Bruddah IZ ~ Hawai'i Aloha

I need a vacation more today than I did yesterday!

RIP Duke.

Just know that Mickey was way better. Just sayn'

I just want to be on that white sandy beach.

If you don't know Brother Iz you are really missing out. Just sayn'

Yes.....I miss Hawaii.

I need a vacation.....I miss Hawaii

Or just some music!

Or we can be a billionaire!

Or we can dance

Some classical music for Tim and Hdhouse! Enjoy!

BOSTON SUCKS!!!!!

Happy first spring training game day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you're back Theo.

"I didn't expect you so soon. The old gang is gone you know. Crocker. Stravos. Capt McNeil. All gone."
"I know. I have been away for awhile. Things change."
"But not everything. Say do you want to buy this bridge. I can get you a good deal. But you better hurry. The owners of the Mets already put in a bid."

"Egads, You're back Moneypenny!"

"Why once again you're back Moneypenny! After such a long absence. And I am glad to see it!"
"Yes I imagine you are Commander Bond. But there is one thing that you would like even more."
"And what would that be my dear?"
"Why my front of course!"
"Indeed Miss Moneypenny, indeed."

Did you ever get the feeling .....

That AJ can't wait for the season because the Phillies are good and all the hot Philly babes will be out at the game?

Did you ever get the feeling .....

That the problem in Wisconsin was not the camel but the camel toe?

Did you ever get the feeling .....

That you know which girl ironweightsironrails would ask out?

Did you ever get the feeling .....

That Dose of Sanity doesn't always remember what he is spewing? So to speak.

Did you ever get the feeling .....

That we don't want to find out how Seven Macho's spends his weekends?

Did you ever get the feeling .....

That you just get tired of talking to some people on the internets?

DId you ever get the feeling .....

That Dose of Sanity should get away from the computer and his apartment and go out to meet some girls if he really is in college?

Because I think he is getting strange thoughts.

DId you ever get the feeling .....

That Meade should be careful when he uploads his camera into Youtube?

I have a real job....I can't just take a day off to protest!

So I had to spend the last couple of days at the Curve Lingerer show. I know I said that last week but I fucked it up as it was this week and I didn't read the tickets. That's why we ended up at the Toy show last week.

Anyhoo I had to spend the day looking at models in their underwear as they walked through the halls wearing nothing but bras and panties. I mean I couldn't take the day off to protest my working conditions. Some of those girls had ugly tattoos. And moles and shit. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows the sorrow.

That's what happens when you have a real job. You have to sit around looking at half naked women all day.

Those Wisconsin douchenozzles have no idea how easy they have it.

They call me Mr. Chips.

Katherine: It must be tremendously interesting to be a schoolmaster, to watch boys grow up and help them along; to see their characters develop and what they become when they leave school and the world gets hold of them. I don't see how you could ever get old in a world that's always young.

Mr.Chipping(Mr. Chips) Actually I am going on strike because I refuse to contribute anything to my pension or medical insurance costs. The little buggers will have to fend for themselves.

Katerine: Surely you can not mean that?

Mr. Chipping(Mr. Chips) Of course I do. My main concern is my self interest. I need more time off, a higher pension, better benefits and everything I ever wanted without reference to the fiscal reality of our times. I want. I need. I will get what I want. Oh and one more thing.

Katherine: Yes?

Mr. Chipping(Mr. Chips) Don't call me Shirley.

Katherine: Well what should I call you?

Mr. Chipping(Mr. Chips) They call me Mr. Chips.

Remembrance of Things Pabst

So we have been so busy we don't know which end is up. After our extremely busy (and secret) weekend last week we had to get ready for the fabric shows. So we drag ourselves out and jump in a cab to go to the Jacob Javits Convention Center. We get out and walk inside. And we notice something strange.

All the signs. Hasbro. Mattel. Fischer Price. Super Mario. HOLY SHIT IT"S THE TOY FAIR!!!!!

Our show is this weekend. We had no idea.

So what could you do. We went in. Maybe we could find something good for the store. But it was a bust. I mean they had a lot of cool toys but the minimum's were too high and we don't have the space. So I call my car service guy and he happens to be right outside because he dropped someone off a few minutes before. We go out and jump in the car and go home to Brooklyn.

