RIP Al Kaline

AL Kaline just passed away. A great player. A good man. A gentlemen.

I always really respected him. I wished he would have been a Yankee. He would have been a great Yankee. I can't think of higher praise for him.

RIP Al.

The Sixto Sense

"Sixto is not happy with the besibol.".
"Sixto really doesn't like Milwaukee. Wisconsin is no muy bueno. Only crazy blond lady who takes pictures of drains and some guy named after a garage. Is not me favorite place."
"I have the new idea. A musical group. We can get funny hats and sing about places where the men congregate. The Navy. The YMCA. The lockerroom."
"It takes a village for these people."

Memories.....Misty water-colored memories of the way we were!

 I used to love Bat Day. Remember those? That was when you went to Yankee stadium and they actually gave you a bat. It was inscribed with the name of one of the players. The first one I ever got was an Elston Howard bat in 1965. That was a real bat. It was heavy. To heavy for a young Trooper York to use in the softball games we used to play in Carroll Park or Red Hook field, You see we used to go to the park with a team made up of kids from the block. We would bring our gloves and bats and a couple of clinchers and get into a game. Sometimes it was almost a tournament. You kept the field if you won. It was usually a triple header. 

I always would bring my Jim Lyttle bat that I got in 1970. It was perfect. It wasn't too heavy and I could whip it around like a wiffle ball bat which is what I had the most practice using. I loved that bat.

Jim Lyttle was an outfielder who had a cup of coffee with the Yankees for a couple of years. He hit 310 in 1970 in a limited role. Those were the Horace Clarke Yankees and it was a punishment from God on Yankee fans because Nuns were leaving the convent and they had the Mass in English. So we had to suck it up and take it like a man. I always followed his career when he bounced around the big leagues and later spent many years in Japan. I would check out the box score in the Sporting News to see how he was doing, Hey that's something nobody does anymore, It is all on the internet,

Jim Lyttle was one of the marginal Yankees that I always rooted for as a fan. I wasn't so much for the big stars like Bobby Murcer or Don Mattingly or even Jeter for that matter. I always rooted the most for the guy who was hanging on. Scrappy get in your face types. Jim Lyttle. Johnnie Ellis, Jim Mason. Steve Kline. Rusty Torrez. Jake Gibbs. Bobby Meachum. David Wells. Those were my peeps.

They don't do Bat Day anymore because I think they are afraid the people with hit each other over the head or something. Another wonderful thing from my childhood like full size Ring Dings and all white neighborhoods that are gone forever.

Still and all I will continue to root for my team. I hope youse guys root for yours. I know Lem will be rooting for his beloved Red Sox. I think he is rooting for them to get a good tan as they are on vacation.

Because as we all know. Boston sucks.

Baseball has a big problem.

The game played in an empty staduim by the Orioles and the White Sox is going to be just the first among many. The fact that many stadiums are in the inner city and most of the fans are white is an explosive situation. Why should a suburban Dad bring his wife and kids to a venue where savages will attack him in the street. Break into his car and try to harm his family. They are not going to do it.

Why would a business pay top dollar to send clients to a venue where they will get beat up and robbed? Or even have to deal with protesters screaming and throwing stuff at them. They can just as easily take them to play golf or something.

MLB needs to lay down the law and either provide private security or the National Guard to protec the fans. Or it is all over. 

I expect the Orioles attendance to drop by about 50% for the rest of the year. 

True Yankees

Yankee fans have a dividing line when we talk about players. It is if you are considered a "True Yankee." A real representative of the team who buys into the teams concept and traditions. It's culture if you  will.

A True Yankee usually came up from the farm system but that is not always the case. Some people are easy. Jeter. Pettite. Mariano. Posada. Bernie Williams. Thuman. Whitey. Yogi. The Mick. Joe D.

Others earned it. Paul O'Neil. Babe Ruth. Reggie. David Wells. Don Larsen.

Some people will never be True Yankee no matter how long they are on the team or how good they play. Roger Clemens. Wade Boggs. A-Rod. They are interlopers.

