The Summer of Boo Boo

 

We were always wary of the campers in the summer time. I mean they were a bunch of weirdoes and all. Who comes to the woods to live in a tent when you can go to the beach and sip Mai Tais? Still and all there were repeat visitors who had to come to upstate New York to go camping because they were too poor to go to the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore. At least there weren't a lot of Jews because they were all in the Catskills with Mrs. Masiel.  Mostly there were Italians and Irish and a few Pollacks.

In particular there was this one Italian family that were very scary. The father was a craggy faced sour puss who liked to lecture everyone. The mother was half a retard because all she did was waltz around all over the place like she was an Australian or something.

The worst were the two sons. One was a real dummy who pretended he was Roger Grimsby or something since he was always trying to interview you. Maybe somebody should take him fishing and not bring him back.  It was the older one who was very creepy. He kept bothering sister bear. He would tell her how big his hands were and asked if she would date ten year olds. 

Then he started touching her. On her bear skin so to speak. He was a creepy rapist

I always wondered what happened to him, I heard he went into politics.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Summer of Boo Boo

Most of the famous bears in America had moved to Jellystone. Or at least spent their vacations there. Ever since Yogi had set up his grotto in the park. He copied the one at Playboy Mansion that he was invited too by Hef when he had his TV show. Everyone came to visit him and hang out during the summer.

Smokey was always there toking up. One summer he invited his Hollywood friends Cheech and Chong and they were high all summer. They tried to give us some of their dope but we didn't indulge. We stuck to fermented garbage we would get from the tourist cabins.

Gentle Ben would come out and get drunk and rowdy and try to rape some of the lady bears. You see the nickname Gentle was sort of a joke like calling a really fat guy Tiny. Gentle Ben was a real asshole. They really should have called him Rapist Ben. He started a motorcycle club called Sons of Ursus and for a little while Sister Bear was his old lady until he wanted her to pull a train. She wasn't down for that so she came back home.

The Coca Cola Polar bear spent the summer with us. He liked the heat. In fact he spent most of his time sunbathing and trying to find oriental  campers he could kill and eat. They reminded him of the Inuit back home. Plus he spent a lot of time having sex. You see he was pure white and that was attractive to a lot of the lady bears who were sick of the black and brown bears who only wanted to fuck and live off their welfare checks. So he got laid a lot even though he was weird. Whenever he would put it in he would scream ISITINYOUYET! I think it was a Eskimo thing.

The weirdest of all was Gentile Ben. You see he was a brown bear who spent all his times with Jews. His regular job was up in the Catskills where he was the Shabbos Bear. You see he would turn on the lights and the TV's for the Jews who couldn't touch anything on the Sabbath. His main job was with this famous Lady Comedian named Maisel. She would take him on tour where he would act as a body guard as well as the Shabbos Bear. Gentile Ben was very weird. He wouldn't eat pork and he never spent any money. Plus he had a really big nose. He said it helped him fit in. He went on one date with Sister Bear but she said he was too strange. He wanted her to wear a wig and showed her a sheet with a hole in it. That was enough for her.

All of these strange sexual goings on took their toll on the family. The children had grown up and were sexual beings. Sister Bear was being pursued by many different bears. She had lots of dates and love affairs. The problem was not with her. It was with brother bear.

You see he never had a girlfriend. He just went to work at the Post Office and then followed around long brown haired campers to the make out spots in the park. It was actually pretty scary.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We all got sick when the Chinese Panda Bears moved next door. Their young daughter Ling Ling gave Brother Bear a virus. Not the one he always got where his penis would burn when he took a pee. This one was named after a beer. Ranger Smith called it the Coors Virus. I don't know why but I think he thought it sounded cool.

We all caught the virus. It made us cough and wheeze and it was hard to breath. We all sounded like  Papa Bear when he took Mama Bear into their bedroom and locked the door after he had been drinking all day. We huffed and puffed and sounded like we were running a race. It got so bad we had to go to the Hospital.

There were a lot of sick bears there. Smokey was hacking up a lung. He was always against forest fires but he smoked like a chimney. Gentle Ben was there and he wasn't gentle at all. We even saw Gentile Ben who was the shabbos goy for all the Jew Bears. They were all in the hospital and they were all very sick.

The Doctor in charge was a greasy Eye-talian who looked like he was looking for his momkey before he started grinding his organ. Or that he would rather be grinding his organ than taking care of sick bears. Anyway he said there was nothing he could do. We had to self quarantine at home. No more going to work. No more frolicing for the tourist so they would throw us food. No more raiding garbage cans.

