Beat it.....Mr Trump

You know I am starting to become a big fan of Latoya Jackson. She was great on the last "Celebrity Apprentice" where she really got into it with that POS Amarosa. I mean she lit into her all through the episode. What fooled everyone was when she didn't bring her back to the boardroom to see who would get fired. But she had a good reason. She knew that Trump would never fire Amarosa so early in the competition. She said as much obliquely in the interview. She didn't come right out and say it like the Twisted Sister guy did last week but this show has become such a joke that the Celebs are just getting subversive about it.  Three weeks ago, Trace Atkins said fuck opening up our Meatball sandwich shop for a fund raiser since that is just a mess......just call your big contributors and sit around and drink coffee all day. Worked just fine. (I also liked what he said to Steven Baldwin this week...."Don't be mean to Marilu or I will kill you)

Anyhoo after Latoya got fired she went off on Amarosa. Amarosa's big thing is that she was "engaged" to Michael Clarke Duncan the big dude from "The Green Mile" who croaked recently. She is milking that for all it is worth with crocodile tears and unexplained absences from the tasks. Latoya busted on her like a fiend. She was all "I heard a lot of crying but never saw a tear" and "I bet she pulled the plug on him." It was great. Who knew she had it in her.

Then she was on "Watch What Happens Live" with that schmdreck Andy Cohen and she was just delightful. Funny and giggly and full of surprises. Who knew that she would be the most personable of the Jackson's.

Holy King of Pop Batman. I have a new favorite Jackson.

Why can't the girls get along?

Have you been watching the Celebrity Apprentice?

They always start off the season as the boys against the girls and every year the girls just get clobbered. This year they lost five out of the seven challenges. Now the girls have been fighting like crazy. The problem with these shows for some celebrities is that when you see them in action you start to hate them. Other's rise in you estimation. I mean who would have thought that Clay Aiken would have big balls and consistent act like a man. Not that there is anything wrong with that. And who would think that Lisa Lampenelli would be such a humorless bitch who couldn't laugh at herself. And who would have thought that Teresa Giudice would be a dumb twat.

Well everyone thought that so it don't count.

They had a double episode this week and in the second one they split up the teams with some men and some women in each. It was really funny how the guys wouldn't buy into the bullshit we saw every week with the girls. Lisa Lampenilli tried to get Dee Snyder to rag on the model babe but wouldn't have it. She did come up with some good stuff and he said so. Lisa lost it.

But not like Arsenio. He lost it in the boardroom. The worse I ever saw. I think I have to post the Youtube clip. He hammered this nasty twist Aubrey O'Day who is a bitch on wheels. She was the former head of a sorority and man she is like every one of those bitches you see on TV or the movies. Arsenio called her on her bullshit and Clay was right there with him telling the truth with no holds barred. It was great TV./

Next week should be a pip.

I still don't understand why women can't play nice. Just sayn'

The bitches are back!

I have been watching the new "Celebrity Apprentice" and it is craptastic. Clay Aiken is a hoot and Teresa and Viki Gotti don't dissapoint. The task is to sell sandwiches and as usual they broke up into two teams: the men vs. the women. Of course the women couldn't get along. It is pretty funny. Great viewing. You will laugh you ass off. I did.

Donald Trump wants to quit!

Donald Trump wants to quit the Celebrity Apprentice. You see this season he is dealing with Teresa Guidice of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and she is so fuckin stupid that he can't take it anymore. She is a total moron and he is pulling the hair out of his wig dealing with her.

Here she is pictured with Titus after they brought the rare clumber to the vet.

Donald Trump should check their papers....just saying

Advance warning for next week's Celebrity Apprentice. Crazy ostrich bitch Nene Leakes of the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" get's all ghetto over Miss Starr Jones on next weeks episodes. The coming attractions are off the hook.

I highly recommend you set your DVR to record this hot mess.

Donald Trump demands to see birth certificate!

He made everyone on Celebrity Apprentice produce their birth certificates.

