Kim Kardashian's Bridal
The way to plan your perfect wedding so you can dump your loser husband in 72 days and get to keep all the cool gifts. Fuck off losers."
Showing posts with label Bad Ideas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Ideas. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Ad Campaigns that Hdhouse regrets signing off on.
Kim Kardashian's Bridal
The way to plan your perfect wedding so you can dump your loser husband in 72 days and get to keep all the cool gifts. Fuck off losers."
Ad Campaigns that Hdhouse regrets signing off on.
Herman Cains School for the Pick Up Artist in You.
"That's right baby it be that big."
Ad Campaigns that Hdhouse regrets signing off on.
Joe Paterno's Day Care Centers
Our Assistant Coaches have the Right Touch For Your Child.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I mean I had it all wrong!
I guess I was misinformed. I mean I thought that the news that Farve wants to play in California after the ruling came down yesterday. My mistake.
Oh, and not that there's anything wrong with that.
Oh this is the sideline reporter he sent the photo's to!
I mean is that what you dudes do in the Midwest? Is that a Green Bay thing? Or a Vikings thing?
Garage.....garage.....buellar....anyone?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Whatcha gonna do with your pants on the floor.
The "Pants on the Floor" guy showed up at the Grammy's with a bunch of belts and tried to get all the rappers to pull their pants up and go to school.
Fifty cent shot the bitch.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The worst movie dad of all time!
The worst movie dad of all time was Michael Caine in "Blame it on Rio"
In this marvel of witt and sophistication, Michael Caine and his buddy Joe Bolongia decide to go on vaction to Rio with their nubile daughters Michele Johnson and very young Demi Moore pre breast implants.
Required viewing for all you perves.
Learn what not to do on vacation with your buddies daughter.
I wish someone had shown this to Governor Sanford.
PS I shrunk the photo but you get the idea. Links not safe for work. Or if your wife is in the room.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Hey what would happen if you pinched a loaf in a loaf.
Hey they had some really terrible sandwiches in Cincinnati. Just sayn'
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today's gratuitous bath tub scene asks "Hey who is at the door?"
Hello? Who is it? I am not ready? The meet-up wasn't until tomorrow night? Didn't you get the e-mail?
IS THAT YOU SIMON?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
This is the first time I ever felt sorry for an Ex-Cowboy.
They had the second episode of the Celebrity Apprentice last night and it was a doozy.
They had the two teams make up an ad campaign for Zappo’s an online shoe company that sells mostly woman’s shoes. They were supposed to have a presentation in front of the rep of Zappos who was this wimpy looking Oriental dude who look like he was going to crap his pants through out the whole episode.
There were the same two teams. The dickheads vs. the stupid bitches. Now the dickhead team picked the guy who likes dick the most as the project manager: skating Mary Scott Hamilton. Not that there is anything wrong with that. After all he probably has spent some time in woman’s shoes. The bitch’s pick of all people the Kardashian whore, not the one with the big ass, the other one. It’s off to the races.
The women are dominated by the poker playing cooze who is actually the only one with a brain in her head. They come up with this snoozer of a comic book and torture the tennis playing twat by having her dress up as the character. The presentation itself was a horror show as the spokes model who works on Deal or No Deal could not deal with something more difficult than leaning over and showing her tits while opening a box. The fun part of the episode is where they told the demon Joan Rivers that her help was not required. Man that was sweet. She was mortally offended and probably went off to conjure up Lucifer so the poker playing pussy would start to have locusts eating her gonads or something. The other amusing part of their part of the show is at one point, the poker pussy and the playboy centerfold are rushing down the street in New York in the summer time and the playboy girl takes off her shoes and starts to run barefoot. On city streets. Now you might be taken aback because you have to figure what she might step into and get on her feet. But then when you consider what she probably had to put in her mouth to become a centerfold it’s not so bad.
Anyway the dudes sucked it big time again. Tom Green and Clint Black were both acting out and Scott just couldn’t handle them. Hershel got pissed again and I thought he was going to squash Tom Green like a bug but Green backed down right quick. The presentation sucked as they used a format of EEE instead of Z which is the branding Zappo’s which ultimately lost them the task. Now I didn’t know why they didn’t brand it as ”E commerce is EZ with Zappo’s.” That gets both the E and Z in there. But none of these geniuses could figure that out.
At the boardroom Scott took in Tom Green and Hershel. Herschel was pissed that he was kept in just to say what a dick Tom was in this task. Trump let him go right away and he went back up to the suite where he was cornered by Melissa Rivers who was eying him like he was a new surgical procedure. Now Hershel is all modest and all but Melissa is checking him out from head to toe and you can see her thinking “Oh yeah I can take all of that baby just give it to me. Front door, back door in my mouth it’s no problem.”
Hershel kept looking at the floor and kicking his feet like Forrest Gump. Luckily they cut back to the boardroom where Scott gets the boot. He seemed like a nice guy and he got totally undermined because he couldn’t handle the shenanigans of Green and Dennis Rodman who look like they really screw up next week from the coming attractions. Which were almost as gruesome as Melissa Rivers almost coming in her pants because of her attraction to Hershel Walker. That is a real unbecoming attraction.
