The Mets always screw it up

There was a big ta-do the last couple of days about "Lardball." Which was the headline on the Post making fun of the Met's chubby pitcher Bartolo Colon.

The Mets players decided to boycott the writer who wrote that article. In fact they refused to talk to anyone in the press until that guy left the clubhouse.

The Mets players finally got one right. Good for them.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

Reason Number 895 to hate Chris Christie

So I was sitting on the toilet for my morning sequester drinking some coffee and reading the newspaper with the sports station WFAN on in the background. They have a great show on Sunday morning called "Talking Baseball with Ed Randall" where they talk about what is happening in Spring Training. But there was something very annoying going on besides the coverage of the Mets.

It seemed that every other commercial was a snappy little number promoting on-line gambling run by Caesars Palace for the residents of New Jersey. It was a tune set to "Luck be A Lady" with a Frank Sinatra clone singing about on-line gambling in New Jersey. Now I know a lot about gambling. I used to gamble a bit back in the day. Maybe more than a bit. But I are fully apprised of the damage it does to people. I know people who have literally lost everything because of gambling. Their house, their family, their job. Just about everything.

The one thing that saves many people from destruction is that it is not easy to gamble your life away unless you go to a Casino. I mean you can buy lottery tickets but it is a lot different than sitting at the blackjack table or roulette wheel for hours at a time until you lose everything. Now they are incessantly pimping gambling on your phone? Have you ever seen these idiots playing Candy Crush or Angry Birds on their Ipad or Iphone? What if they could gamble on the phone? They are going to the poorhouse on the express bus.

Christie signed on to this. I mean seriously what the fuck is he thinking. Sure the state gets some money but it is destroying so many lives. Why don't they just open up shops to sell Meth and Heroin? What the fuck?

There is one thing you will know for sure. No fucking idiot in the mainstream lap dog media will ever ask a question about this. They don't live in the real world with real problems. They will obsess about a stupid fucking traffic jam but not mention a change that will destroy innumerable families.

More bullshit from the Gays and the Media

So this big brouhaha over the birthday invitation to a kids birthday party that was "Homophobic" was revealed to be another big bag of bullshit.

The story was that a mother wrote on an birthday invitation " "Tommy will NOT attend. I do not believe in what you do and will not subject my innocent son to your 'lifestyle.' I'm sorry Sophia has to grow up this way. If you have an issue or need to speak to me: [number erased]."

All the usual suspects went ballistic. Until they found out it was all bullshit. The radio douchenozzles just made it up. So all of the politically correct police were looking stupid. Just like they did with the racist pamphlets that the Black student group wrote up and the black college professor who had  a noose hung on her door. When she did it herself.

My question is what if it were true? Didn't the mother have the right to feel that way. The right to express it that way? She didn't use any slurs. She just said she didn't agree with their lifestyle and didn't want her kid to be exposed to it. What's so terrible about that?  I mean I am not a big fan of polygamy. I don't want to hear about it. I don't watch it on TV on that "Sister Wives" show. I know it goes on. In fact I bet in the world more people are involved in polygamy than homosexuality. But every single show and every single movie and every single discussion has to bring the gays into it. Every time. If the Mom said she didn't want her child to go to a polygamous household would she have faced the same wrath?

You know if it actually happened that woman would be crucified. Holding beliefs that were traditional just a few short years ago will subject you to destruction by the mob and the media. It didn't happen this time because as usual in these cases it was a big bag of bullshit cooked up by some libtard.

This story tells us something. Just not what they think it tells us.

Not so Randy Andy skates again

I was watching "Media Buzz" on Fox today and had to laugh how the panel thought it was no big deal that we have wall to wall coverage of Christie Bridge gate while nobody said squat about Cuomo saying there is not a place in New York for those who were "pro-life" or who are against gay marriage.  Even the fact that Cardinal Dolan spoke out was pretty much ignored.

I wish the Cardinal had the guts to excommunicate the Governor. Unfortunately the leaders of the Church don't seem to have the courage of their convictions. I guess if they don't take it seriously enough to take real action that I can't carp that other people don't care.

