The Captain and Tennille are on the road again!

So we are on the road again tomorrow. We are on a cruise from Christmas to New Years. Hitting a couple of islands: St Thomas, St Croix, Turks and Caicos, Puerto Rico.

No phones, no emails, no internet, no posting, no blogs.

Just relaxing and enjoying the holiday with the family. I hope all of you can be with you family and friends this holiday season.

So I want to wish all of the visitors to the Trooper York blog a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true!

See you next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost cut my hair today.....wait I did

We all had to get hair cuts for the trip. The wife has this favorite hair cutter down here in Florida that our daughter knows so we all had to get new do's. Or a don't in my case.

At least it is short and I will not be sweating on the cruise.

I pray three times a day

To get Pancakes. I love pancakes.

We went to the IHOP for lunch/breakfast. I was so happy as there are no good IHOPS in Brooklyn. The one on Fulton Street is always full of drug dealers and trannies and is just not the place for an All-American meal.

This one was great. It was full of native Floridians so you know it had to be good. You know what you have when you have thirty two Floridians in the same room? A full set of teeth.

We had to pack all of our clothes for the trip in these enormous suitcases that we have and we didn't want to disturb them to get out clothes to wear for the one day we are in Florida. So I saw I had a bathing suit on the top of the pile. So I said to the wife " I will just wear my bathing suit. Who would notice? This is freaking Florida after all."

And nobody did.

Of course I was careful to wear the potato in the front.

Welcome Walmart Shoppers!

So here I am in Florida which I think is officially designated as the boonies on my map. Or at least it has pictures of sea monsters with the legend 'Here be bubba's."

So what's the first thing you do in Florida. Squeeze an orange. Dance with a June Taylor dancer. Finger an alligator and then deny the alligataztions.

No.

You go to Wal-Mart.

Gee. This shit is pretty cheap.

Hey bring your shoe shine box.

So we decided to get away from it all during Christmas week. We flew out of Kennedy today and it was the same old shit.

We had to pull an all nighter packing as there was last minute stuff at the store and what not. I didn't even have time to get my shoes shined and the wife was giving me crap for days about it. But then a merciful God intervened. Just as we got out of the security line...what do we see....a shoe shine guy.

Emilio is from Salerno and has been in Whitestone Queens for about forty years since he emigrated from Italy. He shined up my shoes and the wife's boots while we laughed and joked about growing up Italian in New York. I talked about the days of canning tomatoes and making wine with my grandmother. Emilio makes his own wine and promised me a bottle the next time I see him. And his wife and daughter are coming to the store.

What a great way to kill some time before the flight instead of buying overpriced peanuts at the Hudson Newsstand.

And we have shiny shoes. On to Florida.

Things that will only amuse Meade and Me.

I know, I know it is a cheap shot.

But admit it. You laughed. I know you did.

Hey just in case we have new visitors...remember Betty is a dirty girl

Just so you know.

Welcome all you fans of the Crack Emcee and the blogger lady.

We are not going to talk about Barney and Bettys marriage. Just so you know.

Just remember....Betty is a dirty dirty girl

Yes she is. All this church talk is boring me.

A little dash of Betty Rubble will take care of that.

Palate cleanser and by the way whose that girl?

Here is a palate cleanser that will get you clean as a whistle. So to speak.

But she is also one of my all time favorite actresses. So whose that girl?

Just remember you better not dis her. That is Taboo.

Hey that's why they call it a lei!

"Welcome to Hawaii."
"Why thanks Jack. But why are you greeting us when get to the hotel."
"Well everyone who stays at the Wakiki Hilton gets a complimentary three way with a member of Hawaii Five-O."
"Really my travel agent never said anything about that."
"You have to read the fine print when you book em. So to speak."
"Mahlo."

Commentor Memories Number 56 The Crack Emcee celebrates an Anniversay

Today is the thirty seventh anniversay of when the Crack Emcee's parents met on the set of the Love Boat. Congratulations you guys. Many Happy Returns.

I want to live there!

"What are we looking at Steve?"
"It's a new report that says the best place for men to live is Madison Wisconsin."
"Really, not Hawaii?'
"Yes. I guess there are a lot of hot girls in bikini's running around Wisconsin."
"Really you really think so?"
"Well no. But on the other hand there aren't a lot of zipperheads. No offense Chin Ho."
"No problem chief. This is still the sixties. We don't get to say shit yet."

I thought you were blind Governor Patterson

"I thought you were blind Governor Patterson."
"Why I am. Yes indeed. Blind as a bat. I can't see a thing."
"Well can you do me one favor. I hate to ask."
"Anything my dear."
"Can you stop staring at my tits?"

Love you Long Time

"So do you come here often?"
"Every so often GI-Joe."
"I am not GI-Joe, I am Steve Five-O"
"Me love you long time."
"Sounds good to me. Just one thing."
"Whaz that GI Joe?"
"Don't touch my hair."

Do Micro Wave Dream of Baked Potatos?

Or do they turn off when they know it is not right?

