee Lee's Valise.

She is a plus size model who we have featured on our website. She also came with us when we pitched the shopping network.

Now modeling is a tough gig. Especially plus modeling. Lots of girls get exploited. They have stars in their eyes and think it can be a career. Well you really have to hustle to make it happen. Sally Ann is a total professional and does a great job. Of course we take all the photos ourselves and do our own website. It is a ton of work. But you do get it done right. Which is what counts.

Flowers for Algernon?

No it is not Nick Spinelli's favorite blog or a movie where Cliff Robertson goes full retard. It is my backyard.

Lisa and I used to love to garden in our back yard. We would go to Mazzones and pick up racks and racks of flowers and fix up the yard. Plus we had our rose bushes that I pruned and took care of religiously.

But recently we are so busy that we had to let it go. Plus I don't feel up to it and I don't want to pay someone to do it. So I have let it go. The roses don't care they just bloom.

The fig tree and the pink roses did not do as well. The weather is so bad that it sort of killed the fig three and the weed trees are starting to overwhelm the pink roses. There is nothing for me to do because of my taking blood thinners. If I cut myself I might bleed out. So I am just ignoring it.

The roses are just beautiful. I love spring in New York. It is the best time of year.

Wild, Wild Life

Marlon Perkins had become obsessed. He was a full time zoophiliac. Of course he dabbled in many species but he kept coming back to the apes. He had a long time live in relationship with a young chimpanzee named Bubbles. He lived with Bubbles and his wife for many years.

Finally he decided he had to be true to himself. Marlin divorced his wife in Mexico and arranged to marry Bubbles. Unfortunately Bubbles was male and gay marriage was not yet legal. So he had to settle for common law status.

Marlin's actions lead to the cancellation of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdon. Marlin tried to market a series based on his life with Bubbles called "I Married  a Monkey" but it was too far ahead of it's time.

It was later produced as "Good Times" starring Esther Rolle.

( Don Meier, Talk into this with the Animals...The E True Hollywood Story of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom)