You got to spell it right man.

The Pinkerton man: Her name is Lilly, with two "L's." Matt Lowe was never married. Better luck next time!

Jesse: Lilly.

Grady: With two "L's."

Jesse: One of 'um must stand for "liar." You sure it wasn't spelled with two "T's" and "A."

(The Train Robbers, 1973)

Plumbing the depths baby.

Ransom Stoddard: You're not going to use the story, Mr. Scott?

Maxwell Scott: No, sir. This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

(The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, 1962)

Same thing, different reasons.

Col. John Henry Thomas: [Thomas and Langdon are talking to the Mexican bandit] Is the flap on your holster snapped or unsnapped, my Confederate friend?

Col. James Langdon: Snapped, my Yankee friend.

Col. John Henry Thomas: Then, I guess I'm his pigeon. [Draws and fires as the Mexican goes for his gun] I am getting too old for this. My ass hurts.

Col. James Langdon: Mine too, but for different reasons.

(The Undefeated, 1969)

Enough with the crying lets talk about the Yankees.

The worst part of what happens when you team loses is you can't listen to the sports radio station or read too many newspapers because everyone is crying. Hey the Giants lost. It sucks. But the Eagles outplayed us and won fair and square. Just because they were jacked up on meth is no reason to piss and moan. Get over it.

The real problem I have is that it seems the Madonna has dropped A-Rod. That sucks, I just lost a lot of material. I can't get as much out of Kate Hudson who he is banging now.

Maybe he can hook up with Jennifer Aniston or the Olsen twins or something.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene, is not safe for work.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene, is not safe for work. I try my best to be carefull but sometimes you get a shot where you have to show the beaver.

Sorry.

Bass is winning big time!

Bass Ale is way our in front so Hoosier Daddy and Original Mike can sleep like a baby. Still a little time to vote so good luck to all these great beers.

Well tonight I am going to sleep like a baby.

Well tonight I am going to sleep like a baby. I am going to cry when I wake up in the middle of the night. Have something to drink. Fall asleep while whimpering. And wet myself.

See you tomorrow sports fans.

Jager.

Poor Garage Mahal, the professor smacks him down again.

Poor Garage Mahal. Althouse basically told him to go off to a room to whack off where no one could here him. I mean why would he do that when he could just hang out in his garage with all the hot chicks. A lot of unnecessary hostility there. It just smells bad.

Or did I misread the situation.

Jager, Jager, Jager.

The Giants needed a hero!

There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are.
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road when you face the world alone;
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.
You can find love if you search within your self
and the emptiness you felt will disappear.

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.
(Hero, Mariah Carey)

Hey something is out front...I mean someone is out front..I mean someone is winning!

Hey Bass has pulled out into the lead with one day left in the poll. Lets get those final votes in.

I am taking suggestions for our next poll. I am thinking of hot chicks that all you guys are afraid of from TV but I am open to a better idea.

Jager.

Well I have to get ready to forget the Giants loss today.

Well I have to get ready to forget the Giants loss today. So I will probably go to church or something appropriate like that there.

I just want to do it with class you know?

Crises during the playoff game.

Big crises during the game. A girl comes into the store with her mother and wants to buy a dress to wear to the inaugural ball. The problems is she smelt like the Gowanus Canal. Her pits were horrendous and she only wanted to try on high end clothes. There is no good solution in a situation like that. If she tries on clothes she can smell up your stuff that you have to steam and air out for a week. Do you tell her to go home and take a shower and come back? Will she write something nasty on the internet because that is the type of person who will do that. The wife came in the back to confer while I was watching the Giants game so we could decide what to do. My vote was to ask her to leave but we decided to play it out. She only stunk out one dress and bought the other one she tried on along with a shit pot full of accessories. So in the end we did the right thing.

We just have to air out and steam the other dress for the rest of the week.

Did I tell you lately that the Giants will not win the Super Bowl?

Did I tell you lately that the Giants won't win the Super Bowl?

We blew it big time when it was right in front of us to win. Turnovers and not being able to convert on third down killed us. The Eagles beat us fair and square and I congratulate AJ and all the Philly fans. Job well done.

Did I tell you lately that the Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl?

Hey some three ways just don't work out!

Well the 3 way tie is over for now and Newcastle is in the lead. There is still time to vote.

Remember the buck stops here. So to speak.

Are you looking at my bum?

You know the main stream media used to concern themselves with the important stuff. Hot chicks on bikes. None of this global warming bullshit.

Hey we have cool white skinny jeans this summer if you want to look like Bailey.

