Now I kind of understand it?

Living in Brooklyn the way I do I am isolated from what goes on in most of the country. You see I live in a neighborhood where stuff goes on much as it did in the 1950's. Or at least for me. I mean I don't spend all my time in front of the TV playing Xbox. I don't have a video console. I am sure that is a function of my age because I bet young kids here have them and play with them all day long. Since I don't really have contact with them I guess I am out of the loop.

Anyhoo I am down in Florida waiting to go on the ship on Saturday. While I am there a young relative was over the house. He is a teen who is home schooled. Not really socialized. Spent the whole time playing Xbox. I think it was Call of Duty |Zombie or something. The whole game consisted of him killing Zombies. Reloading and pulling the trigger. That was it. Nothing else.

You can't tell me this shit doesn't have an effect on the kids who do it 24-7. Not all of them obviously. But it just takes one or two. Killing without remorse. No real blood or guts. Just reloading and killing.

When I was a kid the person who taught me to shoot to us out and put a can of tomato sauce on a fence and had us shoot it. Sauce flew all over the place. He told us to imagine that was blood. With these video games there is no imagination. Only desensitization if that is a word.

I have to say that the people who say these video games have an effect on some of these shooters might have something there. I don't know what to do about it.

But watching this kid....I was getting scared.

I almost cut my hair today.....wait I did

We all had to get hair cuts for the trip. The wife has this favorite hair cutter down here in Florida that our daughter knows so we all had to get new do's. Or a don't in my case.

At least it is short and I will not be sweating on the cruise.

I pray three times a day

To get Pancakes. I love pancakes.

We went to the IHOP for lunch/breakfast. I was so happy as there are no good IHOPS in Brooklyn. The one on Fulton Street is always full of drug dealers and trannies and is just not the place for an All-American meal.

This one was great. It was full of native Floridians so you know it had to be good. You know what you have when you have thirty two Floridians in the same room? A full set of teeth.

We had to pack all of our clothes for the trip in these enormous suitcases that we have and we didn't want to disturb them to get out clothes to wear for the one day we are in Florida. So I saw I had a bathing suit on the top of the pile. So I said to the wife " I will just wear my bathing suit. Who would notice? This is freaking Florida after all."

And nobody did.

Of course I was careful to wear the potato in the front.

Welcome Walmart Shoppers!

So here I am in Florida which I think is officially designated as the boonies on my map. Or at least it has pictures of sea monsters with the legend 'Here be bubba's."

So what's the first thing you do in Florida. Squeeze an orange. Dance with a June Taylor dancer. Finger an alligator and then deny the alligataztions.

No.

You go to Wal-Mart.

Gee. This shit is pretty cheap.

I'm back!

Hey we are back from Florida and open for business.

Of course a bunch of stuff got screwed up while we were away and I have to run around and fix it up. Two blubs out up in the ceiling track lighting, the cord for the light in the back room came off, nobody looked at the mail, dogs are peeing on the side of the building and nobody put out the cayene pepper. Oh and the Giants lost again and Eli and Jacobs are out for the rest of the season.

Same old, same old.

But I'm back. Hee.

I just find it hard to sit around.

Even though it was vacation time I find it very hard to just sit around. I am always doing something. What I mostly did this vacation was cook for my daughter and all of her friends and her Florida realtives.

I made a big pot of meatballs and sausages and then some pork and some tortilines in cream sauce with peas and fanook salad and caprese salad and regular salad and a whole bunch of stuff.

I just have to go-go-go.

That's why when somebody approachs me with a course of action, I just can't sit on my ass and let it lay. It drives the wife crazy.

Just so you know.

Flashback: Florida Gratuitous Bath tub photo.

Hey I am stuck here in Florida for Christmas and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Put the lotion in the basket!

I mean they are going to pass this rule where you can't get up for the last hour of the flight and my doctor told me I have to get up every half hour! What the hell am I going to do?

Anyway here is your Florida gratuitous bath tub photo.

As the Reverend Jesse Jackson once said, "I deny the allegations and demand to meet the Alligator."

Well there he is!

Oh my aching back1

I have been doing some physical labor the last few days which I am very unacustomed to doing.

So my back is killing me. I am too old for this stuff.

Where's my easy chair and my slippers. Grandpa needs to rest.