Lil John only had a Certificate of Jive Birth.

But that was acceptable because his parents were jazz musicians.

Gary Busey is an Insane Genuis

Did you see the last episode of Celebrity Appentice? They made Gary Busey the Project Manager because they thought they would get rid of him when they lost because they couldn't take his bullshit anymore. But they won of all things. It was a task where they had to set up a camping experiance and they had John Rich playing the guitar and Jose Conseco playing catch with the people taking a tour so it was a lot of fun.

The girls on the other hand were fighting a lot. You have to see Dione Warwick to believe her! She is one crazy bitch. As is Starr Jones and Nene Leakes. They are really bring the crazy and this season shapes up to be a lot of fun.

Check out the Celebrity Apprentice tonight!

It has been craptastic so far. And with all world crazies and morons like Latoya Jackson, Starr Jones, Gary Busey, Nene Leakes and Meat Loaf......I mean it is guarantied to be a lot of fun.

I heat that Meat Loaf and Gary Busey get into a huge fight where they have to call the cops and Nene and Starr duke it out as well to the point that you have to laugh your ass off.

Highly recommended.

Congratulations to Brett Michaels

Congratulations to Bret Michaels for winning the Celebrity Apprentice. The dude was unbelievable coming back from a brain aneurysm. He was scattered but obviously had a lot of talent. You really got to like him after watching interacting with the other celebs many of whom seemed like real douche bags.

Best of all he hit on every single woman he met. Didn't matter what they looked like or how they were he was on it.

A cool dude all the way around.

Hey good luck Brett!

I hear that Brett Michaels brain just exploded. I hope he makes it since he is in critical condition. He has been very entertaining on the Celebrity Apprentice and I thought that he has a great chance to win.

I bet all of his kids are pretty upset.

Best wishes to him and his family.

A True Met.

Have you seen the Celebrity Apprentice? I don't know but I just find it endlessly fascinating. You see you have these two teams of big name celebrities who are given a fairly mundane task and they proceed to totally screw it up.

The task this week is to do a four page "advertorial" for the combination of Norton and Life Loc which supposdedly will prevent identity theft. The teams were split between the men and the women and they both did a lousy job. On ad had almost no content...they even left off the number to call to order the product! The other one looked like one of Ritmo Brazileiro's posts on Althouse. Heh. You know more than a couple of words so to speak. Still and all the women won with the minimalist approach and one of the men had to get fired.

Now the track star Michael Jackson was in charge in the best Joan Crawford/Al Haig style that was pretty freaky. But he was a man about it and was willing to take the hit and be fired because he took the responsiblity like a man. Although he did say that the Governor (Rod Blagojevich) was totally useless, I mean he couldn't even turn on a lap top. Just goes to show you what politicians are really like!

But in a strange twist of fate when the Trumpster asked Daryl Strawberry who should be fired, he said "Me." Holy Bobby Valentine Batman! Why did he do that? I mean he didn't do anything so he didn't do anything wrong. But the whole deal was that he was just tired. He kept yawning and looking at his watch and taking cigaretter breaks and ordering pizza. He just didn't give a shit! So he made up some bullshit about taking the hit in a bizzare bid to just go home. So Trump obliged him and fired him.

Now in the first episode Trump asked Strawberry that he played for both teams in New York and he wanted to know what he considered himself. A Met or a Yankee. I mean he won more championships as a Yankee after all. But Daryl just said "New York, I am just a New York guy." But you see I have to disagree.

I mean after seeing this you have him pegged. He is lazy and lackadasical and unmotivated and excuse making and looking for the easy way out. A loser and a quitter.

The dude is a "True Met."

Cindy just wants to be dumb.

Have you been watching the new season of Celebrity Apprentice? Well I have and I have come to one conclusion. Cindy Lauper is a freaking idiot.

I don't know if they are giving her the Kate Gosselin edit but man they are making her look like a big dummy. She just keeps interrupting and asking these inane questions and walking through life befuddled and incoherent. What a maroon!