So Waddaya want?

Slob: [Slob, standing next to Kotty] You smell nice, what is it?

Kotty: Soap, you should try it sometime.

(Shack out on 101,1955)

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene is for the dolls.

Hey I know how you dolls act. You see a guy in a bathtub and you just have to check out his balls.

Dirty girls.

Sometimes you just can't keep your eyes on the road.

Sometimes it's hard to concentrate. I am trying to write out bills and do emails, but with the Giants game on and my blogging addiction I am not getting anything done. Oh well. There is still a lot of time left in the day.

You have to be humble!

You have to be humble in this life. One day you are young and hot and everything that everyone wants. Then the years pass and you get older and there are fewer opportunities and you try to right against Mother Nature.

You should be happy with who you are. What you have grown up to be.Time passes. Be humble on the way up because you are going to meet the same people on the way down.

Oh and stay away from bee's. Especially those salt water bees.

I wish someone had told Heather Locklear that. Poor kid.

Hey I can out act a hood ornament.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker: (pulls up in squad car) So what’s the deal?
Officer Stacy Sheridan: How come your named Hooker and I had to act like a whore to get this job?
Officer Vince Romano: Yeah me too. What’s up with that?
Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I’ll be right with you. First, I have to roll over the hood of a car and throw my wife into the swimming pool. You two be naked in my trailer by the time I get back.
(TJ Hooker, 1982)

Just to see if An Edjamikated Redneck is paying attention.

Bailey Quarters: Have you noticed all the men in Landersville are going bald? I wonder if there's a nuclear power plant in the area.

Johnny Fever: Let's do it.

Baily Quarters: But I like Andy.

Andy Travers: I'd like to hang around Bailey but I have to pinch off a loaf and walk my rare clumbers.

(WKRP, 1979)

Is that a Sequoia in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Bonanza
We chased lady luck, 'til we finally struck Bonanza.

With a gun and a rope and a hat full of hope, planted a family tree.

We got hold of a pot of gold, Bonanza.

With a horse and a saddle, and a range full of cattle, how rich can a fellow be?

On this land we put our brand,

Cartwright is the name,

fortune smiled,

the day we filed the Ponderosa claim.

Here in the West, we're livin' the best, Bonanza,

if anyone fights any one of us, he's go a fight with me, Bonanza.

Hoss and Joe and Adam know every rock and pine,

no one works, fights, or eats, like those boys of mine.

Here we stand in the middle of a grand Bonanza.

With a gun and a rope and a hatful of hope, we planted our family tree,

we got hold of a potful of gold, Bonanza.

With a houseful of friends where the rainbow ends,

how rich can a fellow be?

On this land we put our brand, Cartwright is the name,

fortune smiled, the day we filed the Ponderosa claim.

Here in the west we're livin' the best Bonanza.

With the friendliest, fightingist, loving band,

that ever set foot in the promised land, and we're happier than them all.

That's why we call it Bonanza...Bonanza...Bonanza...

(Lyrics written by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans.)

I have to strap it on and go out into the street.

Matt Dillon: I'm sorry Kitty. But you knew it when you met me. I have to strap it on and go out in the street and meet my fate.
Miss Kitty: But Matt, I already strapped it on, don't you like it? Lets go back to the Long Branch. I will let you guess how I came up with that name.
Matt Dillon: Kitty you are the greatest. Hey do you have a guitar?
(Gunsmoke, 1968)

It's an RH Hardin 3 Way!

It 's three way tug RH Hardin style. When he want's to give the chickens a rest he knows it's time to screw the pooch. So to speak.

And we don't want to screw the pooch in our beer poll which is still a three way tie with Bass, Samuel Smiths and Newcastle tied at 7 votes each. Let's get some more votes to win this puppy.

Eh let me rephrase that.

There are some good Eagles fans, like AJ but I am afraid we will still have to spank you. You dirty birds.

Our ace commenter the "wonderful" AJ Lynch has emailed us the official uniform for Eagles fans for Sundays game. Since it will be about five below I think they might need some help so as to not freeze and I am willing to offer a helping hand.

Well two helping hands.

Did I tell you lately that the Giants are going to win the Super Bowl?

Want a Free one?

Delilah Fitzgerald: Are you still goin' to kill those men?

Will Munny: I reckon so. The money's still available, ain't it?

Delilah Fitzgerald: Yeah. Your two friends have been taking advances on the money.

Will Munny: What?

Delilah Fitzgerald: You know, free ones. [Will looks confused]

Delilah Fitzgerald: Alice and Silky been givin' them free ones. Would you like a free one?

