Diamonds are a girls best friend

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Toot’s Shor's Saloon, October  28, 1959 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: She’s in the back with some French faggot that she is making a movie with.  I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello. (Joe brushes by him without a word and walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? This is my friend Yves. He’s French. We made a movie together. Sit down and have a drink with us. (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a tuna fish sandwich left out in the sun)

Yves Montand: Bonjour Mr. Dimaggio. (Yves sticks out his hand and Joe looks at it. He ignores it like it was a dead fish. Humiliated the Frenchmen sits down and pulls out a cigarette)

Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? Yves and me have been having sex Joe. Lots of sex. You know he even knocked me up. That’s right. He got me pregnant. You couldn’t do that with your useless guinea needle dick.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: You can’t say that keed. Whaz da matta with you. You want Joe to pulverize this frenchy? (Yves Montard is not following the conversation too well. He just know the energy is bad. So he makes like a mime)
Marilyn: Shut up Toots. Joe needs to know what a useless fuck he is. Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. Joe divorced me because I couldn’t give him a baby. And that I fucked everyone. But that wasn’t my fault. That was how you get a job in Hollywood.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear this shit. You life is your life but he don't wanna hear this. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? Yves treats me right. He loves me Joe. Not like you. Even though I lost the baby he still comes around. Not like you you guinea fuck.

(Yves get more and more perturbed as Marilyn gets more excited. He puts his hand on her leg and she swats it away. Joe looks at that and his eyes narrow. Yves starts to sweat like there were Germans in the room)
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you? You believe me when I tell you that you were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow. I fucked them all. I sucked them all.  But only Yves could give me a baby. YOU COULDN'T DO THAT COULD YOU?  WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed as she continually queefs out to the tune of La Mareillaise)

Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse grabs Yves hand and they storm out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Frankie Carbo on the blower. Right now.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. That fanoik is a big deal actor. You can’t touch him.

 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

Marilyn's Diary

My Aunt Lily couldn't understand why Uncle Herman didn't want to bang her anymore. They had been having hot monster sex for over five hundred years. But lately he had not been interested anymore.

She tried everything. Wearing hot costumes and rubbing his privates under the table.Thrusting her huge titties in his face all the time. At dinner. Breakfast. When he was on the toilet. It just wasn't working.

You see Uncle Herman was getting plenty of poon tang. From me.

He would sneak up to my room and rub my nubile teenage body with his tongue. All night long.

I loved my Uncle Herman.

Defund the NFL

All of us have our own hobbyhorses. You know that issue that really gets you up in arms. For many moolies it is police brutality. For some woman it is sexual harassment in the Me Too style as long as it doesn't affect people who have the same politics.

For me it is the Anti-Americanism of the NFL.

We had a perfect example of the cowardice and the abrogation of American values in the recent Drew Breeze fiasco. He sent out an innocuous tweet that said that all lives matters. The virtue signalling and the social justice police came down on him and punked out like a little bitch.

Watch Joe Namath get creamed.

That's what football used to be about. Players on the field. Men were men and stood by their opinions. Their flag. Their country. They didn't surrender to the politically correct mob. 

Here is head poofter Roger Goodell abandoning a large segment of his fan base:

“We, the National Football League, condemn racism and the systematic oppression of black people,” Goodell continued. “We, the National Football League, admit we were wrong for not listening to NFL players earlier and encourage all to speak out and peacefully protest. We, the National Football League, believe Black Lives Matter. I personally protest with you and want to be part of the much-needed change in this country.”

I have given up on the NFL ever since the kneeling for the National Anthem began. I had been a fan for fifty years but I walked away. I urge all patriotic Americans to follow suit and leave this anti american league made up of felons and racial activists to stew in their own juices.

Defund the NFL.

Defund Cop Shows

The hysteria over Black Lives Matter has become almost as bad as the one with the Satanic Child Molesters. Remember that one. This is on a pace to be twice as bad.

The TV show Cops has been cancelled after thirty years. The hard core cop haters have demanded that the Networks cancel all the cop shows on TV. Or streaming. Which is fine by me. They don't have anything that can hold a candle to Adam 12. Or Dragnet. They can cancel all of them and I wouldn't give a shit.

Here is a list of the Top Ten Worst Cop shows on TV. Only because there are no good shows. Listed in order of suckitude..

