Gentle Ben was always very jealous of Yogi Bear. He thought he was much more talented and a better performer. But he was especially jealous of Yogi’s wife Cindy Bear. He was always hanging around the cave talking and flirting with Cindy. He even wrote a famous love song “You are Unbearable Tonight.” Cindy enventually left Yogi and moved in with Gentle Ben. But when he got her, he was bored. He started drinking and shooting heroin and eating out of garbage cans. It was just sad really. Cindy had to keep dragging him out of alleys and trailer camps where he was scaring the tourists. It was a real bad scene man.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Boo Boo Bear was Gentle Ben’s enabler. He lived in a guest house on Gentle Ben’s property after his big fall out with Yogi. He was always doing drugs with Ben and running to his dealer to pick up the smack. Whatever Ben did, Boo Boo said it was great because he didn’t want to lose another meal ticket. He encouraged Gentle Ben to do any crap that would bring in money. He even got him that crazy Japanese reality show where celebrity animals chased and tried to kill contestants called “How I Ate Your Mother.”
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Even though Gentle Ben was bored with Cindy after he stole her from Yogi, he was still a very jealous bear. When they divorced, he was always stalking her and calling her and there were several 911 calls for domestic abuse. But she never got an order of protection. So when Cindy and her waiter friend were murdered in the Jellystone mansion, Gentle Ben was the only real suspect. The Rangers had a long televised kayak chase down the Jellystone river with Gentle Ben and Smokey in a white canoe. Ben kept threatening to kill himself and Smokey kept telling the Rangers to back off. It was on all the cable shows.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
It was amazing that Gentle Ben beat the rap for cutting the throat of his ex-wife Cindy and her waiter friend. Allegedly. He had very good lawyers. I remember we were in a bar when the verdict came down with a bunch of bears. The polar bears were outraged and blamed the jury. The bears of color all rejoiced and said that they stuck it to the “man” and that the Rangers were human centric racists who tried to frame Ben. The panda bears just said whatever they thought you wanted to hear. So Ben became an even bigger celebrity than he was before. He became a hero in the community. He was a featured speaker in the million bear march. He has a popular talk show in on the Bear Entertainment Television cable channel. He’s almost as popular as Oprah. That’s why his endorsement of Barack Obama has become such a big story.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Now the Hillary campaign is making a big deal out of Gentle Ben’s drug abuse because he endorsed Obama. He has been in and out of rehab, but he has turned his life around. He feels that the things he did as a young bear, almost a cub, shouldn’t be held against him. After all he isn’t a silly old pervert like Yogi. Yogi is over 70 but he lives with his four girlfriends in a palatial cave in the Jellystone. He just lolls around in silk pajamas all day and has sex and smokes pot. It’s a big perk to be invited to Yogi’s grotto for his wild parties. I think Bill Clinton has been there several times. There are rumors of a video of Bill with a young plump panda that the Chinese embassy has got a hold of from a session in 1992. That might explain a lot.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Gentle Ben is a little pissed off that he can’t get any of his old buddies to join him in endorsing Obama. Now the whole gang has endorsed different candidates and are working with the various campaigns. Smokey was always a hippie, worried about the environment and camping out in the woods. He’s a big Al Gore guy, but since he’s not running, he is supporting Edwards. Yogi is a pot smoking libertarian sexual libertine so he is for Giuliani since he is the only candidate that has been married as many times as he has. Teddy bear is a life long Democrat so he is behind the establishment candidacy of Hillary as are most of the other liberal bears of Massachusetts. It funny that a feminist would take his support because of his sexual history of making waitress sandwiches with Chris Dodd in Washington restaurants. Winnie the Pooh is a big time gay activist and is a member of the Log Cabin Bears who are supporting Giuliani because of his policy on gays. The only real hard core Republican bear is of course, Mike Ditka.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
Gentle Ben was worried about bringing his family to the annual bear convention in Jellystone when he heard that there would be bi-polar bears there. He was scared of the mentally ill and was worried that they might freak out and hurt someone. You really don’t want to be around a bear when he goes on a rampage. So he decided to go see Yogi who was the Mayor of Jellystone to see what precautions they had set up of the safety of the visitors. When he got to Yogi’s grotto, what does he see but Yogi and Cindy Bear having a three way with the Coca Cola polar bear. “Oh” he said, “I get it now, bi-polar bears.” Yogi looked up from the menage-a-bear and said “Hey let me introduce you to my driver, he wants me to run for governor in New Jersey.” Gentle Ben slowly backed away.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)
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1 comment:
This is completely unbearable!
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