Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord? I know that there are several new candidates.
Lucifer: Sure that sounds like fun. Hey I was listening to my lanzmen Sid Rosenberg on WFAN and I heard that Bob Shepard just croaked. Is he coming down to us?
Forcas: No I am sorry sire. You know all the Yankees go right to heaven. The Big Guy already has him announcing everything up there. Ralph Houk too. Even Steinbrenner is on his way after a little time in Limbo.
Lucifer: Well that sucks. Who do we have coming down the shute?
Forcas: Yes mi lord. We have the famous communist sympathizer and corrupt journalist Daniel Schorr.
Lucifer: Really. Well that should be good for a laugh. Send the old fuck down here.
Forcas: No I am sorry sire. You know all the Yankees go right to heaven. The Big Guy already has him announcing everything up there. Ralph Houk too. Even Steinbrenner is on his way after a little time in Limbo.
Lucifer: Well that sucks. Who do we have coming down the shute?
Forcas: Yes mi lord. We have the famous communist sympathizer and corrupt journalist Daniel Schorr.
Lucifer: Really. Well that should be good for a laugh. Send the old fuck down here.
Daniel Schorr: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…What’s Happening!
Lucifer: Hey Danny Boy. Welcome to Hell.
Daniel Schorr: Oh my God. I guess Nixon has a lot of influence and got me sent down here to be with him.
Daniel Schorr: Oh my God. I guess Nixon has a lot of influence and got me sent down here to be with him.
Lucifer: You got it all wrong as usual newsboy. Nixon ain’t here. He is playing pinochle up in heaven with the big guy and Patton and Nathan Bedford Forest. How did you think he got all those chances for a comeback? The big guy loves him. I only got to sneak in one of my guys like Jack every once in a while when the Big Guy wasn’t paying attention. And he would always get me back. You’re down here on your own hook. But hey you can try out for my announcer gig.
Daniel Schorr: Hello. ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! ALL THE TORTURED SOULS IN HELL!! I want to bring you the news. The United States government violated the Constitution by incarcerating a guilty man today after he killed his entire family and got no leniency because he was an orphan…in other news...AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE (a trap down opens and he is unceremoniously dropped into the hottest pit of hell).
Lucifer: Jeez I forgot how much I hate those NPR assholes. Wait to Amy Goodman gets here. You are really gonna see some fireworks. Com’on Forcas lets go see what old Robert Byrd is doing. I wanna see if he is finished shining Willie Horton’s shoes yet.
Daniel Schorr: Hello. ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! ALL THE TORTURED SOULS IN HELL!! I want to bring you the news. The United States government violated the Constitution by incarcerating a guilty man today after he killed his entire family and got no leniency because he was an orphan…in other news...AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE (a trap down opens and he is unceremoniously dropped into the hottest pit of hell).
Lucifer: Jeez I forgot how much I hate those NPR assholes. Wait to Amy Goodman gets here. You are really gonna see some fireworks. Com’on Forcas lets go see what old Robert Byrd is doing. I wanna see if he is finished shining Willie Horton’s shoes yet.
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