Gentle Ben was always very jealous of Yogi Bear. He thought he was much more talented and a better performer. But he was especially jealous of Yogi’s wife Cindy Bear. He was always hanging around the cave talking and flirting with Cindy. He even wrote a famous love song “You are Unbearable Tonight.” Cindy enventually left Yogi and moved in with Gentle Ben. But when he got her, he was bored. He started drinking and shooting heroin and eating out of garbage cans. It was just sad really. Cindy had to keep dragging him out of alleys and trailer camps where he was scaring the tourists. It was a real bad scene man.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Boo Boo Bear was Gentle Ben’s enabler. He lived in a guest house on Gentle Ben’s property after his big fall out with Yogi. He was always doing drugs with Ben and running to his dealer to pick up the smack. Whatever Ben did, Boo Boo said it was great because he didn’t want to lose another meal ticket. He encouraged Gentle Ben to do any crap that would bring in money. He even got him that crazy Japanese reality show where celebrity animals chased and tried to kill contestants called “How I Ate Your Mother.”
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Even though Gentle Ben was bored with Cindy after he stole her from Yogi, he was still a very jealous bear. When they divorced, he was always stalking her and calling her and there were several 911 calls for domestic abuse. But she never got an order of protection. So when Cindy and her waiter friend were murdered in the Jellystone mansion, Gentle Ben was the only real suspect. The Rangers had a long televised kayak chase down the Jellystone river with Gentle Ben and Smokey in a white canoe. Ben kept threatening to kill himself and Smokey kept telling the Rangers to back off. It was on all the cable shows.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
It was amazing that Gentle Ben beat the rap for cutting the throat of his ex-wife Cindy and her waiter friend. Allegedly. He had very good lawyers. I remember we were in a bar when the verdict came down with a bunch of bears. The polar bears were outraged and blamed the jury. The bears of color all rejoiced and said that they stuck it to the “man” and that the Rangers were human centric racists who tried to frame Ben. The panda bears just said whatever they thought you wanted to hear. So Ben became an even bigger celebrity than he was before. He became a hero in the community. He was a featured speaker in the million bear march. He has a popular talk show in on the Bear Entertainment Television cable channel. He’s almost as popular as Oprah. That’s why his endorsement of Barack Obama has become such a big story.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Now the Hillary campaign is making a big deal out of Gentle Ben’s drug abuse because he endorsed Obama. He has been in and out of rehab, but he has turned his life around. He feels that the things he did as a young bear, almost a cub, shouldn’t be held against him. After all he isn’t a silly old pervert like Yogi. Yogi is over 70 but he lives with his four girlfriends in a palatial cave in the Jellystone. He just lolls around in silk pajamas all day and has sex and smokes pot. It’s a big perk to be invited to Yogi’s grotto for his wild parties. I think Bill Clinton has been there several times. There are rumors of a video of Bill with a young plump panda that the Chinese embassy has got a hold of from a session in 1992. That might explain a lot.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Gentle Ben is a little pissed off that he can’t get any of his old buddies to join him in endorsing Obama. Now the whole gang has endorsed different candidates and are working with the various campaigns. Smokey was always a hippie, worried about the environment and camping out in the woods. He’s a big Al Gore guy, but since he’s not running, he is supporting Edwards. Yogi is a pot smoking libertarian sexual libertine so he is for Giuliani since he is the only candidate that has been married as many times as he has. Teddy bear is a life long Democrat so he is behind the establishment candidacy of Hillary as are most of the other liberal bears of Massachusetts. It funny that a feminist would take his support because of his sexual history of making waitress sandwiches with Chris Dodd in Washington restaurants. Winnie the Pooh is a big time gay activist and is a member of the Log Cabin Bears who are supporting Giuliani because of his policy on gays. The only real hard core Republican bear is of course, Mike Ditka.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Gentle Ben was worried about bringing his family to the annual bear convention in Jellystone when he heard that there would be bi-polar bears there. He was scared of the mentally ill and was worried that they might freak out and hurt someone. You really don’t want to be around a bear when he goes on a rampage. So he decided to go see Yogi who was the Mayor of Jellystone to see what precautions they had set up of the safety of the visitors. When he got to Yogi’s grotto, what does he see but Yogi and Cindy Bear having a three way with the Coca Cola polar bear. “Oh” he said, “I get it now, bi-polar bears.” Yogi looked up from the menage-a-bear and said “Hey let me introduce you to my driver, he wants me to run for governor in New Jersey.” Gentle Ben slowly backed away.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Hey here is the translation sports fans!
