Spring is coming.......and a Man needs a Mexican

On our next to last foray into Trader Joe's we found these daffodils that were really cheap. They were half sprouted so we simply put them in the window box and they have started to sprout nicely. All of our annuals are going along great as well. I clipped and cleaned them and they are well on their way to sprouting and looking great this spring.

The issue is the gardeners. My mother-in-law had this Italian guy doing the garden for ten years. Last year he sold the business to his best worker this Mexican guy. We had problems with this guy all summer. You see he only had one key employee and the rest of the crew are just tacos he got from Home Depot. So they had no idea and would pull out flowers or trample growing sprouts. I had to stay outside and watch them like a hawk. Which defeats the purpose because they are just supposed to do the job without you knowing about it.

So before the season I tried to call him to make an appointment to go over what we wanted done. What needed to be trimmed and cleaned. Funny thing. There was no answer on his phone. Not on his office phone. Not on his cell phone.

Today a whole new crop of Mexicans showed up. They had the battered tools of that company but when I questioned the guy he said he had bought the company. I told him to forget it. I don't want sloppy thirds.

I investigated a new service but they are all pretty pricey. We basically did most of the cleaning and trimming ourselves last year. I think we are going to do that and just hire a local kid with a lawnmower like in "Leave it to Beaver" times. Fuck it. why not save money and enjoy more time in the garden. With Nature.

A Man Needs a Maid (Again)

So yesterday was a disaster. We have been without cleaning help for about two months. The store is being cleaned by the employees who don't do the deep cleaning job that you need. They vacum and dust but no mopping of deep cleaning where you move all the racks and stuff. Plus we have no one for the house and that sucks. Usually we spend one of our "day's off" fabric shopping or going to the factory so the other "day off" we were cleaning the house. Normally we are so exhausted that it is really hard to get everything done right.

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a cleaning company called "Capital Contractors." They do business cleaning and when I talked to them they said they would do residential cleaning as well. The girl who followed up made an appointment and came to the store and the house to assess the job. Then set up another appointment for the "cleaning supervisors" to come and assess the job. Now on the day that was supposed to happen she was two hours late and I dealt with the two supervisors. That gave me a bad feeling. So I did not sign the contract. Then I went to the store yesterday for the first cleaning day. What a fiasco.

They send two people to do the job. A worker and a "Field Supervisor." They said they had to come at 9AM which sucks because we open at noon. But I got there early. They were 45 minutes late.

The original Supervisor  was there and made the introductions and sort of went over the job with them. He was a speedy Gonzalez Puerto Rican guy. Lot's of energy. The two they left not so much. The "Field Supervisor" was this chocolate pudding Luther Vandross motherfucker who didn't know how to clean his own balls. When he got up on the ladder to clean the chandeliers I thought he was going to swing on them and bat at bi-planes and shit instead of cleaning them. He had no idea what the fuck he was doing. I had to go get a bucket of water and soap and give him a rag. Then he started spinning it to clean the back side. Dude that was how the Mexican maid got it to fall out of the ceiling the last time. Get down and move the fucking ladder. I had to supervise the whole thing even though they called every other douchenozzle a supervisor.

The other worker was a lady who was working mostly in the back. She was supposed to give the bathroom a good cleaning. So when I went back there I had a look because I knew exactly what Lisa would do. There was a candle on the back of the sink in the corner. I picked it up. There was a ring on the surface which meant that this bitch did not pick it up. I showed it to her and she cleaned it without comment. Except rolling her eyes like I asked her to birth a baby or something like that there. I think what she was really doing most of the time was this:

You see what they didn't realize is that Lisa was at home watching this on the camera and calling me on the phone and yelling at me to yell at them. While taking screen shots of the bullshit going on. So I had to tell them and worse show them what to do. So I was moving racks and Lisa would call on the phone and yell at me for moving racks because of my heart condition. So I got it from both ends.

I am having them come Monday to clean the yard because I really need that but once that is done and over I am telling them that their services are not required. When they ask me why I am just going to show them this:

Ooooohhhhhhhh Yoko!

So this dude comes into the store selling sunglasses out of his car. Some of them are pretty weird and I had to try them on so the wife could judge just how stupid they would look.

They looked pretty stupid.  Yoko Ono stupid if you ask me.

Needless to say we are  not buying any.

Reason number 10,985 why I love my wife

You might remember that we have been having trouble hiring a maid. We interviewed a few but we couldn't find anyone. Our last maid was a nasty piece of work that quit because we told her she was using too many paper towels.

So we find this nice woman who interviewed great. The only problem was that she was having an operation and couldn't start for about a month. So we agreed and did all the stuff ourselves which is a pain in the ass. We get very little free time and spending that cleaning kind of sucks.

So she started today and did a good job. She has a bunch of clients and wants to start her own business by hiring cleaners and training them and starting her own company. We were very impressed.

