Don't step in the mainstream!

To be a card carrying member of the Main Stream media it is required that you direct your stream solely at Republicans and conservatives. There has been long tradition of very pissed off journalists who enjoy voiding their bladders over anyone more conservative than George McGovern. It began with the rivalry between George Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst which originated in the frenzy that led up to the Spanish American War. Their competition was so fierce that it led to Mr. Hearst taking out his enormous penis to urinate on the steps of the White House to protest President McKinley’s inertia in light of the provocation of the Spaniards. This action led to two unforeseen consequences. The heavy yellow stream caused by Mr. Hearst’s addiction to pineapple juice led to the creation of the type of “Yellow Journalism” where the journalist is more important than the story. It continues to this very day in the work of such giants as Geraldo Rivera, Bill O’Reilly and Christine Amanpour. And the rumors of the size of his enormous penis led to long affair with Marion Davies as well as the fascination with black men by his granddaughter Patti that led to her alleged kidnapping by the Symboinese Liberation Army.
(Truth Doesn’t Even Have It’s Pants On, The History of the Main Stream Media, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2006)