Will Munny: I reckon not.

Delilah Fitzgerald: [Misunderstanding Will] I didn't mean with me. Alice and Silky would be glad to give you one.

Will Munny: I meant I didn't want a free one with Alice or Silky. Because of my wife back home. I reckon if I was to want a free one, it would be with you.

I don't known if I heard right but Knox picked up on it too!!!

Now I don't know if I read it right, or if it was just an off hand comment or what the fuck, but I think I heard a certain law professor would be happy to go to dinner and see Gran Torino with a certain horny commenter of ours. Go for it big guy.

Just bring some supplies. Breath mints. Condoms. A stun gun. A video camera.

Good luck.

Six tokes over the line baby.

New York Post Weird but True January 10, 2009

Here's a guy who may soon find eternal rest - in the hoosegow.
A former employee of a funeral home in Walnut Ridge, Ark., broke in one night and began setting up a meth lab in the basement in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately for him, he forgot the sheriff's office was right across the street.
Cops noticed something was amiss when they spotted the lights on and busted him.

Man overboard.

New York Post Weird But True January 10, 2009

A paraplegic fisherman survived for 15 hours after falling into the sea off Japan.
Toshiyuki Nashiro, 55, was not wearing a lifejacket, but managed to tread water using his well-toned upper body until rescuers arrived.
"I had no worries," he said.

He has decided to change his name to Bob.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene, is it a sex toy or a sex tool?

I mean who in their right mind would call it a sex tool? There are so many more important things to argue about.

Like is A-Rod really Madonna's sex toy or is he just a tool.

(Rubber Ducky I love you)

Get off of my lawn.

Walt Kowalski: Jesus, Joseph and Mary. These Hmong broads are like badgers.
(Gran Torino, 2009)

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, MacArthur Park Edition

The Latin Quarter 2 am at the club.
Jorge Posada: Hey Derek it’s really strange being here in the city off season. The tour of the new Stadium was sweet.
Derek: Yeah I can’t wait for spring training.
Jorge Posada: Yeah me too. Man those Giants are getting all the action man. Look at that Armani Bradshaw. That’s one hot chica he’s got hanging on him there. Thank God Eli Manning is married. Otherwise you would never get any poontang Jeter.
Derek Jeter: Hey I do ok. Why should I complain? They are the World Champs. They get the glory and the girls now. It’s been a while since we won.
Jorge Posada: Yeah right.
Joba Chamberlain: That’s all right Mr. Jeter. You get all the girls.
Derek Jeter: True. It's been a lot better since Plaxico shot himself in the balls. Hey look over there. Holy Shit! It's A-Rod.
Jorge Posada: And he's got that puta Madonna with him.
Derek Jeter: Oh man we got to roll up on that. This is too sweet.(Jeter, Posada and Joba walk across the club to say hello)
Derek Jeter: Hey guys howz it going? (Fist bumps and air kisses all around)
Jorge Posada: Hey Jefe. How ya doing?
A-Rod: Hey honey you remember my teammates. Derek, Jorge and Joba.
Madonna: Are you a member of the tribe Jewba?
Joba: Well I am part Chippawa if that’s what you mean.
Derek: It's just an expression rook. She wants to know if you are Jewish. You guys were really all over the papers.
A-Rod: Well you know how it is Jeets. Sometimes you can’t help it.
Jorge Posada: What Jeter? He keeps all that stuff private.
Madonna: Well I don't see why. Any publicity is good publicity.
Joba:(under his breath) Not that photo in Central Park.
Madonna: What?
A-Rod: Something about a park. (The song "Mac Arthur Park" comes on)
Madonna: Oh Allie Baby it's our song. (Madonna strips off her top and starts giving A-Rod a dirty lap dance)
Jeter and Posada look at each other and mouth: "MacArthur Park"
Madonna:(The song ends and Madonna slug a shot of Kabala water and Patron) Oh shit that was great. It reminds me of when we were massaging each other in Central Park. I poured Kabala water on you and licked it off like a cake in the rain.Hey Derek you have to look after your soul. Do you want to know about kabala.
Derek Jeter: Thanks but I have a Satellite dish, I don’t need cable. We have to go. We are working out tomorrow so we'll see you.(Jeter, Posada and Joba flee the club)
Jorge Posada: Oh man, did you see the stringy arms on that bitch. I seen more muscle tone on dead junkie’s man. If she is gonna be around, it is going to be a long season man.

Sarah Palin won't touch our Poll

Sarah Palin won't touch our Poll, so we are still tied in a three way fight to the finish.

