It's a small world after all

When we went to make the commercials for TLC a couple of months age we met some of the other people who had shows. TLC is bringing out a bunch of new shows. Not all of them made the cut for the commerical. The Mama's Boys from the Bronx weren't there. The Amish dudes from "Breaking Amish" weren't there. But we were. We also met a couple of stars who already have shows. We met the Cupcake Girls from "DC Cupcakes" who were very nice. We met the "Long Island Medium" and Lisa kept counting in her head so she couldn't read her mind. We even met the "Little Couple" and it was interesting. The wife was very nice and the husband was a douche. Reminded me of us.

 But then we met another couple of stars. And it was very weird. You see I have had a lot of fun making fun of midgets. I kept saying I wanted a midget for the show. I told the TLC guys that and they were not amused. And then I met the Jordans and realized what a dick I really am. You see they are brother and sister and are just about the smallest people in the United States. They are brother and sister who are so tiny you can't believe it. Smaller than dolls. I mean fucking tiny tiny. It is scary. And sad. And touching. And fucking weird. They didn't talk to anybody. They had handlers or Nanny's or assistants or something. Man I can't wait to see what the show will be about. It is so strange and weird and off putting I think you will be riveted to the screen.

I won't be making fun of midgets anymore.

 (Well maybe I will. I am still a dick)

We are still working like crazy!

We keep slogging away with the show and doing more stuff to get it done. Now I found out I have to open up at 6am to do the next day of interviews. But we will do anything to make it work.

It is just a lot of work and you have no idea of how it is going to go.

Big Brooklyn Style

I thought I had said that they had finalized a name for the show. It will be called "Big Brooklyn Style" and was officially announced in a TLC press release along with a bunch of other new shows.

We really liked some of the other names that were batted around but they could not be cleared because they would end being the name of a clothing line or a website or a store. So we will go forward with this name and make it work.

They are obsessed with the idea of "Big." As though people won't realize it is a big because it is a plus sized store. And they insist on us talking about plus all the time which is not something we do. We feel we are just a store with different sizes. When you sign a deal with TV you sign a deal with the devil. You have to do what they say. So we have to live with it and show in the store and in the talking heads what we mean. We think we will have done that as we do our interviews.

We will premiere on Tuesday May 29th at 10pm with back to back half hour episodes. I hope you guys will buy a TV so you can watch it.

What's up with all these trees......

You know the saying that sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. This is sort of what this whole experience has been like in making a TV show.

When you are actually making it you are focused on the day to day. You have be here at this time and you have to say this or that. You have to hit this beat and mention this point and you have to bring out these facts. Hurry up we have to film this before we run out of light. Hurry up we have to finish before the crew gets overtime. Hurry Up. HURRRRRRRYYYY UUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

But you have to take some time to get back to the basics. What story do we want to tell? How do we want to tell it? What's the tone of the show? Informational? Funny? Family oriented? Business oriented? You need to have a plan or at least an outline and stick to it if you want to grow a big beautiful forest.

The show looks great and is very informational and has a lot of heart. People are going to love Lisa. They kind of cut everything else out so we basically have "The Dress Boss." I think people will like it and enjoy the transformations of the women and the fun they are having in the store.

Today is an interview day and we have to bring the joy.

Get me rewrite.....

Well I got a reply about the bio and they sort of butchered it. I think they give this duty to interns because all the muck-y-mucks are too busy so some kid who only writes texts is the one who composes press releases. Here is what they sent to me:

JIM DOLAN – The HUSBAND/BUSINESS PARTNER

Jim Dolan is Lisa’s husband and business partner in Lee Lee’s Valise.  Also born and raised in Carroll Gardens, Jim has never lived more than a mile from where he was born.  Jim spent thirty-five years as an accountant doing the books for all the small businesses in the neighborhood.  And when the shop on the corner of President and Court St. in the neighborhood became available, his dream was to open a bar.  But Lisa had other plans.  And more than anything, Jim wants to Imake Lisa’s dreams come true.  So as he likes to say, instead of getting a bar, he got into women’s clothes.  

In the shop, Jim does the books, handles online sales, and tries to keep Lisa on a budget.  He’s currently figuring out how to expand the business and open a new store, so he can continue to make Lisa’s dreams come true.

I had to give them a gentle correction. I don't think it is such a great idea to start every sentance with "And" or "So" and so I just reworked it as follows:

Jim Dolan is Lisa’s husband and business partner in Lee Lee’s Valise.  Born and raised in Carroll Gardens, Jim has never lived more than a mile from where he was born.  Jim worked for thirty-five years as an accountant doing the books for most of the small businesses in the neighborhood.  When the shop on the corner of President and Court St. became available, he wanted to live his dream  which was to open a bar.  But Lisa had other plans and other dreams and more than anything, Jim wants to make Lisa’s dreams come true.  So instead of getting a bar, he got into women’s clothes. 