It's pretty funny that they give these simple tasks to this big group of celebrities and they just can't handle it. If they worked for you they would be fired in a New York Minute!

And you have to catch the ex-Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. Man is he getting hosed by the director. In one shot he is talking to camera and someone says something off camera. He goes out of the shot to shake the guys hand and then comes back in range and touches his hair John Edwards style and goes "Did you guys get that!" Man he looks like a real politician.

Like scum in other words.

I must say that this was very entertaining.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene asks "How long do I have to hold this tattoo bitch underwater Jesse.... ANSWER ME!!!

"I can hold her down a long time....almost as long as you have been holding me down....I mean you had to bang someone who looks an F-Train from 1975.....I think the twat had Paco157 spray painted on her taint.....why didn't you bang one of the whores on the Celebrity Apprentice last year....that poker twat....or even Joan Rivers.....I mean I could understand that before I could see you screwing this Jackson Pollack cunt!"

Evil truimphs once again!

Well Evil triumphs once again as the aging douche bag Donald Trump names octogenarian succubus Joan Rivers the Celebrity Apprentice. What a ripoff.

The finals were judged on four bogus criteria only one of which was fund raising. Annie Duke the poker player who was my favorite raised $300,000 more in her event but that didn't mean squat. They retarded decorations and drag queens in Rivers party were judged superior. Not that there is anything wrong with drag queens, I mean I am pretty sure that Joan and Melissa Rivers are both dudes anyway. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Now if you were following this as I have you would have seem the meltdown where this cunt Melissa was fired and totally attacked and demeaned the staff as she stormed off. Nothing gets me more pissed off than when cunts with a sense of entitlement go off on working people who are just doing their jobs. I am sure that is Trump's MO so I guess he didn't think it was such a big deal. The Rivers are so horrible that the event staff that was working on their party quit and both groups got screwed. Then when it was brought up in the boardroom the Rivers screamed that it was a lie when we saw it right in front of our eyes. How Trump could pick her after that just shows you why he has declared bankruptcy so many times.

This is the last time I will watch or talk about the Celebrity Apprentice. They lost me forever. I mean if it is a game there is absolutely no way that Annie Duke should have lost. If it is all bullshit as it proved to be why watch it all. The answer is that I was foolish to follow it.

I will now add Joan Rivers to that list which includes Robin Williams, Sarah Jessica Parker, the BJ Hunnicut guy and Tim Robbins. When I see them in the credits, I change the fucking channel.

\

What a fucking joke.

Annie Duke is freaking awesome!

Annie Duke is freaking awesome. Check out how she handles that bitch Joan Rivers. It's sad really. Joan Rivers is the hd house of the Celebrity Apprentice.

Poker Face vs Joker Face.

I stole that great line from this dude on Television Without Pity which is a great website to read about TV. The Celebrity Apprentice is down to the final two. Poker Face Annie Duke. Joker Face Joan Rivers.

You see the plastic surgery that old bat Rivers has had turned her into the spitting image of the Joker. And when I say spitting, I mean spitting clawing cackling hell spawn version of a demon from hell.

Now Annie Dukes the poker player is a gold plated phony and master manipulator but she sure doesn't deserve the venom showered on her by Rivers. I think Trump promised Rivers that her daughter would win or something because they keep screaming about how they were lied too by the show and what not. So when this cheezy game show got around to picking the final two they picked the best conflict between the two players that hate each other the most.

It should be fun. Catch the replay this Saturday and the finale on Sunday if you want to see some old fashioned bitchy cat fighting.

What? Me Hitler?

I have not been blogging about the Celebrity Apprentice lately because I have been too busy but I want you to know it is craptastic to the max. You guys know the set up. Teams of celebrities compete in meaningless demeaning tasks that wouldn’t stress a two year old but these world famous douches can’t handle. Major league dickwads like Andrew Dice Clay and Dennis Rodman have already been eliminated. Now it is starting to get interesting.

