So if you are tired of the piles of shit you get on other blogs you have to come here for your American Idol recap. This week they sing songs from their idols. Yeeesh.
First up we had chubby Georgia blonde teenage flirt girl who sings Shania Twain and stomps around the stage in cowboy boots and shouts and stuff. She gets a mixed but basically positive review and apologizes to Steven Tyler for her poor song choice and that she is still too young to suck his dick.
Next up is the white kid who tries to sing like a black dude. He picks Joe Cocker so he becomes a white dude singing like an English white dude who sounds like a black dude. Got that? There will be a test later. He did ok but he shouted a lot and he didn’t show much range but he is safe for this week.
Then we had the faux Diana Ross chick, who totally blew it. I mean she sang an obscure Diane Ross song when she should have gone full ass singing in Central Park Wolf Pack wilding style song like Evergreen or Endless Love or some shit like that. She sucked and she is most likely out. (I am posting this after the result show and she was the one who was out)
Oh did I mention that big time producers like Jimmy Iovine and Don Was are working with these kids? I think that is going to have a good effect on them.
Screaming tourettes Rocker dude did a great version of a Beatles Song: Maybe I Amazed. Maybe I amazed that he is that good but he might be in the finals. He has a great range and can really hit the high notes. He will be getting massive props from Steven Tyler so he might get a bounce from the judging.
Big chocolate Pudding Luther Vandross guy sang a gospel like “I think I can Fly.” Somehow I don’ think it is a good idea to sing songs by a child molester. But what do I know. He over emotes and I think they are praising him too much. He is going to be a crowd favorite who will lose.
Then there was the phony Rod Stewart dude who pranced around like he had a weasel in his pants. I mean he sang a Ryan Adams song and danced like he was John Adams or something. He should stick with the California ballads like the Eagles or some shit like that.
They have this tiny Philipina chick who sang “Smile” and who had no idea who Charlie Chaplin was. Not that she should know but if he was alive today she would be too old for him because he liked the twelve year olds. If you don’t believe me you can look it up. She was ok but got that deer in the headlights look at judging time so she is not long for the stage.
This blond chick did some Lee Ann Rhimes and sucked big time. She is very forgettable and will be out in the next couple of weeks. (She made the bottom three)
Then there were the two girls from the “Fame School.” The weird name chick did a Celine Dion song without the camel toe which is pretty hard because you need a tight fit on your vulva to hit those high notes. I think. The Spanish chick butchered a Selena song and looks weird when the judges said she screwed up. Something’s not right with her. (She also made the bottom three)
The Italian elf guy sang well but he has Jennifer Lopez in his corner so he has a little advantage. She praises him to the sky and that might influence some of the voters. He is likeable and an underdog so he might do well and last a long time.
Pumpkin headed Randy Travis deep voice shitkicker guy did a Garth Brooks song and knocked it out of the park. They are praising him now but soon they are gonna want him to get out of his comfort zone. I can’t wait till Disco night. That’s gonna be fun.
Finally we have the vaguely Muslim dread lock girl with the vampire teeth. She danced around like a maniac and they had lightning bolts and special effects so they want to keep her around for a while. When you get the pimp spot and special effects they are loading the dice.
So I think Diana Ross girl is out. (She was. Sorry I didn’t post before the results show).
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