Jim does the books, handles online sales, and tries to keep Lisa on a budget.  He’s currently figuring out how to expand the business and open a new store, so he can continue to make Lisa’s dreams come true.

I had to work with what they gave me so I hope they use this instead of giving it to some hipster who will put it into the form of a tweet.

Hey don't get me wrong.....

I didn't mean to complain that business is slow even though it is about 90 degrees out today and nobody is going to show up to shop on Monday when it is so freaking hot out. I really have no cause to complain because when the show comes out I know we are going to do really well and turn it around. If only one in a thousand people buy something online it will leave us sitting pretty with all the sales we can handle.

We are still working hard on the show and will be doing so right up until it airs. We have to do about four more days of "talking head" interviews with onother scheduled for this Wensday. This sucks because we have to close the store and we won't have any sales at all which is really tough in the short term. We just have to put our heads down and grind it out day by day which is all you can do.

TLC called and asked us for bios for publicity so I had to write something up for them. It is an interesting excercise when you have to write up your bio. I would love to read some of yours. Anyhoo this is what I sent:

Jim Dolan was born and raised in Carroll Gardens Brooklyn and has never lived more than a mile from where he was born.  Educated in Catholic schools until college where he attended Pace University in downtown Manhattan, Jim worked for thirty five years as an accountant specializing in small businesses until he started to work in women's clothing. Wait that came out wrong. Until he started working with his wife selling woman's clothing when they opened Lee Lee's Valise on May 5, 2007. He currently serves as the financial  backbone  of Lee Lee's while  handling the bulk of the on-line sales and still selling clothes when Lisa is out at a shoe store.  He also will entertain the husbands and boyfriends of the  shoppers so they do not want to rush home. Instead  they will  get to hang out in "Jim's " corner to enjoy an espresso and some pastry and check out the game while their significant others spend  quality time spending. Basically he does what Lisa says to do since she is the boss of Lee Lee's Valise and he is happy to support her in whatever she decides.

I haven't been talking about the show much....

Because so much is happening I had to let it play out. We finished filming the bulk of the show and only have three or four days of interviews where they put the talking head part in the show. And no I don't get to wear the big suit or burn down the house.

The show changed a lot from what it was originally supposed to be. It sort of morphed into "Dress Boss' where Lisa is 99.9% of the show. Which is fine with me. That is what the network wanted and we have seen three of the rough cuts and it is very much a TLC show. So I think it will do very well especially as a companion piece to What Not to Wear which we will air right after on our premiere Tuesday
May 29th at 10pm.

Lisa and I taped a brief appearance on the live episode of WNTW which will lead right into the show. Stacy interviews us and pumps up the audience to watch us so that should be great.

We had a lot of bullshit go down and this week we just heard that the "show runner" who we had so much trouble with got fired. You see when the executives had to work with him ....well he lasted a week. I couldn't even hear it when they told us because the Munchkins where singing too loud. But he will not be in editing so who knows I might even make a minute or two of the show.

The crew was great and this a photo of our wrap party at the end of the shoot. I really appreciated all the hard work they did and the funny thing is that every one of them came up to me and said they would love to work with us again. Just not if the show runner guy was there. So if and when we get season two we might get some of them back. Which is great because it always fun to work with someone you know.

I will have more photo's and reports soon.

Oh did I forget to tell you we were all zombies.

It never turns out the way think it will

We are in the how stretch of the show and it never turns out the way you think it will. The network had a totally different view of what they wanted and that will be what you will see. It will be good TV but not exactly the way we wanted it to turn out. We still have to do the interviews which will really shape the show and I hope more of our personality will come through. They are still really committed to the show so we have a good chance to go forward with a second season. But we still have to see how it will work when the audience view it.

We have the title and it is not the one we hoped for. But we will live with it. I can't tell you it yet but will announce it when TLC says it is ok to put it out there.

We do know that we will air on Tuesday May 29th at 10pm right after the "Live" What Not to Wear. So we will get a strong lead in and that should help us a lot. We just have to pray that it is good enough to give us a leg up and help us to be successful.

But I think we would be a lot more popular if they use the scenes of me molesting the mannequins.

