Hop Sing Sick Mr. Hossaroni

"Me very sick Mr. Hossaroni."
"Whats wrong Hop Sing?"
"Oh I eat bat soup. Very bad for Hop Sing even though it make my noodle very hard. Now I have Kung flu."
"Is it catching Hop Sing?"
"Yes it very catching. You need to shut down Ponderosa. Close all business in Virginia City. All of Neveda. Other wise some people get sick."
"Some people. How many Hop Sing?"
"I don't know Mr. Hossaroni. Why take chance?"
"Why you want us to close down the state on the chance that some people might get the flu?"
"Yes Mr. Hossaroni."
"You are one dumb chink if you think we are going to do that. Just sit there and try to get better. I will bring you some soup."
"Just not bat soup."
"Okay Hop Sing. I get special Won Ton Soup for you."

Born to be wild Hossaroni

"Hey Hop Sing come over here and hop on."

"Wat dat Mr. Hossaroni?"
"It's my new Little Rascal. They are selling them down at the mercantile. It's one of those dad gummed horseless carriages. I will be riding it instead of a horse from now on."
"Wat wrong with Horse Mr. Hossaroni?"
"Dag gummit Hop Sing but everytime one of us Cartwrights get interested in a girl they get run over by a horse or sumtim. This eliminates one of them there problems. Now climb on you can be my bitch."
"Okey Dokey Mr. Hossaroni let me tie up pig tail first. Lets ride."

You want try bat soup Hossaroni?

"You want try my special bat soup Mr. Hoss?"
"It very good for you."
"Many people back in Wuhan love to eat the bat."
"The only thing like to eat bat more than Chinee people is robin."
"But that different show Hossaroni."
"I make for you. Chop chop."

Dagnabit...don't interrupt me!

That's right Hossaroni!

Hossaroni you can not ride Sarah Jessica Horseface!

"Or maybe you should try Mr Hoss. Then she die. Like all your lady friends. You one mean Hossaroni!"

Even Hop Sing thinks she is an ugly bitch!

I mean he and the rest of the chinks think she is a demon faced twat!

You would think with all the time he spent on the Ponderosa he would be used to a horse-faced bitch!

Undercover Hossaroni!

If you want to be a Hossaroni....do you have to go undercover.

Or do you expose your hairyness to one and all.

I don't know....what about your?

Just because!

She likes the feel of fur against her skin does not mean you need to be a bear Hossaroni.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You ain't heavy....you're my hossaroni!

Sometimes even a big star can't support the burden of the Hossaroni. Just sayn'

Everybody loves Ocktoberfest

That's right Hossaroni.

I had some of Sam Adams Ocktoberfest ale last night as well as some Pumpkin Ale and they were great.

I love Ocktoberfest!

Hey Hossaroni?

"Hey there Mr. Cartwright. Nice to meet you. My name is Armand Ellroy. I wonder if I can get a photo and autograph. My boy is a big fan of yours."
"Sure Armand. Hey what kind of name is that. You one of the Eyetalians?"
"No Armenian actually. I am Rita Hayworth's manager."
"Really? So let me ask you. Are you getting any of that gash?"
"Oh no it is a strictly business relationship."
"That's too bad. I hear she is hot stuff. You know you remind me of my high school gym teacher. He taught me a lot of stuff."
"Really. Like what? Climbing up a rope"
"I guess you can call it that. Hey after this you can come back to the Ponederosa and I can show you my rare clumbers. Scooch in close now."

Hey Hossaroni?

"Hey it's so nice to meet you Hoss."
"Thanks partner lets take a picture."
"Great. My name is Michael Martin Plunkett. I am you're biggest fan."
"Thanks kid. Keep watching the show. Next week I fall off a horse into the watering thingy and Little Joe falls in love with dance hall girl. It's all new stuff I swear.'
"Cool. I want to write it all down so I can post it on the internet some day."
"What's the internet partner?'
"Oh it's nothing. Just a little dream I had. That someday people all over the world could interact on a system that reaches into their homes and offices. So that people who would never meet could conduct a conversation."
"That sounds creepy there partner. Let me guess. You are afraid of girls right? You shouldn't be. Go up and talk with one. I bet when you get tied of them they will get run over by a horse or fall down a well or something."
"Really Hoss? Well maybe I will give it a try."

Hey Hossaroni?

"Hossaroni?"
"What does that even mean?"
"And I ain't a Morman."
"How could I be a Morman when I can't even get married to one woman."
"Everytime I try to get married the girl gets run over by a horse or something."
"Now you have to excuse me."
"HOP SING! Time to shave my back."
"I have to ride out to Hossback Mountain."