Dry your ducks!

Sometimes your duck gets wet.

So you need to dry out.

So to speak.

What can I say.. I mean I can say...but then I can't say!

Remember the story about the knife fight outside Joe's supperette?

Well Andrea Peyser from the Post pretty much had the scoop. More or less. I can't add anything to the story. Well I can but I won't.

Just don't believe everything you read in the papers.

Well except for this one because she sorta got it right. More or less. Just sayn'

Next week is the shows at the Javits Center....crap!

Next week are the apparel shows so we have to waste a couple of days arguing with vendors who don't want to make plus size clothes.

Well at least we won't show up at the Toy Show again by mistake.

A ducken perspective!

A ducken perspective!

The wife set them up in my slippers. She said they could never fill my shoes. Or my slippers so to speak.

But to give you a size perspective that is a size 14 slipper.

What the duck?

You Drunken Duck!

So the new game is to set the ducks up before the other person can see them. At least for now. The plan is to eventually take them to the store and put names on them. Then they will go in order of who sells the most. You know as a motivational tool so to speak.

What the duck? It might work.

Anyhoo I got them drunk.

Where the duck R U?

The last couple of days have been rough. I had to be at the store at the crack of dawn to open up for the painters. The only consolation is that we get to leave early.

On Tuesday as we went home we passed the antique store on the corner of 2nd Place and the wife fell in love with these concrete ducks that he had for sale. They were lawn ornaments and heavy as shit as they are made out of cement.

Now the ducks are funny because of a joke we have about the store. You see we have a new employee who is very young but likes to imitate the wife. So much so that I have to tease her. Then when cousin Katy (you remember the elf) came into work there were some ruffled feathers. I told her it was like the ducks. When the mama duck comes out of the water all the baby ducks fight to be the first duck following behind her. Katy insists she is first duck. I say you have to earn it.

So of course I had to go buy them to surprise her and put them on the kitchen floor to find as we came home that night.

She loves them.

She loves them so much they she set up a twitter account called "Where the duck R U" to chronicle all the places the ducks go.

You have no idea!

Taking it all down and then putting it all together was a back breaking job. We had to cover everything because when you sand down the walls there is tons of dust. Then everything had to be cleaned. You have no idea how many surfaces there are to clean in a store.

Everybody was naked.

Well at least the manikins.

It was a bitch let me tell you.

But not as hard as hanging those two mirrors. That was a ball buster.

Hey it was a rough week!

I have been busy redoing the store this week. It is not just the painting. It is the covering everything in plastic and moving it from one side of the store to the other. It is hunting through what you covered to do the on-line orders. It is cleaning up the paint spatter and washing everything in the store to the exacting standards demanded by our fearless leader.

It was a massive pain in the balls.

But the store looks great so it was worth it.

Gratuitous Bathtub Scene plus Whose that girl equals wet skank!

Whose that skank in the bathtub?

She is not the one they are singing about in "Annie" because she is more than a day away and a dollar short.

Commenter Memories Number 81- Ray is a most happy fella

Original Mike said...
Ray Nitschke detractors???

Some people just love to hate on the gay athletes. It is terrible. So what if he is like that. Leave him alone.

Oh and did you notice that Ray looks just like Jason the Commenter. I guess a cool lookin' gay dude looks the same in 1968.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

(From the Evil Blogger Lady's site)

Commenter Memories Number 80-Dust Bunny Queen has a handicap

Dust Bunny Queen said...
if you want to discourage sagging in the future, it's better to go braless, because the natural ligaments are strengthened and kept strong.

Says the woman who undoubtedly doesn't wear an "DD" cup. Get back to me when you do.

When I was playing golf, I was once asked what my handicap was. I replied. "You are looking at them."

From the Evil Blogger Lady's site.

Donald Trump should check their papers....just saying

Advance warning for next week's Celebrity Apprentice. Crazy ostrich bitch Nene Leakes of the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" get's all ghetto over Miss Starr Jones on next weeks episodes. The coming attractions are off the hook.