1. Ferachi suru Red Saux!!!!!!
2. Cagati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi senora
3. Mor-et vor-eh kunem meenchev zhazh keeteetz dus ga heto mehat zaroonk ke khrem
hored vor-eh.
4. Hoyadaa futada ka was Elliot Spitzer!
5. Got zol gebn, er zol hobn altsding vos zayn harts glist, nor er zol zayn
geleymt oyf ale ayvers un nit kenen rirn mit der tsung.
6. Dit con me may tec hang Bean town heads.
7. Chuma Mboga, baby.
8. Kutiey, there baap kohn ah?
Suck it Red Sox.
Shit in your hand then slap yourself in the face (Very good reader)
I'll fuck your mom so much that cum will come out of her nose then I will shove a cucumber up your father's ass
Fuck your mom in the ass Elliot Spitzer.
God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue. (on the money ricpic)
Fuck your mother until her vagina is broken Bean town heads.
Doggie style, baby. (only kidding reader)
Bitch, who's your daddy?
2. Cagati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi senora
3. Mor-et vor-eh kunem meenchev zhazh keeteetz dus ga heto mehat zaroonk ke khrem
hored vor-eh.
4. Hoyadaa futada ka was Elliot Spitzer!
5. Got zol gebn, er zol hobn altsding vos zayn harts glist, nor er zol zayn
geleymt oyf ale ayvers un nit kenen rirn mit der tsung.
6. Dit con me may tec hang Bean town heads.
7. Chuma Mboga, baby.
8. Kutiey, there baap kohn ah?
Suck it Red Sox.
Shit in your hand then slap yourself in the face (Very good reader)
I'll fuck your mom so much that cum will come out of her nose then I will shove a cucumber up your father's ass
Fuck your mom in the ass Elliot Spitzer.
God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue. (on the money ricpic)
Fuck your mother until her vagina is broken Bean town heads.
Doggie style, baby. (only kidding reader)
Bitch, who's your daddy?
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Thanks to the Professor.
I just want to thank the professor and her freind for stopping by the store. She was a little late to see them filming What Not to Wear, but at least she got to meet Stacy and Clinton. It was very nice of her to stop by.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Grusinskaya and the Baron Flix
Grusinskaya: Can you imagine a hundred girls in the law school, each thinking she would become the most famous lawyer in all the world? I was ambitious then. We were drilled like little soldiers. No rest, no stopping. I was little, slim, but hard as a diamond. Then I became famous and - But why am I telling you all this? Last night, I didn't know you at all. Who are you, really?
Baron Felix von Geigern: What?
Grusinskaya: I don't even know your name.
Baron Felix von Geigern: [laughs] I am Felix Benvenuto Freihern von Geigern. My mother called me "Flix".
Grusinskaya: [joyously] No! Flix! Oh, that's sweet. And how do you live? And what kind of a person are you?
Baron Felix von Geigern: I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock. I shall die on the gallows. Perhaps when we are back in New York, you will leave that lesbian haunt of Park Slope and take the D train to the Bronx to meet me for coffee. I will ride my trike with my special Johnny Unitas football helmet. I will even wear my big boy pants because I know you dislike men in shorts.
Grusinskaya: Please I like to have conversations which each reply is ten sentences or less.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Such a pity your horizons are so limited.Grusinskaya: No they are not. Here are six pictures I took from my balcony. Note the exquisite composition of the frame and the beautiful palate of my artistry.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Bah! Enough of this triviality take me to your room so I can examine your vortex through my monocle.
Grusinskaya: Perhaps another time, my dear Baron, perhaps another time.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so sad today. I must perform on a panel in front of a group unapprecative louts who could never understand my gracefull interaptive dance of the first five amendments to the Constitution.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Why is that my little chocolate souffle.
Grusinskaya: No one will be interested in my bright and shiny vortex. They will be nothing like my normal audience of slavering sycophants and preening egoists who shower me with attention day after day.
