The Return of the Red Headed Stepchild

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The Return of the Red Headed Step Child

Dennis Franz: Hey Jim is that David Caruso hanging around the set?
James McDaniel: Yeah I think that is him hiding behind that plant and muttering to himself. Let's go over and say hello.
(the two actors walk over to the side of the set where a disheveled David Caruso is hiding behind a plant. He seems dirty. Like he had been working on his lawn)
Jim McDaniel: Dave brother whaz up? Why do you keep hanging around the set. You got fired buddy. You ain't part of the show anymore.
David Caruso: Oh I know Jim. I am doing really great. I have a lot of offers. They want me to take Sam Malone's place on "Cheers" and I am up for this role as a secret agent who saves the world in a day. Or something. I am doing really really great.
Dennis Franz: Then why the fuck are you always hanging around here. If everything is so great in your new life why aren't over there enjoying it and leaving us alone. We have a new star. This Puerto Rican guy is doing a great job. He is much more generous actor. He doesn't mock his fellow actors or think his shit doesn't stink. Nobody misses you loser. Go get a life.
Jim McDaniel: That's a little harsh Dennis. Cut the poor guy a break. He is in a bad situation. I hear his wife is a nasty bitter hag who tortures him because he messed up his career.
David Caruso: Hey I don't need you guys. I am doing great. I have this new move. Look I take off my sunglasses and look intently at the camera. It's gold I tell you.
Jim McDaniel: Yeah that's great. Look I think you should leave the set and go find a job buddy. Okey Dokey?
(the two actors walk back to the camera)
Jim McDaniel: That's some sad shit right there. Didn't he ever hear of Adam Cartwright?
Dennis Franz: Of course he didn't. That's the point. Fuck him. Let's start the show.
(Red Storm Rising, The David Caruso Story, E True Hollywood Stories)