Frenchy Fuquas's Explains it All

Yo boyz sorry I don't be around lately. But I was way depressed. You see I hurt my back bending over backwards to justify my boys Obama's fuck up in that medical bullshit. I threw my fuckin back out and am laid up. Plus my landlord wants to evict me and I am hiding out. She is freaking dentist and you knows I hate dentists. They are cult. They put that floride in the water to keep the black man down.

Anyways there wasn't much to talk about. My Steelers and Giants have been getting beat like Chris Browns bitch when she wouldn't take it up the ass. But now things are looking up. I means the Steelers played well and lost but they are getting. My man Eli won the last two games without an interception and they are on their way. They one a bunch of games in a row on the road when Eli won his first Super Bowl. They have a bye and some easy games coming up. I mean the Cowboys are falling apart and of course the Giants have the Packers number. They be the most overrated team in the league.

Best thing the Jets got slaughted. Now that's fun.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoes tells it all about the NFL,

Yo blood how you be son! The NFL is here and it was a National Fucking Losing weekend for me and alls my teams.

The freaking Dog ass Jets win and my Steelers and Giants both lose. Of course the Packers sucked but then they be playing San Francisco so what do you expect. What a shitty day.

The Steelers just couldn't get out of their own way. First their center Flouncy gets fucked up and then they lose their top defender with a ripped bicep. What's up with that shit? They need to get the good steroids that A Rod uses and shit. I mean he lasted to 40 before he started breakin down. They need to get Big Ben out of his funk. Let him rape a couple of coeds or something. If he can do that he will be back on track.

The Dog Ass Jets won by one point. Dirty Sanchez couldn't play so he was off giving Marv Albert a Rusty Trombone or something. They put this new kid Geno Smith in and I don't get it. What kind of name is Geno for a brother? He should be Jamal or Kunta Kinte or some shit like that there. Geno? He sounds like a Super Mario Brother. He probably play the same way.

The Giants fucked it up in Dallas again. They had way too many turnovers. You can't win like that. That young boy Smith is fast as a motherfucker purse-snatching on Martin Luther King Blvd. but he can't hold onto the ball. They be bring that Jacobs cat back. I guess he couldn't play during the Jewish Holiday or sumthing. They gotz to turnover the backfield to stop them turnovers on the field. Eli was moving the offense so I still think they will be fine. They just need to take a lesson. Hear me.

Thank God them Whack Packers lost. I hate the way their fans brag and shit. Titletown? My black ass. Who dey think they are the Yankees? They best tone it down before they become the laughingstocks of the league.

Speaking of laughingstocks I gotz to get ready for the Presidents speech on Tuesday. He be bombing somebody soon. I hope it be Green Bay.

That would be sweet!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoes tells it all about the NFL,

So blood here we are. My Giants are in the Super Bowl. I call them my Giants because they drafted me and were one of the teams that I played for in the NFL. Everybody and his brother knows me because of the Steelers but I am kind of ashamed of talking about the Steelers. I mean they are kind of losers lately and they are lead by a rapist. Who wants to be attached to that after all.

Instead I am enjoying the Giants and there road to another Super Bowl Championship! I mean the Giants got a class bunch of guys. Eli is a cool dude for a slack jawed retard. That boy is too stupid to be afraid so he stays in there and takes the hit to make the play. That Tom Brady hears those footsteps. I know when his girl got knocked up he felt the baby kicked and then he dropped her like a hot potato.

Then we gotz the defense. I mean JPP is one big mofro. That boy can ball. And Osi and Tuck and the rest of them fucks. Those boys can rush the passer.

And that little beaner Victor Cruz can sure run like a motherfucker. That sortarican sure can plays.

So I think the Giants are gonna win 33-27 and Eli is gonna have two Super Bowls and his shit head bro gonna have just the one. Then we can see who is the E-lite. SSSShhhhhiiiittttttt!!!

Hold on motherfucker Eli's coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo bro is time for Frenchy Fuqua's shoe blog where you get the inside dope from a dope insider. Datz right mofro.

I wanted to tell you waz gonna happen before the games this Sunday instead of my recap cause I got somethin to do on Sunday night. You see Franco is comin by with a couple of stone foxes and we are gonna party like it be 1969. So I wantz to gets it out of the way nows.

First off did you hear that the Vikings released Donnavan McNabb. Those racist fuckin Scandi's up there in Minnesota can't deal with a real strong black man as the quaterback. The want someone like that old cracker ass Joe Kapp who is still starting fights when he is in his fuckin seventies. What the fuck? And whaz wurz about it is that none of the other teams is pickin up his contract. In fact the only offer he has is from Rush Limbaugh to wear a jockey suit and stand on his lawn. Now daz fucked up. Thaz Snerdly's gig after all.

So my Steelers are playing the Bengals and they should win eazy cause Boomer Easison is too busy on his radio show with that Mo Craig Carton to study the game plan for the game. So the Steelers pass rush should be able to get to him. Plus Big Ben was able to rape a couple of coeds this week since the cops were all staked out at Joe Paterno's house. So he is ready to go. So I predict Steelers 24 Bengals 17.

And now for my big prediction. I gotz me a big pre-dick-son. I mean my pre-cum is bigger than what the whole of the Jets produce. Seriously man.

The Giants is gonna beat the Packers this Sunday. Dat's right. They is gonna end their perfect season. All the stars are line up. Michael Strahan came in and gave a big pep talk this week. Tiki Barber opened his fat mouth and pissed everyone off. Tom Coughlin went off the wagon and started drinking again. And Kate Mara said she would pull a train for the team if they won. So they are gonna beat the Packers this Sunday. And knock that pussy Aaron Rodgers out of the game. For the season. The D-line is gonna go crazy. You heard it here first. You wait and see. I know I am right.

The Packers are going down baby. See you after the game.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo baby how you be!

I knows I haven't been around lately because I was real busy until lately. You see I was working for my man Franco Harris at the Meadows Race Track and Casino. He would have me dress up like a jockey and meet all the high rollers. I mean it was kind of demeaning all but it paid real good. But now the dumbfuck got us fired because he was sticking up for those kid touchers over at Penn State. Now he should have known that if you had played for the Steelers you has to be careful about sex and shit. I mean everybody knows that the Steelers are all sexual deviants. Art Rooney was famous for getting golden showers from Ethel Merman back in the day. Rocky Blier was once arrested for trying to get it in Brooke Shields when she was a kid on the Bob Hope Vietnam special. And the current quarterback invented date rape. Or at least he perfected it.

How about those dog ass Jets! J-E-T-S...JETS...JETS...JETS! They stunk it up against Denver Thrusday and Elway didn't even play. He must be hurt or something. Rex Ryan is just as big a douche as his father. Actually he is a bigger douche. At least size ways anyways. What a jerk.

My Giants lost a close one to the San Fransisco Cock Suckers last week. They should win this week against the Michael Vick Dead Dogs this week since Vick is not playing. It is the only sure thing coming up for them. Well except for the Jets and the Packers. We know they suck. So that is at least three more wins in the bag. They play the Cowboys twice so they have to set up Tony Romo with another broad like they did with Jessica Simpson. I wonder if that Teresa from New Jersey is avialable. She would do anything for money. Maybe they figure that out. Or hook Tony with Bon Jovi or something. Whatever it takes.

My Steelers have a bye so they can spend all of their time date raping coeds and stuff. Next week they have Kansas City and they have sucked ever since Ed Podolack quit. So they should round out great for the playoffs.

Maybe it can be my two old teams in the superbowl. The Steelers and the Giants. Now that would be great!

Well that's that and now I can kick back with some Hennesy and cola with my lady and catch some college games. I will be back to go over the Thanksgiving games.

Cause I don't want to lose this job too! Be cool blood!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

So here I am enjoying the season so much that I didn't have any freakin time to blog. I mean I have been so busy with my side business of setting up the baby momma's with a good lawyer to sue those suckers that I didn't have time to talk about how the season is going.

I mean my Steelers are going good and my boy Rotty didn't even rape anybody this week. Which is pretty good cause that boy is one randy motherfucker. Which is what we called Randy White that racist asshole. I mean he used to love to go at my fuckin knees when we played the fuck. Anyways Ben has been keeping it in his pants. Well except for those cell phone pictures he keeps sending. He picked up that habit at the Pro Bowl when he hung around with that old scumbag Brett Farve. The funny thing is that the cooze ain't complaining which I don't feature but what are you gonna do. Maybe he has a paticularly good lookin Johnson.

But what's burning my black ass is that my Goddamn Giants went and lost to the freakin Cowboys. Now I know they changed their coach and all but what the fuck? The Cowboys was down for the count and theys let them up to win the game. And in their house no less. They is just a sad disappointment to me. Like Jumpin Joe Gilliam after he beat out that cracker Bradshaw and then started doing all that horse with them white ho's Marianne Faithless and Nico or whatever the hell their names wuz. But that there's another story.

Oh and the dog ass Jets got lucky and won again. That fat fuck Rex Ryan is a boil on my fuckin ass. But I ain't worry. Thems the Jets. They gonna blow it.

Sort like that Marianne Faithless bitch you wait and see.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo you crazy cats, was up!

What a great first week for the NFL blood. Man it was perfect.

My Giants kicked ass and bitch slapped those pesky Panthers. The secondary kicked ass with a whole bunch of INT'S. In the freakin' end zone no less. The running game could have been a little better but they dids what they had to dids. So One and O baby. Way to go.

Now those dog ass Jets showed what kind of shit heads they really are. I mean are they ever gonna shut up. All they do is go on the TV and bullshit. SSSSSHHHHIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I means the only time we wuz on TV when we played was that one time we wuz on Soul Train.

And that fat fuck they have as a coach? Jeez when is he gonna shut the fuck up and coach. This here is a train wreck man. It can only get worse.

Oh and Brett Farve is one old fuck. But I know he don't give a shit. I hear he makes six figures so why would he give a shit.

Next week it is a battle of the brothers. No not Grambling vs Morgan State. It's the Gints and the Colts. Eli vs Peyton.

Damn those white people have funny names!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog!

Who Dat?

Where do these mofros get off talking like dat man. I mean com’om blood you gots to talk proper English. Heh.

Anyways I decided to cover the Super Bowl down in Florida since the Jets didn’t make. I mean I wouldn’t of come to the game if the dog ass Jets would have been in cause that would have been a sign of the End Times. I mean Woody Johnson’s daughter was so scared of them getting in that she offed herself and shit. Me, I was just stockpiled Kool Aid and Slim Jims in my basement for the end of the world but we dodged a bullet with that one. I was sure if the Jets got to the Super Bowl the dogs were gonna lie down with the cats and we would have been in deep shit. We wuz damn lucky let me tell you man.

Man I loved the Super Bowl. I remember when I was there with the Steelers it was a lot of fun. I mean we seemed to get their every year and we knew all the tricks. Coach had his ways of getting everybody riled up. I mean he would get a pretty little sheep to show Bradshaw and outlined it’s ass with red lipstick and tolds him it was his if he won the game. And he had Mr. Chin the Chinese dude who washed our uniforms dress up in black pajamas and stick Rocky Bleier with sticks and shit and that cracker would go fucking crazy.

Oh and he gave the brothers the good dope man. It was way cool.

I think I have to go with the Colts this time. That is if they don’t move in the middle of the night again and can’t find their uniforms. You can’t trust a Colt man, they will run out on you every time. I mean I think the Saints are gonna be tight. Which is unusual because they ain’t nuthun in Nola that’s tight if you catches my drift. Man I met this Creole bitch there one time it was like throwing a hot dog down a hall way.

Anyhoo it don’t really count cause my boys the Giant’s ain’t in the game. So let them enjoy theyselves. Me I am gonna party. Even the fish in my shoes are gonna get high.

Look out New Orleans here I come.

Frenchy Fuqua's shoe blog

Yo baby waz up!

Did you see that game mofro? My Giants kicked them some Cowboy ass. A big ass win for the boys from Jersey. 31 to 24 you mothers. That Brandon Jacobs ran like Kim Shamsky was chasing his ass down in the street and they ran back a kickoff for a touchdown. Man they ain't did that shit since Rocky Thompson fell out of the coconut tree.

