Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo: You never know who is peeping!

You never know who is peeping in at you. Because while the cats away, the mice will use the loufa. Just sayn'

Hell needs a new PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: No I can't. I have to go over to Cartoon Hell today.
Forcas: I didn't know that there even was a Cartoon Hell. I was never stationed there.
Lucifer: Oh yeah it’s pretty cool. Once the Cartoonist dies his characters either go to Cartoon Hell or that other place.
Forcas: But what if someone else draws them and the comic strip continues.
Lucifer: Well then that’s a new Character altogether. Nobody exactly duplicates the sensibility and soul of a cartoon character. So they get a new life but the old soul comes here to me in Cartoon Hell.
Forcas: This sounds very interesting My Lord. Could I come and see? I might get some ideas on how to torture the forsaken souls here in the regular Hell.
Lucifer: Sure. That’s what Hell is all about. The Devil and his demons having some fun. Let’s go. (A poof of smoke and they are magically transported to Cartoon Hell)
Lucy (from Charley Brown): Welcome Sire! It has been so long since have visited.
Lucifer: Yeah I know but I have been busy. Ok where is he? Where the fuck is Gumby?
Lucy: Oh I have him hanging around right over there. (They walk over a lake of fire to a hill where Gumby is being crucified)
Forcas: Ah the old ways are always best.
Gumby: Ohhhh Nooooo! Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do?
Lucifer: Well you thought you were King of the Toons. But your creator Art Clokey didn’t give a shit. When he croaked he took those faggots Davy and Goliath up with him to heaven. And you came straight to me.
Gumby: BUT WHY!!! WHAT DID I EVER DO?
Lucifer: Seriously, you are a douche. You know what you did. I mean the stuff with Pokey alone. How the fuck did you think he got that name? You think that didn’t go on your permanent record. What a maroon.
Forcas: Very cool sire.
Lucifer: Yeah well enough with this loser. Let him hang around here for a while and ponder the error of his ways. Lucy.
Lucy: Yes My Lord and Master?
Lucifer: Let’s go over and see what Betty Rubble is up to. I love that dirty slut. Oh and bring your football. I bet it will fit by now. Hee.

Betty Rubble loves PDA's it's just that she has a lot of STD"S but Barney says WTF.

So Betty Rubble that dirty dirty girl is tied with Laura Petrie for first place in our marriage pool. Betty loves public displays of affection and Barney know how to treat her right. You see Betty always wants a Yabba-dabba-do-me good time.

Every time Jesus rides by on a dinosaur he tells them to get a room.

Who would you rather be married to?

So are new poll has to do with marriage. I mean rumors are flying all over the place and rather than speculate, I would like to find out the type of person you would want to marry. If you weren't married yourself. The choices:

Samantha Stevens from Bewitched. I mean a lot of guys marry a witch but this one comes with a lot of fringe benefits. Just sayn'

Laura Petrie. Think tight capri pants and little sweaters. Oh baby.

Bree Hodge. Smart and sexy and the best cook in the county.

Tony Randall. Hey your house will always be clean and who can argue with someone who vacuums in his tuxedo.

Betty Rubble. My choice. She is one hot cartoon slut.

Tweeting my ass though Tinseltown

Tweety began a series of cartoons and movies that emphasized her sweet innocent nature as she was swept into precarious situations that were only ameliorated by her chaste and simple bird braininess. Warner Brothers wanted to keep her as a virginal and chaste role model for children and she was only cast in the most innocent of cartoons. They even tied down her budding bird breasts so she would not seem so mature and remain an idol of the tweaners a new demographic that they were trying to exploit. Tweety naturally began to rebel against the stifling of her natural yearning for more adult roles. An ill advised photo shoot for Vanity Fair with her father in quasi erotic positions caused a major scandal that almost ended her career. So she had to cover up her romance with that rough neck Top Cat. They couldn’t be seen together in public or her career could be destroyed. People are very judgmental about cartoons. I mean look at Heckle and Jeckel. They lost everything after Heckel beat the crap out of Jeckel before the Grammy’s. The photo’s they had in the New York Post ended their career. Of course no one spoke openly about it. They blamed the fact that it was domestic violence. And of course it didn’t help that they were black birds. People are so quick to judge.
(Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown, The Tweety Bird Story, By Tweety Bird, Warner Brothers Pocket Books, 1989)

Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown

Now sex between the species had always been forbidden in most of the United States. It was still against the law in most Southern States. It was still frowned upon in Tinsel Town but like Hollywood they were much more liberal. Or least they said they were. So when a dog lay down with a cat it was sort of tolerated. The first big scandal was of course at the beginning of the 20th Century when Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse had an affair. They stayed clandestine for a long time while their show was popular but when the truth came out they had to move to Cuba and live in exile with other people in the same boat. They eventually broke up but not because they were of different species. It was more a sexual problem. You see he was indeed a “minute” mouse.
(Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown, The Tweety Bird Story, By Tweety Bird, Warner Brothers Pocket Books, 1989)

Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown

Top Cat was one smooth and sexy dude. I mean he was the leader of a gang of cats from Do or Die Bed Stuy and he never went anywhere without his posse. He was a pioneer in the precursor to rap in the spoken word musical area as he was a cat that did some jazzy scat. Tweety was enraptured by his tough guy appeal. His scars from when he was shot. He had nine lives so he had been in some tough scrapes before. So he seemed very sexy to the young and innocent sweet little chickadee. She first met him when he did a scat interlude in her first big hit “Baby Tweet me one more time.” She couldn’t keep her feathers closed around him.
(Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown, The Tweety Bird Story, By Tweety Bird, Warner Brothers Pocket Books, 1989)

Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown

When Tweety Bird first burst on the scene, she caused a sensation in Cartoon Town. The Avian community was enchanted by her sweet and wholesome sex appeal. Many of Cartoon towns Lothario’s rushed to hit on her. Senator Foghorn Leghorn offered her a job as intern with the Foreign Relations committee in the hope of some more personal relations. Tommy the Toucan kept sending her boxes of cereal and telling her he would eat pecans out of her shit, he loved her so much. Daffy Duck stuttered even more than usual when he tried to ask her out. But she spurned all of them as she wanted to stay chaste until she married. Her father Billy Ray had been a one hit wonder and was watching out for her and keeping these pigs at bay. But then one day, she met Top Cat. And all bets were off.
(Tweeting my ass through Tinseltown, The Tweety Bird Story, By Tweety Bird, Warner Brothers Pocket Books, 1989)

Everybody loves Shamsky.

Shaggy: Scooby-Doo, where are you?
Scooby Doo: Raggy, your rhipped.

Shaggy: I'm whipped oh yeah why don't you say that to my face, man.

Scooby Doo: NO, no Raggy, your rhipped. With ruscles! You juicing?
Shaggy: Who am I, A-Rod! Don’t be a dumb mutt.
Scooby Doo: Rokay, Oh yeah! Your rother eats rat roop!

Shaggy: No, Scooby-Doo! YOUR mom eats cat poop!
Scooby Doo: Well I’m reaving.
Shaggy: You’re leaving? Where are you going to do you dumb mutt?
Scooby Doo: To live with my new friend, Art.
Art Shamsky: Hey how ya doing? Ready to go Scooby? I got some Scooby treats?
Shaggy: What kind of treats are so good that you are gonna leave the Scooby gang?
Scooby Doo: Really Rood. Rooofies.
Art Shamsky: Heh, heh let’s just go Scooby (ushers Scooby Doo into his van and drives away)
Shaggy: Sure Scooby go ahead. I guess it’s true what everybody says, Everybody Loves Shamksy!

Hail to the Chief!

Everyone was very optimistic when they were about to inaugurate Daffy Duck the President of Cartoon land. He had come out of nowhere to win after besting Malificent in the primary. Daffy was very affable or you might say daffable, telling everyone what they wanted to hear. Or least

everyone heard what they wanted when they listened to him speak. He promised everything to everyone and beat Yosemite Sam easily in the general election. But you see he walked like a duck, he swam like a duck and he quacked like a duck. So you see, he was a duck. That made anyone who thought he was something else a dick.

(We're Ducked, TheElection of Daffy Duck, An E True Hollywood Story)

Jennifer or Bailey?

How is it even a contest?

Yes you love to rub my belly don't you bitch.

Mickey got progressively worse as the years went on. He was always a heavy drinker but he started doing drugs in the sixties when he dropped acid with Cary Grant. He even hung out with Charles Manson and the Beach Boys a few times. But just for the chicks. He was into younger and younger girls all the time. The last straw was when he knocked up the little mermaid. She had a whole school of rat fish. Walt forced him to marry Minnie. They had been engaged for forty five years. But it was all a sham.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

Rub my belly again.