We are going to starve. And that dirty wop doesn't care.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Panda Sex with Charles Bukoswki

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

The Summer of Boo Boo

Everything started to fall apart in the Summer of Boo Boo. Mother bear began drinking and her gradual descent into sexual degradation as she tried to molest Brother Bear.  Papa Bear started smoking met and gambling away his paycheck. Brother Bear was confused and started stalking brown haired campers. But the worst was Sister Bear.

She started cursing like a sailor. It must have been the atmosphere of unrestrained sex and degradation that drove her to this. Still and all it was weird and off putting.

It got so bad that Google stopped her from posting on her community blog since it meant they would cut off the Google Ads that was Ranger Smith's rice bowl. She didn't want the poor sap to lose money so she had to go back to writing on the bathroom walls.

But that was fine. She kind of preferred it.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We were really excited about our new neighbors. They came from overseas. In fact they were Chinese. Mama was happy because she thought she could get them to do the laundry. Brother Bear kind of liked their young daughter. He even stopped playing with himself and stalking campers with long brown hair. 

Only Papa Bear was not happy. He didn't trust foreigners. Especially slant eyed Bears. He was right for once.

You see the Chinese girl gave Brother Bear a Virus.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Mama was very worried about Brother Bear. He had been acting out. She tried to smother him with attention but she was much too close to him. She overwhelmed him and he had to rebel to establish his own identity.

He started hanging out with the black bears. Most of the bears in Jellystone didn't associate with them very much. It was a very segregated national park. They had their own section of the forest where it was worth your life to visit. But strangely they accepted Brother Bear even though he was Jewish.

He started dating a young bear named Aretha. She had a great singing voice but she really liked to party. She introduced Brother to pot and H and soul music. He was never the same. He just wanted to party and fuck all the time. Aretha moved to a zoo in Ferguson Missouri and Brother was devastated. He tried to pick up other chicks but when he was rejected he was savage.

The problem was that he just didn't burn down a liquor store or turn over garbage cans. He would kill young female campers with long brown hair.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears) 

The Summer of Boo Boo

The atmosphere at the Berenstain house had become so sexually charged that strange things kept happening.

Brother Bear was lost to his obsession with dark haired campers that he would shoot at in the lover lanes in Jellystone. Papa Bear would drink and do drugs and carouse. Mama Bear was so sexually inappropriate with Brother Bear that he never had a chance to be normal.

Even Sister Bear was infected. She started reading romance novels.

And fingering herself.

It was Madness.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Brother Bear really went off the rails when the new family moved into Jellystone. They were mixed. They said they were Chinese but they didn't look yellow. They were half white and half black. Sort of like Puerto Ricans. Maybe they thought being Chinese was better or something..

Brother started hanging out with them. The girl Ling Ling was a real tease. She used to read Charles Bukowski poems and finger herself in front of him but she never let him touch her. It just made him crazier than ever.

So he decided to take things into his own hands. I mean he always had his thing in his hand but now he decided to get revenge against all women. So he went looking for white girls with dark hair. It was his compulsion. It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Ever since Papa Bear started drinking and smoking meth the whole family fell apart. He would crawl into Sister Bears bed and Mama would go up on the top bunk with Brother Bear. Sister kind of liked it but it really changed Brother Bear.

It was too much for a Bear to bear. He would talk to himself all the time and he stopped bathing or cleaning himself. Which really worries people when you work in the Post Office.

Soon he was out in the lovers lanes in Jellystone Park looking for long brown furred critters. When he couldn't find them he would go after campers.

It was a bloody business. It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

The Summer of Boo Boo

It was hard to live with Brother Bear. He was just strange now ever since Mama Bear started up with him. He would start fires. Torture chipmunks. Eat out of garbage cans. All the signs of a bear gone wrong.

Papa tried to get him to act normal. He put him in Little League and the Bear Scouts. But he was obsessed with his bowel movements. He called it pinching a loaf. It was all he ever talked about. That and tits. And his pet dog too!

There was one thing he loved about the Bear Scouts. Well two things. How to tie knots. He loved to tie up Sister Bear and urinate on her.

And of course he loved to shit in the woods.

The Summer of Boo Boo

No one could understand why Mother Bear was behaving the way that she was. She had always been so modest and conservative. She would wear her frocks and housecoats and spend all her time knitting. But all of a sudden she became very sexual.

She started dressing provocatively. Speaking lewdly. Leaving her Ipad at porno sites like MIFL Hunter and Literotica. And she was really really seductive toward Brother Bear.