Those Saints punks won in the overtime. What a joke. The refs handed them that game. But it be all good cause when the Giants meet them in the title game they will be all Bob Tuckered out from trying to go undefeated. What a bunch of dumb oyster sucking maroons. Or guadroons or whatever the hell them there fancy boys be.

My boy Peyton won again too to be undefeated. All the Hooisers must have their cocks up with that one. Which is somtin new for those boys. But I ain't worried. You see they gots themselves the wrong Manning brother. Plus poor Peyton has enough to worry about. I mean his team might move in the middle of the night again and not tell him. Then where would he be?

Anyways I got to get ready for the dog ass Jets. That Mexican boy Dirty Sanchez is hurt and they might have to use a scrub. They needed to be scrubed anyways. They is just a bunch of scubs. You know the second team in town. Like the dog ass Mets and the crappy Nets. Damn they should change their names.

So I's only gots one thing to be saying:

HOW ABOUT THEM COWBOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's shoe blog.

Yo waz up man.

What a week man. My Giants came through in OT and just pulled it out. If only the last guy in the gang bang would'da pulled out and we wouldn't ever have to watch Terry Bradshaw again. The Giants pissed away a two TD lead but held on to win like George Fuckin' Halas held on to his first nickel. So they stopped the slide and are going to play on Thanksgiving day. Let's hope they don't turn out to be the turkeys!

My Steeler lost though to the dog ass Chiefs you believe that shit. And Rosterburger got hurt and sprained his vagina or something. Damn that boy is more trouble than he is worth. At least with the old time Steeler quarterbacks we knew how to keep them under control. You just had to give Bradshaw a sheep to fuck and Hanrattey just need a bottle of Irish whiskey and he would sit in the corner till you needed him. Oh and Joe Gilliam would just get some Horse and chill till he had to go out and throw a bunch of touchdowns and shit. But Rustybarfer just ends up raping hotel clerks and getting hurt and causing all kinds of shit. Why can't that boy just calm down for Chistsake!

The Packers beat the 49'ers and you know whats funny I saw the box score and Jerry Rice didn't catch a pass. I mean the Niners ain't gonna win unless Jerry gets a couple of TD"S and all.

The Cowboys beat the Redskins 7 to 6 in a high scoring shoot out for those losers. I like the Cowboys vs the Redskins when the Duke or Clint Eastwood or somebody is shooting a bunch of those yapping redskins. But I guess Roger Staubach pulled another one out of his ass. How about them Cowb0ys!

I have my fingers crossed for next week for my Giants cause they are going to Denver and the Broncos got bitch slapped by the Charges. So John Elway is gonna be pissed. I know maybe I will go on the road trip and pass out some of the stuff that Joe Gilliam has access to and really make it the Mile High City. I just hope my Giants can pull it out. We waits and sees.

Frenchy Fuqua's shoe blog

Yo how bad it be blood.

Damn but my Giants sucked the big one this week. The Eagles beat them down like Ike used to do Tina when she wouldn't go out and make him that money you know what I am saying. My boy Eli better stop with the fuckin commercials and pay attention to the game. And where the hell was the defense. Why didn't anybody hit some of those losers. It seemed that all I saw was Eagle recievers running free down the field. I mean I knows that Harold Carmichael is a big mutafucker but he must be what, eighty years old now for crying out loud. It was just another dismal performance. I think they figured they could play like shit and nobody would notice cause they would be too busy watching the Yankees and shit. They best pick it up next week or they be out of the playoffs like those dog ass Packers.

Now the Jets decided that theys wasn't gonna cover any of the kickoffs. And still and all it took to the last bit of the game for the Fish to pull it off. That Mexican boy just ain't got it you know. He better step it up if he wants to be number one in New York even as bad as Eli is sucking it. They have to do something with their special teams cause man they all play like they be "Special."

You know retarded. Like Assante Samuel.

The dog ass Vikings beat the dog ass Packers as that old fuck had four td's. I mean shit, that old dude is in depends and all how the hell did he do that. Jeeez those Packers really suck ya know!

And them dirty ass Saints from NOLA won again. Dey must be doin tht voodo or sumthing I don't know. At least my Steelers had a bye so I can relax about them.

