Hell needs a new PA announcer

Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. How is it we can’t find anybody to be the new PA announcer. Maybe we should broaden the search a little. Who has slid down the shute lately Forcas?Forcas: Well we don’t have anybody for PA announcer but I think we might have solved the problem of a new coach for our basketball team.

Lucifer: Really? You mean Hubie Brown is here? I been waiting for that pock mocked fuck forever.

Forcas: No not Hubie. He still has work to do on earth torturing basketball fans until they kill themselves. I will get the new guy.
Coach John Wooden: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…what’s going on? Where am I?
Lucifer: Welcome to Hell Coach. We have been waiting for you.
Coach John Wooden: Wait I’m in Boston?
Forcas: Oh shit, this isn’t going to go good.

Lucifer: (Spewing hellfire) WHAT ARE YOU…A FUCKIN” IDIOT! THIS IS HELL DOUCHEBAG NOT BOSTON! (Lucifer isn’t a patient guy)

Coach John Wooden: But why am I in Hell. I shouldn’t be in Hell. I ran a clean program. And I didn’t sell my soul to you like Rick Pitino and Tubby Smith.

Lucifer: No but you did something much worse.
Coach John Wooden: What could I do worse than selling my soul?
Lucifer: You kept beating Notre Dame. The big guy hates that. Anybody that beats the Yankees, the football Giants or Notre Dame are guarantied to roast here. But cheer up. You are our new coach for our basketball games. Every year we have the really Final Four. We play Heaven, Limbo and Purgatory. What kind of team do we have Forcas.
Forcas: Oh a pretty good one. Lot’s of Boston Celtics and tons of Lakers. And Magic Johnson should be here soon. I hear he has a bad cough.
Lucifer: Cool. So go start a scrimmage on the lake of fire. Shirts verses really burning skins. Cool.

Commenter Memories Number 13

There was some talk of a "Whiskey Summit" so some people of divergent viewpoints can get together over a drink and some road kill.

It has to beat the last commenter get together I went to.

The RHONY Season 3 Reunion

Women displaying their pussies NSFW

Because you have to get hits somehow.

Who do you think you are?

Have you seen the new show called "Who do you think you are?"

It's about celebrities who search the genealogical records to trace their families.

I skipped the first one about Sarah Jessica Horseface since they ignored the fact that she is a direct descendant of Man of War.

But the new one this week is very interesting. They traced back the ancestors of Oscar Gamble.

This is Thomas Whyte who was the slave owner who owned Oscar's great grandmother.

Why did Al and Tipper Gore break up after all these years Part 3

The last straw was the photos of the three way that started at the picnic at the Global Warming conference. It's seems that Al, Laurie David and an unidentified nubile Polar Bear were photographed canoodling at the outdoor luncheon. These same photo's also ended Laurie Davids marriage.

Al swore to Tipper that the bear was only after the pic-a-nic baskets but photos later surfaced that showed the ursine booty bandit had indeed tossed the Nobel Prize winning Salad.

It was the end of their love affair.

The heart wants what it wants.

It's time to get off that bike and take a break.....

Good show garage.

It time to get off that bike and walk it off. Glad to see you did it.

Now lets start working on our football bet.

The first rule of when you are in a big hole......

Stop digging.

I tried to say lay low man. But it ain't workin'

Everybody hates Jill Zarin

Save Jill Zarin's Soul NY Post PAGE SIX June 9, 2010
"Real Housewives" star Jill Zarin is the victim of a sick campaign. A source close to Zarin told us, "A woman posted her address and urged fans to send Jill sympathy cards for the death of her soul, while another urged people to sign Jill up for magazine subscriptions. We think these people are friends with another housewife." Zarin wrote on Twitter: "We are being harassed and threatened . . . We have contacted authorities. Someone posted my address and told people to send me threatening mail . . . Using the US Postal Service is a serious crime.

Jeeez. Everybody hates Jill Zarin.

See Garage. You should be feeling good right now. Just Sayn

Shiver my timbers and tickle my Elmo!

"Hey get out of here.'

"Can't you see I am busy!"