Since it was Valentines Day we decided to take a walk and have dinner. We get dropped off on Atlantic Avenue and walk into a few antique shops to scout out some furniture for the store. We never buy conventional display cases. We use antique furniture like dressers and bureaus and what not. We walk along until we get to our new favorite restaurant: Downtown Atlantic.

Now Downtown Atlantic is owned by a husband and wife team, Kurt and Fran. Like us they work together everyday. Fran is the baker and she make some great cupcakes let me tell you. Kurt runs the restaurant. We were there very early because of the screw up and were able to get in without a reservation which was great. They had a great price fix menu for Valentines Day and the wines are great and quite inexpensive. We even had a chance to really get to meet and talk to the owners which is what I always like to do. It seems like a great place.

And it saved my ass. It totally salvaged Valentines Day.

Someday this will be all yours kid.

" That's right."
"Just the case. Your mother is going to sell the boat."
"Sorry kid."
"But you see that's why I drink."

The news from Cheeseland is getting more boring by the day!

" I don't care!"
"I don't want to hear it."
"I won't listen!"
"I refuse to change anything."
"I don't care if there is no money."
"I have a doctor's note."

The Babe Abides.

"Yeah so I was tellin ya keed. That was some team. We had it all. But Huggins just wouldn't let us play. So I had to hold him out the back of the train till he promised to straighen up. He was a tough little monkey."
"But Babe he was just trying to keep your head in the game."
"My head in the game. Get the fuck out of here. I kept my head in some whores. The game is easy. You get up you swing and you hit it out of the park. That little fuckin midget just wanted to show who was boss."
"Well he's gone now."
"Yeah he didin take care of himself like me. Now I gotta go out and cough up half my fuckin lung. Buy those two dolls a drink and I will be right back."

Garage Mahal Road Kill Korner

Garage was going to the demonstation today but he got side tracked. They were busing in so many people from out of state that there was ton's of roadkill and he couldn't pass that up.

He even found some for the kiddies.

You got to start them young. Just sayn'

What the hey!!

Who is the monkey in the middle?

The Seasons over and we did ok!

Well they finished shooting the new season of What Not to Wear and we made it on twice. Which is about our average so we are very happy.

And very grateful and humble for all the business we get when people see the store on the show. This season it seems we have one great show and one not so much. But that's ok because any mention is a big help.

New Dresses on-line at Lee Lee's Valise

Like our new zippered Christine dress in the gold weave (pictured) and the abstract leopard print. And to celebrate the Presidents who fought for our freedom: Free Shipping all Presidents Day Weekend?

At leeleesvalise.com.

It's Hollywood Week!

Sorry I have been falling down on the Americna Idol blogging but I have been as tired as a one armed man in a paper hanging contest.

Wait. Is that a Hitler referance?

Anyhoo there were a ton of interesting things happening the past two days. In the first show they had group week which is a good name for it since it seemed like a group therapy session. There are an overabundance of deluded people this year. But putting them in groups seemed to bring out the worst in them. They were almost as loony as Wisconsin state employees. Well maybe not that loony but pretty bad anyway.

The chubby Baby Huey kid who is about ten years old got thrown out of one group by the evil mexican midget guy so they could take in the Randy Travis Pumpkin Head Deep Voice guy. Who showed great survival instincts by crying and saying he should of stood up for the kid but who didn't say shit when it counted. You know sort of like the Democrats who were all against the commies but didn't say shit until the Berlin War fell. So basicly Randy Travis Pumpkin Head Deep Voice guy is John Kerry.

All three of them made it through with our personal favortive wheelchair fiance guy and our new favorite Chocolate Pudding Luther Vandross Big Black Gay Guy who gave an unbelievable performance of "God Bless the Child." Lots of jazz riffs but the guy is really cool and if his emotions don't get the best of him he will go far.

The rocker screamer Tourettes dude didn't get much airtime but they did pimp the pepophiles delight who is a 15 year old who keeps hitting on Steven Tyler who has herpes that are older than she is. Also the scraggly bearded screamer dude did a star turn with a cello as he gave a Ray Charles style performance of Georgia.

So there seems to be a lot of talent this year.