Anyhoo I gonna relax and watch the World Series. I bet my boy Andy puts one in that Utley guy's ear. It just meant to be!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo you gots to the get these motherfucking snakes offa this motherfucking plane!!!!!!!!!!!

Man my Giants sucked last night. Eli threw the ball away more times than that Clark Gable guy gelding horsies in the Misfits. He should be on the freaking Angels the way he coughed up the football. I mean I have to admit I just checked into the game now and then cause I was watching the Yankees. I am big time Yankees fan you know ever since those days when I used to hang out at the track with Mickey Rivers. Man we used to go out with Billy Martin and Art Fowler and get shit-faced and get in fights all the time. So I was happy to watch my Yankees kick ass. But every time I turned on the Giants it seemed like they just fumbled or threw an interception or the punter had a 3 yard punt or something. Now I found out why they sucked. The starting right guard Reggie Mckenzie was out and they had a rookie in there protecting Eli's blind side so he was a little discombulated and off his game. Still and all they are 5 and 2 which is fine for this time of the season. They beat Dallas and Washington and should bitch slap those punk Eagles next week while the Yanks open up a can of whoop ass on those Phillies. The only can the Eagles and the Phillies can open up is a can of cheese wiz.

The only other game I sort of watched was the Jets and the Raiders cause I am a big Kenny Stabler fan but he didn't get in the game. Even Dave Casper was like a ghost man. The funniest thing was that Mexican quarteback Sanchez eating a hot dog during the game. That boy ain't right! I mean as a beaner he should have been having a taco. I remember Joe Willie always liked to munch on a fish taco during the game. That's why he won the Super Bowl for crying out loud!

Let's see what happens next week. Meantime....LETS GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Damn blood this shit sucks.

My Giants got hammered by the damn New Orleans Saints. You believe that shit. Who knew that Tom Fears finally learned how to coach. The Giants defense was just a big sucking sound sort like the one all that water made after they pumped it out of NOLA like it was cum in Rod Stewarts stomach or sumthing. They scored at will which usually happens when then there college ho's get hammered at Mardi Gra. Oh well you can't win every game. Maybe it will be good if they meet in the playoff's cause it is real hard to win two games against a quality opponent.

Now that poor Mexican Boy got intercepted about thirty times by the Bills when they played the Jets. Man they should have had Bennie be the quarterback then the Jets would have had a better chance. I mean the Bills are one of the worst teams in the leauge for crying out loud. The only ones who suck more are the Lions and the Raiders.

Oh yeah the Raiders beat the Eagles. Hee. I bet a bunch of puppies are gonna get strangled this week.

At least my Steelers beat on the Browns. I wonder what Jim Brown in gonna do to those suckers. Thank God the Steel Curtain is still active baby. That's all I got to say.

I'm looking forward to the Broncos tonight on Monday Night football. I ain't seen John Elway play in a while so it should be fun.

Frenchy Fuqua's shoe blog

Yo son what's up with that. What a week in the NFL. It ran about as expected didn't.

My boy Eli was just fine with his heel and all as my Giants whipped on those poor Oakland Raiders. Damn what happened to those boys. They used to be so tough. And where was the Snake and Otis Sistrunk. Man they changed the whole freakin team. I mean I don't really pay attention to West Coast football. By the time those games come on I am usually too high to pay attention anyways. But the Giants won easily and Eli's heel wasn't a problem. And he kept his streak alive. But I knows one thing. No matter how long he plays he can never be as big a heel as Brett Farve.

Now the Vikings won again which is surprising. I bet Bud Grant must be pretty happy. I mean he hasn't coached a team this good since him and Allen's wife was on the same Page. But I don't know why the Vikings even play. I mean even if they get to the Super Bowl they just gonna lose. Again.

My Steelers won a close one over the chiefs. No matter how many midget running backs Hank Stram sent in there they still pulled it out. Kinda like I wished that last dude on that train Farve's momma pulled would have pulled out too! But hey a wins a win.

