Wednesday, May 19, 2021

The Case of the Disappearing Salon


 My dear Holmes,

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. As you well know it has been many years since I have last requested your assistance in the troubling matter of the disappearance of Lord Douchebag and also quite some time since we examined the obscene affairs of the odious Lady Chatterley and her grass stained lover. Today I must ask for assistance with respect to these horrible people.

As you know we often review old case files in an attempt to discern if circumstances have changed or new information has come to light. It seems a remarkable transformation has occurred in the salon of the noxious Lady Chatterley. She has closed her salon and banished all the many miscreants out into polite society. These poor unfortunates who are barely literate and in need of our succor and understanding were left wandering the streets in search of some other false deity to flagellate them and torture their benighted souls. Bereft of the solace of their common herd they are bewildered and lost. I have no understanding as to why they were expunged except that the syphilitic psychoses of their host must finally have reached it's zenith. They could no longer cover it up and so had to loose their misbegotten acolytes on to our society. 
Pray tell have you any news about this most unusual occurrence? Perhaps one of your irregulars might have some insight as they are well acquainted with the dregs of society where these poor unfortunates dwell. The Yard has called upon me to prepare for any new vile plans that this most despicable couple might be planning. I am most desirous of your council and advice.

Please give my best to your brother Mycroft who I now recall has moved to countryside of Yorkshire to work on his art and his continuing acts of charity. I know that he felt moving to the country would be salubrious and conducive to his health. I hope his work with young orphan boys will assuage his loneliness and allow him to live a fulfilling and happy existence. 

I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
November 12, 1898

Monday, May 10, 2021

The Eyes have it


So not only am I hurting by falling down and bashing my leg and my eye blew up!

I have a sty and I look like Chuck Wepner. Which I was very surprised when the young doctor in the Urgent Care knew who I was talking about.

Anyhoo it was itchy and painful but I got some medicine so it is under control.

It sucks getting old.

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Trooper York's word of the Day



  1. lack of equality or justice.
    "he protested at the unfairness of the tribunal's procedure"

Oh the Humanity

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

"Oh the Humanity"

"We are here in Madison Wisconsin on a rainy Easter Sunday. Many people are in church and others who have just finished two boxes full of wine last night have not stopped throwing up yet. Alcoholics always have trouble on holiday. The enormous gas bag is approaching the docking area as the usual group of fan boys and lickspittles applaud. 
It's starting to rain again; it's... the rain had (oh) slacked up a little bit. The back motors of the ship are just holding it (uh) just enough to keep it from...It's burst into flames!
Get this, Charlie; get this, Charlie! It's fire... and it's crashing! It's crashing terrible! Oh, my! Get out of the way, please! It's burning and bursting into flames and the... and it's falling on the mooring mast. And all the folks agree that this is terrible; this is the worst of the worst catastrophes in the world. Oh it's... [unintelligible] its flames... Crashing, oh! Four- or five-hundred feet into the sky and it... it's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. It's smoke, and it's in flames now; and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring mast. Oh, the humanity!
 And all the passengers screaming around here. Look they are running and screaming and lamenting what will they do without this gasbag.
I told you; it – I can't even talk to people, their friends are on there! Ah! It's... it... it's a... ah! I... I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen. Honest: it's just laying there, mass of smoking wreckage. Ah! And everybody can hardly breathe and talk and the screaming, lady, I... I... I'm sorry. Honest: I... I can hardly breathe. I... I'm going to step inside, where I cannot see it. Charlie, that's terrible. Ah, ah... I can't, I... Listen, folks; I... I'm gonna have to stop for a minute because I've lost my voice. 
This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed."

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Trooper York's Word of the Day


Schrö·ding·er's cat

/SHrōdiNGərz ˈkat,SHrā-/
  1. a cat imagined as being enclosed in a box with a radioactive source and a poison that will be released when the source (unpredictably) emits radiation, the cat being considered (according to quantum mechanics) to be simultaneously both dead and alive until the box is opened and the cat observed.
    "the talk promises to demystify all the secrets of quantum physics, including Schrödinger's cat, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, and parallel universe

Schroder's cat

Ann Romano's pussy

Cara Dune kicks ass


 Do youse guys know who Gina Carano is? She plays Cara Dune the tough no nonsense mercenary in the Mandalorian the Star Wars TV show that brought so many alienated fans back to the franchise. She is a former MMA fighter and is as tough as nails while still being a pretty hot chick. If you like chicks that can beat the shit out of you.

