Even with an ugly outfit

I still am looking good.

Comon. Smell under my arm. I know you want to.

You pervert you.

Hey, even though that mean blogger lady thinks we are stinkers, we want to smell good and Palladian has the straight poop! So to speak.

Hey our buddy Palladian has some advice about colonge for your stinkers in a comment I want to headline.

Palladian said...
Thanks, Trooper. It's funny that the word "cologne" has evolved to mean "perfume for men". "Cologne" was one of the first alcohol-based fragrances, Eau De Cologne, so named because it allegedly originated in Cologne Germany. Eau de Cologne was worn by both men and women, as indeed were most fragrances up until the 1930s, in the sense that there was no specific "men's" fragrances marketed until 1934's "Pour Un Homme" composed by Ernest Daltroff, the genius perfumer behind the classic French perfume house Caron. Of course the majority of perfumes produced in the 20th century were composed and marketed for women, but it was never explicitly stated before as it was with "Pour Un Homme" (For A Man). Some of the great classic early modern perfumes, such as Guerlain's "Jicky", Houbigant's "Fougère Royale" and Coty's "Chypre" were ambiguously gendered creatures as well as being absolute, genre-defining masterpieces.In fact, many men's fragrances today descend from "Fougère Royale" (Royal Fern) which was composed in 1881. I have 2 bottles of it from the very early 20th century and in them you can smell the basis of the genre: an accord between a lavender material or materials and coumarin (1-benzopyran-2-one to you chemists). This was added to and manipulated to make a zillion variations and very few fougères today are simple enough to glimpse the purity of the original. About the only two I can think of are Dana's "Canoe" and "Brut", but both of those smell cheap, without the richness of the ancient "Fougère Royale". Brut used to be a lot better but unfortunately some key ingredients (nitromusks) were removed in the 80s or 90s because they made some European bureaucrats develop a mild rash or something. There's no good replacement for the nitromusks (one of which, musk ketone, smells as much like natural animal-sourced musk as any other single-moleculed material) so of course Brut today smells truncated, as do a lot of other classic perfumes.Another great, hairy shirtless fougère fragrance is "Azzaro pour Homme", an "aromatic" variation of the basic accord, which makes it spicier and complex. It's still wonderful, but definitely for a certain kind of man."Old Spice" was originally a women's perfume called "Early American Old Spice" made by the Shulton company, a purely American invention. This was a big flop and so it was given hormones which caused it to grow a mustache and become the classic "Old Spice". Sadly, this great scent has lost a bit of its oomph from facelifts and nanny-state interventions and cheapness. I have a bottle from the 50s and it smells fabulous, just like my grandfather. It's the same basic bottle of today, except better-made opaline glass with some ships printed on the side in blue. The stopper is a cork with a lead (!!!) cap that's the originator of the little plug on the bottle today.

"Stetson" is also surprisingly good, if a little cheap smelling (well, it's cheap!). Some perfume journalist friends of mine made the amazing discovery that "Stetson" is basically the same as Estée Lauder’s "Youth Dew" except with pictures of cowboys on the box. Smell them both... it's hilarious.I also think it's perfectly acceptable for men to wear "women's" fragrances and vice-versa. For instance some of my favorite fragrances to wear are marketed as "women's perfumes" : Guerlain's "Mitsouko", Dior's "Diorella", the aforementioned "Jicky". The right man in the right situation could even get away wearing "Angel".Dior's "Eau Sauvage" is a great masculine, composed by one of the greatest perfumers who ever lived, Edmond Roudnitska (he composed "Diorissimo", Rochas "Femme" among others). If you like it, "Diorella" is an even better variant on the theme. Hide the bottle if you're embarrassed to be wearing a "women's perfume", don't put on too much and people will compliment you.The aforementioned "Pour un Homme" by Caron is a great one too, a rich but simple combination of lavender and ambery vanilla notes. Sadly its producer, the once-great Caron has changed hands a few times and has basically destroyed most of their classic perfumes through incompetent reformulation in the service of cheapness. Perhaps they spared "Pour un Homme" from the carnage. It's a great, and manages to smell like you just put it on after a close morning shave for hours.Other fragrances for men that I recommend but don't have time to write about in depth: Chanel's "Pour Monsieur"; Guerlain's "Habit Rouge" and "Vetiver"; on the citric side of things, Guerlain's "Eau de Guerlain" and Balmain's "Eau de Monsieur Balmain"; Davidoff's "Cool Water" is very good but it is harmed by its association with its millions of terrible, cheap, offensive clones and the sleazeballs who wear them. "Azzaro Pour Homme" also shares this affliction, but not as much as "Cool Water" since most of the sleazeballs who wore Azzaro with gold chains and banlon shirts back in the day are dead.My other general advice for men regarding perfumes: don't wear too much of anything, don't try to be something you're not, and do not buy or wear anything whose name contains the words "energy", "xtreme", "blue", "sport", "turbo", or "fresh"

Poor Garage Mahal, the professor smacks him down again.

Poor Garage Mahal. Althouse basically told him to go off to a room to whack off where no one could here him. I mean why would he do that when he could just hang out in his garage with all the hot chicks. A lot of unnecessary hostility there. It just smells bad.

Or did I misread the situation.

Jager, Jager, Jager.

The Giants needed a hero!

There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are.
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road when you face the world alone;
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.
You can find love if you search within your self
and the emptiness you felt will disappear.

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.
(Hero, Mariah Carey)

Crises during the playoff game.

Big crises during the game. A girl comes into the store with her mother and wants to buy a dress to wear to the inaugural ball. The problems is she smelt like the Gowanus Canal. Her pits were horrendous and she only wanted to try on high end clothes. There is no good solution in a situation like that. If she tries on clothes she can smell up your stuff that you have to steam and air out for a week. Do you tell her to go home and take a shower and come back? Will she write something nasty on the internet because that is the type of person who will do that. The wife came in the back to confer while I was watching the Giants game so we could decide what to do. My vote was to ask her to leave but we decided to play it out. She only stunk out one dress and bought the other one she tried on along with a shit pot full of accessories. So in the end we did the right thing.

We just have to air out and steam the other dress for the rest of the week.

So Waddaya want?

Slob: [Slob, standing next to Kotty] You smell nice, what is it?

Kotty: Soap, you should try it sometime.

(Shack out on 101,1955)