The rumor is that they cut out all the booze because one of the celebrities kept getting hopelessly drunk. My money is on Rodman but I guess they will drag it out for a while.
Oh and the task is selling dresses. Something I actually know something about. This should be fun.
They had the two teams make up an ad campaign for Zappo’s an online shoe company that sells mostly woman’s shoes. They were supposed to have a presentation in front of the rep of Zappos who was this wimpy looking Oriental dude who look like he was going to crap his pants through out the whole episode.
There were the same two teams. The dickheads vs. the stupid bitches. Now the dickhead team picked the guy who likes dick the most as the project manager: skating Mary Scott Hamilton. Not that there is anything wrong with that. After all he probably has spent some time in woman’s shoes. The bitch’s pick of all people the Kardashian whore, not the one with the big ass, the other one. It’s off to the races.
The women are dominated by the poker playing cooze who is actually the only one with a brain in her head. They come up with this snoozer of a comic book and torture the tennis playing twat by having her dress up as the character. The presentation itself was a horror show as the spokes model who works on Deal or No Deal could not deal with something more difficult than leaning over and showing her tits while opening a box. The fun part of the episode is where they told the demon Joan Rivers that her help was not required. Man that was sweet. She was mortally offended and probably went off to conjure up Lucifer so the poker playing pussy would start to have locusts eating her gonads or something. The other amusing part of their part of the show is at one point, the poker pussy and the playboy centerfold are rushing down the street in New York in the summer time and the playboy girl takes off her shoes and starts to run barefoot. On city streets. Now you might be taken aback because you have to figure what she might step into and get on her feet. But then when you consider what she probably had to put in her mouth to become a centerfold it’s not so bad.
Anyway the dudes sucked it big time again. Tom Green and Clint Black were both acting out and Scott just couldn’t handle them. Hershel got pissed again and I thought he was going to squash Tom Green like a bug but Green backed down right quick. The presentation sucked as they used a format of EEE instead of Z which is the branding Zappo’s which ultimately lost them the task. Now I didn’t know why they didn’t brand it as ”E commerce is EZ with Zappo’s.” That gets both the E and Z in there. But none of these geniuses could figure that out.
At the boardroom Scott took in Tom Green and Hershel. Herschel was pissed that he was kept in just to say what a dick Tom was in this task. Trump let him go right away and he went back up to the suite where he was cornered by Melissa Rivers who was eying him like he was a new surgical procedure. Now Hershel is all modest and all but Melissa is checking him out from head to toe and you can see her thinking “Oh yeah I can take all of that baby just give it to me. Front door, back door in my mouth it’s no problem.”
Hershel kept looking at the floor and kicking his feet like Forrest Gump. Luckily they cut back to the boardroom where Scott gets the boot. He seemed like a nice guy and he got totally undermined because he couldn’t handle the shenanigans of Green and Dennis Rodman who look like they really screw up next week from the coming attractions. Which were almost as gruesome as Melissa Rivers almost coming in her pants because of her attraction to Hershel Walker. That is a real unbecoming attraction.
The rumor is that they cut out all the booze because one of the celebrities kept getting hopelessly drunk. My money is on Rodman but I guess they will drag it out for a while.
Oh and the task is selling dresses. Something I actually know something about. This should be fun.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Problems of a shopkeeper
This morning I had two of the recurring problems of a shopkeeper. You see my wife sleeps in on Saturday morning because she is there opening all week long. I open up and usually have a girl in the store to help me out. I mean I can sell the clothes with no problem but there are certain things I can’t do, like bra fittings. And sometimes a new customer might be shy and not want to come out of the dressing room to discuss the fit with a guy.
But to compensate for that I have my Saturday morning regulars who always come in after they go to the gym or go shopping. If I am not there, they ask for me. When you pay as close attention as we do to the customer’s we have a pretty good idea what your gig is.
So here’s one of the problem. There is this woman who works two doors down at the insurance office. She is about a size 14 which means we have tons of cute stuff that she looks great in. And we are having a 50% off sale and there are some great dresses that are about $60 or so. Great for work. But the problem with this nut job is that she never buys anything. Ever. She has been in the store about 30 or 40 times and has tried on tons of clothes and never buys anything. So what do you do? I mean she might buy something. But she didn’t again. Do you ask her to leave? Can’t do that. Do you ask her why she comes in and doesn’t ever buy anything? I mean my wife could do that but not me. She can talk to her on a woman to woman basis and find out what the story is and what is really going on. I mean the customer is always right. But if you never buy anything are you a customer? Trying on clothes puts wear and tear on them. All of our clothes are in pristine condition. After someone tries something on we often steam them to refresh them. Do I need to go to that effort for someone who never ever buys anything?
They don’t give you a store owner’s guide for these situations. I have to just calm down and use common sense. I can’t go with my natural first instinct. Which is to beat her to death with a shovel and feed her to Mr. Wu’s pigs. You just have to be professional without letting her take the real expensive garments into the dressing room. It is still a work in progress.
The thing is the shovel is handy because it snowed this week.