Anywho the soy boys and lesbian feminists in charge of Lucasfilms fired her for her conservative tweets. The last straw was when she said the Nazi's didn't start out killing the Jews they started by turning the population against them by using the media and the force of public opinion to make them the "Other." Sort of what the Fake News and the Democrat Socialist are doing to Trump supporters. They proved her point by dropping her form the series. Now there has been a campaign for a while to defenestrate her because of her other conservative tweets but she was protected the Jon Faveau who is a closet Republican but who I guess couldn't protect her anymore.

Gina is the real deal. I hope she can create a show using alternative media they way other conservative actors have been able to do. She is just too threatening to the liberals. A smart strong woman who has ideas of her own and doesn't buy into the conventional wisdom. They prefer to celebrate and employ rapist and child molesters who are the majority of the people in Hollywood. 

I  will be on the look out for you Gina. God Speed,

Panda Sex with Charles Bukowski


 at one stage in my life

I met a man who claimed to have
visited Pound at St. Elizabeth's.

then I met a woman who not only
claimed to have visited
but also to have made love
to him—she even showed
certain sections in the
where Ezra was supposed to have

so there was this man and
this woman
and the woman told me
that Pound had never
mentioned a visit from this
and the man claimed that the
lady had had nothing to do
with the
that she was a

and since I wasn't a
Poundian scholar
I didn't know who to
but one thing I do
know: when a man is
many claim relationships
that are hardly
and after he dies, well,
then it's everybody's

my guess is that Pound
knew neither the lady or the

or if he knew
or if he knew

it was a shameful waste of

Marilyn's Diary


Everyone in my family loved to read. We didn't own a television in those days so we had to find our own amusements instead of sitting in front of the boob tube all the time. So we would read. Sometimes one of us would read to the family. Usually fiction but every once in a while we would enjoy some non-fiction like "Frankenstein"  or "Dracula." In fact Grandpa knew Count Dracula from the old days back in the Old Country. He said the Bela Lugosi version was the best. He really captured Vlad. He was a snot.

We really valued books and reading. So when some jerks in the John Birch Society decided to burn some books Grandpa and Uncle Herman went down to set them straight. Grandpa sliced a couple of them up by biting them. Some of them on the neck. Some of them on other parts. Uncle Herman lumbered around and scared the shit out of them. They stopped that book burning in it's tracks. Because that's how it started. First book burning. Then the next thing you know they start going after the Jews. We couldn't stand by when that went on. First they come for the Jews. The next thing you know they will come for the vampires.

When they came home we were all overjoyed. They were our heroes. Of course they didn't have anything to do. We didn't have the boob tube.

So I let Uncle Herman stare at my boobs.

Then he would lick and suck them.

I loved my Uncle Herman.

The Summer of Boo Boo


We were always wary of the campers in the summer time. I mean they were a bunch of weirdoes and all. Who comes to the woods to live in a tent when you can go to the beach and sip Mai Tais? Still and all there were repeat visitors who had to come to upstate New York to go camping because they were too poor to go to the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore. At least there weren't a lot of Jews because they were all in the Catskills with Mrs. Masiel.  Mostly there were Italians and Irish and a few Pollacks.

In particular there was this one Italian family that were very scary. The father was a craggy faced sour puss who liked to lecture everyone. The mother was half a retard because all she did was waltz around all over the place like she was an Australian or something.

The worst were the two sons. One was a real dummy who pretended he was Roger Grimsby or something since he was always trying to interview you. Maybe somebody should take him fishing and not bring him back.  It was the older one who was very creepy. He kept bothering sister bear. He would tell her how big his hands were and asked if she would date ten year olds. 

Then he started touching her. On her bear skin so to speak. He was a creepy rapist

I always wondered what happened to him, I heard he went into politics.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Not at this time


John Glenn was a lousy politician but he did say one thing in his life that made sense. When they asked him how he felt about sitting in his rocket ship about to blast off he said: I felt exactly how you would feel if you were getting ready to launch and knew you were sitting on top of 2 million parts — all built by the lowest bidder."

So yesterday I get a call from my doctor to tell me he has the vaccine and I am eligible because of my age and my underlying condition. He asked if I wanted the shot. I said not at this time. He asked me why. I said "That shot is made by Johnson and Johnson. You know who owns Johnson and Johnson. The guy who owns the Jets. Why would I ever take a shot from the guy who owns the Jets?"

He couldn't disagree.

This shot is very dangerous. It killed Marvin Hagler. The guy got hit in the face for ninety rounds by angry moolies and didn't have a mark on him. One needle and he is dead.