And the judges are surprisingly bearable. I didn't think I would like Steven Tyler all that much but he grows on you. He is a cool dude. And J-Lo is sweet which was always an out bet but it is true. And Randy is Randy only more Randy if that is possible. Well maybe Steven Tyler is more randy...I don't know whatever.

Anyway it is a lot more to talk about than douchenozzle public employees. Just sayn'

Hey douchenozzles!

Douchenozzles used to be hidden away. They were never referred to in polite society. Everyone knew one but nobody talked about it. It was the personal feminine hygiene product that could not speak it's name.

But now they are out in force. They are everywhere. In the arts. In the army. Why they even elected one President of the United States. They have become the new in-thing. So my question to you is: Who is the biggest douchenozzle of them all?

Our new poll lets you choose. Who do you think is the biggest douchenozzle:

President Obama

Fred Wilponzie

Wisconsin Public Employees

New commenter and Union sycophant Dose of Sanity

Trooper York?

I have to be fair. You can call me a douchenozzle if you want. So what do you think?

Big things are coming......Seriously

I just can't talk about them yet.

I never know when I can post these days. Sometimes I can unexpectedly and other times I am to busy to post so I just drop comments here and there and don't have time to search out photos and prepare my own stuff.

But get ready. Big things are happening.

We could poke your eye out. Just sayn'

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

The wife and I are going to Curve lingerie show to look at models in bras and panties all day. So I won't be posting for the rest of day.

So you guys have a wonderful Valentines Day!

I hate packing.

It is just so much freaking work you know what I mean?

I still can't say shit.

But I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

Happy times.

My daughter came up from Florida for the weekend and we had blast. Of course she left on Sunday and the wife is still crying.

I keep telling her "There's no crying in Lee Lee's Valise!"

The workplaces of very sloppy people.

All those papers? Bills man. I shit you not.

Laura Bush's Diary

So anyhoo the girls and I were getting ready for our annual Super Bowl party and we went out to Costco. We had to stock up on the Lone Star Beer and the nacho chips and that piss Mountain Dew that W likes to drink ever since he went on the wagon. Thank God his parents aren’t coming this year. I really don’t want Barbara underfoot because then it would be all tequila shots and pork rinds and midget wrestlers. I am just jumping for joy that the bug eyed twat is staying with Jeb and Carmelita down in Florida.

We are loading the chips and the salsa and shit into the cart and I notice this woman pushing a cart filled with Depends and Cat food down the aisle and I had to wonder who was shopping for Peggy Noonan.
But doncha you know she looked real familiar. She sees me looking at her and tries to pretend that she doesn’t see me but we couldn’t avoid it as we had to pass each other in the aisle.

So she goes “Laura is that you? It’s me Susie.”
“Holy shit on a shingle is that you Susie. Susie Meredith. I heard that Dandy Don had passed. I am so sorry.”
“Thanks but we haven’t lived together for years.”
“Oh I am sorry to hear that. Well you take care now darling.”

When we get back in the car, Barbara goes to me “So who was that Mom?” Now Jenna doesn’t give a shit about stuff like that but Barbara is always very suspicious about people. She is like her grandmother that way. Old Barb is always asking who that was and what do they want. I guess she has a really guilty conscience the nasty old twat.

“Why that was Susie Meredith baby. She was Dandy Don Meredith’s wife. You know the ex-Dallas Cowboy quarterback and the guy who used to do Monday Night football with the nasty Hebe and horny old Frank Gifford.”
“Oh I love Frank Gifford,” piped up Jenna from the backseat. “I remember seeing that video with the stewardess that time. That ol’ boy was hung like a horse.” You see Jenna only worries about important stuff. Like cock size and where we can score some weed.
“So where do you know her from Momma,” piped up my prissy daughter.
“I didn’t really know her that well sugar. I knew Don from the old days before he stole her from her husband at the time. I think she was married before him to that actor from that movie with the all the monkeys in it. You know the one?”
“Who Charlton Heston from Planet of the Apes?”
“No not him the other movie with all the monkeys busting stuff up.”
“Who Danny Aiello?”
“No no his name was Kerry or Kier or some such shit. Whatever.”
“So old Dandy Don stole her away Momma.”
“Yeah and that was a big surprise to me let me tell you. A big surprise.”
I didn’t want to go into the details. But they were etched into my mind.

