Now Florida is I guess like a lot of suburbs. Strip malls all over the place. This joint was in a small half abandoned one. When we pulled in there were five stops. Three empty ones. One hero shop. And one that said Smoke Shop. I went "Holy shit this is the place for me. Hero's and cigars. It could be 1986." Of course I was misinformed. This joint sold vapor cigarettes which is the new thing I guess. Who knew?
Anyhoo we go into this place which was like a retarded Subway's without any Child Molesters. Or at least I hope not. There was the owner who was a nasty piece of work who groused the whole time we were there. I could tell he hated us. His half a retard hispanic of the books worker made that sandwich. This guy just stood there and bitched to the other customer in the joint who must have been a regular. We sat at the place to eat which put his nose out of joint. It didn't stop him from telling us his life story at the top of his voice as he grumbled to his regular. It seems he is divorced and his kids come over every weekend and two nights a week. So he generously offers to put in for food with the new broad he is shacked up with. But is seems she went to Walmart and ran up a $500 bill on his credit card. Which freaked him out. He tells the guy "Hey I want to be fair. I will contribute to the household expenses. You know toilet paper and toothpaste and shit. I figure a $100 a week and we split the cost of the beer."
White people problems.
No. White trash problems.
We just sat there and enjoyed our greasy sandwiches. They were great actually. But I wouldn't want to be around for another floor show. Strictly take out from now on.
8 comments:
Those vapor cigarettes are certainly a fad. My son thinks they're cool, but doesn't use one. Apparently, lots of youngsters simply get them for the flavors. Go figure. Tic Tacs are a hell of a lot cheaper.
One of my employees used to smoke two packs a day. Pricey, even in Tobacco Land. I've watched him try to stop smoking a few times in the five years or so I've known him. Failed every time. He did the nicotine patch thing, and that went horribly wrong.
The instructions said something about vivid dreams or some such side effect. Well, he dreamed that the ceiling in his bedroom caved in, spilling dirt and debris all over him, and his dead wife was reaching out to him. Terrifying stuff.
He quit the patches.
But, this vapor thing has allowed him to quit smoking. He's in it for the nicotine he still gets, not the taste at all. He hates that part, and sometimes buys the wrong flavor and can't stand it. But he spends a lot less money than two packs a day.
I saw this dude come out of the smoke shop when we were leaving. I wanted to tell:"Dude stick with Meth. It suits you."
Meth is a terrible task master.
I asked my employee why is it that when you have vivid dreams like he had, they're always bad? I mean, if I'm going to have hallucinatory dreams, why can't it involve me, Christie Brinkley, Natalie Wood (before she died), and Adrienne Barbeau?
Yeah, what is it about Florida? It used to be all the loose nuts in the USA ended up in California, but now they all seem to have ended up in Florida.
I'm not sure if it's loose nuts in Florida, or something known in the Mhouse as "randos" that add to the special flavor. Weirdos with their own agenda, verging on crazy, like they've caught a whiff of bath salts.
Over at Fark they have a special tag just for Florida, because it just seemms like they have far more of their share of crazies.
I was the first one to mock Florida when my daughter moved there ten years ago but it has grown on me. Mainly the weather.
I was able to sit outside and take the sun as I read my kindle or wrote some more of my books. We were able to get most of the gluten free stuff or organic produce that we needed to cook delicious meals. So there is no reason not to set up shop there if I can set up the right situation.
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