I have some advice for the mainstream medai

I can't stand all of the coverage of the Boston Bombing. It is the same bullshit that we always get. I refuse to watch it and I just don't want to hear it. They will try to pin it on the Tea Party or Tax protestors when we all know who is behind it.

It is just not worth listening.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a Lawyer.

---

 

Tom Doniphon: I know those law books mean alot to you, but not out here. Out here a man settles his own problem

What ever you say Mr Roberts....

---

Doug Roberts: You pretend you want me to improve your mind. You've never finished one book I've given you to read.
Ensign Pulver: I've finished "The Federalist Papers," Doug boy! And that Constitution thing.
Doug Roberts: I didn't give you that. He's been reading "God's Little Acre" for over a year now. He's underlined every erotic passage and added exclamation points. And after a certain pornographic climax, he's inserted the words "well written." He has never read the Consititution. Otherwise he would know that it is really a tax and not a mandate. Now leave me alone while I look for another excuse to make Chris Matthews love me.

US Nuns stirred by reprimand by Vatican

By Reuters (Via MSN)
The Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a "doctrinal assessment" saying the Holy See was compelled to intervene with the Leadership Conference of Women Religious to correct "serious doctrinal problems."

The nuns group, based in Silver Spring, Md., said in a statement Thursday on its website, "The presidency of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious was stunned by the conclusions of the doctrinal assessment." It added it may give a lengthier response at a later date.

The conference says it represents 80 percent of America's 57,000 Catholic nuns. It is influential both in the United States and globally.

Academics who study the church said the Vatican's move was predictable given Pope Benedict's conservative views and efforts by Rome to quell internal dissent and curtail autonomy within its ranks.
"This is more an expression of the Church feeling under siege by trends it cannot control within the Church, much less within the broader society," University of Notre Dame historian Scott Appleby said.
That includes a steady drumbeat of calls to ordain women as priests, which the pope has reasserted was an impossibility.

The Vatican named Seattle Archbishop Peter Sartain and two other U.S. bishops to undertake the reforms of the conference's statutes, programs and its application of liturgical texts, a process it said could take up to five years. "These Nuns have presented us with many things to review and we intend to look deeply into this matter."

Hell needs a new PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have several people that will be coming in. We have a young black kid in a hoodie. Well actually we have thirty six black youte in a hoodie. You can take your pick.
Lucifer: Nah, They are boring. Plus they can't read and that won't work for a PA Announcer. Hey is Vin Scully here yet.
Forcas: Not yet but soon. Very soon. We do have a famous artist named Kinkdude or something. He sold his soul to you some time ago and is here for you to collect.
Lucifer: Jeeeesssussss. Not a fuckin pretentious Artiste dude. I can't stand those guys. Why do you think I have Andy Warhol having sex all day with Elizabeth Taylor and Eleanor Roosevelt. I can't torture those artsy fartsy fuckers enough for my taste. Who else you got?
Forcas: Well we have noted communist commenter and patron of the Grecian Formula and former host of the Millionaire Mike Wallace..
Lucifer: Holy Shit. Finally! I have been waiting for this commie fuck for the longest fuckin time. Shove him right in Forcas.
Forcas: Right away Sire!
Mike Wallace: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas, he groans and rubs his fingers through his hair, which turns black with all the Grecian Formula he has soaked it in) What’s going on here? One minute I was walking to a bright light and met a man in a robe with a clipboard and the next thing I know a trap door opens and I am roasting my tootsies off. Don’t you know who I am?
Lucifer: Yeah. I know who you are asshole. You are one of the architects of the mainstream medias conspiracy to do my work on earth. You are evil. You are a liar. You are a cheat. You did my work every day of your professional life. You are a journalist. You are Mike Wallace the biggest douche bag of them all. Welcome to Hell sucker!
Mike Wallace: Wait a minute! This can't be right. I was on the side of angels. I am a journalist. One of the most admired and imitated of all the journalists who ever lived. How the Hell could I wind up in Hell?
Lucifer: It's quite simple you commie asshole. You were on the side of the Angels. The Fallen Angels. Everything you did was my handiwork. You betrayed your country and your fellow Americans. You destroyed lives. You always attacked businessmen and church going Americans to benefit your corrupt liberal agenda. Well actually my agenda. I love to work through liberals You are all such hypocrites that it is easy to manipulate you. Plus you couldn't even order take out meat loaf without getting in the paper for being a cheap douche. You are not even get a chance to try out for PA announcer. FORCAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Mike Wallace and drag him away as he protests feebly that he is a serious journalist who can't be treated this way)
Lucifer: What a maroon. Foras send him to the Wallace wing. He can join William Wallace, Wallace Shawn, George Wallace and Wally Cox as they all take turns blowing Marlon Brando. The fat Marlon Brando who can't get it up. That will teach him.
Forcas: Very well my lord. Who will we have announcing today?
Lucifer: I don't know. Let's get Red Barber out there. He can stand in till Scully comes in. Then it won't be first time he loses his job to him. Oh and make sure Walter O'Malley is there. Barber can stand on his balls while he is announcing. It feels so good to be bad.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