You see back in the day’s right after I left New York and went back to college I sort of lost contact with all my old girlfriends. It seemed we had all hooked up guys and you know what happens to your friendships with your girlfriends. It’s like that Sammie skank on Jersey Shore when was all up Ronnie’s ass and never had time for her girls. The only problem is that we were a little burned out and cynical from working the Peeps at Showworld. So the guys that got us going had to have a little kink. I mean all the girls used to give me shit because W was such a party animal. Especially in the bedroom. Plus the fact he liked to snort blow off my taint when he really got it going. But he turned out to be the tamest of the bunch.

You see Anita Gillette ended up in a master slave relationship with Bill Cullen. She had to humiliate herself but she got lots of gigs on game shows because Bill was a big deal with all that dreck. I mean she had to let him drop a Cleveland Steamer on her every Friday night but she got to be on the Match Game and Card Sharks and all kinds of shit and she made her way in Hollywood. So giving Gene Rayburn a golden shower will Bill fiddled with horn rims was just par for the course in TV Land.

Robyn Byrd was lost in her star crossed love affair with Soupy Sales. He was a furry and had her dress up all the time in various costumes. Like the Easter Bunny. Or the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. He was so weird that when she broke up with him and started hosting Midnight Blue she just thought hanging with Al Goldstein and oriental prostitutes with a little something extra were relatively normal. You know you where in a toxic relationship when hanging with a chick with a dick seems preferable. You know what I mean.

But of all the crazy relationships we had none of them was as bad as what happened to Joey Heatherton. You see we all thought it was very weird how she always hung out with her Dad the Merry Mailman. I just didn’t trust him. All of those kiddies’ hosts were stone freaks. So we encouraged her to go out and date and when she called us from her USO tour to say she met a football player we were all happy for her. Until we found out who it was.

You see she married Lance Rentzel who was a receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. Now the rumor always was that he was a wide receiver and that Dandy Don was the one who was getting him the balls in the right spot so to speak. Now we don’t care what floats your boat but we hoped that Joey would end up in a normal relationship. But Lance was in a weird symbiotic relationship thingy with Don Meredith the whole time he was on the Cowboys and a lot of people noticed it. I mean all the reporters ever wrote about was how they liked to share a whirlpool and went on vacations together and stuff. I mean some Sports Illustrated writer wrote a whole homo-erotic comedy book about it making fun of them but everyone knew it was them especially when they made that sucky movie. So when he married a sexpot like Joey Heatherton everyone was amazed. But it was the sixties and hot chicks were always marrying gay guys. I mean every movie Doris Day ever made was about that. But still and all we were all kind of shocked that Joey married Lance and we just hoped for the best.

The first couple of years seemed ok but then disaster struck. Lance was arrested for exposing himself. The funny part was that it was to a twelve year old girl. I mean it wasn’t funny-funny, it was weird funny. So Joey had to get a divorce and Lance was traded to the Chargers where everyone dumped their problems. And Dandy Don was heartbroken. So much so that he went out and stole that actor’s wife and stuff. The funny thing she was a dead ringer for Lance Rentzel. Well expect for the fact she wasn’t flashing her wiener. I think.

But like everything else that was a long time ago and everyone has forgotten the particulars. Dandy Don is worm food and Susie is stocking up on Meow Mix and Depends at Costco. I have to get back to the Super Bowl party. I really hope that the Packers lose. Who wants to hear those Cheese Heads saying “Did I tell you lately that the Packers won the Superbowl” all year long.

I think I will just have to spill some salsa on my twat and let W dip his chips and lap it up like the old days. After all this is a retro Super Bowl after all.

And I know that W would like it. It’s crazy that we are the only couple that is still together after all these years. He is still my freaky Valentine.

"Tell me, how did you find America?""Turn left at Greenland."

Man this is gonna make a rockin' rug to get a massage on....just sayn'

Good. For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble."

I mean shit. I didn't lose. You know what I'm sayin'

I still can't say shit.

But things are going good.

Stay tuned dudes.

I can not sit back and allow Communist subversion & the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of my precious bodily fluids!

If anybody is going to do it ......well it won't be a Commie.

Snerdly where's my Viagra?

Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it.

Get off of that intern Dave.

Sherif Ali, so long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous, and cruel as you

But he can he walk like an Egyptian?

