Baseball's Craziest Wife

Chip was speculating about who was the sexiest baseball wife. I don't know who that might be but I know who was the craziest. Anna Benson the ex-wife of former loser Met (redundant right) pitcher Kris Benson. My brother interviewed her and was with her when she went on Howard Stern to say she would blow all of his teammates. Her is a little sampling of what she was about:

,

New York Daily News July 9, 2013

The curvy wife of former Mets pitcher Kris Benson was armed to the teeth when she busted into her estranged hubby’s home and tried to rob him at gunpoint of $30,000, a police report revealed Tuesday.

Anna Benson also gave cops a bizarre explanation about why she was wearing a bulletproof vest, telling them she was trying to get it to “mold to her body.”

The busty brunette said it was a new model and she was “testing” it for the company and “didn’t understand why [they] were making such a big deal out of this,” the report said.

The revelations came a day after the 37-year-old former “Baseball Wives” star was nabbed for barging into Benson’s home in Smyrna, Ga.

“It scared me,” the once mighty righty told cops.

Benson said his wife was “screaming and out of control” and feared she might shoot him. He said he told her money was in his wallet, but instead of fetching it he high-tailed it to the woods and called cops.

When Smyrna police arrived, they found Anna on the back porch smoking a cigarette.

IAN SCOTT, EMGAnna Benson has dropped jaws by posing topless in Penthouse and having sex with the pitcher in the stadium parking lot as fans waited.

“It’s inside,” she told cops as they cuffed her.  “The gun.”

The former FHM model also had a knife in her waistband and was wearing an ammo belt “that had several rounds of ammunition,” the report said.

And she had plenty of contempt for her husband, repeatedly calling him a “p---y.”

MICHAEL BUCKNER/GETTY IMAGESAnna Benson attends her birthday bash and Lingerie Bowl Party in 2005.

Anna Benson admitted threatening him with an “expandable metal baton” and claimed “there were illegal drugs in the house,” the report stated.

Police have not confirmed there were drugs in the house, but among the items they removed was a bag of syringes and eight unidentified pills, according to the report.

In addition, police confiscated a Taurus handgun, 13 rounds of ammunition, a hatchet, a Taser, a computer hard drive and a court order of some kind.

RON ANTONELLIAnna Benson once threatened to have sex with every one of her husband’s teammates if he cheated.

Anna Benson was charged with two counts of felony aggravated assault with a weapon, one count of criminal trespass and one count of possession of a weapon during the commission of a crime.

She is now cooling her high heels in an Atlanta-area jail and awaiting a court date.

Kris Benson, who pitched for the Mets for two seasons in 2004 and 2005, met his wife at an Atlanta strip joint where she worked as a dancer.

MICHAEL BUCKNER/GETTY IMAGESThe once-happy couple announced they were splitting last July.

Anna Benson later did a topless Penthouse spread and raised eyebrows when she showed up for a Mets team Christmas party in a sexy Mrs. Claus getup.

Benson was traded to Baltimore not long after. And a year later, the Daily News reported their marriage was on the rocks after Anna Benson caught the pitcher fooling around with one of her friends.

Two years earlier, Anna Benson had threatened on Howard Stern's radio show to have sex with every one of his teammates if she ever caught him cheating. Her spokesman insisted she was joking and the couple later reconciled.

MICHAEL BUCKNER/GETTY IMAGESAnna Benson was a presence in Major League Baseball even before her hubby pitched for the Mets.

Anna Benson went on to star in the short-lived series "Baseball Wives," which aired on VH1 from November 2011 to January 2012 before it was canceled.

The Mets always screw it up

There was a big ta-do the last couple of days about "Lardball." Which was the headline on the Post making fun of the Met's chubby pitcher Bartolo Colon.

The Mets players decided to boycott the writer who wrote that article. In fact they refused to talk to anyone in the press until that guy left the clubhouse.