I highly recommend you set your DVR to record this hot mess.

Start spreading the news.....

Or least the newspaper. Or at least start picking up after your dog. Jeeeeeeez.

Well Hitler did it!

Hey I am busy painting the store today. We took two days in the middle of the week to spruce things up. My cousin came down from Pennsylvania to do some work in the store and we are doing a spring clean up.

Happy Easter Everyone!

I just hope you get to hang out with your favortie Easter Bunny.

The Dubious Case of the Disappearing Douchebag.

My dear Holmes.

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. I must endeavor to inquire if you have given any further thought to the case of the not so recent disappearance of Lord Douchebag. It seems that he continues to be among the missing and absence continues to bedevil the feeble minded set of miscreants that he has long been associated with.

As I had previously noted I had attended several of the salons of the noted conversationalist and dilettante Lady Chatterley when Lord Douchebag was a frequent and much valued guest. In fact it has been told to me that the Lady in question has often referred to him as wonderful. I thought that in the spirit of the current Easter season I would see if I could resurrect this paragon of virtue who sees to have disappeared without a by your leave to his many so called admirer’s.

Lady Chatterley’s circle has had no contact with Lord Douchebag and the shallowness of their regard is such that they have never met face to face or communicated other than by post. They have complete forgotten him as new favorites have appeared to flatter and beguile the populace and their esteemed hostess. Several of the most vociferous correspondents have seemed to have fallen by the wayside as new members have come to the fore. A young chappy who calls himself the “Dose” but who is secretly referred to as the “French Pox” is omnipresent as well as a rather lackadaisical lout who affects the sobriquet of an American Civil war battle such as Appomattox or Manassas or some such frippery. He much resembles Henry Wood from your case of the previous autumn with his disfigured and misshapen countenance matching his most grotesque character and morals. He and the “French Pox” together with others of Lady Chatterley’s circle of fops and toady’s have completely dominated this most unusual salon. It is as if Lord Douchebag had never existed.

Once I again I beg to inquire if you will turn your hand to this most puzzling mystery? If so, perhaps I could drop by Baker Street to compare notes with you. If that is at all convenient please inform Dr. Watson who could pass on word the next time we meet at the club.

I hope all is well with you and Dr. Watson. I am glad that the protests that had been troubling your repose have ended now that the Tory party has come back into power and put the working class in it’s place . Dr. Watson’s work in chronicling this unpleasantness in the Police gazette was much appreciated especially in his photographic essay of the finely turned young ankles of the protesting women from the guild of dressmakers and seamstresses. It is so very fortunate that he revels in the seamy side of life. I trust that you both have a healthy and happy Easter and that I will hear from you soon.


Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
February 27, 1896

Whose that girl with those girls so to speak?

Here is a vintage whose that girl. You know her you love her you want to surf'n safari with her.

Whose that girl witht those girls?

Our New Poll for Easter-who is your favorite bunny?

For Easter we are asking you to tell us who is your favorite bunny:

The Easter Bunny

Bugs Bunny

Bunny Lebowski

The Vintage Playboy Bunny

Take your time and think about it. Oh and have a Happy Easter dudes and dudette's.

Commenter Memories 79-Palladian takes up yoga!

He is into all this new age stuff. Don't tell Crack. I don't want the drama.

Commenter Memories Number 78-Garage Mahal hears that Kloppy lost!

It's was almost as bad as the time he ate that rancid roadkill possum.

Commenter Memories Number 77-Deborah washes her pussy

Ironrailsironweights approves.

Rembrances of Things Pabst

Now I might have mentioned that I hate to go to the movies because I can't stand to have everyone shouting at the screen and acting like morons. Plus my plasma is as good as most multiplex's and I have not been to the movies in a long, long time.