My old friend Al Sharpton is all over the news cause he wants the NFL to ban Rush Limbaugh who wants to buy a team. What's up with that shit. Man this is America. If the man's got the scratch he can buy anything he wants. I don't know what happened to Al. We used to hang around back in the day when he was working with James Brown. We did some heavy partying back then. Course he was wearing the sweatsuits and the big medallion and the processed weave back then. Man we used to party like Tawana Brawley back then. Shit faced and half in the bag. But when we wuz partying we didn't care who we banged. White Chicks, fine ebony princesses, asians even your occasional puerto ricans. I remember we were hanging out with Mick Jagger and these two Spanish girls called up and they had a case of wine and they wanted to party just like we used too! Damn we had us some fun. But now he's got all serious and shit. If he want's to pick on a fat guy why not mess up that Louie Anderson. That fuck creeps me out man.

Anyways I am off to watch Monday night football. Tonight that new Mexican quarterback is gonna kick the crap out of Marino when the Jets play the Dolphins. My friend Lem's zapatos is bring over a case of Bud Nips and we are gonna party and watch the game and prank email all night.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog.

Yo, yo man wuz up you swinging cats! Damn man I been busier that Ike Turner at a hanger factory on Tina’s birthday pickin a new hanger to beat her skanky ass with. I had to go on a plane to Europe man, check that shit out. You see Frenchy lent me out to the first lady for her presentation for the Olympics and shit. You see she wanted to be taller and cooler and give off a real seventies vibe like Cleopatra Jones you see what I’m saying. So I flew over there to Copenhagen man. What a crappy joint. Man there was just a bunch of white people. What’s up with that shit. I mean some of the chicks were cute, I met this strappy pair of blonde sandals but we couldn’t get together cause we wuz busy trying to get these dudes on the committee to vote for Chi-town. I mean I knew it wasn’t gonna happen since the Brazilians had a bunch of chicks acting like David Letterman’s interns and sucking up and sucking off and all kinds of shit. So it was in the bag. Not the old bag you dig. So to speak.

Anyways Michelle got all pissed and blamed me. Claimed my heels were leaking and that’s why she smelled like fish and shit. Com’on baby you know that ain’t it. You just didn’t wash that nappy twat of yours all that often you knows what I’m saying. You wonder why Barry used a different plane. He didn’t want to feel like he was flying to Europe in the fuckin Fulton fish market for crying out loud.

So at least I got back in time to catch the games. The Giants be rolling again as they bitch slapped the Chiefs. I want to know: Where the fuck is Willie Lanier? And you know what when you come to think about it Michelle looks a hell of a lot like Otis Taylor. Except she has better guns and bigger hands. Anyway the Giants rolled all over those poor hicks and the only fly in the ointment is that Eli hurt his heel. It don’t seem so bad and he can sit out the next game against the Raiders. I mean we don’t want to take a chance that Jack Tatum might Darryl Stingley him or some shit like that. The Jints can take them with one Eli tied behind their back.

The Jets lost to the Saints if you can believe that shit. What’s up with you losing to the Saints? I mean isn’t that the team whose fans wear bags over their heads. I mean I can understand why they want to be incognito since most of the fans are lesbian English teachers and Puerto Ricans from Brooklyn so maybe they want to fly under the radar you know. Hee, hee. That Mexican kid the Jets have at quarterback better step it up next week if he wants to last cause those Jets fans are crazy.

My old team the Steelers managed to hold on against the Chargers. What a bunch of bullshit. I mean you’re the freakin Steelers for Christ’s sake. The Steel Curtain. You gonna lose to a bunch of pussies from California. Jeeez. Rostiberger better spend less time hanging out at the hotel bar with Kobe and spend more time studying the playbook. I mean I know that Terry Bradshaw didn’t have sex once during our super bowl years. He was always studying the playbook. Of course Knoll made it in the form of a coloring book so Terry could follow it but it worked you knows.

I can’t wait to see that creep Brett Farve play against his old team the Packers this Monday night. I wonder what Howard Cosell is gonna have to say! They better bring it if they have any balls. If they don’t knock him out of the game they should just hang it up. Those filthy cheese head fans will accept no less that a broken bone or two. They better step it up and kick some ass. That’s all I got to say.