The Mets players finally got one right. Good for them.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

I almost never say this about a Met

But Ralph Kiner was a good man. Maybe because he was basically a Pittsburgh Pirate at heart. I remember many a night that I had to listen to Kiner's Korner while the old man was sipping his Reingold and Ralph was interviewing Ed Kranepool or Jerry Koosman or something.

Ralph was an all around good guy. Here he is with two other good guys Yogi and Stan the Man. Ralph had done it as a home run hitter in the big leagues and he knew what was what. He was kind but he didn't sugar coat it. When the Mets screwed up on the field he let you know it. They did that a lot.

His Kiner's Korner interviews were classics. His malapropos and non sequiturs were very entertaining.

They don't make announcers like Ralph Kiner and Phil Rizzutto and Harry Carey anymore. It is all blow dried douchenozzles like Bob Costas and Joe Buck.

Rest in peace Ralph.

For the Yankees the World Series is the World Series.

I would like to congratulate all you little Mets fans for the sweep that your team laid on my Yankees. I know that this was the highlight of your season. Actually of this century. So you should enjoy it because if was a convincing series of wins for youse guys as your pitching held up very nicely.

Of course that means nothing.

You see when the Mets play the Yankees it is like their World Series. They get all hopped up and go crazy. If they win like they just did they are exstatic and coming in their pants.

Of course for the Yankees only the World Series is our World Series. If we don't make it to the Series and win then it is a wasted season.

In the next few weeks we will get back three Hall of Famers as well as a power hitting centerfielder and a slick fielding first baseman. So I am sanguine.

But enjoy your win guy. Nice little team you have there. Hope you can stay out of last place.

See you in October.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

It has been a while since I last wrote to you but I don't want you to think I forgot about you. Cunt.

My life has been very difficult the past year. Ever since I lost the job at the massage parlor because my best trick AL was in the news I have to sleep in my Acura. You know the same Acura I had sex with your husband in. THREE TIMES! I wasn't just a casual fling like that secretary in the Met's spring training that sued him or Ann Curry. I was special! Steve always told me that not anyone could wear the Mr Met's head and give head like I could.

When Petey Gaamons threw me out of the assisted living facility I only had my massage skills to fall back on and now I have a new gig. I am working children's parties as a clown. I dress up as Susie Sparkles and do tricks and stuff. I also do bachelor parties and dress up like a bunny and turn tricks. A girl has to do what a girl has to do.

Anyways I hear that you and Stevie have fallen on hard times. His book was a flop and nobody will hire him to talk about baseball. He flunked out of sex rehab and had to move back into your basement. I have been thinking about relocating to the East Coast and I had an idea.

We can all get married. Or in your case remarried. Then we can sue to have the government recognize us as a couple. Or a triple. Or something. I mean if the homos can do it we can make some money off it too!

We can even get a reality show out of it. It has everything. Sex. Marriage. Infidelity. Violence. Bigamy. Polgyamy. Pygmies.  Well you are really short so we can pretend. I am sure we can sell it to TLC. I once fleched the producer of "Honey Boo Boo" so I have an in. So talk to Steve about. He can't sit in pjamas and masturbate to old "Facts of Life" reruns all the time.

So lets talk. Oh I would tell your kids to watch out who they friend on their Instagram. They might like all those photos of a shaved chucky but they don't know it is from. And tell them to look both ways when they cross the street.

You too. Especailly if you see a brown Acura with a busted back window.

Toodles,
Your friend and future sister wife,
Brooke.

You always remember your first time......

 

ricpic said...
True story: my introduction to big league ball was at Ebbets Field, Dodgers vs Cards. This was in '53 and I was 9, which tells you that I'm 39 today, but the Cards were of course led by Musial and the Dodgers, well the Dodgers of the early fifties were one of the great teams, period. As usual Musial's bat accounted for all or almost all of the Cardinal runs, a homer with men on and a run scoring double if I remember correctly and in the bottom of the ninth the Cards led 4 - 2. The Dodgers managed to get two men on with two out and then Gil Hodges hit a line drive home run into the left field stands and that was it, a classic come from behind win. I was there with my cousin Michael, a big burly guy who kept screaming in my ear and between that and the general uproar that didn't let up from the start of the game I developed a splitting headache. So that was my introduction to big league at the ballpark baseball, a classic ninth inning come from behind win and a headache

Deep Thoughts......by Titus

I love when Hernandez flexes his muscles. Bristol is so nice.