Baron Felix von Geigern: I told you I would be happy to delve into your sweet, sweet vortex while we shower together. Please leave the lesbian stronghold of Park Slope and abandon Hillary Clinton and Rosie O’Donnell to their own devices, battery powered or otherwise. Come with me to see the world. The world is our oyster and I will irritate with my tongue to form a pearl of wisdom that I will lay before your feet my little petit fore.
Grusinskaya: I have told you before Baron, you vulgar entreaties do not move me. I am a world traveler, a bon vivant, a chroncilor nonpareil. Look at my moving photos of dogs peeing in water and mishapen pebbles that I have pulled out of my feet after walking on the beach. Look I even have a picture of my luncheon posed artisticly so you can see the back of the plate.
Baron Felix von Geigern: My dear is it not true that you simply dropped your luncheon dishes on the floor and try to cover it up with some high minded discourse about China patterns. Come dance for me my little baklava, do the lap dance of the seventh amendment.
Grusinskaya: I am sorry Baron but I will only dance with my peers, not some hack bloggers, and certainly not a mere Baron. You must be at least a prince to approach my rosy pink vortex.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so melancholy today.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Why is that my little linzer torte.
Grusinskaya: No one seems interested in my vortex today. A lack of attention will lead to it becoming dry and lifeless.
Baron Felix von Geigern: I told you I would be happy to delve into your vortex. Come and have coffee with me. I will whisper sweet nothings and tell you of my glories in the criminal defense bar in the Bronx, Mount Vernon and Rockland county. I will instruct you in the ways of the world and teach you of the mysteries of love.
Grusinskaya: I don’t know Baron, you seem a little intense for my taste.
Baron Felix von Geigern: My dear that is not intensity, but potency. I am so potent that my entire body was stiff for ten straight years. My entire body was a rock hard tumescent shower of testosterone. It is only recently that I have learned to control it and to walk upright in the realm of lesser mortals.
Grusinskaya: I don’t know, I think I must broaden my horizons. I am entering an online contest for the swirlest most bestest vortex in all of the internets.
Baron Felix von Geigern:Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so weary, so weary, today and I must travel overnight in my coach and leave this wonderful hotel. So sad, so sad.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But why must you leave so soon, my little éclair.
Grusinskaya: I must return to my career, as a schoolmistress and harsh taskmaster in the vineyards of law. I must use my dainty feet to crush the grapes of constitutional theory so as to distill knowledge and create a piquent vintage of legal scholarship that educate the palates of even the most oafish buffons who are the so called scholars whose education I am unfortunately tasked with.......it is truly daunting.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But you can leave that onerous task my little Sacher-Torte. Come with me and I will tell you of my twenty years of experience of in the family courts of the South Bronx, Mount Vernon and White Plains, where feminism has destroyed the family and prevented minority children from reaching their full potential as maids and coachman. Come and learn of the intervention of an overreaching government headed by raddled harridans who do not shave their misshapen limbs and take children from loving homes where they are learning their proper place in the world and putting them in foster homes where they imbibe such bosch as feminism and socialism. Come where the real legal grapes are crushed.
Grusinskaya: I am sorry my dear Baron, but it does not seem very enticing. I must go to back to my simple life of terrorizing pimple faced undergradutes and publishing photo essays of grotesquely small dogs and refuse strewn in the sand. Look at my delightful portrait of a bowl of spaghetti that was spilled on the sands of Brighton Beach. I hope to come across some interesting driftwood or perhaps a dead chinese immigrant who might wash ashore after a failed immigration foray.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But my little Kafenkantate, you must worry about your most personal and private needs. Who will tend your vortex? Who will keep it healthy, and pink, and properly exercised? Come and have coffee with me and I will tell of my vast experience in the art of the care and cosseting of such a succulent vortex. These strange and grotesque characters that you constantly correspond with have neither the talent nor the technique to keep your vortex happy and healthy as only I can. I, Baron Felix von Geigern say it, so it must be so.
Grusinskaya: I am so sorry my dear Baron, but I can not have coffee with you. In fact I can not even correspond with you as you are much too verbose for my taste. I prefer my social intercourse to be pithy and to the point as I am too busy to dally with extended prelimaries. So I must decline your oh so persistent overtures.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Dr. Otternshlang: Welcome home Gruinskaya, I hope you enjoyed your sojourn in the land of fruits and nuts. All remains the same here. People come. People go. Nothing ever happens.
