The informer

Katie Madden: Ah, Gypo, what's the use? I'm hungry, and I can't pay my room rent. Have you the price of a flop on you?
Gypo Nolan: No.
Katie Madden: What's the use? Ah. don't look at me like that, Gypo! You're all I got! You're the only one. You know that. But what chance do we have to escape? Money! Some people have all the luck!
[Indicating the ad in the travel agency window]
Katie Madden: Look at that thing handing us the ha-ha! Ten pounds to America! Twenty pounds and the world is ours?
Gypo Nolan: What are you saying that for?
Katie Madden If only I could record something to sell. You know. From one of my customers. Maybe the spuldeen that owns the soccer team. Gypo can you get me a tape recorder?

Marilyn's Diary

We had a lot of strange neighbors living as we did in Southern California. There was Sandy Koufax who would come to visit Grandpa for sleepovers in his coffin on day games after night games. This Jewish Lawyer guy named Sterling who kept asking me out and telling never to take snapshots with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Aunt Lily's friend Charlie who had all these weird hippie chicks hanging around and who played the guitar really badly. And of course the Carradine brothers. They were really creepy.

These little freaks loved to run around with my filthy cousin Eddie. They would run around peeping in peoples windows trying to catch a glimpse of them naked or having sex. Or in Eddie's case trying to see them pee.

The worst of them was the oldest Davey. He introduced Eddie to the joys of jerking off. But not just regular jerking off. He liked to be choked while he was choking the chicken. That is why when they played "Bonanza" they all fought to be the guy who was being hung. I told Uncle Herman that he should put a stop to it but he laughed it off. So did Grandpa. They thought it was a harmless hobby.

I thought they would all come to a bad end.

It is a very boring rainy day

It is a very rainy boring day in Brooklyn. Nobody is out because it is raining really hard and it is cold and miserable.

I am in the store by myself and the Hanky Panky order came in so I had to check all the panties in so we make sure that we got what we ordered.

Nothing like sorting through women's underwear to pass the time.

The least racist man in the world.

He walks all the dogs in Madison to make sure that they won’t bark at black people.

He goes all over the internets to fight white privilege wherever it might be found.

He financially supports his racist black commenters so they can be free to harangue white people on a nonstop basis.

He never washes his drawers because wearing tightie whities are racist.

He throws black ink on people wearing LA Clipper Jerseys.

He worships the Kardashians because they only suck black dick.

He demands that the Bakeries stop selling black and white cookies and only sell black cookies.

He puts all of the black licorice Twizzlers in front of the red ones so people will buy them first.

He inspects children’s Easter baskets to make sure they only have black jellybeans.

He is the least racist man in the world.

Stay non-racist my friend.

 

Storage Wars 3

We are building a twelve by ten storage locker in the basement to hold all of our off season clothing. It will be lined in cedar to keep the bugs and mice out.

This is what we finally decided on instead of moving to the city.  By creating clean safe storage in the basement we can empty out the back store and set up the lingerie store to maximize the earnings potential of our site.

It works out to about a hundred bucks a month which is a lot cheaper than the cheapest storage unit. We should be done next week. But in the meantime we will be working like dogs to get everything done.

Storage Wars 2

We had to go to our storage unit on Third Avenue to empty it out. We are building a storage unit in the basement. It is pretty elaborate and I will describe in a different post.

Of course this was the storage unit filled with the stuff from the back room of the store that the people on the show took to storage. We haven't had occasion to go there since we filled it and it was time to close it out and save the money. Of course I couldn't find the key so I had to have my friend Linus who runs the joint cut the lock for me.

He couldn't break it with the clippers so he had bring up the saw to cut it off. It took a good ten minutes because it was a really good lock.

The unit was filled with a lot of clothes that we have no way to sell since it is out of date and not trendy anymore. So we donated it all to a battered woman's charity so it will go to a good cause. They came to help us clean out the locker and close it down.

It was a lot of work and I was exhausted after it was done.