Bass, Newcastle and Samuel Smiths are all tied with six votes and we need some more new blood.

So if you haven't voted, you have been very naughty. But if you vote now I won't tell.

And neither will Sarah.

You spoiled me for other women.

Glennister: I imagine that dress is supposed to have a chilling effect. Well if it is, it isn't working, 'cuz you'd look good to me, baby, in a burlap bag.

(The Spoilers, 1942)

Impeach? Eat a peach? What?

Why do I care if they impeach Blago. New York scandals are better. More sex and violence.

Yes you love to rub my belly don't you bitch.

Mickey got progressively worse as the years went on. He was always a heavy drinker but he started doing drugs in the sixties when he dropped acid with Cary Grant. He even hung out with Charles Manson and the Beach Boys a few times. But just for the chicks. He was into younger and younger girls all the time. The last straw was when he knocked up the little mermaid. She had a whole school of rat fish. Walt forced him to marry Minnie. They had been engaged for forty five years. But it was all a sham.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

Rub my belly again.

Mickey was jealous of all the other characters. Even though he was the star and focal point of many, many movies he wanted to star in all of them. He tried to play the Daffy Duck roles but he couldn’t handle the accent. He demanded to star in the Lady and the Tramp but he couldn’t learn to suck the spaghetti. He even wanted to play Prince Charming but Walt had to lay down the law and let him know that the Prince couldn’t be a rodent. Or black. Things were different in those days.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

Rub my belly.

The problem with the Disney studio was that Mickey dominated everything. He went from an amusing rodent to a power mad despot. Since he was the most popular of the cartoon characters he demanded all kinds of perks. He even had a casting couch. He had to bang every one of the cartoons who auditioned for the role of Snow White. They had to be able to rub his belly and whisper sweet and comforting words like his mother used to do. And of course, they had to enjoy anal.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

The Star Packer, and his name ain't Brett!

U.S. Marshal John Travers: Whaddya find out?

Yak: Two men gonna hold up stage - Coyote Canyon. Much money on stage.

U.S. Marshal John Travers: Well, it looks like we're going to have our hands full.

Yak: More trouble - more fun!

U.S. Marshal John Travers: That's one way to look at it.

(The Star Packer, 1934)

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene, shrinkage is a problem.

Shrinkage is a problem. Everything seems to get smaller these days. The time to do things. The speed of the passage of time. It seems like the holiday season was over before you know it. We are already getting prepared for Valentines sales. The calender shrinks, the clock shrinks, and you just can't fit everything in you day.

Unless you spend less time blogging. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, Clark Gable edition.

Toot’s Shors Saloon, February 16, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)

Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.

Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)

Marilyn: ( stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear)

Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.

Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I divorced Artie. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah I heard about that keed. That’s a shame.
Marilyn: At least I got to meet my real father. He loved me Joe. We got to work together. He wouldn’t admit he was my father but I know he was.
Toots: Who was that doll
Marilyn: Clark was my father. I just know it. At least I got to know him before he died.
Toots: But how could that be. Isn’t he too young to be your dad.
Marilyn: It is so, it is so (shrilly screaming flecks of spittle fly from her lips which had her lipstick smeared over her teeth)
Toots: Ok keed, don’t get excited.

Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you?
Joe DiMaggio:

Marilyn:What nothing to say…well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)

Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.

Joe DiMaggio: Get me her doctor on the phone.

Toots: You sure Joe?

Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

It's looks like a 3 way.

It looks like a 3 way.

A three way tie in our best ale poll.

Newcastle, Bass and Samuel Smith's are tied with 6 votes each.

Poor John Courage is Larry back at the Regal Beagel wondering where he went wrong.

The first gangster film.

The Musketeer's of Pig Alley was written and directed by DW Griffith and is generally credited as the first "gangster" movie. Shot on location in the streets of New York, it is reputed to have used actual gang members as extra's in the shoot. The major gangs of the time were the Five Points Gang and Monk Eastman's crew who both supposedly had a hand in the film. If you ever get a chance to see it, you should just to see what New York really looked like back then. It is very interesting.

When Ruth Anne asks for something, she gets it.

Peter Warne: You know, I had you pegged right from the jump. Just a spoiled brat of a rich father. The only way you get anything is to buy it, isn't it? You're in a jam and all you can think of is your money. It never fails, does it? Ever hear of the word humility? No, you wouldn't. I guess it would never occur to you to just say, 'Please mister, I'm in trouble, will you help me?' No, that would bring you down off your high horse for a minute. Well, let me tell you something, maybe it will take a load off your mind. You don't have to worry about me. I'm not interested in your money or your problem. You, King Westley, your father. You're all a lot of hooey to me!
(It Happened One Night, 1934)

(This is from the same time period as the picture of the Duke in the 1920's)

Dr. Kill may need a lung transplant!