I want to do Hernandez.

Most of my favorites are Mets. Hernandez. Staub. Alomar. Piazza.

Even Mr. Met is kinka gay!

Let's go Mets!

tits

It takes a lot of balls to tell the truth

It takes a lot of balls to tell the truth about bad stuff that happens to you and I have to say that R A Dickey has a lot of balls.

He is a Met's relief pitcher and you all know how I feel about the Mets and their crybaby loser players. But he has just completed a very honest autobiography that I intend to purchase. In it he details how he was abused as a child and sexually used by his babysitter. I bet that happens a lot more than we know. He also details how he saw needles on the floor of the clubhouse when he was a Texas Ranger in the Juan Gonzales, A-Rod and Pudge days. It looks like a very interesting book. He is only a journeymen pitcher but he has been around the block and is not afraid to tell the truth.

I can't wait to read his book.

I bet he is going to talk about Bobby Valentine touching him in the shower. Just sayn'

He's got fever!

never know how much i love you
never know how much i care
when you put your arms around me
I give you fever that's so hard to bare

you give me fever
when you kiss me
fever when you hold me tight
Fever
In the morning
Fever all through the night

Sun lights up the day time
moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name
and you know i'm gonna treat you right


you give me fever
when you kiss me
fever when you hold me tight
Fever
In the morning
Fever all through the night


Everybodies got the fever
That is somethin you all know
Fever is'nt such a new thing
Fever start long ago


Romeo love Juliet
Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her
He said Julie baby your my flame

Now give me fever
When were kissin
Fever with that flame in you
Fever
I'm a fire
Fever yeah i burn for you

They give you fever
when you kiss them
Fever if you really learned
Fever
Till you sizzlen
But what a lovely way to burn

But what a lovely way to burn
But what a lovely way to burn
But what a lovely way to burn

Rest in Peace Kid!

Gary Carter passed yesterday. He is just about the only guy who ever played on the Mets who was worth a shit. He had too much class to play with those losers. That's why when he went into the Hall of Fame he went in as an Expo. A team that doesn't even extist anymore. Because anybody with half a brain would rather be assoicated with a defunct team than the dog ass Mets. He was one of the main cogs in the Met team of jerkoffs that one the one championship they win every forty years or so. He was hated and scorned because he was religious and the fact that he loved his wife. That he wasn't a coke addled drunken pussy hound like the rest of the team. That he didn't take steroids or bet on games. He was a good man. Too good for the likes of the dog ass Mets. Rest in Peace Kid. Ya did good.

The Met's have signed a new shortstop.

They say he is a joker.

The last one they had was a joke. Just sayn'

Jose can you see....

If you can get out of town fast enough you dumb fuck.

The Met's star player Jose Reyes has signed with the Florida Marlins. He couldn't get away from the Wilponzies fast enough.

So lets review.

Mets. New staduim. Crazy prices. No players. No money cause they lost it to Madoff. No hope.

Sounds about right.

Ha!

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

You might not remember me but I have written to you before. My name is Kim and I used to be married to a ballplayer. And he was not just a player let me tell you. Not any plain old Sortarican that they imported to play the beisbol. It was that piece of shit Art Shamsky who was a big deal with the fuckin shit ass Mets thirty years ago. And he is still eating off of that shit if you can believe it.

You remember how it was when you were married to the General Manager of the New York Mets. It was a big deal. Well to the morons who follow the Mets. I mean regular people didn't give a shit. Being married to a Met is not as cool as being married to a sanitation worker or something cool like that. But it got you into Shea Stadium for free and you got free hot dogs. Well at least the ones they dropped on the floor.