But our good friends Amy and Chuck convinced us to try the Kaufman Astoria multiplex this past Tuesday. It is our day off and we decided to give it a try. First of all what is great is that it has a parking lot so you drive right in and take an elevator to the show. It was pretty empty which was also great. We saw a flick called "Hanna" which was a science fiction movie about a twelve year old girl who beats up German guys who out weigh by 200 lbs. Not all that believable but the popcorn was good and the wife let me eat twizzlers. So I had fun.

Then we went to this great restaurant that Amy picked out called Piccola Venezia. It was superb. I mean really great. It was old school with a very knowledgeable waiter who listed all the dishes and the specials of which there were about forty different things to pick from. The wife had a great stuffed artichoke for an appetizer and I had some escarole and beans which was great. And the mozzarella the Amy had was a creamy delight as we all shared and shared alike. The wife had a terrific chicken pounded flat and covered in spring vegetables and I had a superb cavatelli and sausage pasta dish. This had to be one of the best Italian restaurants I have ever eaten in and I recommend it very highly.

If you ever get out to Astoria you have to give it a try.

Whose that girl....and don't hunt around on google just guess!

Quick whose that girl?

She didn't hang around with a washing machine she hung out with the other one.

Game of Thrones- as heard by the wife

So we watched the first episode of Game of Thrones last night. Now I got in a lot of trouble with my last post about this. I want to be clear. My wife is a very intelligent woman. She built her own business and is a designer and has a million things on her mind. Of course she can follow a road runner cartoon. I was just joking. Since she never reads my blog I usually get away with it but she read it this time and was not amused.

So to be clear. She does not have ADD. Just "Symptoms of ADD."

Anyway we are watching the show and every once in a while I would have to pause it to explain the action. There is this one scene where the king rides into Winterfel with his whole court to talk to Ned Stark. She says to me "Why is he going all that way to visit him in his castle." I go "Well he is asking him to be the Hand of the King." She goes "Why does he want him to be the Ed McMahon of the King."

So you see. Just symptoms of ADD.

Commenter Memories Number 76-Ricpic's new diet is not kosher!

I mean it is Kosher but something isn't right.

Maybe he needs a little yiddisher pickel.

Commenter Memories Number 75-chickelit plays ball

He's busy playing ball with all the right people. Just sayn'

Commenter Memories Number 74-Crack Emcee tear down this wall

How is anybody gonna see your stuff if you are behind the google wall dude. You need to fight the power.

Fuck the Police.

Don't give in to Mr. Charlie.

ATTICA!!!! ATTICA!!!! ATTICA!!!!

Commentor Memories Number 73-hd house keeps it under his hat.

He just got a new one for Easter.

Commentor Memories Number 72- Dust Bunny Queen Does Sex in the City

She is not impressed. She did it back in the day. Just sayn'

Yeah I heard about it, it's what all the old ladies are talking about!

ricpic said... OT - Hey Troop, do you know a guy named Mark Iacono? He owns Lucali pizzeria in Carroll Gardens and was stabbed yesterday, according to a story in the Post. He was stabbed in front of Joe's Perette Deli on Smith Street by Benny Geritano who is apparently mob connected. Anyway thought you might know him because of the location. According to the story he's in stable condition.

I know both those guys. Mark who owns Lucali the pizza store is often in the bakery across the street "visiting" with one of the girls and Benny's uncle was in the Boy Scouts with me and another cousin was a big shot in the Knights of Columbus with my dad. When I was dropping off the taxes at one of my little old lady's houses she was telling me it was all the talk at the Stations of the Cross the night before.

I hear it was personal not business related and I don't want to get into details. It's funny but the store they fought in is Joe's Superette which I have written about several times which makes the best rice balls and prosciutto balls in NYC. I take my granddaughter there all the time when she is in town. Too bad she wasn't around....she could have got to see a show. The Jerk De'Soliel. What a couple of mooks.