Closer to home my 82 year old mother-in-law took the shot. Ten days later she had a mini stroke. Coincidence? I think not. We know a school teacher who took the shot and ten days later dropped dead. I bet there are thousands of cases like that which are being covered up by the media and the government. I don't know if I will ever be able to travel again if I don't get the shot but I am going to stick it out as long as I can.

When Mom was in the hospital they only allowed one visitor at a time. When it was my turn I told her a story about strokes. You see there were these three old ladies sitting on a bench at a park in Florida. A guy wearing a raincoat comes up and opens it up and he is naked and his pisca deal is hanging out. The first lady had a stroke. The second lady had a stroke. But the third lady didn't have a stroke. You know why?

Her arms were too short.

Sunday, December 20, 2020

Stop staring at my tits


"When you get to the cutoff.....cut off your Slawson."

"Oooh that sounds painful."

"Shut up and stick out your tits."

"Ok I can do that."

"Don't be a wiseass."

Thursday, June 18, 2020

Diamonds are a girls best friend


Toot’s Shor's Saloon, October  28, 1959 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: She’s in the back with some French faggot that she is making a movie with.  I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello. (Joe brushes by him without a word and walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? This is my friend Yves. He’s French. We made a movie together. Sit down and have a drink with us. (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a tuna fish sandwich left out in the sun)
Yves Montand: Bonjour Mr. Dimaggio. (Yves sticks out his hand and Joe looks at it. He ignores it like it was a dead fish. Humiliated the Frenchmen sits down and pulls out a cigarette)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? Yves and me have been having sex Joe. Lots of sex. You know he even knocked me up. That’s right. He got me pregnant. You couldn’t do that with your useless guinea needle dick.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: You can’t say that keed. Whaz da matta with you. You want Joe to pulverize this frenchy? (Yves Montard is not following the conversation too well. He just know the energy is bad. So he makes like a mime)
Marilyn: Shut up Toots. Joe needs to know what a useless fuck he is. Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. Joe divorced me because I couldn’t give him a baby. And that I fucked everyone. But that wasn’t my fault. That was how you get a job in Hollywood.
Joe DiMaggio:
oots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear this shit. You life is your life but he don't wanna hear this. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? Yves treats me right. He loves me Joe. Not like you. Even though I lost the baby he still comes around. Not like you you guinea fuck.
(Yves get more and more perturbed as Marilyn gets more excited. He puts his hand on her leg and she swats it away. Joe looks at that and his eyes narrow. Yves starts to sweat like there were Germans in the room)
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you? You believe me when I tell you that you were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow. I fucked them all. I sucked them all.  But only Yves could give me a baby. YOU COULDN'T DO THAT COULD YOU?  WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed as she continually queefs out to the tune of La Mareillaise)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse grabs Yves hand and they storm out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Frankie Carbo on the blower. Right now.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. That fanoik is a big deal actor. You can’t touch him.

Marilyn's Diary

My Aunt Lily couldn't understand why Uncle Herman didn't want to bang her anymore. They had been having hot monster sex for over five hundred years. But lately he had not been interested anymore.

She tried everything. Wearing hot costumes and rubbing his privates under the table.Thrusting her huge titties in his face all the time. At dinner. Breakfast. When he was on the toilet. It just wasn't working.

You see Uncle Herman was getting plenty of poon tang. From me.

He would sneak up to my room and rub my nubile teenage body with his tongue. All night long.

I loved my Uncle Herman.

Defund the NFL

All of us have our own hobbyhorses. You know that issue that really gets you up in arms. For many moolies it is police brutality. For some woman it is sexual harassment in the Me Too style as long as it doesn't affect people who have the same politics.

For me it is the Anti-Americanism of the NFL.

We had a perfect example of the cowardice and the abrogation of American values in the recent Drew Breeze fiasco. He sent out an innocuous tweet that said that all lives matters. The virtue signalling and the social justice police came down on him and punked out like a little bitch.

Watch Joe Namath get creamed.

That's what football used to be about. Players on the field. Men were men and stood by their opinions. Their flag. Their country. They didn't surrender to the politically correct mob. 

Here is head poofter Roger Goodell abandoning a large segment of his fan base:

“We, the National Football League, condemn racism and the systematic oppression of black people,” Goodell continued. “We, the National Football League, admit we were wrong for not listening to NFL players earlier and encourage all to speak out and peacefully protest. We, the National Football League, believe Black Lives Matter. I personally protest with you and want to be part of the much-needed change in this country.”

I have given up on the NFL ever since the kneeling for the National Anthem began. I had been a fan for fifty years but I walked away. I urge all patriotic Americans to follow suit and leave this anti american league made up of felons and racial activists to stew in their own juices.