I am not all that familiar with the two teams playing in the series tonight. At least the current compilation. I don't pay attention to the National League and I haven't followed KC because we so seldom play them. So I don't know who is the "True Giant" or "True Royal." Who is the guy who personifies the team. I guess it is the catcher on the Giants. But I am not sure. I would love to hear from fans of those teams. It makes it easier to figure out who to root for. Because to be honest I have very little interest in this series.

Congratulations to Nick on his KC Royals kicking ass in the playoffs.

As a Yankee fan I have very fond memories of the Royals even though they cheated in the pine tar game.

I will be rooting for them throughout the playoffs.

LET'S GO ROYAL'S

Today is one of the best days of the Year

It's Old Timers day at Yankee Stadium.

I remember when I was a kid and all of the Old-Timers were guys who played with Babe Ruth and Lou Gerhrig and Joe DiMaggio. The last guy announced was always Joe. He was a bit of a pussy. He wouldn't come if he wasn't the last one announced as the "Greatest Living Yankee." When Steinbrenner had Billy Martin come out and be announced as the new manager when he got fired.....well Joltin Joe was really pissed off. If he hadn't loved Billy he never would have come back.

All through the years it was guys like Joe and Mickey and Yogi and Whitey Ford and Elston Howard. Then you had the seventies guys like Guidry and Murcer and Roy White and Jake Gibbs. Now it is all the Ninties guys like Tino and Paul O'Neil and Bernie Williams. This year it was the first time for Johnny Damon and Matsui. Holy Cow! Those guys are Old timers now.

I remember one of the highlights was when they recognized the wives of the fallen heros. It was always an emotional moment when they announced the appearance of Mrs. Babe Ruth and Mrs. Lou Gehrig. (Can you guess which is which)

Now we have a lot more lengedary Yankees who have left us too soon. Mrs. Thurman Munson. Mrs. Billy Martin. Mrs. Catfish Hunter. Mrs. Bobby Murcer. They were all there. When they play the Thurman Munson tribute video there is not a dry eye in the house.

I remember all the years I used to go to Old timers games. I was never one for authographes but it was great to see the old timers come out and run around like they were kids. I don't go to the game much anymore. It costs way too much and I have the store and I am too busy. You see I am an Old Timer now. Going to the game takes too much out of me. But I remember it on days like today.

It's great to be a Yankee fan.

Tradition.

Padre Pio

Tony Gwynn has passed from cancer at an all too young age.

He was a great player and an even better player. As a hardcore Yankee fan there are very few people I think of with total respect and admiration but he was one of the few. Like Kirby Puckett and Robin Yount and Cal Ripken he was a true representative of his team. He was an honorable man. A great player. A winner. Someone who was a true role model.

One of my favorite jokes of all time was when we were all making fun of Joe Biden and the fact that he was not a "Real Catholic." We said stuff like "Joe Biden eats meat on Fridays." But my favorite joke was "Joe Biden thinks Padre Pio is when Tony Gwynn takes a leak in the outfield."

He will be missed. May he rest in peace.

Why has our country become so pussified?

I mean everyone is losing their shit about Pineda using a little pine tar. What the fuck? Whitey Ford and Gaylord Perry put more spit on the ball than the Occupy Wall Street Assholes spit on the cops. It's not the end of the world. You have to take your best advantage to win the game. Yogi used to sharpen his shin guard buckle and would rub the ball and cut it up for Whitey to throw the screwgie. I mean Whitey could make the ball dip if the label was stamped crooked.

Cut the crap pussies. There is no room for pussies in baseball.

Matsui Mania

There used to be a bar next to the one that the wife managed that had this promotion called Matsui Mania. There were two Matsui's in New York baseball at the time. The great Hideki Matsui of the New York Yankees and the hapless Kazuo Matsui who played second base for the worthless New York Mets. Well anytime one of the Matsui's hit a home run everyone in the bar got a free drink! So the Yankees Matsui was a hell of a lot more popular. At least with the drunks on Eight Avenue.

I had to do something to impress the Japs about my multicultural bona fides. So I went to my Bobble Head collection at home and brought my Hideki Matsui Bobble Head to the store and put it in a prominent location where they could see it. They were suitably impressed.

Of course I had to hide the giant stuffed Godzilla doll I had that I used to throw at Mayumi when she worked for me and fucked something up.