Tales of Amy's Garden

Bigwig: Hyzenthlay.
Hyzenthlay: Sir?
Bigwig: I'd like to talk with you.
Hyzenthlay: Yes.
Bigwig: I just wanted to know what is going on at the old warren. We don’t want any surprises.
Hyzenthlay: Lots of stuff sir. They seem to be having a lot of parties or something. They have all these peoples dressed up in funny costumes banging drums and chanting. The farmer is always running out to film them. Especially the young girls. You know the ones with the droopy fun bags. He seems to like to film them the most and it annoys the lady who owns the garden.
Bigwig: Really. What does she do? I hope she isn’t throwing things again. I remember she once almost killed Fiver when she threw a Paul Masson Wine bottle out of her window.
Hyzenthlay: She doesn’t throw stuff. It is too warm to ski now. She just likes to ride her bike and makes the farmer shine it every day with a toothbrush. And she just makes him clean all the statues and make her breakfast and shave her feet. She has very hairy feet you know. Like a hobbit.
Bigwig: I know. That’s why she is always wearing those funny dresses. Even on skis. People are funny. Will there be a party this weekend?
Hyzenthlay: Yes sir. I heard them talk about it. In fact it is a Tea Party.
Bigwig: Really. That reminds me of old times. I wonder if the Mad Hatter will be there. My great great great great grandfather used to be great friends with him and go to his parties all the time. This writer used to have them in his garden until he got arrested for kid touching.
Hyzenthlay: I don’t think he is coming but I think someone famous will be there. I don’t exactly know who she is but a lot of people don’t like her. They say she is a moose killer and has a magic vagina.
Bigwig: She killed a moose with her vagina?
Hyzenthlay: I think so.
Bigwig: That’s pretty impressive. I might drop by to see that. That’s has to be some kind of vagina.
Hyzenthlay: I don’t know. I think you should stay away from vagina's like that. They might bite.
Bigwig: What kind of Rabbit are you? Scared of Vagina's? How will we ever have new rabbits if we are scared of vagina's? If you keep that up I will have the lady in the Garden put you on her arguing show with the rest of the people scared of vagina's. Chest out and dick up now. Carry on Hyzenthlay.
Hyzenthlay: Yes sir. Will you be coming back again soon sir...
Bigwig: Perhaps. I do want to get a look at that dangerous vagina. Just for scouting purposes you see.
Hyzenthlay: Yes sir if you say so sir.

Hey wait a minute.....where is everybody?

I didn't know what chickelit was refering to when he said that some of his best comments were on blogs that just disappeared but now I have figured it out.

Our good buddy Montana Urban Legend who became Ritmo who is now Conservative for Better Dental Hygiene has taken down his great blog "Dichotomies." Like Theo Boehm before him he has pulled down his blog and all that had gone before is lost. Which is a shame because he displayed his humor, verve, zest for life and humanity in many interesting posts that really illustrated my point that everyone is not all of a piece. Especially about music. Like hdhouse his love for music displayed a different side of him than his political posturings and let even his most vehement oppenents get a glimpse of his personality in unguarded non-partisan moments. I would be proud to call him a blog friend and I hope like hd and Theo he will continue to stop by to say hello.

His blog and his insight will be missed. At least by me.

Remembrance of things Pabst

So the tax season is finally over more or less and things can get back to normal. Now this tax season was a lot different from prior years. What I used to do was use the season to catch up with a bunch of friends. They would come to my office to do their taxes for free and then they would take me and the missus out for dinner. So we were guaranteed to meet up at least once a year. But this year I sent out a letter telling everyone that I wasn’t doing it anymore. Just about the only one whom I didn’t send it to was my best friend.

You see we know each other since we are five years old and since I was stuck doing them I could do it for one more year. So I set it up for him to meet me on Saturday at the office and then we would drive back to Brooklyn to meet the wife after she closed the store.