Every time I am involved with something that gets in the press they fuck it up and get everything wrong. The press release is a case in point.

The douchebag liberals at the Huffington Post take the press release and somehow interpet it that Stacy London will be on the show and every episode will style three people instead of just one on WNTW. Stacy is the producer. The owner of the show. She will not appear on it. She might make a commercial or two or pop in for a minute once or twice but she is not in the show. Of course I caught it and wrote them a correction. Which they put in. But they still fucked it up and didn't carry the correction thought the whole post. Then In-style picked it up and carried forward the error. Other sites that cannibalized it and carried forth the error. It spread like fuckin herpes at the Jersey Shore house. I called the publicity broad to have get out in front of this. But it doesn't look like she did.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

Nd Spinelli will be at the game!

He is just getting his outfit ready.

He keeps telling me he will be there with Ray Handley the former Giants coach. As if that will bother me. Listen people can go wrong after their time with the team. LT could be out hiring child prostitues. Allie Sherman could run OTB into the ground. Tom Landry could become coach of the fuckin' Cowboys. Once you leave the Giants you're life can only go downhill.

I mean look at Handley. Yes he likes to wear women's clothes. That's fine. Who I am I to critizie him? But he did something much worse than that.

He went to law school. He became a lawyer.There is nothing worse than that!

I heard the news today oh boy.....

So we got the word that they will issuing a press release in the next week so I can share all the details of what channel we will be on and the time and so forth.

What is weird is we have to clear all of our press with the people in charge of it at the network. I feel like Paris Hilton or something.

Anyway we got the word that we are in the promo commerical for the new season for the network. With all the big stars. Pretty cool for a show that hasn't been on the air yet. They must think we have something.

(More details soon)

A Napoleon is not just a pastry.

So I was on Jury duty this week.

Well actually they wasted my time. They never pick me. Why? Because. Because of a lot of reasons.

They don't want old people. They don't want conservatives. They don't want someone who hates lawyers. They don't want what they perceive as an "Angry white man." In NYC in 2011 I am a minority. I ain't bitching about it....it's just a fact. So they would never pick me and it is a complete waste of time.

Now it was funny because I was totally sympathetic to the defense's case and they should have fought hard to get me on the case. It was a DUI case but it was fucked up. The dude was driving down 4th Avenue and sped past the police station on 39th St. He had a few drinks and when they pulled him over he must have had an attitude as they piled on a bunch of charges like interfering in an investigation and disrespect to an officer or some such shit like that there. Plus the guy was an Arab!

Now you know my very low opinion of lawyers. I never thought that I could ever think less of them. I was wrong.