Say I hope Michelle don’t want to wear me to the Grammy’s. Cause unless she stands next to Mariah Carey all night she’s gonna be busting my balls again.

Ssssshhhheeeeettttttttttt!!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoes tells it all about the NFL

Yo slick waz the word? You knows what it is baby! THE BIG APPLE! Wait that was three words. Well what the hey I was never good at math, sssshhhheeeeetttttt I could play football after all.

Anyways both New York teams won. They both be 2 and 0 which is unbelievable. I mean I knows my Gints is gonna win the Super Bowl but who knew the dog ass Jets could beat the Pats. Holy shit that Brady boy be too tied fucking his supermodels to win ya know. The boy gots to save some of his sap for game time man. That’s what Coach Noll used to say. He would lock us up for the whole season and shit and we couldn’t none of us get any of the strange. Why you think Mean Joe Greene was so fuckin’ mean. Man he had a woodie you could pound nails with. Even that stupid cracker Bradshaw would start to lose it. Man I remember after we were eliminated one year he went right from the stadium to the ice skating rink cause he wanted to bang the shit out his wife that ice skating twat Jo Jo Starbuck. But the locker room was dark and when he went in and threw the bitch on the training table and stuck it in she was screaming and squirming in a high pitched voice and all. It turned out he grabbed Scott Hamilton by mistake. The fucker still lends letters to the pre-game show.

So Brady has to keep it in his pants doing the season so he can keep his powers. He looked like a fool although I have to say the Jet’s defense seems strong this year. I knew they would with Coach Ryan cause all them fuckin Ryan’s is crazy. I remember when his daddy Buddy punched the offensive coordinator on the sideline. Course his daddy lost the Jets job that Walt Michaels got cause he punched Leon Hess in the nads. These Ryan’s just can’t keep theys hands to themselves.

The Giants did to the Cowboys like I knew they would. You see Eli with that last drive. Man they gave him too much time. And those pussy Cowboys called that final timeout so the fuckin’ kicker had to kick it twice. You know they had to lose when they pulled that shit. That Tony is another douche bag who does all his playing with his cock. He’s the next coming of Norm Snead for crying out loud.

The Igles sucked dead dogs. Which probably made Vick happy. And my Steel Curtain lost to the Bears. The fuckin’ Bears? What the fuck did Dick Butkis and Gale Sayers come out of retirement. I thought they were dead and shit. What a bunch of pussies. Rothesberger or whatever his Kraut name is should spend less time humping the desk clerk and more time studying the fuckin’ game plan.

Tonight two more loser teams. The Colts and the Dolphins. At least back in the day Miami had all the good dope with Mercury Morris and shit. Now what they got. A lame ass ex-Jet at quarterback. And the Colts ain’t much better. They got the wrong Manning.

I ain’t even gonna watch the game man. They gots this new sitcom with the long legged blonde Darhma bitch. Damn that ho is hot. I think I am just gonna pour me a Hennessey and get some chips and sit back and laugh and laugh. Sort of what I did to the ‘Boys and the Pats this week. They looked like bitches too! Hee.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo slick waz up.

So I had to watch the New York games cause I be living in the Big Apple these days. And fo once the Jets didn't choke on the big one they ownselves. That Mexican boy Sanchez they got did ok except for that one interception. Man when that happened I thought "Oooohhh Richard Todd be back." But he toughed it out and they won. So that's one for them.

The Giants had a ho hum game. I mean they scored but had a few problems in the red zone. But Washington has a great defense and they got that big ass guy in the middle. That mofro makes more money than the whole freakin Steeler team made when we wons the Super Bowl. And that Mario Mmanningham dude did great. I wonder if he is half a guinea like Franco Harris. You know when you half Eye-talian and half black you gots to be a good runner cause you always running from the po po. You knows it.

My Steelers did good. They eeked out a win and they didn't rape anybody. Or least nobody that would press charges. So they both still count. Hee.

Now look at them Igles. They won but McNabb is hurt already. They have to put Vick in there which is gonna cause all kinds of trouble. They told me that Vick likes to twist the head off of one of those little Mexican Taco Bell dogs before the game to get all hopped up. I sure wouldn't want to be a doggie in Philly this weekend.