Storage Wars 1

The Killer Angels

Joshua Chamberlain looked down from Little Round Top. He could see the butternut clad forces of Lee’s Army drawing together for a charge. Their tattered battle standards whipped in the wind as the Rebs checked the loads in their rifles and readied their battered footgear for the fight ahead. His brother Tom came to stand beside him. “Sure is a lot of Johnnie Rebs coming this way Josh. Did the General tell you what we should do when you went up the hill?”
Kilrain spit out a gob from his chaw. “I doubt old Meade has a plan. He dithers like an old woman. I think he left us out here on the sharp end of the stick Colonel darling.”
Chamberlain looked over the battlefield. “We are here to do our duty Tom. It is a noble cause we are engaged in. A fight to set men free.”
"Do you think people will remember this Josh a hundred years from now?”
Kilrain spit. “Not hardly. Man is quick to forget a good turn. The only thing they will husband is a grudge. This is a rich man’s war and a poor man’s fight.”
“No I don’t think that’s right Buster. I think people will long remember what we do here. Our comrades have laid down their lives to set men free. That will never be forgotten.”
“It is a fine man you are Colonel darling but you couldn’t be more wrong.”

Why has our country become so pussified?

I mean everyone is losing their shit about Pineda using a little pine tar. What the fuck? Whitey Ford and Gaylord Perry put more spit on the ball than the Occupy Wall Street Assholes spit on the cops. It's not the end of the world. You have to take your best advantage to win the game. Yogi used to sharpen his shin guard buckle and would rub the ball and cut it up for Whitey to throw the screwgie. I mean Whitey could make the ball dip if the label was stamped crooked.

Cut the crap pussies. There is no room for pussies in baseball.

I mean who was surprised?

On the Reunion of the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" there was a weave snatching incident. All around psycho and bad actor Kenya Moore brought some props to the reunion. She was on a island since all the other bitches hate her guts. Three of them conspired to attack her. But she has balls. (No I think she really has balls).

Kenya brought a scepter to point at the other women like she was some kind of Queen. Not the Palladian kind of Queen. The bad tooth British type of Queen. So all around dimwit and video ho Porsha Stewart grabbed it out of her hand and through it across the room. Kenya told her she would stop using it if Porsha could spell "scepter." Hilarity ensued. I mean Porsha was named after a car and she couldn't even spell that right.

Porsha couldn't take the insults and the spelling questions so she stood up and got in the face of what she called "a washed up from the 1990's ratchet ho" and grabbed her by the weave and dragged her across the floor. Security and production jumped in and broke it up. Kenya walked off yelling "Your fired." Porsha was sent home by production. Reports are that she is fired.

There is a lot of talk about how all of the Housewives franchises are segregated. There are only latina's on Miami except for Lia Black, only white woman on NY, Beverly Hills and Orange County and only blacks on Atlanta. There was a white woman Kim Zolciak on Atlanta but she was kicked off in a midst a bunch of racial animosity. To mean this is the real measure of the racial state of America. Much more so than the ravings of a kept man in Madison and his pet Bubbles. People self segregate. They stick with their own kind. Interaction is limited at best. It is just the way it is.

I never get to have any fun!

I have temporarily fixed my employee problem. We have a couple of African American employees. So I told the wife that I wanted to wear my white suit and my planters hat. I already have the goatee and the cane.

I can go the full Django.

Opulance

Every tyrant intent on world domination should have a tiny giraffe.

That and a cat to stroke. But I am allergic. So I have to stick to a giraffe. Made out of human flesh.

Problems of a shopkeeper

So we have to make a decision. An example of one of the many decisions we have to make every day.

We have this rich vibrant fabric that we have to decide how to cut. There is a print on the bottom of the fabric. We call it the ovary fabric for obvious reason. The decision is how to cut it. If we use the first method we get more dresses but it is very much a "dressy" dress. It is more for an event then everyday. The other way utilizes the print on the top of the dress. Makes it more of an "everyday" dress.

So which one would you do ladies?

Who is this Jim Dolan character?

Well it ain't the guy who owns the Garden and Cablevision. He is to busy fucking up the Knicks and the Rangers to bother posting on Lem's Levity.

He ain't the baldheaded dofous who is busy running to fires and shootings for Eyewitness News in NYC. He is too busy screwing up his reporting to post on the internet.

It ain't even the Jim Dolan who was one of the main troublemakers in the famous "Lincoln County War" along with more famous scoundrels such as John Chisum, Pat Garret and William Bonney.

It is your humble correspondent and bathing beauty Trooper York.

I switched my business email to Google Mail so I have to be signed in to work on my emails. So when I surf over somewhere sometimes I forget to change back so my real name comes out occasion. Since I only post here and at Lem's I am not to worried about it.

You can tell by the picture I don't sweat much.

Problems of a shopkeeper

So I have been extremely  busy the last couple of days and goofed off on my posting. I am in the midst of changing  my back store into a complete different thing I am putting a lingerie store there and have to get all of the stuff out of the back room so I can open up this side entrance as a separate store.