Grusinskaya: Yes it was a very strange trip indeed. A very persistent and verbose nobleman expressed interest in me in a flattering yet slightly frightening manner. I must confess that I am non-plussed over the situation. It reminds me of the futile pursuit by Mr. Preysing that has plagued me these last few months.
Dr. Otternshlang: Is that the mincing fop who has constantly posted inappropriate missives that asked such embarrassing personal questions?
Grusinskaya: No. He is that gruff businessman who seems only interested in commerce, not emotions. I am afraid that the offending correspondence originated with Mr. Kringelein his bookkeeper. He seems such a harmless sort, but when he puts his thoughts on paper they seem to wander to strange and unsightly places.
Dr. Otternshlang So how did Mr. Preysing pursue you if not through correspondence?Grusinskaya: Oh he corresponds with me, but in very curt and graphic notes of one or two sentences in which he requests certain sexual acts that as a lady I can’t repeat.
Dr. Otternshlang: You seem to inspire many strange admirers.
Grusinskaya: Yes I suppose it is because I am truly an artist. Come see my wonderful photos from my recent trip. Here is my urination series. A dog peeing in the ocean. A vagrant peeing as he sleeps on a park bench. Children peeing down a mountain as they play king of the hill. I am afraid it is true; all the world is a urinal, while I futilely search for a bidet.
Dr. Otternshlang You are truly a philosopher. It is an honor to dine on the crumbs from your table. Would you like to take a picture of me while I pee.
Grusinskaya Certainly not doctor, it is so rude of you to ask.
Dr. Otternshlang: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Mr. Kringelein: Good evening fraulien, I wonder if you had received my recent missive as regards to color we should order for your carpet. I know that aesthetics are so very important to you and would not like to commit a faux pas.
Grusinskaya: I am afraid that is a very personal guestion and I feel uncomfortable discussing this with you. Please cease and desist in sending these troubling notes, they give me an uncomfortable feeling. I just want to be alone.
Flaemmchen: Come, come my silly goose. You must not answer this rude boy. If you do, as god is my witness, I will never speak to you again.
Mr. Kringelein: Well then I will leave you alone and I appolgize if I gave any offense. I just had the foolish feeling that I was your favorite correpondent. I am devestated by your disapproval.
Grusinskaya: Fear not my friend, I care for you, just not in that way. I have lost my heart to Prince Nicolo D’Fellini, a red haired and well tanned prince of Piedmont who is my own true love. No one could replace him in my heart.
Mr. Kringelein: Nevertheless, farewell.
Flaemmchen: Thank God that foolish little man is gone. No quickly tell me about this love of your live. An Italian I see.
Grusinskaya: Yes, you see I like my men as I like my décor, robust and italianate and it’s a bonus if they are named Rocco or any other Italian surname. Thus my carpets will not be oriental, but from Tuscany with a bold flare of red and taupe.
Flaemmchen; Who cares what color they might be, the question is how do they taste on the tongue.
Grusinskaya: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Flaemmchen: My dear Grusinskaya, why are you trembling so.
Grusinskaya:I have just received a telegram from the Baron and it very, very troubling.
Flaemmchen: Why is that?Grusinskaya: He has requested that I send him a tintype for his private collection.
Flaemmchen: That doesn’t sound so terrible.
Grusinskaya: But he requests that I send it sans garments; he wishes to gaze upon my nakedness to inflame his burning lust. Who knows how this will turn out, who knows what this will drive him to do.
Flaemmchen: Well just send him a piquant shot of you in a languid pose upon your bed under that beautiful bed crown with a full view of your room.
Grusinskaya: Why would I do that?Flaemmchen: You could satisfy some of his curiosity. Didn’t he ask you if the carpet matched the drapes?
Grusinskaya: No that was another of my admirer’s.
Flaemmchen: Well from the evidence extant on you bidet we know that this is truly not the case, eh? Ha, Ha, Ha.
Grusinskaya: (Muttered under her breath) Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Baron Felix von Geigern: What?
Grusinskaya: I don't even know your name.
Baron Felix von Geigern: [laughs] I am Felix Benvenuto Freihern von Geigern. My mother called me "Flix".