You can't win them all.

Hall of Fame Ballot 2014

The Baseball Hall of Fame ballot is out and it is time to vote. You can pick ten people at most or none if you are so inclined. So here is my vote based on order of value so to speak

Barry Bonds. Yeah I know. He's a juicer. So what. I mean Scarlet Johansen has implants but you would still fuck her. The numbers don't lie.

Roger Clemens. Much as I hate him you can't fight with the numbers. I mean the guys in the 1920's didn't play against black guys or have night games or a bunch of different shit. It is the numbers in the era you are in that count.

Greg Maddux. Best pitcher of his era bar none. Douchebag because he wouldn't come to the Yankees but I can over look that.

Tom Glavine. Just because he will not wear a Mets hat and that will piss them off.

Mike Piazza because you should have a gay guy so the Evil Blogger Lady won't scream and sue you or something.

Frank Thomas because he started the Wendy's Hamburger chain.

Tim Raines because he played for the Yanks for a while and the Expo's need a couple of guys in the Hall.

Craig Biggio because he is Italian. And a drug addict. And a Houston Astro. Oh yeah. Plus 3000 hits.

Jack Morris because when the game is on the line he is one of the guys I would pick to give the ball too because he is a winner.

Curt Schilling. Yeah I know. He beat the Yankees. With the Diamond Backs. And the fucking Red Sox. But he is a winner.

Mike Mussina. Because I get one Yankee pick. Fuck you.

Joltin' Joe a lonely nations turns it's eyes away from you!

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The Captain is on his way back!

Derek Jeter is starting his rehab stint at Triple A tonight. A-Rod started yesterday in Single A.

Just goes to show ya.

In any event he should be up at the show in a couple of weeks. Then we can start to see if he can continue or if it is time to hang the up. I don't Jeter will play if he can't produce at or near the top of his game. He is not like that.

A-Rod on the other hand will hang on until they throw dirt in his face because he has nothing else.

Dear Mrs Steve Phillips

Dear Mrs Steve Phillips

It has been a while since I wrote to you but you keep hanging up when I call the house. I mean I know it is an unlisted number but I was able to get it very easily from another girl Steve had boincked. Steve had boincked a bunch of girls you know. He still is. The check out girl at Walbaums. Your manicurist. His mothers home care attendant. Everybody except you bitch.

Anyhoo I want to see if Steve wants to go with me to the All Star game at Citifield. I know the Mets don't let him in unless he buys a ticket but I got some freebees. You see I have some massage clients up in Massachuets where I live now. I do a lot of the Patriots. Bill Belechick loves his manicures. And his massages. And his Cleveland Steamers. So I have doing a bunch of them so to speak and somehow I got Aaron Hernandez won't be using his tickets. He loved when I massaged his eyeball with my nipples. So Steve and I can check out the game together like we used to do back in the day at ESPN. I even saved the Met stuff he gave me from the lost and found at the stadium.

I even have an old Mr Met's head that I can wear while we have butt sex in the parking lot in my Acura. Just like old times.

I want you to remind the kids to watch out who they link to on Pinterest. They really shouldn't suscribe to my site. Unless they want to see photo's of their Dad's weiner. And Weiner's weiner. I have a whole gallery. Now I admit that Pete Gaamons weiner is interesting because it looks like a tiny white worm in the bottom of a tequila bottle. But take it from me. You shouldn't try to swallow that either.

Please be sure to look both ways when you walk to the car after you get your nails done at A-1 Number Nail parlor. Especailly if you see a dusty brown Acura with a broken windshield.

And a dirty Mr Met head in the back seat.

Toodles,

Your Pal,

Brooke.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

It has been a while since I last wrote to you but I don't want you to think I forgot about you. Cunt.

My life has been very difficult the past year. Ever since I lost the job at the massage parlor because my best trick AL was in the news I have to sleep in my Acura. You know the same Acura I had sex with your husband in. THREE TIMES! I wasn't just a casual fling like that secretary in the Met's spring training that sued him or Ann Curry. I was special! Steve always told me that not anyone could wear the Mr Met's head and give head like I could.