You either are or you ain't

There are two kinds of husbands who appear on reality TV shows. There are guys like Al Manzo, Chris Laurita, Jim Bellino, Don Gunvalson and Bobbbbbbbbie Zarin who are basically businessmen who are contemptuous of the process. They have their own businesses where they are the boss and they know an asshole when they see one so when of this Hollywood fanoicks start ordering them around they have to grit their and get through it so they don't kill the douchebag who is running the show. They are supporting their wives who love the idea of being on TV and are natural TV presences and who thoroughly enjoy being on TV. They are just doing it for the wife but they could give a shit about being famous on TV.

Then there are the guys like Joey Gorga, Slade Smiley, Eddie Judge and Simon Van Kempen love to be on camera and in the middle of all the drama. They love to be filmed and I bet they take directions very well. I bet they take it all. They take it deep. Because they all have something else in common. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 So which kind of reality husband do you think I was?

The Seven Sisters

One of the plot points in an episode of the show is how Lisa names her dresses after members of her family. She has 36 first cousins but this episode is about the seven sisters.

Lisa's grandmother was one of seven sisters who all lived within a few blocks of each other in Brooklyn. Here they are pictured sitting behind the bride and groom in the early sixties. There is a scene where we name each dress after one of the sisters and how these dresses sort of embody a characteristic of one of the sisters. It should be a great scene.

If they don't cut it out.

I still am uneasy.

One of today's readings was the story of Abraham and Issac. You know when God told Abraham that he had to sacrifice his son to honor him and the prophet was all ready to do it before the Angel of the Lord came to him and said that it was just a test and he didn't have to go through with it.

Do you think the Good Lord still sends us tests to see what we will do?

I still have the uneasy feeling that I failed a test with the Ashes on Ash Wednesday thing. I am very ambivalent about it. I feel I should have taken a stand but greed or fear or something made me acquiesce. I didn't have to sacrifice my first born. I didn't even have to lose my job or be a martyr and get eaten by a lion or something. I just had to stand up to someone who hates religion and religious people and Catholics in particular.

This came up again this weekend. We have a friend of ours who flies in from Florida to do Lisa's hair so she can have the color and cut she wants for the show. It is very important to her so it is very important to me. This friend flies in from Ft Laudable at his own expense and the only day he could do it was on Sunday. So we had to go to Mass on Saturday night. We were filming on Saturday and I went in and told them the we had to leave at twenty after five to get to church on time. The show runner said "Sure no problem." We proceed to film all day and they are rushing things along going "We have a hard out at 5:20 so lets not waste any time." I wait humbly and patiently through all of this until it is time to go. They are filming but I come out and say "We have to go." "Yeah but one more thing." "Wait I have a guestion." "I have some clips you can see but I guess we have to wait till you get back." He was doing every thing he could to delay us and keep us for going or at the least to make us be late and walk in the middle of the Mass. Which everyone knows I hate to do because I want to get there for first pitch.

We were firm and left and were only a few minutes late. I didn't get angry because I gave up rage for Lent. But I keep thinking I should have done something different. I should have said "I am wearing my Ashes and you can call the network if you have a problem with that." I don't think they know anything about this. Or I coiuld have insisted that we leave for the 7::30 distribution and they could have cut filming short that day because we walked out.

In St Mary's they have a giant mural of Abraham about to sacrafice his son and the Angel who stays his hand. I sat at Mass and stared at it as they did the readings and thought how far I am from Abraham and his faith. How I fell short. Again. How I have to do better. To be a witness. To stand up to those who attack religion and the people who practice it. The might be big name bloggers. They might be media personalities. They might be Presidents.

 I have to try to do better.

You never know who will walk in!

So one of the girls we are using for the show is the sister of Paul Warfield.

She told us how proud she was of him and his being a star on the undefeated Miami Dolphins team.

 I told her that he was very lucky.

That they never played the Giants.

 Did I tell you lately that the Giants won the Super Bowl.

In the bag.

The wife wants to buy this bag as a present to herself for filming the show. I can't tell you how much it costs because Sixty Grit and AllenS would come to New York and kick the crap out of me. But she deserves it. Just saying.

Born to be wild.

This is the new motorcycle jacket that we have high hopes for since we have featured it in the show. I only made about twenty of them so I am sure to sell them out this spring.

I figured it out

So I thought about it a little and I prayed on it and I listened to good advice from people like Ruth Anne and I finally figured out what to do,

I am going to plant some seeds with some of the lower level members of the crew. Several of them are Catholics and were upset they couldn't go to get Ashes.

I am going to sidle up to them and in casual conversation say "Yeah I got to talk to my cousin Timmy. I wanted to call him to congratulate him when he got back from Rome. He was pretty pissed that we had to take off our ashes. I hope he doesn't say anything about it on Sunday. He was real disappointed in TLC. I mean they were the ones who had to say that wear the symbol of our faith during a holy day. It had to be them. I don't the producer would take it on himself. It's a shame."