Grusinskaya: [joyously] No! Flix! Oh, that's sweet. And how do you live? And what kind of a person are you?
Baron Felix von Geigern: I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock. I shall die on the gallows. Perhaps when we are back in New York, you will leave that lesbian haunt of Park Slope and take the D train to the Bronx to meet me for coffee. I will ride my trike with my special Johnny Unitas football helmet. I will even wear my big boy pants because I know you dislike men in shorts.
Grusinskaya: Please I like to have conversations which each reply is ten sentences or less.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Such a pity your horizons are so limited.Grusinskaya: No they are not. Here are six pictures I took from my balcony. Note the exquisite composition of the frame and the beautiful palate of my artistry.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Bah! Enough of this triviality take me to your room so I can examine your vortex through my monocle.
Grusinskaya: Perhaps another time, my dear Baron, perhaps another time.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so sad today. I must perform on a panel in front of a group unapprecative louts who could never understand my gracefull interaptive dance of the first five amendments to the Constitution.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Why is that my little chocolate souffle.
Grusinskaya: No one will be interested in my bright and shiny vortex. They will be nothing like my normal audience of slavering sycophants and preening egoists who shower me with attention day after day.
Baron Felix von Geigern: I told you I would be happy to delve into your sweet, sweet vortex while we shower together. Please leave the lesbian stronghold of Park Slope and abandon Hillary Clinton and Rosie O’Donnell to their own devices, battery powered or otherwise. Come with me to see the world. The world is our oyster and I will irritate with my tongue to form a pearl of wisdom that I will lay before your feet my little petit fore.
Grusinskaya: I have told you before Baron, you vulgar entreaties do not move me. I am a world traveler, a bon vivant, a chroncilor nonpareil. Look at my moving photos of dogs peeing in water and mishapen pebbles that I have pulled out of my feet after walking on the beach. Look I even have a picture of my luncheon posed artisticly so you can see the back of the plate.
Baron Felix von Geigern: My dear is it not true that you simply dropped your luncheon dishes on the floor and try to cover it up with some high minded discourse about China patterns. Come dance for me my little baklava, do the lap dance of the seventh amendment.
Grusinskaya: I am sorry Baron but I will only dance with my peers, not some hack bloggers, and certainly not a mere Baron. You must be at least a prince to approach my rosy pink vortex.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so melancholy today.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Why is that my little linzer torte.
Grusinskaya: No one seems interested in my vortex today. A lack of attention will lead to it becoming dry and lifeless.
Baron Felix von Geigern: I told you I would be happy to delve into your vortex. Come and have coffee with me. I will whisper sweet nothings and tell you of my glories in the criminal defense bar in the Bronx, Mount Vernon and Rockland county. I will instruct you in the ways of the world and teach you of the mysteries of love.
Grusinskaya: I don’t know Baron, you seem a little intense for my taste.
Baron Felix von Geigern: My dear that is not intensity, but potency. I am so potent that my entire body was stiff for ten straight years. My entire body was a rock hard tumescent shower of testosterone. It is only recently that I have learned to control it and to walk upright in the realm of lesser mortals.
Grusinskaya: I don’t know, I think I must broaden my horizons. I am entering an online contest for the swirlest most bestest vortex in all of the internets.
Baron Felix von Geigern:Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so weary, so weary, today and I must travel overnight in my coach and leave this wonderful hotel. So sad, so sad.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But why must you leave so soon, my little éclair.
Grusinskaya: I must return to my career, as a schoolmistress and harsh taskmaster in the vineyards of law. I must use my dainty feet to crush the grapes of constitutional theory so as to distill knowledge and create a piquent vintage of legal scholarship that educate the palates of even the most oafish buffons who are the so called scholars whose education I am unfortunately tasked with.......it is truly daunting.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But you can leave that onerous task my little Sacher-Torte. Come with me and I will tell you of my twenty years of experience of in the family courts of the South Bronx, Mount Vernon and White Plains, where feminism has destroyed the family and prevented minority children from reaching their full potential as maids and coachman. Come and learn of the intervention of an overreaching government headed by raddled harridans who do not shave their misshapen limbs and take children from loving homes where they are learning their proper place in the world and putting them in foster homes where they imbibe such bosch as feminism and socialism. Come where the real legal grapes are crushed.
