Say what Baby?

"Oh Baby I like the way you finger those strings."

"Ummmmmm I can get into that baby."

"Why don't you put down that instrument and come over here now?"

"I want to see that Vulcan Vulva pinch I have heard so much about now."

Say what Baby?

"Say what Baby?"
"You want to play sweet soul music."
"Well let me go over there and lay some soul on your pointy headed ass."
"And you guys better stop looking at my ass."

Did you ever have a Nightmare where....

Everybody has been lying to you and Ace is really a dirty hippee?

Did you ever have a Nightmare where.....

You find out you were adopted and your real parents were Hershel Walker and Anita Bryant?

Did you ever have a Nightmare where......

There are no cell phones? Even though you hate them and have yours shut off all the time what if they were suddenly gone?

Did you ever have a Nightmare where

You had to live the Crack Emcee's lifestyle?

How could you keep it real yo?

DId you ever have a Nightmare where

You woke up in Alambama in 1974?

The singing group not the state.

Did you ever have a Nightmare where.....

Geraldo Rivera was your father and that Wednesday chick from the Adams family was your mother?

Did you ever have a nightmare when.....

You go to the prom with the girl with the "Reputation" and she is wearing a black dress and you think you are good to go.

And she is the one who turns out to be a virgin.

Did you ever have a nightmare when.....

You went on a high school bowling trip and you remember to bring almost everything.

I mean you brought your bowling ball and your bowling shoes and your bowling glove.

But you forgot your pants.

Commenter Memories Number 52 Montana has a new look!

Hey our buddy Montana Urban Legend is thinking about changing his name again. I mean he went by Ritmo Brasilio or something for a while but now is going with something like "TheGovernmentTricklingDownYourLeg" or something like that there.

He is experimenting with a new look.

Judging by his email he might want to re-think that a little. Just sayn'

Where no man has gone before?

Voyage to to bottom of the bell bottoms.

Johnny stop starting at my tits!

"Hi darling, I am the man in black."

"Yes but who am I?"

"Well I know but I don't know if our audience does. So whose that girl."

"Johnny there is just one thing?"

"What's that darling?"

"Stop staring at my tits."

Commenter Memories Number 51 loveylyssaredhead goes to the Prom

Hey our sometimes adversay but always in good fun commenter lovelylyssareadhead sent us a copy of her prom photo.

Hey I thought you were a redhead?

Commenter Memories Number 50 Michael H and the Missus have a fun Saturday Night.

You see the Packers weren't on so they decided to go crazy.

It gets really boring in Wisconsin. Just sayn'

But Mom I like you best.

"Hello Partridge's. I would like you to meet my niece."

"Yeah nice to meet you. You know you seem very familar. You look like an angel. Mom who's that girl?"

"I don't know and stop staring at my tits. I am your mother for God's sake you pervert!"

Wait I didn't order the fish taco?

"Wait a minute, I didn't order the fish taco. Where's my sausage."

"Shut up and eat it Mike. And you better not go back in the hot tub with that Darren guy if you know what is good for you!'

"Jeeez and they call this the Love Boat. No wonder my teacher hates crusies."

Commenter Memories Number 49 Cracks Family Album

The Crack Emcee emailed me a photo of his family portrait. You see his folks met on the set of a Blacksploitation movie in the early seventies.

He is pissed that I am ranking on midgets.

Sorry buddy. I will watch it from now on.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

So here I am enjoying the season so much that I didn't have any freakin time to blog. I mean I have been so busy with my side business of setting up the baby momma's with a good lawyer to sue those suckers that I didn't have time to talk about how the season is going.

I mean my Steelers are going good and my boy Rotty didn't even rape anybody this week. Which is pretty good cause that boy is one randy motherfucker. Which is what we called Randy White that racist asshole. I mean he used to love to go at my fuckin knees when we played the fuck. Anyways Ben has been keeping it in his pants. Well except for those cell phone pictures he keeps sending. He picked up that habit at the Pro Bowl when he hung around with that old scumbag Brett Farve. The funny thing is that the cooze ain't complaining which I don't feature but what are you gonna do. Maybe he has a paticularly good lookin Johnson.

But what's burning my black ass is that my Goddamn Giants went and lost to the freakin Cowboys. Now I know they changed their coach and all but what the fuck? The Cowboys was down for the count and theys let them up to win the game. And in their house no less. They is just a sad disappointment to me. Like Jumpin Joe Gilliam after he beat out that cracker Bradshaw and then started doing all that horse with them white ho's Marianne Faithless and Nico or whatever the hell their names wuz. But that there's another story.

Oh and the dog ass Jets got lucky and won again. That fat fuck Rex Ryan is a boil on my fuckin ass. But I ain't worry. Thems the Jets. They gonna blow it.

Sort like that Marianne Faithless bitch you wait and see.

So ....ah.....this is awkward.

