Hey the Shirts are in!

Well half of them anyway.

I ordered my usual complement of Hawaiian shirts to wear this summer. I get them direct from Hawaii. They are 100% cotton and fit great and are perfect for a hot summer.

I got one with turtles that the wife really hates.

I have to be sure to wear it in plenty of photo's this summer.

How did I turn into a hot Asian Chick?

And why can't we do that with all the old shows?

Hey there is a dress code!

So we just got the info about the promotional commercial we are going to shoot. It will be with all the big stars of the network. That is pretty cool considering the fact that we haven't shot one frame of the show yet. So they must have a lot of confidence that our show is gonna be pretty good.

We get a driver and hair and make-up. Cool. I hate to put my makeup on by myself. WTF?

Anyhoo they tell us "No wild patterns or logo tees or sports apparell with a team name on it." I mean shit when you take away my Hawaiian shirts, Yankee t-shirts and Giant's replica jersey's I don't have a fucking thing to wear.

I am going to Men's Warehouse to buy one of those fuckin' white dinner jackets that James Bond wears. That will show them.

"That's it.....enough"

"THAT'S IT. STOP FOLLOWING ME. DON'T MAKE ME USE THE KOREAN CAMEL TOE ON YOU BUSTER!"

"Why doen't anyone want to see me in a bikini?'

"Why doesn't anyone want to see me in a bikini?"
"You are the wrong Kono dude."
"Oh."

"Maybe this will get him to back off"

"Maybe this will get him to back off."
"What's that Kono?"
"It's an ancient oriental martial art."
"What is it called?"
"Korean Camel Toe."

'Why is that chicken following us Kono?"

"Why is that chicken following us Kono?"
"I don't know honey. Let's stick our tongue out at him."
"Look Kono he is coming this way."
"Hurry up and finish dear we have to get out of here."

"Hey Kono looking good""

"Hey Kono looking good."
"Thanks Kamekona. Say is that chicken guy still behind me."
"Nah I think he left cousin. But I have bad news for you."
"What's that cousin?"
"You might see an even fatter guy than me without his shirt on. Trooper York is going to the Hampton's."
"Damn! Good thing they ain't coming back to Hawaii anytime soon. I was there when he did a cannonball into the pool at the Hilton Hawaiian village. It set off the tsunami alert siren."

"Seriously Steve?"

"Seriously Steve. This is getting old. Every day I have to come to work in a bikini and Dan-O gets to wear whatever he wants. How is that fair?"
"I don't know what to tell you. That's just the way it is. Oh and Kono?"
"Yes."
"The weird chicken dude is still following you. And he is wearing a snorkel. What's up with that?"

On your toes you crazy dame!

"On your toes you crazy dame!"
"Don't worry darling I am always on me toes. I love to be on point as it were. Especially now"
"Why now?"
"Well you do have your finger up my ass."

Hey that's why they call it a lei!

"Welcome to Hawaii."
"Why thanks Jack. But why are you greeting us when get to the hotel."
"Well everyone who stays at the Wakiki Hilton gets a complimentary three way with a member of Hawaii Five-O."
"Really my travel agent never said anything about that."
"You have to read the fine print when you book em. So to speak."
"Mahlo."

I want to live there!

"What are we looking at Steve?"
"It's a new report that says the best place for men to live is Madison Wisconsin."
"Really, not Hawaii?'
"Yes. I guess there are a lot of hot girls in bikini's running around Wisconsin."
"Really you really think so?"
"Well no. But on the other hand there aren't a lot of zipperheads. No offense Chin Ho."
"No problem chief. This is still the sixties. We don't get to say shit yet."

Love you Long Time

"So do you come here often?"
"Every so often GI-Joe."
"I am not GI-Joe, I am Steve Five-O"
"Me love you long time."
"Sounds good to me. Just one thing."
"Whaz that GI Joe?"
"Don't touch my hair."

Book 'em Dan-O!

For the bachelor party. These hippie chicks are freaks.

Say you are a hoot baby.

"Say you are a hoot baby."

"Thank you Steve. I think you are pretty cool."

"Yeah I think so. My grandkids are really gonna get a kick out of the fact I banged Eva Longeria's grandmother."

"Hey my eyes are up here McGarret."

Unbook him Danno!

Det. Chin Ho Kelly: Hello, Five O base come in.
Det. Steve McGarret What is it Chin Ho?
Det. Chin Ho Kelly: I think I am in trouble boss.
Det. Steve McGarret Why what happened?
Det. Chin Ho Kelly: Well I have been banging this hippie chick from Kansas and now she’s knocked up. Her husband is some African guy who ran out on her and she needed company. Now she says I am the father.
Det. Steve McGarret Well are you?
Det. Chin Ho Kelly: Who knows, everybody’s been banging her.
Det. Steve McGarret Don’t sweat it Chin Ho. I know somebody in the Birth Certificate department. I will get you off the hook. Un book him Danno!
Det. Danny Williams Right boss. I just hope this doesn’t come back to haunt us and cause any trouble.
Det. Steve McGarret Come on Danno. Who is gonna care about a birth certificate for crying out loud.