You must have heard how Art divorced me and refused to pay alimony or anything. I thought I had him with his notes about how he was molesting my dog but the lame ass judge didn't care about that. You would think that a judge would have some compassion but he didn't give a shit. So I never go paid just like you are not getting paid.

I know Stevie was trying to get a new gig. I don't know why he didn't. He should call up the Red Sox. I hear that they hired Bobby Valentine as their manager so it is obvious that they are hiring all the Met's rejects to staff their team now that the boy wonder Theo Epstein has left. They want to hire ex-Mets to piss off the Yankees but since George is dead I don't think the Yankees even notice anymore. And it is getting ridiculous. I mean I can understand hiring Dwight Gooden to handle the Pharmacy and Darryl Strawberry to do your taxes but why would you hire Rusty Staub to give Big Papi a sponge bath. It is just too fuckin weird you know what I mean. Maybe Steve can hire on to run their sexual harassment seminars or something. It seems like something the Red Sox would do.

Anyhoo I figured I should give you some advice. After fighting all those years with Art I took my twat in my hands and decided to do something different with my life. I met this elderly garmento guy named Bobby. He owned a fabric store and I basically trapped him by having wild monkey sex with him a few times. I had a makeover and even changed my name. Now everybody calls me Jill Zarin. You have seen me on TV. You can do the same thing. I hear they are hiring on the Real Housewives of New York now that they fired....err now that I quit. So you can get a cool gig and lots of ink.

You can't go the way of our mutual friend Brooke Hundley. Well she is my friend. I know you hate her guts because she was banging Steve but I mean why hold a grudge. Steve would have screwed the Crack of Dawn after all. Poor Brooke had a short relationship with Peter Gaamons that old pervert Sportswriter from ESPN who likes to whack off in the jocks of old Red Sox players. I think the last I heard she hooked up with an assistant basketball coach at Syracuse University. I wonder how that turned out. Let me know if you hear from her again.

I just want to know that you have to let it go. That is why when I went to the author graph show and saw that Art was signing I didn't go over to confront him. I stood at my table with Kelly and Cindy and Danielle Staub and signed with them. That was the first time I met Danielle Staub. I asked her if she was related to Rusty and they are cousins. But they are very different. Danielle like girls.

Ok I will admit that I did have Eddie Munster go over and give Artie a wedgie and knock over all of his books. They threw Eddie out but they do that all the time at these shows. All I had to do was pee in my panties and give them to that little washed up perv for a cum rag. Art never knew I was behind it. Just like I never knew he was behind me when he was trying to get it in. You should do the same thing.

Remember. Living well is the best revenge.


Toodles,
Your friend
Jill (Kim Shamsky) Zarin

The Sign of Peace?

So the gospel this Sunday was about the time this woman comes up to Jesus and asks that he cure her daughter from demons or something like that there. She asks for his help and he basically blows her off a few times until finally he cures her and all's well that end's well.

Anyway Father Chris starts his homily and as he often does it makes it very approachable by talking about sports. You see when he was twelve years old his brother took him to a Met's game and he bugged him all game about going down to the parking lot to get an autograph from the players. Finally his brother relented and they go and wait in the parking lot. But most of the players just blew by the kids and didn't do sign or even acknowledge them in any way. One of them started screaming and berating them and telling them to go home. It was very traumatic for a kid. And it was an example of how you can affect other people deeply by your actions. That you should be humble and not full of yourself. It would take such a small effort by some of the players to make so many kids happy. This was long before the industry of autographs and memorabilia and these were real fans.

Now I love to give Father Chris some crap about being a Met's fan as I keep telling him that God is a Yankee fan. It was a very very rainy Sunday morning and there were very few people in Church. So when I was on line to shake his hand as you leave church I got to tease him for a minute.

I said "Sorry that you didn't get that Choo Choo Coleman autograph that you wanted there Father. That's a shame."