Dr. Kill told us he bet his lungs on the birds. I think that is a big mistake. Jacobs is feeling frisky and we be ready to run it down their pipe on Sunday. Westbrook is a great back but he is only one guy. The Giants have three superior running backs that they can use to mix it up and show different sets and dominate the clock. It is going to be old fashioned NFC east football and that's what wins in the playoffs. The Giants just have more weapons than the Eagles.

Did I tell you lately that the Giants are going to win the Super Bowl?

Hey I love feathers!

Colorado Ryan: How'd you come out with Burdette?

John T. Chance: He wanted to talk to his brother.

Colorado Ryan: What'd he have to say?

John T. Chance: Nothing.

Colorado Ryan: You mean he didn't say anything?

John T. Chance: Why are you so interested?

Colorado Ryan: Because he's talkin' now. Hear that music? He told the man to play it.

John T. Chance: What is it?

Colorado Ryan: Well, they call it the "De Guello"... the cutthroat song. The Mexicans played it for those Texas boys when they had 'em bottled up in the Alamo.

John T. Chance: Yeah.

Colorado Ryan: Played it day and night 'til it was all over. Now do you know what he means by it?

John T. Chance: No quarter. No mercy for the loser.

Colorado Ryan: You'll be hearin' a lot of it.

John T. Chance: I guess we made him talk after all.

(Rio Bravo, 1959)

We may have found the answer to Insomnia Theatre.

We may have found the answer to Insomnia theatre where we search for something to put us to sleep when we are tossing and turning. It's a Canadian show called "Cold Squad" which is an obvious rip off of the CBS show "Cold Case." Anyway it is set in Vancouver and the acting and stories are incredibly inept. But what really works is the dull and sonorous tone. I mean it is deadly boring and in a Canadian accent yet. Eh.

There are a few glitches. The wife keeps waking me up to tell her who the actors resemble:
the old detective guy looks like like the guy in the garage with the Puerto Rican guy.....oh Jack Albertson.....the forensic doctor with the skinny nose and the dark brown hair looks like that actress...you know not that one.. the other one.....oh you mean Natalie Portman.....the star of the show with the dyed red butch hair cut looks like someone.....who Tim's wife....yeah that's it.

Once we get all that sorted out it is the perfect boring show to fall asleep with it droning in the background.

Finally those dirty Canucks are good for something.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene, how to keep your pussy clean!

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene, how to keep your pussy clean! Lots of soap and elbow grease will keep it clean and lustrous. And keep the hair smelling clean and fresh.

Just be careful, some of them bite.

When stories strike you as funny.

Two stories that are in the newspaper have a strange resonance for me. I had a very good friend who had a very troubled marriage. He was always fighting with his wife and she always did stuff to screw him up. I remember he got a new job working on Wall St and invited everyone over his new house for a barbecue and his wife didn't show up. It was totally embarrassing. She was always dogging him and fighting with his mom and his family. It was a horror show.

So when we would go out for a drink he would always kid around about how he wanted to kill her and had to find out the best way to dispose of the body. We would laugh and joke and a lot of the guys in the bar would chime in with suggestions. Since a lot of the time this was in Codys and most of the other guys were cops and court officers they came up with some good suggestions. The final consensus was that to dispose of the body you should put it in a vat of acid that would destroy all the forensic evidence. This was in the '80's long before all that CSI crap on TV.

So today I was reading that one of John Gotti's henchman is on trail for disposing of the body of the guy who ran over Gotti's kid by chopping him up and putting him in a vat of acid. Funny right. But it gets better.

The way my friend and his wife reconciled was that she got a bad kidney disease and needed a transplant. Even though they were not much of a match my friend gave her his kidney and they more or less reconciled. Just like the couple in the news. Except that couple is getting a divorce and the husband wants the kidney back. Good luck with that one.

I would just worry if that guy bought a oil drum and a lot of old car batteries. Just sayn'

Hey she's pretty hot for someone born in 1910.

Tonight I am leaving you in Marguerite Churchill. Born on Christmas day 1910, she costarred in the Dukes first big break, The Big Trial. Directed by Raoul Walsh who always razzed John Ford that he was the guy who discovered the Duke.

Of course we all know it was Clara Bow.

And I think she tipped off Marguerite.