Shame on you.

Hey whose that girl?

It's an old timey whose that girl?

Can you make the match?

One clue. Who does the Crack Emcee hate?

(And don't say Meade)

Hey Eddie who is that waving to you?

"Hey Eddie who is that waving to you?"

"I don't know, some young man that wants to be in the FBI I suppose."

"Well forget about that Eddie. I won't stand for this."

"Ok ok I will tell him to join the Army."

"Well allright then."

Let's listen to "Don't Stop Believing"

"What is it?"
"They have them in all the diners here in Wisconsin."
"Well what is it?"
"It's a juke box. It only play's Bob Dylan tunes."
"That's kind of weird. Did you ever play it?"
"Sure all the time. Hey lets go back to my place honey. I want to show you my swimming pool."

Do Micro Waves Dream of Baked Potatoes

Do Micro Waves Dream of Baked Potatoes....unwraping them....maybe a family of potatoes....the fully mature robust potato....the potato in it's prime at it's firmest and juciest...and the young fresh spring potatoe.....all waiting to be unwrapped?

Are Micro Wave's just perverts?

Hey seriously guys she can be kinda cute!

What's with all the Hillary bashing over at the evil blogger ladys joint.

She can be kinda cute.

Do Micro Wave Ovens dream of Baked Potatos

Where you just want to unwrap the Aluminium foil.

Oh. And whose that girl?

We are in danger Mr. Spock.

"Danger Mr. Spock Danger."
"What do you mean robot. It is not logical."
"There is danger. And one more thing."
"Yes?"
"Please stop touching my tits."

Bonus whose that girl?

And chickelit can't answer. Just sayn'

Please Captain!

"This is a completely illogical situation Captain. Vulcan's never sneeze."
"I realize that Spock."
"Oh and Captain?"
"Yes Mr. Spock?"
"Please let go of my tits."

We're in the Army Now!

"Oh dear boy....I am afraid we are in the army now!"

"What does that mean Dr. Smith?"

"Why that we can be in the army or the air force or best of all in the Navy."

"Oh you mean like your friends the Cowboy, the Indian and the motorcycles rider."

"Yes just like them. Now come along young William. I want to teach you about trench mouth."

(Robot starts waving his arms and clanking) "Danger Will Robinson Danger!"

"Shut up you bubble-headed booby!"

Whose that girl?

And it's not Sarah Jessica Horseface. Just sayn.

Marilyn's Diary

I miss my sweet Uncle Herman so much. He wasn't just a poet. He loved to sing. He was friends with a lot of the new rock and rollers. He hung out with Dylan and Phil Oches and later even Steven Stills and David Crosby. I think he helped Crosby get that liver he needed.

I dated other boys but it was never the same. They could never hold a candle to my sweet Uncle Herman.

Marilyn's Diary

My Uncle Herman was a poet. He loved to go to the coffee house with me and do this thing. He was the first rapper. He loved to rap and I loved to be rapped. So to speak.

I miss my sweet Uncle Herman.

Marilyn's Diary

Uncle Herman really loved his car. He loved to keep it all clean and shiney. I would love to help him. I would soap it up and rub and rub and rub. It was wet and soapy and I would get so messy. He loved when I did that. It was a very messy job so he always had me wear a swim suit when I cleaned up the car.

And high heels for some reason.

I never understood why. I guess we just had a failure to communicate.

Car....errrr...Palate cleanser

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend-The Next Generation

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Whose that girl?

We all know who the king is but whose that girl?

Hey the blogger lady is sending out a Christmas card.

Did you get your e-card from the blogger lady and her gent.

See if you can name all of the commenters. I bet you can.

Captain please don't punish him.

"Captain please don't punish him. He's just a kid. He doesn't know any better."
"Very well Yeoman Rand. I will do it for you."
"Oh and Captain?"
"Yes Yeoman Rand?"
"Please stop staring at my tits."

Marilyn's Diary

My Uncle Herman loved to spend time with me. We would wash the car together and sometimes we would wash Spot and he loved to help me wash my back and those hard to reach places.

He spent a lot of time with me and I think it made Eddie a little jealous. He was even the coach on my softball team. He always stood up for us girls. I remember when this Mr. Quilty tried to cause some sort of trouble and my Uncle Herman put him in his place.

Uncle Herman was a great coach. He let all the girls feel his bat. But he liked me best. It's kind of funny actually. He taught me how to choke up on the bat and also how not to choke. You see it is all about relaxing.

Whose that dick?

I mean he knows one of our favorite people and often shows up in our stories.

Oh and I don't mean Popeye!

Quick whose that dick?

Please stop staring at my tits Captain Kirk.

"Let me readjust the parameters of the cycle Captain."
"Very well Yeoman Rand."
"Oh. And Captain?"
"Yes Yeoman."
"Please stop staring at my tits."

Marilyn's Diary

We had a very close family. We always did things together. Every night we would have a seance and talk with the dead. We often picnicked at the cemetery. Sometimes we even slept in the same coffins on a cold winter's night.