Grusinskaya: I am sorry my dear Baron, but it does not seem very enticing. I must go to back to my simple life of terrorizing pimple faced undergradutes and publishing photo essays of grotesquely small dogs and refuse strewn in the sand. Look at my delightful portrait of a bowl of spaghetti that was spilled on the sands of Brighton Beach. I hope to come across some interesting driftwood or perhaps a dead chinese immigrant who might wash ashore after a failed immigration foray.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But my little Kafenkantate, you must worry about your most personal and private needs. Who will tend your vortex? Who will keep it healthy, and pink, and properly exercised? Come and have coffee with me and I will tell of my vast experience in the art of the care and cosseting of such a succulent vortex. These strange and grotesque characters that you constantly correspond with have neither the talent nor the technique to keep your vortex happy and healthy as only I can. I, Baron Felix von Geigern say it, so it must be so.
Grusinskaya: I am so sorry my dear Baron, but I can not have coffee with you. In fact I can not even correspond with you as you are much too verbose for my taste. I prefer my social intercourse to be pithy and to the point as I am too busy to dally with extended prelimaries. So I must decline your oh so persistent overtures.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Dr. Otternshlang: Welcome home Gruinskaya, I hope you enjoyed your sojourn in the land of fruits and nuts. All remains the same here. People come. People go. Nothing ever happens.
Grusinskaya: Yes it was a very strange trip indeed. A very persistent and verbose nobleman expressed interest in me in a flattering yet slightly frightening manner. I must confess that I am non-plussed over the situation. It reminds me of the futile pursuit by Mr. Preysing that has plagued me these last few months.
Dr. Otternshlang: Is that the mincing fop who has constantly posted inappropriate missives that asked such embarrassing personal questions?
Grusinskaya: No. He is that gruff businessman who seems only interested in commerce, not emotions. I am afraid that the offending correspondence originated with Mr. Kringelein his bookkeeper. He seems such a harmless sort, but when he puts his thoughts on paper they seem to wander to strange and unsightly places.
Dr. Otternshlang So how did Mr. Preysing pursue you if not through correspondence?Grusinskaya: Oh he corresponds with me, but in very curt and graphic notes of one or two sentences in which he requests certain sexual acts that as a lady I can’t repeat.
Dr. Otternshlang: You seem to inspire many strange admirers.
Grusinskaya: Yes I suppose it is because I am truly an artist. Come see my wonderful photos from my recent trip. Here is my urination series. A dog peeing in the ocean. A vagrant peeing as he sleeps on a park bench. Children peeing down a mountain as they play king of the hill. I am afraid it is true; all the world is a urinal, while I futilely search for a bidet.
Dr. Otternshlang You are truly a philosopher. It is an honor to dine on the crumbs from your table. Would you like to take a picture of me while I pee.
Grusinskaya Certainly not doctor, it is so rude of you to ask.
Dr. Otternshlang: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Mr. Kringelein: Good evening fraulien, I wonder if you had received my recent missive as regards to color we should order for your carpet. I know that aesthetics are so very important to you and would not like to commit a faux pas.
Grusinskaya: I am afraid that is a very personal guestion and I feel uncomfortable discussing this with you. Please cease and desist in sending these troubling notes, they give me an uncomfortable feeling. I just want to be alone.
Flaemmchen: Come, come my silly goose. You must not answer this rude boy. If you do, as god is my witness, I will never speak to you again.
Mr. Kringelein: Well then I will leave you alone and I appolgize if I gave any offense. I just had the foolish feeling that I was your favorite correpondent. I am devestated by your disapproval.
Grusinskaya: Fear not my friend, I care for you, just not in that way. I have lost my heart to Prince Nicolo D’Fellini, a red haired and well tanned prince of Piedmont who is my own true love. No one could replace him in my heart.
Mr. Kringelein: Nevertheless, farewell.
Flaemmchen: Thank God that foolish little man is gone. No quickly tell me about this love of your live. An Italian I see.
Grusinskaya: Yes, you see I like my men as I like my décor, robust and italianate and it’s a bonus if they are named Rocco or any other Italian surname. Thus my carpets will not be oriental, but from Tuscany with a bold flare of red and taupe.
Flaemmchen; Who cares what color they might be, the question is how do they taste on the tongue.