Because I am nuts about you, and I would go down on my knees to worship you if you really wanted me to. Bud, I can't get along without you.

I just hope he is amused.

The gospel! The Gospel according to Brady! God speaks to Brady, and Brady tells the world! Brady! Brady! Brady, Almighty!"

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

"Mama, face it. I was the slut of all time."

New game. Guess the Movie. And the person in the photo.

Oh and blake can't get them all the time so give some of the others a chance. Just sayn'

Whose that Girl....Euroweenie division.

Whose that girl?

My best clue. She is famous for being able to fit a whole Scotsman in her mouth!

And of course for leather.

And no HD it is not Pinky Tescadaro.

Tales of Amys Garden

Bigwig: Hyzenthlay.
Hyzenthlay: Sir?
Bigwig: I'd like to talk with you.
Hyzenthlay: I don’t know you do I sir..
Bigwig: I used to live in the warren here in the lady’s garden. I noticed that some new rabbits moved in to our old warren. Where did you come from?
Hyzenthlay: From different places sir. We saw this empty warren and decided to live here. There are several of us..
Bigwig: I noticed. One of them seems to be sick or something. He talks in slang and insults all the other rabbit’s and their religion and everything. He doesn’t make a lot of sense. Sort of like Fiver when he is in a trance.
Hyzenthlay: Yes and one of our rabbits even traveled all the way from India. He is an Indian Rabbit and loves lecture to everyone!
Bigwig: Oh he must be the one with the dot in the middle of his forehead. He does seem to be very different from everyone and they all seem to yell at him a lot.
Hyzenthlay: Well sir many different types of rabbits have come to stay here.
Bigwig: That’s fine Hyzenthlay. Most of the rabbits that lived in the old warren have moved on. Along with the noisy gay blue jay. Even the self absorbed crow and that nasty old badger don’t go to the old warren all that much anymore. I am glad that new rabbits have moved in. Is the lady still as strange as she was when we lived there?
Hyzenthlay: Yes. She scares me. She is always walking around with these sticks on her feet. And she carries these poles with a pointy nail at the end. It could hurt a rabbit if she stuck you with it. And I think she likes to stick people. She laughs when they go ouch.
Bigwig: She can be cruel that way. You should be careful.
Hyzenthlay: What about the man who stays in her house. I think he is a farmer. Or at least someone with an unhealthy interest in potatoes.
Bigwig: He is ok. Just don’t interrupt it when they are not wearing any clothes on the porch and he stands behind her trying to push her off. At least I think that is what he is doing. He is always asking if she got off. He doesn’t like it when you interrupt him.
Hyzenthlay: I don’t know. He scares me too sometimes. Lately he has been wearing this big yellow hat on his head. I know it sounds strange but it looks like a piece of cheese. And last Sunday he ran out on the porch and shouted at his neighbors. In fact everyone was on the porch shouting. Something important must have happened...
Bigwig I am sure it wasn’t important. Otherwise I would have heard about it. Well I have to go now. Carry on Hyzenthlay.
Hyzenthlay: Will you be coming back again soon sir...
Bigwig I will be back from time to time on patrol. I like to know what is going on. Hazel doesn’t like surprises.
.

Hey I will be kind of busy so talk amongst yourselves please!

I will be very busy with my secret project the next two days so there will be very little posting. So amuse yourselves. And play nice.

Did you ever get the feeling......

That maybe garage changed his profile because he has something to hide?

Whose that girl shit kicker editon!

You know you are really a redneck if you know whose that girl?

Did you ever get the feeling.....

That when the Crack Emcee puts on his threads and goes out looking for love it is really something that has to be seen to be believed?

Did you ever get the feeling......

That you don't want to watch the Dust Bunny Queen when she does her taxes?

Did you ever get the feeling......

That you really don't want to ask Jason (the commenter) what he did during the 1980's? And why does he love plaid?

Did you ever get the feeling.....

That MDA action is not as cool as they make it out to be in Penthouse?

No body puts baby in a corner......

You feel lucky Mommy.....well do you!!!!!!!

Take the cannoli...and leave the gun

On second thought....where's the fuckin' gun. I hate Pauly Shore.

ADRIAN.......ADRIAN.....ADRIAN

Eye of the tiger......or of the puddycat?