But I will never forget the night that my Uncle Herman first showed me his balls.

Today's gratuituous Bathtub Photo: MamaM washes up the kid!

Hey back in the day we couldn't afford hot tubs. So some times the little nipper had to chill out in the sink.

Thanks to MamaM for emailing this to us.

That's our MamaM!!!!!!!!!!

Palate Cleanser and bonus Whose that Girl?

Can you get her?

Don't you Love her?

Can you tell me who she is?

It's the Macho Response.

When Billie first came to work with us, he was a happy little boy. He loved to play baseball with the rest of the kids and he was particularly close to George or Spanky as you might know him. They were always outside tossing the ball around.

But as they started to get older things changed. You see they started to get interested in girls and Billie and George got into a rivalry over Darla. She was a saucy little minx and led them on. The lost their friendship over it. And it was a shame. Neither one of them ever got together with her. She ended up joining her friend Susan Axtkins and hanging out with this guy who played guitar out at the Span ranch. I wonder whatever happened to them.

Anyway, Billie ended up becoming a motivational speaker and blogger who encourages men to act like men and to stop letting woman run their lives. His book "I'm O Tay, You're O Tay" became a national best seller.

(I'm O Tay, You're O Tay, The E True Hollywood Story of Billie Thomas)

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub scene...it's time for a law school examination..so to speak.

It's the only way to get extra credits. Alledgedly.

Hi...we are your Eyewtiness News team....

Brought to you by the diversity department circa 1975.

Solid!

Did you ever have a nightmare....

Where somebody got to do what you really wanted to do......and he didn't even enjoy it?

Palate cleanser!

Hey, when you want to generate a little salivia.....well just think........Joey!

Wait a minute! It's getting a little nippy in here!

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Scene is a tribute to every day dream I had in the seventies.

Just Sayn'

Palate cleanser.

To many rabbit droppings. Just sayn'

Winter's coming!

Beware of the midgets.

Book 'em Dan-O!

For the bachelor party. These hippie chicks are freaks.

Marilyn's Diary

I have been so sad lately. Whenever the holidays roll around I get all sad and stuff. You see I miss my family. My grandpa. My aunt Lily who was like a mother to me. Even my pervert cousin Eddie. But most of all I miss my Uncle Herman.

You see we have lost touch ever since he moved to New York City after he got the divorce. I think he became a professor at Columbia. And he had another family. I hear his son became a Senator from Massachuets.

I just miss him.

Whose that girl that Lee is smacking around?

Now that my computer died......all of the photos I saved are gone.

So I have to search out new ones.

By the way whose that girl?

The Assination of Yogi Bear by the coward Boo Boo Bear

(Stolen from Ace of Spades, HQ)

Tales of Amy's Garden.

Fiver: There's something very queer about the warren this evening?

Hazel: Is it dangerous?

Fiver: No but this time it feels different. Sort of…..like a storm is brewing.

Bigwig: I know. It is coming from that garden across the way where we had the old warren.

Hazel: How do you know that?

Bigwig: Well Strawberry and I were on patrol because some of the rabbits have been talking about moving back over there. They felt like there was too much to do over here. If they were in the old warren they could just lay around and munch on what the crazy lady in the cottage left lying around.

Fiver: But didn’t most of the animals leave that garden. I know the grouchy badger and gay blue jay left.

Bigwig: No they are around every once in a while. The blue jay likes to screech and poop in the garden and then insists that everyone admire it. And the grouchy badger pops out of his hole to say that everyone is stupid and then tries to sell them something but that doesn’t seem to work too well. But there are several other new residents in the garden.

Hazel: What kind of animals would go and eat her garbage?

Bigwig: Well there is this big black crow who is always trying to out caw everyone. He never stops saying that all of the other birds who are in a flock are bad and evil. He doesn’t like what age they are or something. He is a lone crow who won’t join a flock. And he never shuts up. The problem is he always sings the same song and it gets a little boring.
Hazel: What a strange duck.
Bigwig: He’s not a duck. He’s a crow. And there is another large tom turkey who is always gobbling so loud it sounds like he is shouting.
Fiver: Thank Eliearah we don’t live there anymore. I wouldn’t want to wade through garbage every day and listen to that noise?

Bigwig: Well some animals like that I suppose. In fact the black crow and the shouting tom turkey think they own the garden. They even attacked the farmer who lives with the crazy lady. They were flying around and pecking at him and making a big mess. But he was lucky.

Fiver: Why was he lucky?

Bigwig: Well he wasn’t naked like he usually is when he tries to push the lady in the garden off the back porch from behind. If he got pecked then….well he could have got hurt.

Fiver: Well then he just got a little battered.

Bigwig: Well he seems pretty tough. He has to be since that crazy lady likes to boss everyone around. But he seems to like it. But they did get a little marked up. Both the farmer and the crazy.

Hazel: Well that seems like a lot of excitement for a garden.

Fiver: That’s just it. I like our little garden. Everyone seems to get along.

(Watership Down, 1972)