Defund the NFL.

Defund Cop Shows

The hysteria over Black Lives Matter has become almost as bad as the one with the Satanic Child Molesters. Remember that one. This is on a pace to be twice as bad.

The TV show Cops has been cancelled after thirty years. The hard core cop haters have demanded that the Networks cancel all the cop shows on TV. Or streaming. Which is fine by me. They don't have anything that can hold a candle to Adam 12. Or Dragnet. They can cancel all of them and I wouldn't give a shit.

Here is a list of the Top Ten Worst Cop shows on TV. Only because there are no good shows. Listed in order of suckitude..


This show is as old as my fucking socks and my socks are old as fuck. It was a spin off from JAG the Army Lawyer show based on Lindsey Graham getting raped in the Army. Starring Mark Harmon and this Pauley Person who quit or got fired after twenty years when his dogs kept trying to eat her on the way to craft services. I watched the first couple of seasons but I lost interest. Still it is on somewhere 24 hours a day.

9  Vera

This is an English show that my mother in law is obsessed with. It stars an old bag who solves crimes like Sherlock Holmes. It is actually a Holmes rip off as most English shows are. Either Holmes or Agatha Christie. Super smart detective with youngsters who run around and get all the details done. Of course they don't show the realities of England. No bitter packies or radical Muslims. No politically correct assholes who protest enforcing the laws. Good if you have trouble sleeping.

8. 911

Sort of a hybrid show it combines the fire department and the cops and the 911 operators in various shenanigans. The really disturbing part is the main couple which they of course have to make interracial who fall in love because the black husband of Angela Basset turns out to be gay. As politically correct as you might suspect. I had hopes of some entertainment when I heard Jennifer Love Hewitt was in it but she doesn't show her tits. The fire captain who used to be on the funeral parlor show on HBO had more chemistry with the corpses. Give it a Pasadena.

7.   Law and Order STD and all the Law and order bullshit shows.

This piece of shit show is part of the Dick Wolf franchise and has been on for fifty years. Starring Jayne Mansfield daughter and a bunch of rotating morons. Every episode is torn from the headlines. As long as the villain is Catholic priest or a businessman or some other white guy. Total liberal pap and unwatchable except by the morons with the brain cells of an amoeba who eat this shit up.

6. FBI Most Wanted

Another Dick Wolf show which stars the douche guy who was in Nip and Tuck and played Dr Doom. He leads a group of misfit toys who go after the criminal of the week who is always a white supremacist and never a Muslim terrorist or a gang banger. It is pretty stupid. They never show them wiretapping the campaigns of Republicans which is the first duty of the FBI. With an Indian sharpshooter who is much more believable as the veterinarian in Heartland. Give it a miss.

5. LA Finest

A buddy cop show with two hot chicks. Jessica Alba and her tits and some black girl. They run around beating up suspects and throwing around 300 guys because they are those special ninja chicks that can be superstar fighters and never break a nail. I don't know how they can stay on TV the way they beat up suspects. On its way to cancellation by virtue signaller.

4. FBI

The original FBI show by Dick Wolf it stars a Muslim FBI agent who arrests white guys who cause all the crimes and are the only terrorists in the United States. Also an Irish broad who got knocked up so she had to take a leave of absence from the show. Watch this show so you can learn how white supremacists are behind all the crime and terrorism and all Muslims are innocent and in danger of being killed by the KKK who control the world. A big big crock of shit.

3. Blue Bloods

This is the show they always point to as a "conservative show" as it shows an Irish Catholic family with Tom Selleck as the police commissioner and a boy band reject as his loose cannon detective and some Irish model who was Tom Brady's baby mamma as a lawyer. It is another white person criminal of the week show and it is really a disgrace on how it perverts Catholicism and the culture of the other boroughs. It infuriates me as I know these people and they are nothing like what they show on TV.

2. Chicago PD

Just about the worst cop show on TV. The cops act like criminals and tune up suspects every week when they are not killing them. Another Dick Wolf show they show what Hollywood thinks of cops. They are criminals and murderers. I don't see how this show can come back to TV. It is not doing anybody any good. Once again white supremacists are normally the criminals. This show is a cancer.

1. The Rookie

Believe it or not it is the best cop show on TV. It is a lot like Adam 12/ It is based in LA and has the crime of the week. Some convoluted plots but still the relationships ring true. They have a gay cop and they don't make a big thing about it. They have blacks and whites working together without all the angst you get in other cop shows. It is mindless entertainment. Best of all even the toughest cop is a straight shooter who doesn't tune up the suspects. It is just about the only cop show on TV today that I can sort of recommend.