I have been interviewing contractors which is always a pain in the ass. The first thing I am doing is setting up a room in the basement to store all of my off season goods. It will be lined in cedar to take care of the moth and insect problems. They are starting today and should be finished by the end of the week. I will move most of my back stock there. Then I have to put an electric gate on the gate you see pictured. NYC passed a law that all new gates have to be see-through. So it is mandated that I use a different style if I want to change the gate. Now this works because I will have displays for people to see so that I can pump up sales.

I am also in the midst of trying to finalize our wholesale line and fulfilling the order for Japan. While trying to find new employees and a new production factory in Brooklyn.

I am as busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

But it is all good.

Holy Thursday Humor

So I was in the bakery across the street getting some coffee when Father Sansone from Sacred Hearts comes in to pick up his pastry. Maria the owner greets him and turns with her back to us to ring up another customer. Now he had double parked outside and he saw the guy at the curb start to pull away and he rushes outside to move his car.

Maria turns around and goes to me "Where did Father go?"

I said "Oh he left. He will be back in three days."

We both had a laugh.

Whose you're favorite Western Actor

Whose you're favorite Western Actor of all time:

Jack

Claude

Hank

Ben

Hey I figure why not pick from "real" western actors. (all misspellings are made just to annoy Sixty)

Tom Doniphon or Quirt Evans?

There is a base canard put forward by many a moron that John Wayne played the same character in every film. That he only played John Wayne. He did play a type that is true. But there were variations on the theme.

The question who do we want to be? Tom Doniphon or Quirt Evans?

Quirt Evans was the outlaw who gave up his guns for the love of a woman in "The Angel and the Badman." This is one of my favorite John Wayne movies of all time. Quirt quit his job as Wyatt Earp's deputy and sold his ranch to go and seek revenge against the men who killed rancher Walt Ennis who raised him from a pup. He was injured and nursed back to health by a Quaker family. He falls in love with the daughter and she eventually gets him to turn away from the way of the gun. To the point that he puts his life at risk.

Tom Doniphon is a different kettle of fish. He loves Hallie with all of his heart. Loves her enough to let her go to Ransome Stoddard the feminized lawyer who falsely gets credit for the murder of Liberty Valance. Tom shoots him down in cold blood. Without remorse. He is the cynical bitter edge of the Western hero. The hetero hero who is gone today. The world  these days wants everyone to be like Ransome Stoddard. The lawyer. The politician. The liar. The fraud.

People scorn the Tom Doniphon's these days. Even though they are out there keeping us safe. Those hard men risk their lives so the Ransome Stoddards can collect their awards and accolades.

But we know the truth..

A funny thing happened on my way to the forum!

I stopped off for a drink at this motel in Iowa and it turned out to be Caesar's Palace.  Well Sid Caesar's Palace.

It was a new thing out in the boonies.

At least they had hot and cold running Joey Heathertons.

What am I saying? Joey is always hot!

Whose that girl?

n

You might call her a whore, a prostitute or a jezebel but that would not be her name. Only a synonym. You could call her that outside her window and she might come out on the balconey. But she played so many queens that she might blow you off anyway.

Whose that girl?

The Sixto Sense

"Look I weeen de prize."
"I have the glove ...the big metal glove."
"When I am home I like to get nakid and put my beisbols in the metal glove."
"It is mucho frio.....feels so good against my skin."
"I love my beisbols so frio."
"That is why I love Milwaukee. De peoples is so frio."

So who do you want to get all hetero with?

Shouting Thomas wants us to get all hetero normal so we need a poll:

What hot babe of the 1960's do you want to get all hetero on?

Laura

Joey

Jeanie

Pepper

Let me know dudes!

The Good Bad Man

The first major example of the "Good Bad Man" in the Duke's filmography is "The Ringo Kid" in the seminal John Ford western "Stagecoach."

The name Ringo is iconic since it brings back echoes of the outlaw associated with the Clanton's of OK Corral fame. The Ringo Kid is an outlaw return to the town of Lordsburgh to get revenge for the murder of his Father and Brother. The Stagecoach picks him up on the road and they agree to let him ride as the shotgun guard to help defend against the Indians. He falls in love with the prostitute Dallas but still goes out to face the Plummers. Because the Good Bad man is bound by his code. Justice before personal satisfaction.

This is the epitome of the Western hero that John Wayne has played over and over again. An archetype that has been copied over and over again.