When Petey Gaamons threw me out of the assisted living facility I only had my massage skills to fall back on and now I have a new gig. I am working children's parties as a clown. I dress up as Susie Sparkles and do tricks and stuff. I also do bachelor parties and dress up like a bunny and turn tricks. A girl has to do what a girl has to do.

Anyways I hear that you and Stevie have fallen on hard times. His book was a flop and nobody will hire him to talk about baseball. He flunked out of sex rehab and had to move back into your basement. I have been thinking about relocating to the East Coast and I had an idea.

We can all get married. Or in your case remarried. Then we can sue to have the government recognize us as a couple. Or a triple. Or something. I mean if the homos can do it we can make some money off it too!

We can even get a reality show out of it. It has everything. Sex. Marriage. Infidelity. Violence. Bigamy. Polgyamy. Pygmies.  Well you are really short so we can pretend. I am sure we can sell it to TLC. I once fleched the producer of "Honey Boo Boo" so I have an in. So talk to Steve about. He can't sit in pjamas and masturbate to old "Facts of Life" reruns all the time.

So lets talk. Oh I would tell your kids to watch out who they friend on their Instagram. They might like all those photos of a shaved chucky but they don't know it is from. And tell them to look both ways when they cross the street.

You too. Especailly if you see a brown Acura with a busted back window.

Toodles,
Your friend and future sister wife,
Brooke.

Hey who knew that Titus owns the Red Sox!

 Francona rips Red Sox owners in book

NEW YORK (AP)

Theo Epstein traded for Adrian Gonzalez and signed Carl Crawford following pressure from Boston Red Sox owners to build a ''sexy team,'' according to a book co-authored by former Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona.

Epstein, who left as general manager after the 2011 season to become a Chicago Cubs executive, said Boston owner John Henry, chairman Tom Werner and president Larry Lucchino made the team's image a priority, according to excerpts released Tuesday by Sports Illustrated.

''Francona: The Red Sox Years'' is co-written by the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy and is scheduled for publication by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt on Jan. 22.

''They told us we didn't have any marketable players, that we needed some sizzle,'' Epstein is quoted as saying. ''We need some sexy guys. Talk about the tail wagging the dog. This is like an absurdest comedy. We'd become too big. It was the farthest thing removed from what we set out to be.

"The owners said we had to get players who appealed to women and gays because that was their fan base" said the former Boston GM. "Thank God I only have fat drunken white guys to please these days with Cubs. They are much easier to deal with. Since they are losers they can identify with losers. That's what being a Cubs fan is all about."

It looks like the Rocket didn't make it!

Thank the Sweet Baby Jebus that Rodger Clemens and Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa didn't make it into the Hall of Fame today.

The only thing worse then Rodger Clemens making the Hall is if he wanted to wear a Yankee hat on his monument.

Other Steroid freaks Bonds and Sosa missed out as did mediocre pitcher Jack Morris and noted homosexual Mike Piazza. It seems nobody is going in this year except old-timers from the veterans committee.

Strangely enough they elected Colonel Jake Ruppert who was the great owner of the Yankees when they got Babe Ruth. Look how long they took to put him in the Hall. At this rate it will take another 100 years before George Steinbrenner gets his rightful place in the Hall.

(By the way the photo is of Rodger and his wife after they shot steroids in their butts for the Sports Illustrated husband and wives issue. Piazza also got a shot in the butt but it was from Rusty Staub and they couldn't put that in the magazine at the time. Bigots!)

The Sixto Sense

"Look. I am a pirate."
"Not like when I was with Milwaukee. Then I was a Brewer. I was concerned with hops. And barley."
"Now I am a pirate. Arrrgh my hearty. Just like the Russell Martin."
"Russell es tu un Pirateo. I no comprende since he still could have been a Yanqui. Why be  a pirateo when you could be un Yanqui."
"It makes no sense."
"Now you can shiver my timber."

Big Red Sox trade today....

They traded Ted Williams frozen head and a can of tuna for a quart of Magic Johnson's Aid's infected sperm.

It was an even trade.

Best of luck to both teams.

There's no crying in baseball....

"I hear the Yankees got a new player...."
"Yeah I think from Japan..."
 "Wait I hope it is who I think it is..."
 "It's Ichiro."
 "Really....shit....nevermind."