When in Rome, do as the alligators do!

So we are in Florida and we went to see the town team play because our granddaughter is on the cheerleader squad. She really wanted us to see her cheer and we really wanted to see it. But we have no experience with small town football on a Saturday morning. It seems the teams play in weight classes and games go on all day. There is a big danger of lighting and if the horn sounds you have to run to your car. They warned us if it was really hot we would suffer but it was an overcast day with a nice wind so it was pleasant.

Of course the wife wasn't ready when it was time to go so my daughter took the kid to the game and then came back to get us. The wife dressed in a snappy sundress with a big sun hat and her fancy sunglasses and her fancy Tory Burch sandals. With her Louie bag. So when we waiting outside and my daughter pulled up in the car with one of the other moms they burst out laughing because we looked like we were going to the Kentucky Derby.

I understood why when we got to the game. Everyone was in dirty shorts and flip flops with fanny packs. It seems you didn't have to dress up for pee wee football.

I just introduced us to everyone as Mr and Mrs. Howell.

Lovey was not amused.

I am stuck in Florida

Man I am stuck in Florida. The weather is perfect in New York man. Autumn in New York. Beautiful 60 degree weather and sunny skies.

Florida is like walking in soup and it is hurricane season. What a gyp.

Plus I don't have to time to surf the net.

Bah!

I am not a big fan of vacations.

I am not a big fan of vacations. I like my life the way it is. Every day is like a vacation for me. Mainly because I do thinks I like to do all the time and minimize stuff that I don't like as much as I can. Going away stops me from doing all the stuff I have to do. It's not like I don't have to still do it, it just means that more will be piled up when we get home.

I like my easy chair. My mattress. My yard. My fully stocked wine rack and kitchen.

Hanging out with the kids in Florida was fun and made the trip worthwhile. The only thing that makes a trip worthwhile.

Naturally when we left we get a call that "What Not to Wear" wants to film in the store for the last show of this season. So we will be working our ass off as soon as we get home.

We will need a vacation.

I'm.....back!

Well I am back from my little mini-jaunt to Florida. It was only a couple of days but let me tell you I am a creature of habit and I don't like changes in my routine.

We went too the beach and as I have said previously, we had a sun block accident. Normally I slather myself with 75 sunblock until I am entirely covered like a turkey that was basted in butter. The wife always mocks me but I tell her I don't care because I don't want to look like a rock lobster.

Well the wife decided not to pack the sunblock because we were traveling light because we were only going for a couple of days. I mean she had four pairs of shoes but the little bottle of sunblock didn't fit. When we got the beach my granddaughter gave me the sunblock 70 spray which looks like that Pam spray you use to grease up a pan before you make eggs if you are a lazy bitch and don't want to melt butter. "It's great grandpa, just spray it on and you won't get sunburn." So I spray it on and try to rub it on the spots I didn't reach. Well we discovered later that because of the wind a lot of the spray just went out into the air and didn't do jack shit for me. So I have one area that's fine and other areas that are as red as Dennis Leary's face after a night of drinking.

Not quite as bad as the cutie in the photo but pretty bad. The worst is my ankles which for some reason are really burned. So it is torture to walk around and socks hurt like a sun of a bitch.

Thank God I am home safe in Brooklyn where the sun never shines too brightly. Now I am going for some panaele sandwiches and prosciutto balls for lunch. I deserve it. After being on safari.

Survivor, Fort Lauderdale.

Florida sucks!

Well I have been here one day and I already got a monster sunburn. The wife and the kiddees wanted to go to the beach. Now I am much more of a cool dark bar kind of guy. I have that pasty white Irish skin which is well suited for bogs and forests not the beach.

Now I normally bring 75 sunblock and slather it all over my body like I was buttering myself up to be baked. Which I am so to speak. But they had this new spray stuff to use and they swore it was just as good as the creme. Not so much.

Anyway I have slathered myself in aloe cream so I am ok. I am going to self medicate at dinner and I soon will be feeling no pain.

But don't think I forgot you guys. On our way to the beach we stopped at an alligator farm and I got you all a baby alligator. Just like my Uncle V did for me in 1965, Just email me your address so I can send one off to you. Just remember, when you get tired of it don't flush it down the sewer. We don't want anymore alligators in the sewers if we can help it.