But the same thing happens to us that happens to busy people everywhere. He was having his new kitchen tiles grouted and kept calling me to delay coming in. Which was fine because I was still working but he didn’t get to me till about 9pm. It took about an hour so we didn’t get on the road till 10pm and made the store just about at 11pm.

Now that sucked because a lot of the better restaurants were closing up. You see even though New York is the City that Never Sleeps there are a lot of fucking people who want to close up and go to bed early. Most of the joints in the neighborhood close about eleven. I mean the wine and cheese is open late and the diner but the Thai joint and the Italian places all shut up shop around eleven. We could have gone to Hanley’s for bar food but we are getting too old for that and we wanted to save our stomachs. We had to find a place to eat and we had a limited window.

First we jumped in the car and sped off to Downtown Atlantic. Which was closed up tighter than a Republican sphincter when you talk about raising taxes. So that was out.

Then we sped down Court St. to the Mexican Joint. No we eat in there once or twice every other week. It is one of the places we go to a lot and they all know us there. It is sandwiched between two yuppie hipster dofous joints that served late but I wouldn’t go into on a bet. So they have been staying open later to get the overflow. There were still people there when we walked in. I asked if we could eat and the guy behind the bar says sure. I think he is the owner but I am not sure because he doesn’t come out and talk much. He just goes “just order everything you want now so they can start cooking.” So we put in our order right away and order drinks and are talking and laughing. Now one thing I should say is that normally we don’t drink as much as we used to. Well I don’t since the wife is not much of a drinker. But when I was with my old buddy we fell into our old habits and had four beers before the appetizers got there. Drinking is like riding a bike. You don’t forget how to do it and you fall down a lot.

Anyway we had a lot of fun catching up and eating and stuff and before you know it we got last call. In a freakin’ Mexican restaurant. The wife got a little irate but I told her they did extend their hours a lot for us so we really didn’t have a complaint. The waiters were very apologetic but the owner guy just wanted to go home which I understand. He had to be back early the next day and we didn’t so you have to be reasonable.

The whole night worked out fine. Except for one thing. They kept playing that stupid Mexican Polka music. Man that shit is annoying.

Winter is coming!

So one of the few prerogatives as a man that really means anything to me is that I get to control the remote control. And peeing standing up but that's another discussion.

Anywho I have to control the remote because if the wife gets control of it we end up watching some stupid chick movie with Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts or some shit like that there. Now don't get me wrong. Our viewing schedule is heavy with stuff like Justified and Sons of Anarchy and Hard Core Pawn but we watch stuff she likes such as all the Housewife shows and Army Wives and Desperate Housewives and any fucking show with Wives in the title. I watch them cheerfully or at least I try not to snore too loudly. Although last night I started to snore through the Biography channel special about Frank Niti. I have been very tired.

So I have been trying to lay the ground work for the HBO series "Game of Thrones" based on one of George RR Martins novels. It is a very complicated plot and if you have not read the book you have no chance of following it. Which is a problem because the wife is so ADD she has trouble paying attention to the Road Runner cartoons I love to put on. I often have to pause the show to explain who is who and what is what. That was a big pain in the ass in "Boardwalk Empire" and she was interested in that since some people who worked on it shop in the store. So I have careful to try to get her interested in "Game of Thrones."

Now HBO has helped because it has set up a bunch of little snippets explaining the various "houses" and characters and the setting and what not. So we have seen them all and I have explained how they fit into the show. And they took a page out of the current style of Science fiction writers and put up the first 15 minutes of the first show. Sort of like SM Stirling's or Eric Flint printing chapters or snippets of their newest book.

Well we watch the whole thing and it is great. Outstanding photography. Great action. Scary shit with supernatural forces and stuff. Obviously a multi-million dollar production of one of the most popular fantasy series of the last two decades based on a series of best sellars. And after all of that the wife turned to me and said:

"I don't like it. Their hair is too dirty. I can't watch a series where everybody has dirty hair."