The basis of all of these reality shows is conflict. Back stabbing. Personal attacks. Bat shit crazy behavior. In other words: Joan Rivers.

Joan (who I am convinced is Beelzebub) is playing the game with her demon spawn Melissa who happens to be on the opposite team for the past couple of weeks. On an earlier show Joan almost blew the devils botox out of moosh because she was trying to get the poker player Annie Duke to gang up on Brandi the big titty Playboy bunny to protect Melissa. I guess the old bat felt that Annie wasn’t tough enough because she went off on her like Hitler with the Jews. Which is pretty interesting because that is what Joan called Annie this week. Hitler. Seriously.

Now Annie Duke the poker player seems a very capable and smart player who actually watched the game before knows how to play. And she plays to win. She is bossy and opinionated and basically a bitch on wheels. In other words incredibly hot. At least to a man who can handle a woman as a peer and not as a doormat. She is very cute considering she has four kids and seems really smart and well prepared. In other words the polar opposite of Joan and Melissa.

The task this week is preparing a frozen dinner and Annie jumped right in and cooked not one but three different entrees for the team to choose from. Her ideas were right on as usual and in the boardroom she gives credit where credit is due. Last week she even gave major props to Rosemary’s….I mean Joan’s baby, Melissa. Which she didn’t have to do but she did it because Melissa picked out the jewelry for the auction and did a good job and she was very fair and complimentary. Which didn’t matter to Lucifer’s sister Joan who kept calling her Hitler and saying that Annie would spit on her mother to maker her down and other incoherent bullshit.

Annie cooks up these three dinners and babbles away charmingly. And she shows that she is a real cool broad who knows what’s what. She goes to Brandi “I am the total woman. I can cook quick meals to take of my kids, win big bucks on the poker circuit, and I give a great blow job.” Now that’s my kind of girl.

I have been reading the message boards on things like Television Without Pity and Joan Rivers is taking a beating. A lot of people are saying they would never buy her shit on QVC again after they saw what a crazy bitch she really was. I remember going to see Buddy Hackett in Atlantic City and he went on and on for a half an hour about what a cunt Joan was and how Johnny Carson hated her and stuff. Like they say the higher a monkey climbs up a tree the more of her ass you will see. Not that anyone wants to look at Joan’s ass.

Anyway, this past Sunday Hershel Walker and the golf lesbian got eliminated and the coming attractions show that there will be another big blow out. If you get a chance to catch the repeat of this episode this Saturday, you should tape it because it is very entertaining.

Vodka and cranberry bitch.

Celebrity Apprentice was on last night and it was another fiasco. The task was that the two teams were supposed to run a hotel. The men decide to make Dennis Rodman the Project Manager. That is roughly equivalent to having Bernie Madow manage your money. Oh wait a minute.

Anyway the teams have to do everything from cleaning the rooms to getting theatre tickets to arranging pedicures. Rodman actually set a record for being coherent. He lasted a whole four hours. Beating HD house’s record by about, four hours. His great idea is to park fancy cars outside the hotel. The reaction of the members of his team can be summed up the three letters: WTF. Throughout the whole task Brian McKnight looks like he wishes he could just kill Rodman out of hand. The one guy who could do it is Hershel Walker but he is too classy and soft spoken. Hershel is genuinely puzzled by Dennis. He just doesn’t understand Rodman. At all.
Anyway there are the usual twists and turns. A room full of gay dudes hate the lady golfer who they torture with room service demands. I guess gay guys and lesbians really don’t get along at all. Zach? Titus? Your input please.