"So....ah...this is awkward."
"I don't see why?"
"Well I have been banging your girlfriend Kate."
"Really. Well I guess someone has to do it. I mean she is so skinny I cut my bracole on her vulva."
"Yeah well it's tricky."
"Hey you want a brush or some tonic?"
"No thanks. I am kinda bare. You see I shave a lot. That's what protects me if my name isn't ironrailsironweights so help me!"

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo: Leave the gun but don't drop the soap

Today's gratuitous Bathtub photo is courtesy of our good buddy Glenn Kenny's great blog

"Some Came Running." Check it out if you want to read some very intelligent talk about movies.

I say this because I want to steal a lot of photo's from him and I don't want to get him mad. He recently got in great shape and he can catch me if I try to run away. Just sayn'

I am sorry Master

"I am sorry Master. I will file these forms. But I have one question?"

"What's that Jeanie?"

"When do I get to take dick-tation?"

"Errrr hamana-hamana-hamana-urrrrpppphhhh!!!!!"

Hold on I'm coming baby!

Hold on Laverne and Shirley we are gonna be there soon.

Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo says: hey don't touch my faucets!

I don't want my tears over the giants to go by and let me stop blogging so here is a combined Gratuitous Bathtub photo and whose that girl?

She only speaks broken english but she was real popular back in the early sixties. Just sayn'

A face...errr... a something in the crowd.

Hey we have a multiple choice whose that girl?

One of them you should know. Maybe two. But if you can name all of them I would be very impressed.

The one you should know is not the former governor of New York or the most famous person who ever didn't really live in Philadelphia. Just sayn'

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

"SAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Why I am throwing you away Darren. I am going to replace you with a totally different Darren. I don't think anyone is going to notice. You are going on the scap heap of history. Say hello to Pernell Robert when you get there pal."

"This is so unfair."

"Life is unfair. Just be thankful that I didn't turn you into a rat and send you off for Medical experiments."

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

"Why are just standing around Samatha?"

"Get out of my thoughts Mother. I have to decide what to do about Darren."

"What's to think? Turn him into a rat and send him on his way."

"It's not that easy. He was my husband. He is the father of my daughter. I don't know what to do. I think I will just stand here for a while and stroke my pussy."

"Well you husband never did. That should have been your first clue."

"Shut up Mother."

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

"Well Sam I have to tell you the truth."
"I knew something is wrong. What is it Darren?"
"Well remember that fellow who sold us the rare clumber puppy for Tabitha."
"Yes. Mike Brady. He's married to that lady who likes vegtable oil way to much for a decent married woman."
"Yes well there is a reason for that. But let's not get into that."
"So what about Mike Brady."
"Well I don't know how to tell you this...but we are in love......and we are going to move home to my home state of Wisconsin and raise rare clumbers together. I am so sorry."
"But he's a married man. He has about twenty kids or something."
"No only three kids and three step kids. But they are so busy having sex with each other they are never even going to notice that he is gone. I am sorry Sam. Tell me what you are thinking?"
"I don't know Darren. This is a lot to digest."
"Yeah that's what Mike's wife said about the vegtable oil. But she got used to it eventually."

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.

"Sam why do you look so bewildered?"
"Well Darren I just don't know why you don't want to bang me. I mean here I am the hottest witch on television and you are more interested in hanging around with Larry at the office and talking about corn flakes."
"He's a fanook....I told you so!"
"Shut up mother."
"Well Sam there is something we should talk about. Maybe after we have a few cocktails."

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

"Well Samatha I would like you to....hiicup....meet my finance"

"Nice to meet you my dear....errr what's your name?"

"Sarah Jessica Parker."

"Yes I brought her back to the 1960's from the future. Isn't she swell?"

"How nice. So where did you crazy kids meet."

"At the track of course."

"Naturally."

Welcome baby.......

It's ain't luck baby..

Can't say yet but it's gonna happen.....

What the hell?

Hold on baby....I coming

That's what I am talking about bitch!

Commenter Memories Number 48; Garage feels down after the election

Garage is feeling low after the election so I want you guys to be nice to him. A lot of the dudes over at the evil blogger lady's place are giving him a couple of shots and he needs a safe haven you know.

You gotta pull up your pants and start again dude. Don't despair. But don't buy too much deli. Been there. Done that. Too many knishes and liverwurst sandwich's will not make the hurt go away.

You need whiskey for that.

Welcome aboard!

"Welcome aboard. I am glad you could join us. I am your purser Gopher. I hope to run for Congress some day. This is our Doctor...we like to call him Doc."

"Yes my dear nice to meet you.....let me know if you need an injection because I have the perfect tool to..."

"Errrr that's OK Doc....and this is your Bartender Issac."

"Solid!"

"What? No you can't vote for him for President. You really must have been out in the sun for too long. I better let the Doc check you out."

Palate cleanser

Hey for our friend the chicken guy....a palate cleanser.

For the rest of you....whose that girl?

Commentor Memories Number 47 Hdhouse is looking for his wiener.

He even went to the Whole Foods in East Hampton but he still can't find his weiner.