Grusinskaya: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
Flaemmchen: My dear Grusinskaya, why are you trembling so.
Grusinskaya:I have just received a telegram from the Baron and it very, very troubling.
Flaemmchen: Why is that?Grusinskaya: He has requested that I send him a tintype for his private collection.
Flaemmchen: That doesn’t sound so terrible.
Grusinskaya: But he requests that I send it sans garments; he wishes to gaze upon my nakedness to inflame his burning lust. Who knows how this will turn out, who knows what this will drive him to do.
Flaemmchen: Well just send him a piquant shot of you in a languid pose upon your bed under that beautiful bed crown with a full view of your room.
Grusinskaya: Why would I do that?Flaemmchen: You could satisfy some of his curiosity. Didn’t he ask you if the carpet matched the drapes?
Grusinskaya: No that was another of my admirer’s.
Flaemmchen: Well from the evidence extant on you bidet we know that this is truly not the case, eh? Ha, Ha, Ha.
Grusinskaya: (Muttered under her breath) Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)
The Mr. Ed Series on Althouse
A little know fact that in 1966, Alan Young the star of Mr. Ed eloped with his co-star who in fact was a gelding named Bamboo Forester. This was the most scandalous case of two stars falling in love since the case of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Since Mr. Young was a homosexual and Mr. Ed was a gelding, it was not technically a same sex marriage. The nuptials were performed in Tijuana where the marriages were normally between Mexican Strippers and burros, but the alcade had a very liberal attitude. They lived together for twenty happy years. In a touching scene, Mr. Young was with Mr. Ed at his death stall where his last words were "Oh Wilburrrrrr......"
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
The studio heads at CBS were very concerned about the premise of the show. How could a guy with such a hot wife as Connie Hines spend all of his time in the barn with a horse? I mean just look at her knockers. Firm, huge and perky. Who in their right mine would be smelling horseshit and stroking a palomino instead of banging that sweet piece of ass. But it was the sixties so it was all implied. Just a subtext that was running under the surface of the plot. Sort of like Paul Lynde in Bewitched. You knew something was up but you didn’t know what it was all about. Equine love was exotic and unknown to the general public. It wasn’t until the riots at Pimlico in 1969, that man on pony love could come out of the barn and into the light of day.
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
The pony/man love crowd tried to stay under the radar in Hollywood. They would never go out in public as a couple because no one could accept the love that could not whinney its name. They would meet at house parties in various locations in the Hollywood Hills. Of course because it was such an insular subculture, there was a lot of drinking and drug abuse. And lot’s of promiscuity. There were frequent swinger parties where they would just throw their bridles on to the table and you could ride another partner home. Those were wild days.(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
The grand old man of the pony/man love association was of course Roy Rodgers. Dale was just a beard. His love and devotion toward Trigger was legendary. He was heartbroken when his partner died. He could not let him go. He famously had him stuffed and displayed in the Roy Rodgers museum. Of course he had mounted him many, many times.
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
The studio heads at CBS were very concerned about the premise of the show. How could a guy with such a hot wife as Connie Hines spend all of his time in the barn with a horse? I mean just look at her knockers. Firm, huge and perky. Who in their right mine would be smelling horseshit and stroking a palomino instead of banging that sweet piece of ass. But it was the sixties so it was all implied. Just a subtext that was running under the surface of the plot. Sort of like Paul Lynde in Bewitched. You knew something was up but you didn’t know what it was all about. Equine love was exotic and unknown to the general public. It wasn’t until the riots at Pimlico in 1969, that man on pony love could come out of the barn and into the light of day.
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
The pony/man love crowd tried to stay under the radar in Hollywood. They would never go out in public as a couple because no one could accept the love that could not whinney its name. They would meet at house parties in various locations in the Hollywood Hills. Of course because it was such an insular subculture, there was a lot of drinking and drug abuse. And lot’s of promiscuity. There were frequent swinger parties where they would just throw their bridles on to the table and you could ride another partner home. Those were wild days.(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
The grand old man of the pony/man love association was of course Roy Rodgers. Dale was just a beard. His love and devotion toward Trigger was legendary. He was heartbroken when his partner died. He could not let him go. He famously had him stuffed and displayed in the Roy Rodgers museum. Of course he had mounted him many, many times.
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)
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