Black History Month.

Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. She was so sexy that she burned through your TV screen. She did Sammy Davis Jr. Dean Martin. Red Foxx. And one other guy.

But she did him so hard that he switched teams.

But he wrote a song about her.

We salute Lola Falana on "Black History Month."

You can't screw around with the big guy...just sayn'

So they made us wash off our ashes because they are communist athetist fucks and I very reluctantly complied. The show today was about a couple of girls who came in to try on clothes and ended up getting roped into posing in the window as live mannequins. Which we had done before so we were just repeating things from Lee Lee's history. Of course then it was some plus size model friends of ours in bathing suits but that is another story.

So they wanted to get a crowd reaction. You know see people walking by and taking notice and giving them cards to try to get them into the store. The crack production team lined them all up. They had to sign releases and take a photo with the release to show that they agreed to be filmed.

Oh and they had one more thing in common.

Almost everyone of them had ashes on their forehead.

You can't screw around with the big guy.

I should have had faith that he would take care of it.

People tell me things.......

It's a funny thing but I have long experiance in volatile work place situations and I always end up with people confiding in me. Mainly because I am always helping them out of a jam so they feel they can tell me stuff. This is what is happening with the crew. They are all back channels of information and I know a lot more than the powers that be can really understand. Knowledge is power.

What is really funny is that they give up personal detials which gives me an oppourtunity to bust their balls. The poor little girl who is the PA is always running around doing stuff for us. But we treat her like one of our kids. She has been to our house for Sunday Dinner and the Super Bowl. So I asked her if she wanted to come with us to get ashes. She said she wasn't really religious. That she was a Quaker if she was anything. I said "What you like Oats?"

We will be eating a lot of Quaker Oats for Breakfast just to make her laugh.

You have to find a way to deal!

On the ride to Manhattan to get the mannequins I had to find a way to deal with what was going on. The kid who was driving didn't know where he was going and he took three times as long as it should have taken. I didn't get upset. I didn't correct him. I sat in the back of the minivan and did something productive.

I said the rosary.

It helped me a lot. It calmed me down. It lowered my blood pressure. It gave me something to do to stop me dwelling on stuff I can't change.

I am going to do it every day during Lent.

It really helps me.

Just sayn'

Hey I will get you an autograph from Jerry Lewis!

So today was just about the best day of filming that we had. A lot of fucked up things happened with the production but we rose above it and made some great chicken salad.

The premise was that we are fixing up our window display for spring so they decided we needed a road trip to Manhattan to a mannequin store. Now they told me that a French guy owned it and I had to laugh. I hate the French. I had a bunch of jokes ready. "Hey we can't leave a French mannequin in the store because it would rape the maid." You know witty topical humor like that there. I was ready to rip into the guy.

But the funny thing was that owner was a great guy. He was a modest unassuming tough businessman. He didn't even want to be on camera. He let his salesman get all the airtime.He just greeted us at the door and handed us off to his salesman.

The reason why it was great television is because it was what we do best. Me and Lisa doing stupid shit to make everybody laugh. You see that is how we got the show in the first place. Not contrived over produced bullshit that they have been forcing us to do.

First we took stupid photos with all the crazy mannequins. Then I went around put all of them in obscene positions where they were feeling up each others breasts and stuff. It was pretty funny. I threw in some milder jokes but I guess my sensibility skews too old. I told the salesman guy "Hey if they owner gives me a discount I will get him an autograph from Jerry Lewis." He goes "I don't know who that is." I said "Oh he owns the Dallas Cowboys and he is very popular in France." So I had to dumb it down a bit. I said stuff like "Oh this must be a French mannequin because it has hair under the arms." I tried to bring the stupid.

We had to go down to the basement to get the plus sized mannequins. We did a lot of good shit with the body parts strew around the basement and what not. Then we had to carry them upstairs and haggled with him for a while and ended up buying two of them. The plot point was that I was too cheap to pay the $100 delivery charge and we had to take them home ourselves in a taxi. So we took them all apart and put them in plastic bags like a dismember body from the pork store on the Sopranos. We carried them outside and got in a cab but we had a lot of trouble packing them up and we ended up with the legs of the mannequins sticking out of the window of the taxi. It was pretty funny. All stuff that Lisa and I came up with on our own. So if it makes the cut it will be a pretty funny episode.

We have to make something out of this because it is our shot. The professionals who have seen it are raving about what we are doing  and how it is coming along. But what hurts us is that it could be so much better. If they just let us do what got us a show in the first place.

Me and Lisa acting stupid.