He looks around and sees that nobody is near us and says "It was Jerry Grote that Rat Bastard. I will never forgive him."

Some how if the good Father ever runs into the former Met's catcher I don't think he is gonna give him the Sign of Peace.

Just sayn'

"Say it! Say it! Say 'I lost the nest-egg.' Go on, say it!"

"Shut the fuck up Jeff."

LET"S GO METS!!!! HEE HEE!!!!!

The perfect time to talk about baseball is on Super Bowl Sunday. And what could be better than laughing at the dog ass Mets. They announce that they want to sell about 25% of their team because of the Bernie Madoff mess. They are being sued and have to free up some cash for the lawsuits that are attempting to recover some of the money that the Wilpons stole. I mean there is no doubt in my mind that they are in cahoots with Madoff and pulled out a lot of their money before the shit hit the fan. They have been involved in other Ponzi schemes where they had to settle out of court but this is the biggest scam since a bunch of guys with wooden shoes were selling tulips to the Indians or something.

Which is typical of the Mets and their fans. All they can do is bitch and whine about the Yankees when they should be able to spend just as much as the Yankees. In fact they should spend more because there was at one time more National League fans in New York. But the Mets are too cheap to spend the money and instead invested it in a crooked scheme to defraud widows and orphans.

The Wilpons will have to sell the team because no one in their right mind will want to be a silent partner of these douchenozzles. I hope someone like Mark Cuban or the guy who sold Vitawater or some other rich dude buys the franchise and starts spending money hand over fist. That will only be good for the Yankees as it will force them to up their game. Right now the Mets are a joke and that is not helping us as we are standing pat this offseason except for one
reliever. We need to upgrade in a few positions and some competition would be great.

But I want to thank the Wilpons and the Mets for the warm feelings that they give me as I see them careening into disaster. Thanks guys.

Congratulations to a True Met!

Congratulations to Roberto Alomar on his election to the Hall of Fame.

I consider Roberto a "True Met" as his career declined as soon as he joined the team. And he is a famous world class fanook like many other Met hero's like Rusty Staub and Mike Piazza. Not that there is anything wrong with that. More power to him.

I guess the best way to sum him up is that he was elected because he had an infectious personality.

Gone but not forgotten

Sparky Anderson passed yesterday. I will not send him to hell even though his Big Red Machine destroyed Thurman and the Yankees in the Series that we played in 1976. He later did an even better job with the Tigers and is one of the few coaches or managers in sports who won a championship with two different organizations.

I will tell you one thing. With all the talent and all the Hall of Famers he had in Cincy he should have won more series. It makes what the Yankees of the 1990's did all the more impressive. Just sayn'

Rest in Peace Sparky.

My maxi pad is Dodger Blue!

Well it seems that St Joe is stepping down from the Dodger job and Donnie Baseball is the heir apparent out in Lotusland. Joe always knows how to jump ship early and the rumor is he might come to the Mets. Man that would be something to see. It would be Casey Stengel all over again.

It is interesting when a star of one franchise becomes the manager of another. Like when Ted Willliams became the manager of the Washington Senators. So I guess the Dodgers are going to move and Mattingly is going to have his head cut off and put in the fridge stuck to a can of tuna fish.

Well we know that will happen if his wife has anything to say about it.

Dude get a hold of yourself.....but not like that ....Jeez!

Ricpic said

That's it, blog about Big Papi and the Janquis. Meanwhile the Mets are 13 - 9! But disregard the biggest turn around in the majors 'cause it doesn't fit the meme. I don't know what meme memes but I like to be with it so meme it be.

You are correct sir. The Mets are the Champions of the World. Oh wait...the Champions of April.

It is kind of early. We still have a lot of injuries and bad baseball to watch.

This is why I am tied of arguing with Met Fans. You see when the Mets play the Yankees it's the World Series for them.

For the Yankees the World Series is the World Series. Nothing else is important.

But enjoy it while it lasts.