Mickey was jealous of all the other characters. Even though he was the star and focal point of many, many movies he wanted to star in all of them. He tried to play the Daffy Duck roles but he couldn’t handle the accent. He demanded to star in the Lady and the Tramp but he couldn’t learn to suck the spaghetti. He even wanted to play Prince Charming but Walt had to lay down the law and let him know that the Prince couldn’t be a rodent. Or black. Things were different in those days.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

Rub my belly.

The problem with the Disney studio was that Mickey dominated everything. He went from an amusing rodent to a power mad despot. Since he was the most popular of the cartoon characters he demanded all kinds of perks. He even had a casting couch. He had to bang every one of the cartoons who auditioned for the role of Snow White. They had to be able to rub his belly and whisper sweet and comforting words like his mother used to do. And of course, they had to enjoy anal.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

Sure its all fun until you put somebodies eye out!

New York Post Weird but True (December 20, 2008)

It's like a real-life version of Tom and Jerry - just with a much sadder ending.
Officials in Toronto say a blaze at an animal shelter that killed 100 cats was likely caused by mice chewing through electrical wires in the ceiling.
"The mice probably perished in the fire as well," said Humane Society spokesman Ian McConachie.

Where theres Smoke.

So Smokey was all ready to take over as President of cartoon town when all of a sudden a big scandal broke out in cartoon town. It seems they had tapes of Yogi and Boo Boo planning on getting bribes when they had to pick the new symbol of the forest service. Plus they wanted to get Cindy Bear a no show job on a corporate board at Hanna Barbera. The DA the Tasmanian Devil wanted to indict everyone. The question was, what did Smokey know and when did he know it?
(Rudy Wendelin, Where theres Smoke, The E True Hollywood Story of Smokey the Bear)

Where theres Smoke

Smokey actually breezed through the general election. I mean nobody could believe that the other side had nominated Yosemite Sam. The only reason why it was close was because he had Snow White as his running mate. Everybody loved Snow White. She was warm and loving and a real family person. But then they started a rumor that Dopey was really her retarded son. It was very hurtful. And she couldn’t understand why Foghorn Leghorn got a free ride on the other side. He was always saying stupid stuff. Politics was just a dirty business.
(Rudy Wendelin, Where theres Smoke, The E True Hollywood Story of Smokey the Bear)

Where theres Smoke

Smokey never really said or did much. He was always just present you know. But most people liked him. And he could give a great speech. I mean he was always talking about ending forest fires and bring hope and change to all the boys and girls. Nobody gave him much of a chance when he ran against Malificent who was the wicked witch in Sleeping Beauty. They thought she was a shoo-in. Plus they were all scared of her. But somehow he won the nomination. She just couldn’t bear it.
(Rudy Wendelin, Where theres Smoke, The E True Hollywood Story of Smokey the Bear)

Where there's Smoke

A lot of the voters in cartoon town had their doubts when Smokey the Bear ran for President. I mean there had never been a bear of color elected to any post before. Plus he didn’t have any experience other than you know, preaching about Forest Fires and shitting in the woods. Plus everyone was a little leery of anyone who came from Jelly stone. I mean Yogi Bear had been mayor there for a long time and a lot of crooked stuff went on over the years. Someone was always dipping into the pic-a-nic baskets.
(Rudy Wendelin, Where theres Smoke, The E True Hollywood Story of Smokey the Bear)

Astro trolls are the worst.2

The atmosphere of sexual depravity that was the Jetsons set eventually affected everyone on the show. George had his disgusting relationship with Judy the girl that played his daughter on the show. Jane enjoyed having the grips and best boy pee on her in her trailer during coffee breaks. Young Elroy turned Rosie the Robot into an anatomically correct sex robot. But as usual the worst was Astro. We shared a lot with the Flintstones who had similar problems with sex, drugs and drinking. Producing cartoon shows on such a schedule led to blowing off a lot of steam. Astro just couldn’t handle the pressure. Even his constant obscene phone calls and filthy letters to the editor were not enough. So he started a homosexual relationship with Dino from the Flintstones. We were forced to endure the sight of his trailer rocking wildly while Astro was being anally penetrated by Dino and screaming “The Dinosaurs, the Dinosaurs are screwing me.”
(Joseph Barbera and William Hanna, The E True Hollywood Story of the Jetsons)