The prosecuter was a Smiley Chinese dude who had some issues with English. He was grinning through the whole case to the point that I could make about seventy jokes about but it just made you sigh. He couldn't get anything right and the judge kept correcting him as he was arguing his case in his questioning of the jury and generally fucking up. The worst of it was that there was another older white dude sitting next to me and when he was asking questions he kept calling the guy by my name! He couldn't even put the right name in the right seat on his little chart. I wanted to ask him "Excuse me Hop Sing but do all white guys look alike to you?" Of course you can't do that right? That would be racist right? It would get in you trouble right? There is no first amendment right? I mean not in NYC in 2011 there isn't. Just sayn'

What a douchenozzle. I mean he goes like this "This is a 2009 case. Now if you saw a movie in 2009 you might have forgotten some of the details? You can understand how people could forget?" So what is he telling us? That the cop witnesses (the only witnesses) might have forgotten what happened but we should convict Abdul anyway? WTF?

Now the defense attorney also missed a bet. I am sure I looked like a prime prosecution supporter because I am a big fat Irish looking guy with lots of cops in my family. But the opposite is really true. I know how fucked up most cops are in real life. I have no illusions. I know what happened. This guy was probably drunk and he was speeding and weaving down 4th Avenue. But he didn't get in an accident. He didn't hit anybody or anything. He didn't even run a light. Some midget cop pulled him over and got his balls twisted and decided to run the guy in and fuck him up. It is almost a given. The defendant was a pretty big guy about six one and 280. My size. I have been in his shoes.

You see when they were questioning us about our attitudes about the police all the kids on the jury gave namby pamby answers. "Oh there are some bad apples but most of them are just doing a job." "I have had some bad experiences with the police but I could be objective." What a crock of bullshit. When they asked me I said 'Well they made a big mistake when they lowered the height requirement. There is nothing worse than a midget cop. A napoleon is not just a pastry you know." Even the Cynthia McKinney judge laughed at that one.

They excluded the three people over fifty. The older Jewish woman who was a writer and a real liberal who complained about a ticket. The transplant from LA who was a screenwriter who moved to Williamsburg and talked about the problems with the bikes and stuff in his neighborhood. He was one of your card carrying NPR, PBS, Oliver Stone types. And me.

The common denominator was not political views. Left or right. It was that we had life experience and weren't intimidated by the lawyers. You see lawyers are bullies. They picked kids in their twenties or younger. People they could push around. Not somebody that might lead the jury to a verdict that they didn't want. And that was a real mistake by the defense because I would have done all I could to get the guy off. And the way some of the younger kids laughed at the stuff I said and reacted when we were waitng to go back in the courtroom I was pretty confident I could have gotten them to get Ackbar off.

The only thing worse than a jounalist is a lawyer.

Another reason why all journalists are idiots.

So you say you want more proof that all journalists are idiots?

It really is no secret.

This girl comes to do a little blurb about us for Time Out New York. Now we have had a bad experiance with them before when they put the photo of an entirely different store in the magizine and make us look like we sold moo-moos. They used a photo of our main competitor in the part of the story that was about us.

Now my wife talks to these people because I think it is impossible to get them to tell the truth. They make shit up even when they don't have to just because thats what they do. The wife goes through the whole spiel about how we manufacture our own clothes and some of our best pieces that are perfect for a career woman looking for plus size clothes to wear for both work and play. And what does this "journalist" focus on? Accessories.

Specificly an accessory that has been in the store for months and that we haven't even sold one! They want to photograph it and put it in the story. We actually had called up the company and they had agreed to swap it out for some stuff that actually sells.

So you see the dilemna. You get free publicity but I don't think it is really effective. I ask everyone who comes in how they found us and a grand total of three people said it was from the five or six times we were in Time Out. So what's the big fucking deal. This mook was supposed to know fashion and in our whole store she picked out one of the things that nobody wanted!

So do you get in a beef with the girl and tell her she doesn't know her ass from her elbow. Do you take control and only get out what you want them to write about and take the chance that they won't write about you at all. I say you do. You need to control the narrative or it doesn't work at all for you. Fight them to make them tell the correct story. Or don't be in it at all.

We get all of our traffic from the Internet and "What Not to Wear."

PS. I am alone in the store and the writer calls. She said her editor wanted to know if the accessory came in different colors. Which is does. I have every color. BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS IT YOU DIPSHIT!!!! PICK SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY!!!!!

Once again they miss the story.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

What a beautiful skinny baby!