Can somebody help the guy out?

Commenter Memories Number 46 Stocking up for the Cruise

Palladian has been slimming in down to get ready for his cruise. Don't believe the hype, he loves to cruise. That's why he is stocking up on the Trojans.

Not because he is a football fan.

If Al Gore had a fanatsy

When Al Gore has a fanatsy.....he dreams of a threesome....of course there is a polar bear....but whose that girl?

Yes your Majesty

"Yes your Majesty. Just one thing sir?"

"What that my dear?"

"Would you please stop staring at my tits? Your Grace."

"Quite."

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Garage Mahal was nice enough to invite me to a Packers game on the frozen tundra if I ever make it out to Wisconsin. I would like to thank him for that generous offer and I might take him up on that.

We have been emailing back and forth and he is a great guy. He is even interested in starting his own small business. You see he loves soup. So he wants to start his own soup company and sent me a couple of cans.

I had to advise him about the copyright infringement rules.

Small business is just not that easy.

But I wish him luck.

Camel Toe Corner- Reality Show Edition

Today's Camel Toe Corner brings you a reality show babe and is combined with our famous "Whose that Girl" segment.

Since I am posting less I have to combine series.

Soon I will have the rabbits from Watership Down in Hell.

Anyway who is this reality show cutie and where did she get the sand in her camel toe?

Todays Gratuitous Bathtub Photo is a hot time in Gooberville

Today's gratuitous bathtub photo celebrates the fun that our fellow Americans have in their bathing practices in Middle America. This one comes from Ohio and was sent to me by RH Hardin as you can see his friend on the right is wearing a chicken hat.

They are really cool in Ohio. Just Sayn'

I only watch because of the story I swear.

The wife and I watched the "I Dream of Jeanie" episode with Sammy Davis Jr. tonight. It was great. Sammy sang a couple of songs including "The Girl from Ipanema."

Anyway we love sixties sitcoms. Not least because we are checking out the clothes. They are great for getting ideas.

Check out these three dresses. Only one of them is a possibility in plus. Guess which one?

It ain't easy!

The search for a new employee goes on. I got 200 resumes in the first hour and about 400 in total so far that the ad on Craigs list ran for twenty four hours.

I immediately deleted about 50 or so because they attached their resume because in the ad I specifically said put your details and resume in the body of the email. If you can't follow that simple instruction I can't hire you.

The problem is the job requires some physical labor such as steaming clothes and filling up the racks and sweeping and stuff. You know I the stuff I have been doing the last couple of weeks!

The interviews will start on Friday with the best five or six and we will see how it goes.

Hey I just had my ears lowered

The wife is on my ass to get a haircut because I am starting to look like Kramer. She keeps singing "Cha-cha-cha-chiiiaaaaaa" which imples that I look like a Chia Pet.

I tell her she should be happy that I still have my hair. People pay a lot to have curly hair like me. But in the interest of not listening to her for hours on end I went to get a haircut.

Now I used to go to one of my former clients who has a hair salon but I stopped going this year when I dropped her as a client. Plus I hate hair salons. They are like snake pits. Who wants to listen to those witches yammer. Plus they would all ask me tax questions and when she got excited he would cut my fuckin ear by mistake.

Luckily there is an old school joint down the block. The old Italian barber barely speaks English. He doesn't even know my name just that I am a big tipper. Guys come in and sit down and read the paper waiting for their turn. No talking. Just snipping. It's great.

Oh I got a 1970's razor cut just to piss her off.

Hee.

Plus Bewitched is on too!!!

Plus they are showing episodes of "Bewitched" too.

I bet you thought I was going to post a photo of Elizabeth Montgomery.

Oh.....and stop staring at Endora's tits. Jeeeez you perv.

Man this is crazy!

We are trying to hire someone for the store and it is very tough. We advertised on Craig's list and I am sorting out the resumes all day today. I got 50 resumes in the first ten minutes and more coming all the time. There are a lot of people out of work.

The problem is that most of them don't even read the ad. It says right in it not to put any attachments. I got 20 emails with attached resumes. Quite a few from people who are over qualified. Many from people without a graspe of the English language. Just imagine America's Politico applying for a job!

I am whittling them down but this is going to take days.

Hey set the DVR to TVLand tonight!

There is a classic episode of "I Dream of Jeanie" with Sammy Davis Jr.

Oh and one thing.

Sammy......stop staring at her tits.

Today's gratuitous bathtub photo: the real jersey shore hottub time machine

Do you remember that old commercial that said when you sleep with someone that means it's like you did it with everyone that person ever banged?

Remember that when you buy Snookie a drink. Just sayn'

Commenter Memories Number 45

That's why he is called the Crack Emcee.

He always has a Macho Response.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I don't see why everybody hates reality shows.

Although I will admit the people on it look a lot different when you meet them in real life.

I mean Snooki and JWOW just look a lot different than on MTV. Just sayn'

How to get the most popular blog!

Just sayn'