Anyways it was as we suspected all along. First week in and I am only down two nickels. I hope I don't have to hock my caddy again this season.

Oh and Brett Farve is one old fuck. Just so you knows.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo blood how's it hanging?

I be living in Brooklyn these days so I had to go out to the Meadowlands to see my boys on the Giants play those lame ass Jets. Did you know that the Giants was the team that drafted my ass out of Morgan State back in '69. They traded me to the Steelers but I was always a Giant at heart.

I remember when I played in the Giants/Jets game. Then they had some real players. Joe Willie, Matt Snell, Emerson Boozer. And the boozers on the Giants like Tucker Fredrickson and Pete Gogolack. My boy Spider Lockhardt was on that team with me. I remember a hit he put on Don Maynard, damn my teeth still hurt from that.

Well it was the typical crappy exhibition game. The Jets hung on to win like that means something. I mean the Giants have won three Superbowls and the Jets haven't sniffed one since '69 so I guess they should celebrate this big win. For the Jets this is their Superbowl. For the Giants, the Superbowl is the Superbowl.

I went down to the locker room after the game to see the guys and the punk ass security wouldn't let me in. You believe that shit? I'm Frenchy Fuqua's Shoes man! What's up with that shit. It's just that these security guards are all protective and shit. Man I hope Eli gets that kind of protection when the season starts.

Oh and the Jets quarterback looked good. He seems like one wise Latina. Hah.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo slick whaz happenin"

You know I moved up to Brooklyn, I couldn't be living in Pittsburgh no more after that unfortunate incident where my ex-wife rammed my car into all the other cars in the players lot at Three Rivers. She totally smashed up Mr. Rooney's Studebaker and I got black balled. A brother ca n't get a break.

So I be watching a lot of the local yokel teams alright. The Jets were are last night and man they sucked as usual. I swear they ain't won a freakin thing since Joe Willie left. Theys got this new puertro rican kid as the quarterback Sanchez or Lopez or some shit. Sssshhhiiiittttttt! Don't they know the spanish kids only play baseball not football. I mean Jim Plunkett was half a beaner I think but you need brothers on the team if you wants to win anything. Anyway this Pedro guy gets intercepted his first pass in the NFL and they run the sucker back for a touchdown. Perfect. He is a good fit for the Jets. Then they had this guy called Clemens at QB. Didn't he get in all that trouble for takin steroids or sumthing. Man I gots to pay more attention.

The game got a little closer as the sruberinies came in but the Jets still suck. I swear I bet they still wish they had Walt Michaels. Now they got Buddy Ryans son as the coach. I mean if they have to get somebody's son why didn't they get Vince Lombardi's or Tom Landry's or Chuck Noll's. Well not Chuck Noll's cause I think he was on the down low but maybe Lombardi's. Then when there was a problem he could put out a contract on him or sumthing. Man I just glad I ain't a Jet's fan.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo slick how you be.

They had another exhibition game last night. Man I hate them exhibitions. Nothing good comes out of it. You gots a good chance to gets hurt and for what? I mean if you wins it don't mean jack and if you lose you gots to listen to them talk shit. I mean what the fuck.

I be watching the Giants last night and they got whupped by the Bears. Now my boy Eli didn't do so well but what the hell it's just an exhibition. I mean the Bears had some kid Veal Cutlet playing that boy already been traded five or six times. Exhibitions don't mean diddly. I remember Joe Gilliam looked like a world beater in the exhibition season when by rights he was just a crack head. Even my boy Terry Bradshaw hated exhibitions with a passion. But whens the moneis on the table he was there just like Eli and not like that old crying pussy from Green Bay.

I see the Packers won, man they ain't been the same since John Brockington left. And Reggie White was there smacking around all them there chinks. What't the league coming to when your quarterback is named Aaron? Shhhhiiiiiitttttt! What's this be the Ten Commandments? Whatya think about your Moses now?

And my Steelers lost to the damn Redskins but like I sez it's just an exhibition. Like that time Franco Harris met up with Sister Sledge at Three Rivers and a donkey. So as long as no animals got hurt in the commision of that exhibition we bes ok.

Dat be a problem for the Igles though.