10 NCIS

This show is as old as my fucking socks and my socks are old as fuck. It was a spin off from JAG the Army Lawyer show based on Lindsey Graham getting raped in the Army. Starring Mark Harmon and this Pauley Person who quit or got fired after twenty years when his dogs kept trying to eat her on the way to craft services. I watched the first couple of seasons but I lost interest. Still it is on somewhere 24 hours a day.

9  Vera

This is an English show that my mother in law is obsessed with. It stars an old bag who solves crimes like Sherlock Holmes. It is actually a Holmes rip off as most English shows are. Either Holmes or Agatha Christie. Super smart detective with youngsters who run around and get all the details done. Of course they don't show the realities of England. No bitter packies or radical Muslims. No politically correct assholes who protest enforcing the laws. Good if you have trouble sleeping.


8. 911

Sort of a hybrid show it combines the fire department and the cops and the 911 operators in various shenanigans. The really disturbing part is the main couple which they of course have to make interracial who fall in love because the black husband of Angela Basset turns out to be gay. As politically correct as you might suspect. I had hopes of some entertainment when I heard Jennifer Love Hewitt was in it but she doesn't show her tits. The fire captain who used to be on the funeral parlor show on HBO had more chemistry with the corpses. Give it a Pasadena.

7.   Law and Order STD and all the Law and order bullshit shows.

This piece of shit show is part of the Dick Wolf franchise and has been on for fifty years. Starring Jayne Mansfield daughter and a bunch of rotating morons. Every episode is torn from the headlines. As long as the villain is Catholic priest or a businessman or some other white guy. Total liberal pap and unwatchable except by the morons with the brain cells of an amoeba who eat this shit up.

6. FBI Most Wanted

Another Dick Wolf show which stars the douche guy who was in Nip and Tuck and played Dr Doom. He leads a group of misfit toys who go after the criminal of the week who is always a white supremacist and never a Muslim terrorist or a gang banger. It is pretty stupid. They never show them wiretapping the campaigns of Republicans which is the first duty of the FBI. With an Indian sharpshooter who is much more believable as the veterinarian in Heartland. Give it a miss.

5. LA Finest

A buddy cop show with two hot chicks. Jessica Alba and her tits and some black girl. They run around beating up suspects and throwing around 300 guys because they are those special ninja chicks that can be superstar fighters and never break a nail. I don't know how they can stay on TV the way they beat up suspects. On its way to cancellation by virtue signaller.

4. FBI

The original FBI show by Dick Wolf it stars a Muslim FBI agent who arrests white guys who cause all the crimes and are the only terrorists in the United States. Also an Irish broad who got knocked up so she had to take a leave of absence from the show. Watch this show so you can learn how white supremacists are behind all the crime and terrorism and all Muslims are innocent and in danger of being killed by the KKK who control the world. A big big crock of shit.

3. Blue Bloods

This is the show they always point to as a "conservative show" as it shows an Irish Catholic family with Tom Selleck as the police commissioner and a boy band reject as his loose cannon detective and some Irish model who was Tom Brady's baby mamma as a lawyer. It is another white person criminal of the week show and it is really a disgrace on how it perverts Catholicism and the culture of the other boroughs. It infuriates me as I know these people and they are nothing like what they show on TV.

2. Chicago PD

Just about the worst cop show on TV. The cops act like criminals and tune up suspects every week when they are not killing them. Another Dick Wolf show they show what Hollywood thinks of cops. They are criminals and murderers. I don't see how this show can come back to TV. It is not doing anybody any good. Once again white supremacists are normally the criminals. This show is a cancer.

1. The Rookie

Believe it or not it is the best cop show on TV. It is a lot like Adam 12/ It is based in LA and has the crime of the week. Some convoluted plots but still the relationships ring true. They have a gay cop and they don't make a big thing about it. They have blacks and whites working together without all the angst you get in other cop shows. It is mindless entertainment. Best of all even the toughest cop is a straight shooter who doesn't tune up the suspects. It is just about the only cop show on TV today that I can sort of recommend.

Marilyn's Diary

My Uncle Herman was way ahead of his time. He was the first person I knew who did drugs. Who even liked to give himself a heart attack and have me give him an adrenaline shot to get his heart moving. Who organized orgies. What really surprised me was that he was sexually fluid.

You see he a detachable penis. He was made up of over 1000 separate parts. Sometimes he would take off his penis and put it in my bedside table. He would dress up like a girl and rub his mangina. When he felt like that we would have wild lesbian sex. It was incredible.

He would rub my kitty into a pulp. And that was not fiction.

I loved my Uncle Herman. Even when he was my Aunt.