The Duke didn't give a shit if you were light in your loafers.

I mean he was able to work with big time mo's like Montgomery Clift and Lawrence Harvey with out any problems. If he had a problem with them he would never have worked with them. It would have come through on screen.

In fact he hired Laurence Harvey to play Colonel William Travis in his life long obsession "The Alamo."  Harvey was gay and continued to beg the Duke to have sex with him through out the filming of the Alamo. The Duke just laughed him off and continued to make the picture. He didn't give a shit. He just gave him a job in one of his most prominent roles alongside Richard Windmark and the great Chill Wills.

Of course that is not enough for the facists who demonize everyone who does not toe the gay line. But then again the Duke didn't give a shit.

Why should we?

The Duke was a great actor

There has been a lot of bullshit about the Duke and whether or not he was a great actor. I think that here is no that he was. The range of his roles might have been limited but within them he became the ultimate icon of that type of character. An icon that resonates to this day. Even as respected an actor as Cagney is not as copied as the Duke. The Duke's portrayal of the "good" bad man with a moral code is the basis of so many movies and TV shows that it is laughable. He was not the first to portray this archetype. But he was the best.

 

From Ringo in "Stagecoach" to Captain Brittles in "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" to Tom Dunstan in "Red River" he portrayed the loner with violent instincts with a code of honor that is the standard in drama in movies and TV. I have been watching this new TV show called "Believe" in which the protagonist is a little girl with telekinetic powers. Her father was a criminal on Death Row who was busted out to protect her from shadowy government entities. He is a criminal and a violent man but he has a code. He is playing a "John Wayne" role.

 

You know who is a contemporary "John Wayne" role? Raylan Givens on "Justified." He is a violent man who is quick on the trigger who still has compassion for people like the young Kendal Crowe. Raylan Givens and Hondo are the same guy.

 

People copy the Duke's act all the time. To say he was not a great actor is just foolish.

Keep his name out of your mouth.

 

 

Last night on the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" the diva Nene Leakes appeared on a talk show and she talked about how one of the other girls was nothing but a shit stirrer. This other broad Kenya spent the whole season playing one lady off against another to bring the drama. When Andy Cohen the producer asked who should be fired Nene said definitely not Kenya. Because she was good for the show. All of her drama and bullshit brought eyes to the show and they need to keep her for the good of the show.

One of my lurkers emailed me a link of a post by the Evil Blogger Lady where she attacks the Duke. She tries to set him up as a homophobe because of a quote from the new bio that just came out. So naturally she wants to mock and denigrate him and leaves that out there like a big turd in the punchbowl. She got some pushback in the comments but not as much as she would if I jumped in to set the record straight. Which I will not do.

This lurker is acting like Kenya. Stirring the shit. Trying to get a reaction. Even if I don't go over there I could still react at Lem's joint the next time Lawnboy shows up to shit in the punchbowl. But I won't.

Neither one of those douchebags is worthy of talking about a great American like John Wayne. Their knowledge about the Duke, his movies and his beliefs are as shallow as their knowledge of just about everything they are talking about.

I would like to ruminate about the Duke here for a while. I hope you will indulge me.

Ari nails it.

So I wander over to Lem's and I notice that Leisure Suit Larry trolls a serious topic right out of the box. Aridog calls him on it and of course there is a tit for tat. Ari rightfully calls out Lem who as usual is silent on the matter. I have been mulling over this very subject for a while.

I think if Leisure Suit Larry is a continuing welcome presence on Lem's Levity then I will be scaling back my participation there in a big way. I don't want or need contact with those people. It might be time to step back. If the idea is to call out Larry and his pet Bubbles then it is time to move on.

Whose that girl?

She was in a lot of science fiction movies but never a monster movie which was strange because she was a mummy but never a mommy. A famous playboy bunny she dug one of the stars of "The Green Beret's" (Not the Duke of course he only went for Spanish chicks).

Whose that girl?

People repeat themselves

So we were noodling along trying to pick something to watch on Demand when most of the TV had reruns. Demand and Net Flicks lets you pick new stuff to enjoy instead of being stuck watching the same old shit.

We found this show from the USA network called "Sirens." It is made by that asshole Dennis Leary who also made "Rescue Me" the show about fireman that ran for years on FX. It is pretty much the same set up. Fast talking city workers with morbid senses of humor and non politically correct speech dealing with the public. It is the fireman show without the fires. Instead they are paramedics who get strange patients. You guys who cut off their fingers that they steal to impress a girl or Mo's who get a plastic bottle stuck up their butt. It is entertaining if derivative. Worth a look see if you liked "Rescue Me."