But to compensate for that I have my Saturday morning regulars who always come in after they go to the gym or go shopping. If I am not there, they ask for me. When you pay as close attention as we do to the customer’s we have a pretty good idea what your gig is.
So here’s one of the problem. There is this woman who works two doors down at the insurance office. She is about a size 14 which means we have tons of cute stuff that she looks great in. And we are having a 50% off sale and there are some great dresses that are about $60 or so. Great for work. But the problem with this nut job is that she never buys anything. Ever. She has been in the store about 30 or 40 times and has tried on tons of clothes and never buys anything. So what do you do? I mean she might buy something. But she didn’t again. Do you ask her to leave? Can’t do that. Do you ask her why she comes in and doesn’t ever buy anything? I mean my wife could do that but not me. She can talk to her on a woman to woman basis and find out what the story is and what is really going on. I mean the customer is always right. But if you never buy anything are you a customer? Trying on clothes puts wear and tear on them. All of our clothes are in pristine condition. After someone tries something on we often steam them to refresh them. Do I need to go to that effort for someone who never ever buys anything?
They don’t give you a store owner’s guide for these situations. I have to just calm down and use common sense. I can’t go with my natural first instinct. Which is to beat her to death with a shovel and feed her to Mr. Wu’s pigs. You just have to be professional without letting her take the real expensive garments into the dressing room. It is still a work in progress.
The thing is the shovel is handy because it snowed this week.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Today's Gratuitous bathtub photo features a really nice piece of meat. So to speak.
With all this discussion of food and meet and stuff I almost forgot our gratuitous bathtub photo.
When I thought about going to the butcher shop to pick up some hot dogs I immediately thought of this starlet. Do you know who it is? Here she is pictured with Luckyoldson's favorite director in her best movie.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
What is it me amour?
Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have! the softest brown eyes?
Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue.
Gomez: No wonder nobodies ever told you! Ever since I first started corresponding with you on the computer I had a picture in my mind of what you would be like.
Morticia: Well I hope I can live up to what you imagined.
Gomez: All that and more my dear lady. Let me lavish kisses all up and down your arm. All up and down your body.
Mortiica: I just have one question my dear sir.
Gomez: And what is that me amour?
Mortiza: Do you like to kiss onion rings?
(The Adams Family, 1964)
Friday, February 6, 2009
It's tough when what you think you are projecting is not what everyone is seeing.
It's tough when what you think you are projecting is not what everyone is seeing. What if you are trying to project Jean Arthur but the vibe you give off is Bette Davis?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Do not anger the Queen.
Queen Elizabeth I: To be a Queen is to be less than human, to put pride before desire, to search Men's hearts for tenderness, and find only ambition. To cry out in the dark for one unselfish voice, to hear only the dry rustle of papers of state. To turn to one's beloved with stars for eyes and have him see behind me only the shadow of the executioner's block. A queen has no hour for love, time presses, and events crowd upon her, and her shell, an empty glittering husk, she must give up all the a woman holds most dear.
Mistress Margaret Radcliffe: But you are still the Queen. Men grovel at you feet. Even the fops and nancys.
Queen Elizabeth 1: SHUT UP FATSO!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Hey Titus you have to careful even when you get sushi.
New York Post Weird but True (January 27, 2009)
Why would you want to eat this in the first place?
Seven people were hospitalized in Japan after eating blowfish testicles that had been prepared by an unauthorized chef.
People who prepare the poisonous delicacy must be licensed after extensive training.
Seven people were hospitalized in Japan after eating blowfish testicles that had been prepared by an unauthorized chef.
People who prepare the poisonous delicacy must be licensed after extensive training.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Stop emailing photos dude, too much information.
You better you better you bet.
I call you on the telephone my voice too rough with cigarettes.
I sometimes thing I should just go home but I'm dealing with a memory
that never forgets
I love to hear you say my name
especially when you say yes
I got your body right now on my mind
and I drunk myself b-lind
to thesound of old T-RexTo the sound of old T-Rex - who's next?
When I say I love you you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you
you say you better
You better you better you bet
You better bet your life
Or love will cut you like a knife
I want those feeble minded axes overthrown
I'm not into your passport picture
I just like your nose
You welcome me with open arms and open legs
I know only fools have needs but this one never begs
I don't really mind how much you love me
A little is really alright
When you say come over and spend the night
Tonight!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I don't know his name Matt.
Matt Dillon: Who is that cowboy Doc?Doc Adams: I don't know his name Matt. It says here he just came in on the stage.
Matt Dillon: Where did he come from?
Doc Adams: Well it says he's from Ohio but he was just visiting Wisconsin.
Matt Dillon: Well he looks pretty bad. Like he was run over by a herd of cows.
Doc Adams: One at least anyway.
(Gunsmoke, 1968)
Miami CSI, Dirty Bird edition.
Horatio Caine: The rumour of a dirty bird is far juicier than its confirmation.
Robert Keaton: You just called her a dirty bird and you don't even know her in real life.
Horatio Caine: Maybe she is, and maybe she isn't, I just have to go by what I read.
Robert Keaton: Well how do you really know?
Horatio Caine: I hear she keeps a list. There have to be a lot of people involved if you have to keep a list.
(CSI Miami, 2009)
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