The only thing worse than April 14th is April 15th...I mean April 18th...whatever!

Sorry I have not been posting as I have only had time to drop in comments in between running returns. I hope this is my last tax season so I am finishing off what I can so I don't leave the clients who I have worked for the last thirty years in the lurch.

When you drop a client it always ends badly. It is like a rejection, almost like a break up. I am using the "It's not you..it's me" approach but it is not really working out all that well.

I can't wait for it to be over.

Donald Trump demands to see birth certificate!

He made everyone on Celebrity Apprentice produce their birth certificates.

Lil John only had a Certificate of Jive Birth.

But that was acceptable because his parents were jazz musicians.

Special delivery for you!

I was out of stamps and they have this thing where you can order stamps on-line. So I ordered this oversized Ronald Reagan stamps that I send out the checks to all the super liberal designer type guys.

It gave me a smile.

Not so fast there Larry!

When I was listening to the Gospel today it was one of our old favorites. It was the one where Jesus’ buddy Lazarus croaks and he waits a couple of days and then goes and knocks on the tomb and says “Hey not so fast buddy.” The homily was all about how we have to get ready for eternal life if we believe and about heaven and all that stuff. Recently I had a discussion with someone very close to me about heaven. They said “What if what we believe isn’t true and there is nothing after we die?” I had to give my view of what heaven would be like. You see I think Heaven would be like a big bar. Everybody would be sitting around and drinking and laughing and telling stories and singing and having fun. Babe Ruth, Billy Martin, Nixon, Janis, Joe and Norma Jean, George Washington and Dolly Madison would all be sipping cocktails and having a grand old time. And they would be doing all the stuff they love to do best. New people would be coming in to join the party every day. I mean Liz Taylor would walk in, bat her violet eyes, look everyone over and then take the Babe by the hand with a couple of martini’s and go off to find their own private cloud.

Jesus would be the bartender and his old man would be in the office adding up all the receipts. Oh and when he needed another bar towel, he would just call for Lazarus.

Heaven

POPEYE GAGA!!!

Popeye Jesus just in time for Easter

Commenter Memories Number 71-Placeholder explains his name.

It all becomes clear now. You the things your parents do have a big effect on the rest of your life.

Commenter Memories Number 70- Tim picks one right.

Tim said... Not to rain on your parade, but Sox Win! Sox Win! Sox Win! Red Sox Nation exists to cast a pall over the otherwise insufferable Yankees. How do you like that Cambridge talk?

What can I say Tim? You picked that one right.

Comenter Memories Number 69- Jason the Commenter loves Avatar!

But for some reason he can only watch half the movie.

Commenter Memories Number 68-Cedarford won't sign the birth certificate

I mean he is proud of his son in some ways. But he still won't sign his birth certificate. They let you get away with that in Hawaii. Allegedly.

Commenter Memories Number 67- Palladian wants to be on Broadway

But his audition for Spiderman just didn't work out. Maybe that is why he is cranky.

Commentor Memories 66-Ironrailsironweights is itchy!

Ironrailsironweights sent me this photo so he can be included in the Trooper York menagerie.

It explains a lot.

Commenter Memories Number 65-hd kicks back

chickelit said... BTW, I just caught up on that Althouse thread. WTH happened to HD House? He's so tame. I'll bet his blood pressure is way down. Hd is just enjoying the spring. He is calming down. He said he was very busy so he is enjoying some music and his other pursuits instead of getting angry at people on the internets. It is good to take a break now and again. And of course he is enjoying a few cocktails.

Lent sucks man.

To top it all off I had a rotten day today. I went to a client in the city but when I got there nobody was in the office. So I had to wait outside for an hour wondering if somebody would come in.

Now in the old days I would just adjurn to the bar for a burger and a couple of beers. But now I am living on the straight and narrow and can't do that kind of stuff anymore. Plus it's a Friday in Lent and there is no meat.

I could really go for a burger right now.