The one thing is that one of the paramedics looks just like Eddie Munster. It is freaking weird.

Problems of a shopkeeper.

I have the same UPS guy for seven years. I have him trained. I mean when I get packages when we are closed he calls me and I come open the store so he can deliver them and they don't go back in the system to get battered around and fucked up. I tip him very nicely. Not just on Christmas but whenever he does me a solid. Consequently I get pretty good service.

So we texted him Monday to check on some deliveries and get some pretty bad news. He texts "I got fired." It seems that both the day and night guys got fired along with about 200 other UPS drivers. Naturally we were very upset. Lisa because she felt bad for them and their families. Me because I have to train a new monkey. We speculated why they got fired. I thought it might be that the fired the guys with seniority and lots of vacation and they can replace them with newbies for less money and less vacation days. These idiots had like two months vacation for crying out loud. They seem to be off more than they work. But I had to wonder: What about the Union?

Well I befriended the new guy and he gave me the scoop. It seems the shop steward got his balls twisted and told his members to walk off the job in an unsanctioned strike. So the company fired them all because it was a violation of their contract. So the company fired them all. Hilarity ensued.

The President of the Teamsters flew in yesterday to broker a deal. It seems that they got their jobs back. With heavy fines and suspensions. I think they are a little cowed. These are not the times to fuck around. People are desperate. There is a lot of bad shit happening.

There is one good thing. I get my trained Monkeys back soon.

Whose that girl with the nice choppers?

She was starlet of the seventies who should never have taken a cruise. Not a hardy performer she was a more delicate flower who was in several series that were winners but never quite a dynasty.

Whose that girl?

Marilyn's Diary

My Uncle Herman could never connect with Eddie. He would try to do father and son things with him all the time.

He would take him to the ball game and introduce him to Leo Durocher and Don Drysdale. Of course Eddie wasn't impressed because Sandy Koufax would come to our house all the time for sleepovers with Grandpa. He even slept with him in his coffin.. It was a tight fit but they climbed in head to feet. It must of been a tight fit because they made a lot of noise.

Uncle Herman would try to get Eddie interest in manly pursuits. He tried to teach him how to fix the car but Eddie didn't care. He only wanted to sneak around at night and peep into peoples windows. Or try to steal dirty underwear.

Eddie was a freak. I mean he was even a freak for a werewolf. He would always try to sneak around and peep at me. He didn't want to see my tits or my ass. He just wanted to see me pee. I had to be careful because I didn't want him to catch Uncle Herman when he would sneak into my room to make hot Munster love to me. So what I would do is deliberately pee in a pair of my panties. It would be sopping wet. I would put it on the windowsill as if I was trying to dry it. Eddie would smell it. He had a sniffer like a bloodhound. He would steal my undies and take it back to his coffin and wack off all night long.

So it was safe for Uncle Herman to sneak in and make love to me.

All it cost was a pair of panties and a little pee.

I shouldn't make fun of Ernie and Ethel's Marriage

Because now they could sue you if you won't make their wedding cake.

Betty Rubble is a Dirty Girl

Betty likes to drink.

Betty likes to have fun.

One time Betty went to the Bed Rock Inn and had a couple of shots of tequila and passed out.

The next time she did the same thing and she passed out again.

When she came in the next day the bartender asked "So do you want some tequila."

Betty said "No when I drink tequila my pussy hurts the next day."

Betty Rubble is a Dirty Girl.

Hint to MamaM about the All Star Game

Welcome Shouting Thomas

Hey I sent out an invite to Shouting Thomas who should be joining us shortly. Right now he is hanging out with the "Old Dawgs" as they are gearing up for the swimsuit competition for Mr. Woodstock New York.

My money is on the Midget.

It looks my employee problems are over for a bit.

I have finally been able to find a couple of girls to work in the store. Two lovely young black ladies who will work out just fine. One will be in  the front store and the other will be working in the new back  lingerie store I am putting in the back.

I do have to laugh when moron's in the Witless Protection Program in Wisconsin lecture me about black people. I have hired more black people than they have actually met in their fucking pinched and desperate lives. It's not something I have to talk about. It is just what we do. We treat people as people. Not as a class or some sort of sub species or some shit like that there.

Now I just have to learn how to say their names. Why isn't anybody named Mary or Gina or something?