What would give you a splinter in your twat?

Woody was at this lowest point. He had not been able to finance a movie for quite a while. Even the people in France were tired of him.

He was still living with his ex-girlfriends adopted daughter. In fact they got married and a had a few kids of their own. But that didn't stop Woody's mad sexual obsessions.

He would fly around from bird house to bird house. To peep in on young girls hoping to find them naked.

He even spied on his ex wife. But a funny thing happened. He was almost sure she saw him. He thought she was posing for him.

Maybe she wanted some more of his woodpecker...wood pecker.

(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)

OH NO THEY KILLED WOODY!!!!

So we are sitting at the pool and all of a sudden we hear this loud thump. We look up on the roof and there is a bird that just fell out of the sky. What the fuck?

There is a bunch of wildlife at Seatuck. Lot's of birds. Bunny rabbits. Egrets. Hurons. We even saw a Seal. No Heidi Klum's but I think she hangs out in East Hampton.

Anyway the bird landed right next to our balcony. That was fucked up. The maid was gonna have a problem climbing out there to clean it off. All of a sudden it rises up and tries to fly. But it has a broken wing or something because it plummets right to pavement in front of the fence. We get up to see what was wrong with it. Bad move.

You see it panicked and got up all of its strength to fly away. And runs smack into the sliding glass doors on the porch. Double loud thump.

It is not as funny as when you see it in a commercial. The bird was bent and hurt. Colleen came out and picked it up in a towel. Got it some water. Put it in a hedge where hopefully it was safe from predators. It was gone the next day. I hope it was OK.

Woody shouldn't get wasted like that.  I mean I have been drunk and walked into a glass door. I hate when that happens.