The boardroom turns serious as the men lose but Jesse James makes an impressive and heartfelt plea that Dennis Rodman has a big time drinking problem. Which is of course obvious to anyone who has been watching. Now Jesse calls him an alcoholic. That’s not true. Alcoholics go to meetings. Rodman is a drunk. He isn’t organized enough to go to a meeting. I have developed a lot of respect for how Jesse James carried himself in this game. He tells the truth and is an honest and intelligent guy. He points at Walker and Rodman and says they are two of the greatest athletes in American Sports. He said to compare the two of them. It is a savage point. There is not much you can say after that. He also says that Dennis is on his way to bad end. That is also pretty obvious. As is the fact that Trump doesn’t give a shit. This is just a TV show. So he fires Rodman and jus t shakes his head.

As they all walk out of the room Jesse James hugs the poker player babe who is the best player on the other team. I can see it coming down to the two of them. In fact the only three people with an actual brain in this show are the poker pussy, Jesse James and Brian McKnight. Trump will rearrange the teams next week to contain both men and woman. So whichever team has two of those three will kick ass. And if they are all on the same team forgetaboutit. Which I will now do about this show.

Dennis Rodman is a useless knucklehead.

Well I caught the Celebrity Apprentice this Sunday and it was another suckfest to coin a phrase. The team leaders were Brian McKnight and the Model bitch whose name I can’t remember. The big hype was that Dennis Rodman was screaming at little midget Clint Black who didn’t back down. It’s almost like he knew it was fake or something.

Anyway Brian McKnight was smart. He did exactly what I would have done. He said Rodman is useless a total moron who could barely complete a sentence and was drunk and incoherent all the time. You know the full hd house. So Brian said go sit over there I have no time for you. This Jesse James guy did a great video for this video phone they were pimping by going to West Point and filming a soldier as though he was calling home then Brian did a great concert and got everybody shaking their booty. So to speak.

Now the girl’s team had no cohesion and was totally incoherent with a shitty story and a lot of stuff that didn’t make any sense. It was almost like it was written by hd house. Melissa Rivers jumped in to make the trains run on time and Joan Rivers did the mike work and told so ok jokes. But they were so bad that the guys finally won a task.

In the boardroom it was a complete catfight with the model bitch and Melissa going at it.
Most unsightly since no pillows or jello were involved. Anyway Trump dumped the model bitch and that was that.

This show is running out of steam rapidly. The celebrities suck. But next week they seem to stage an intervention to get Rodman to stop drinking the whole day long. Good luck with that. Still the passing an accident by the side of the road rubberneck rule still applies.

Bridezilla's or just fuckin morons, you make the call

The Celebrity Apprentice was on again this Sunday and this has gotten very boring very fast. The two teams were supposed to sell wedding dress and set up in stores side by side.

Tom Green was the project manager for the men and he was just an idiot. He had a good idea of ignoring the sales to walk in’s and to concentrate on selling to high rollers who would pay big bucks for charity even if they didn’t want the dress. But it seemed like only Clint Black and Herschel Walker had any resources to call on to do this so it failed abysmally. The men’s team just really sucks.

With that said, Dennis Rodman is in a league of his own. He can not complete a sentence and when he speaks he mumbles and stumbles and you have no idea what the hell he is saying. Now a natural promotion would have been for Rodman to wear a wedding dress like that famous picture he took a few years ago. But he would have none of it. In the middle of the task he drags Hershel Walker out to go drinking and talking to some dumb bimbos in the local bars. Hershel keeps staring at him like he has two heads. Now Hershel is as dumb as a stump (after all he was a Dallas Cowboy) but even he thinks this is crazy. When they get back to the store, Tom Green and Rodman head out for some more drinking and the next morning neither of them show up. Green comes late and there is a great scene of the motorcycle guy Jesse James cursing at Green on the phone to get his ass out of bed and down to the store. It is a major league fiasco.

The women got some gay wedding planner guy to spruce up their store and sold a lot more dresses. The Poker Pussy had a few gamblers come up with some big bucks again and the broads kicked ass again. Blond bimbo model Randi Broderick won and we were spared Trump telling us again how he wanted to bang her back in the day.

In the end Tom Green was fired. I still say they should kill them at the end of the episode. Or at least Tom Green. Because man he deserves it.