So let me tell you how stupid journalist really are. I get a call from this woman who is researching a story about plus size stores for children. I ask her is she really an idiot or does she just play one in the paper. There aren't any other real plus size stores than us in New York and there are about six real boutiques in the whole country. There is no way a store can exist that sells "Plus" size clothing for children. What kind of business model is that to think you can run a viable business selling "plus size" clothing to children. What a fucking idoit.

Plus the whole concept of "plus sized' children's clothing is fucking ludicrous. Another health Nazi concept that the douchebag mainstream media is pushing. I mean I went on my usual rant "What are you stupid. No grandmother ever pinched the cheek of her grandchild and said what a beautiful skinny baby. Babies are supposed to be chubby. That means they are healthy and growing. What you want to put the kid on a diet you fucking moron!'

Somehow I don' t think she thought she was going to hear that when she called up a plus size store. She probably though we were going to be jolly. But it was a fun way to while away a rainy morning.

The only thing worse than a journalist is a lawyer.

Don't step in the mainstream!

To be a card carrying member of the Main Stream media it is required that you direct your stream solely at Republicans and conservatives. There has been long tradition of very pissed off journalists who enjoy voiding their bladders over anyone more conservative than George McGovern. It began with the rivalry between George Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst which originated in the frenzy that led up to the Spanish American War. Their competition was so fierce that it led to Mr. Hearst taking out his enormous penis to urinate on the steps of the White House to protest President McKinley’s inertia in light of the provocation of the Spaniards. This action led to two unforeseen consequences. The heavy yellow stream caused by Mr. Hearst’s addiction to pineapple juice led to the creation of the type of “Yellow Journalism” where the journalist is more important than the story. It continues to this very day in the work of such giants as Geraldo Rivera, Bill O’Reilly and Christine Amanpour. And the rumors of the size of his enormous penis led to long affair with Marion Davies as well as the fascination with black men by his granddaughter Patti that led to her alleged kidnapping by the Symboinese Liberation Army.
(Truth Doesn’t Even Have It’s Pants On, The History of the Main Stream Media, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2006)

Look out for the Main Stream!

The term main stream media was first coined by Walter Jenkins during the administration of Lyndon Johnson. President Johnson was fond of the saying that he wanted the press to on “the inside of the tent pissing out instead of the outside of the tent pissing in.” Mr. Jenkins was in charge of maintaining an clear even flow of news that would be going in the direction that the White House favors or what the called the “Main Stream.” It was also a handy device to refer to those members who liked to pee on Mr. Jenkins when he took a wide stance in various men’s rooms in the Washington DC area.
(Truth Doesn’t Even Have It’s Pants On, The History of the Main Stream Media, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2006)

Suddenly there can be only one winner!

Well our poll of who is the sleaziest lawyer of them all and it was a two dog race as it were. The results:

Bissage that wonderful guy 29

Lynn Stewart the terrorists friend 23

Roy Cohn the commie hater 2

Arnie from LA Law 0

Karl from Desperate Housewives 0

I think this is the first poll where two entries did not get any votes. It just goes to show you that Bissage is less popular than terrorists.

Who am I to argue with the American Public.

Next up, whats your favorite vice? Keep it clean you perverts.

Our poll is neck and neck.

Our sleazy lawyer poll is neck and neck. Or neck and wattle.

Lynn Stewart is winning which is freaky considering she is the terrorist's friend.

And the other guy is so wonderful.

I guess not everyone agrees.

Hee.

Mirror mirror on the Wall, who is the sleaziest of them all?

Mirror mirror on the Wall, who is the sleaziest of them all?

I know it is impossible to pick out the sleaziest lawyer of all time. I mean there are so many to choose from and they are all so, so sleazy. But we have to give it a shot. So who is the dirtiest, sleaziest, skankest, most dishonest, and creepiest lawyer of all time. I narrowed down the choices to the following:

Roy Cohn (even though he is your cousin you can only vote for him once ricpic)
Arnie Becket the LA Law scumbucket.
Karl Mayer the creepy divorce lawyer from Desperate Housewives.
Lynn Stewart the terrorists friend
Oh and Bissage.

Pick your poison.