She would run around the house in scanty outfits. Pose on the furniture. All in all she drove poor Brother Bear to distraction.

To the point that he had to take his frustration out on campers with long brown hair. You see Mama Bear was a ginger so it was a safe outlet for his sexuality.

It was just too violent.

I blame Mama Bear.
(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

I don't want to panda to you but.....

when God created love he didn't help most
when God created dogs He didn't help dogs
when God created plants that was average
when God created hate we had a standard utility

when God created me He created me
when God created the monkey He was asleep
when He created the giraffe He was drunk
when He created narcotics He was high
and when He created suicide He was low

when He created you lying in bed
He knew what He was doing
He was drunk and He was high
and He created the mountians
and the sea and fire at the same time

He made some mistakes
but when He created you lying in bed
He came all over His Blessed Universe.

We aim to please at Trooper York's joint!

Harsh Pencil said...
Meadehouse doesn't have nearly as many pictures of pandas having sex. (Don't they know any other position? No wonder they get bored.)

It is not generally know in America but panda's are well known as cunning linguist in the language of love.

I don't want to panda to you but.....

It seems that full scale comment moderation massacre is in full effect! Some things must be hidden from view. It is pretty funny. The people who used to pride themselves on free speech and a vibrant comment section are acting like insane Korean dictators.

It's pitiful really. And not sexy pitiful like Sophia Lorens pits just pitiful like how the mighty have fallen.

I don't want to panda to you but knock yourself out.

I don't want to panda to you but.....

I want you to know if you have an issue with me and the things I say we can talk about it out in the open. No secret emails. No deletions with a super secret double probation explanation that we can't share with the rest of the class. Every day more and more people are realizing that North Korean isn't the only place that operates with a crazed secretive dictator. They are coming to their senses and finding that things have changed in a big way and they have to find greener pastures because the man tending the lawn has spread so much pesticide that he killed the thing he was trying to protect.

A rookie mistake.

We want our Panda's fucking right out here in the open.

I don't want to panda to you but.....

Some people are just so fucking stupid. They have to control everything. They think they can tell people how to spend their money. How to express themselves. What they can say. What charities they can contribute to that meet with their pompous approval. They will track people down to harangue them about what they think. Because you see they know better. They are credentialed tenured and approved by the New York Times. They think they are better than you. Then know they are smarter then you. They just want you to shut up and do what they say.

Or and contribute to them by using their Amazon portal to fund a blog that doesn't cost them a dime.

Here we believe that you should be free to do whatever you want with your money. If you feel charitable and want to give to the Red Cross that's fine and if you want to just give it to the bum on the corner that is fine too! And the bum can do what he wants with the money. He can get food or he can buy crack. I don't control him. I give because of me not because of him. I don't control the world and other people and how they think and how they act.

But I tell you one thing. All of us at Trooper York are united behind one thing. Everyone from rabid liberals to Neanderthal conservatives agree on one essential fact:

We want Panda's to fuck as much as they want.

Hey there it's Yogi Bear!

Yogi had lost it all. He had gone from being a respected cartoon character, movie star and mayor of Jellystone Park to a homeless derelict looking for sex in the parks men's room like a cut rate George Michael. So if you are traveling to a national park and a bear strikes a wide stance next to you at the urinal......beware of Yogi Bear. (Joseph Barbera. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear The E True Hollywood Story of Yogi Bear)

Hey there it's Yogi Bear!

It had all fallen apart for Yogi. Meaningless sexual encounter after meaningless sexual encounter with both sexes became his normal practice. He didn’t care anymore. He was thrown out of national park after national park as he would have sex out in the open and scare the tourists. He was just after sensation. He just wanted to feel something. Anything. But his life was empty. He had hit rock bottom.
(Joseph Barbera. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear The E True Hollywood Story of Yogi Bear)

Hey there it's Yogi Bear!

Yogi fell into a sexual abyss after Ling Ling left him. He wandered around wherever bears congregated and fell into deviant behavior. Many vistas where open to him as he was a celebrity. He did coke and partied with porn stars with Charley Sheen. He went on a sex tour of the Dominican Republic with Rush Limbaugh. And he was part of an infamous daisy chain set up by the Coca Cola bear. Sixteen bears had a orgy at Wasilia Alaska during the Iditirod race. A sex tape was filmed and posted on the Internet but Yogi was too far gone by then to care.
(Joseph Barbera. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear The E True Hollywood Story of Yogi Bear)