(Rolls over in a stupor, into puddle of vomit and unidentifiable fluids, he sits up and holds his head up with shaky hands)
Christopher Hitchens: Oh my head. What did I ever do to deserve this?
Voice: Christopher. Christopher Hitchens.
Christopher Hitchens: What now. Not another apparition. I don’t want to have more ghosts haunting me than ex-wives.
(A tall beautiful woman dressed in white with a large circular object behind her head walks through the wall and into the room)
Christopher Hitchens: I must be mad. It’s Princess Diana. Or I think it is. Aren’t you dead and buried? This is ridiculous. What a farce. What is that a Halo?
Princess Diana: No it is a steering wheel. I am still doing penance for my sins on this earth. That is why I must wear an automobile accessory as a hat and talk to inebriated Trotskyites. I am the Ghost of Current Celebrity. No one knows about the undeserved adulation of the masses more than I. Well except for Anna Nicole Smith. And she is visiting Lindsey Lohan today.
Christopher Hitchens: But you can not be angel. Not after your life of excess and infidelity. You are a cosmic joke. How can you be a messenger of some foolish deity, a deity that I do not acknowledge?
Princes Diana: You do not have to be saint to do his work. You just need to believe. To have faith. To trust in him and find peace.
Christopher Hitchens: Listen, I am not going anywhere with you. I am too drunk to drive. Didn’t you get in enough trouble the last time you did that?
Princess Diana: Have faith Christopher and anything could happen.
Christopher Hitchens: Everything except a Paki marrying a Princess. Then the shit hits the fan. Or the car hits the wall.
Princess Diana: Come and see what I have seen. Step with me into the pages of People magazine.
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)
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