Today it is freezing in Brooklyn. It is supposed to snow. This woman had only a thin coat to wear in the snow. Lisa took one of her parkas and gave it to her. She was so grateful. Lisa didn't want to make it a big deal. She just wanted her to be warm as she goes from one client to another.

The lady started to cry. She said "Nobody does this."

Well my wife does. And she doesn't want anyone to say anything about it. It is what you do. When you can help someone you do.

Number 10,985 why I love her.

A man needs a maid!

So I haven't been talking about the problems we have been having on the maid front lately. The Russian quit about six or eight weeks ago. She had a new full time job as a waitress so she didn't want to clean houses anymore. She gave us a list of six or seven different people to call but we never got around to it because we were two busy. Also we found a couple of things that she had broke so we figured why would we go with someone she recommended.

So as a result we have been cleaning the house and the wife is trying to kill me. We were off yesterday and all we do is clean. Now I know it sounds crazy but I do all the cooking and laundry at home. The wife has too much to much to do with the business to handle mundane shit like that. Plus she can't cook for shit so I have cooked every day since we got married. Recently I started doing the wash because it easier for me to do it while I am cooking or doing prep work or whatever downstairs why she is upstairs on the computer. When we come home I can get three or four loads done while I am cooking and we can keep it under control.

But yesterday she decided to dust and she almost killed me. She made me move all the furniture on the second floor out so we could vacuum out all the dust. Under the bed. The moldings up to the top of the ten foot ceiling. The bed crown. Everything. I thought I was gonna die.

Today in the store we had a lot of drama. A second employee quit with lots of tears and recriminations and bullshit. It was more important for her to do something stupid than to keep her job. Her job didn't mean that much to her. But it did one great thing. It took all the bad energy out of the store.

What it does mean is more work for Jim. We have to be in the store a lot more now since I only have one employee until I hire somebody new. So we can't waste our time dusting and cleaning. So a man needs a maid.

Not five minutes after the dummy leaves the store than a little Mexican walks in. Speaks no English. So the wife goes "Do you clean houses?" Which is the natural question. I mean if you meet an Oriental you ask "Do you do nails." It goes with the Territory. Well she didn't speak English but we found out that her sister cleans houses and was going to meet her in five minutes. She comes in and we interview her and she starts on Monday.

Good things happen immediately when you get rid of the bad energy.

Imagine how good it would have been if we had gotten rid of the Jug Eared Jesus?

Not the Helpski!

Miss Russia 1998 is in trouble in rehab.

Anna Malova is in rehab for abusing prescription drugs and has been causing problems. She is getting one more chance according to NBCNews4.

That's at least an interesting problem. I am having problems getting the Russian maid to clean the curtain shears properly.

Of course before I was married I didn't even know what the fuck shears were....unless you were talking about panties or something.

And then you didn't care if they were dirty. Just sayn'

The Help-ski

When things seem to good to be true....they are too good to be true.

After working for a week our Russki maid had a problem. Now she has been doing a super job. Washing. Cleaning. Dusting. Even working in the store steaming and straightening the clothing on the racks. Everything seemed to be fine. Then the wife got a text.

"I am so sorry Missus but I hurt my toothski and broke my braces and must go to oral sturgeon." I think she means surgeon but whatever. So she couldn't come in to work for the rest of the week. So guess who is washing dishes and vacuuming and what not.

That's rightski.

Natasha gave me the finger.

The Help-ski

So I never continued the story of the search for a maid.

First of all one of our friends is incensed that we call her a maid. I don't know why. Isn't that what she is? A housekeeper lives in your house. A maid cleans things and then goes away. A man needs a maid.

Anyway we had to get rid of the Jamaican Mary Poppins after two days. It just didn't work out. We had a bunch of leads from Craig's list and interviewed a new one. She is Russian.

At first I expected a burly Stevlana type but she was a tiny mousy little girl. She came to this country as a student and met someone and got married. She was very eager and wanted the opportunity for a full time job at a good pay rate. The first day wonder of wonders she showed up on time and went right to work. She finished all of her assigned tasks in a brisk and efficient manner. There was only one hiccup.

When we went downstairs the radio was playing and WABC and Rush Limbaugh was on. The wife started yelling at me "What are doing making her to listen to your programs. She is going to quit after one day." Of course I had not put on the radio as the wife likes to blame me for everything. I am still hearing it about Katrina. And the fucking Tsunami Anyway the girl pipes up in her squeaky Russian voice "No missus, I put on radios ....I likeski the politics!" How cowski. Not only does she clean but she is a conservative. She won't break my Cutis Lemay commemorative plates. Score.

But then a potential problem came up. When I came downstairs she had the radio on.

She was listening to NPR.

OH shitski!

Better call in stupid moose and squirrel to check it out!

French Douchenozzle rapes maid!

Hey they love Jerry Lewis.

What more do you need to know.