"Enough of this bullshit."

"Let's go girls. It's time to tickle your Elmo!"

Commenter Memories Number 12

Our new friend Sixty Grit sent us this photo of him trying on his new Man Spanx.

Somehow I don't know if this is going to catch on.

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner-Revised

"garage mahal said...
Asking politely to take this fucking crap down. "

Well I guess I will do that. I realize that this one was a little over the top. I thought it was on the edge my ownself. I think our buddy MadisonMan said it best when he said something I said was "very funny, but very cruel."

Which is how I roll.

I will always delete something when it really bothers someone and it is really on the edge. I have done it before and I will do it again. But I would like to talk about the elephant in the room.

Sometimes we can take our arguments on the Internet a little too far. Ritmo and I talk about this all the time. We stake out a position and we always end up arguing with the people who are always on the other side of the equation. In the cut and thrust of the debate, sometimes we can take it too far and say things and take positions that aren't really how we feel. That allow our opponents to caricature our beliefs and positions. And it can really go too far. Quickly. Like a brush fire burning out of control as more and more fodder is thrown on and we have an internet bon fire of the vanities.

People of good faith can argue all they want and at the end of the day we can acknowledge our common humanity and good faith and agree to disagree. But sometimes you need to step back. Take a look at what your arguments are really saying. And at the rest of the players on your team. If they are people you normally find pretty odious, you might want to step back and lay low a little. It's ok to feel the way you feel but not everyone is going to argue in good faith and it can degenerate into a shitstorm that doesn't do anybody any good.

Me, I just like to bust balls on the internet. But if it is a sensitive spot, maybe you have been wounded there. So to speak.

But I will tell you one thing. No matter how many times you ask.....and how much you plead....I am not deleting that photo of SixtyGrit in his Man Spanx.

Commenter Memories 11

reader_iam said...
Maybe I have no arms. Maybe all of these years I've been keyboarding all my comments with my tongue (which, you must admit, would explain some things).PROVE your assertion!; )

Well here is reader when she was working at the Washington Post and was in her early "Mary Tyler Moore" phase.

Commenter Memories Number Ten

The Blogger Lady said......

I love this photo but I don't post it too often. I don't want to get the men who post on my site too excited. You see I had a very cute pussy when I was younger.

Oh my God they want to repossess Teresa's Chuckie!

Spendaholic 'Housewife of NJ' owes a big-hair-raising $11M
She has a gaudy new mansion, pricey breast implants and spends thousands of dollars on shopping sprees for her spoiled brats -- but a New Jersey reality star and her goombah hubby are real-life deadbeats who owe $11 million, court records show.
Free-spending "Real Housewives of New Jersey" diva Teresa Giudice and her husband, Joe, make just $79,000 a year and are up to their tanned necks in liens, foreclosures and unpaid bills, according to bankruptcy papers filed in Newark federal court.
The Giudices say they owe creditors $10,853,648.04.
Teresa, known for her lust for designer clothes and expensive bling on the Bravo show, owes nearly $20,000 on credit cards for Bloomingdale's, Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus. In total, the Giudices show $104,000 in debt on at least eight credit cards.

The bank has moved to foreclose on the Giudices' $1.8 million, 10,500-square-foot, eight-bedroom, 5½-bath marble-and-onyx manse in Towaco, NJ, the couple moved into during the first season.
Teresa and Joe defaulted on their $1,280-a-month payment for the family's ubiquitous black Cadillac Escalade. They also didn't have insurance on the massive SUV, according to GMAC.
Teresa -- who this season told Joe to get a vasectomy -- owes $12,000 to a Garden State fertility clinic.
* Banks have taken the couple's $279,000 four-bedroom Jersey Shore house. The Giudices had three mortgages on the house and owed $325,000. The couple also handed over a $200,000 home in Lincoln Park, NJ, that had four mortgages -- and an outstanding debt of $600,000.
* Teresa and Joe owed another $1 million for property in Clifton, NJ, that has been given back to lenders.
On the show, Teresa famously dresses her four daughters in designer clothes, and last season dropped $2,000 in 10 minutes of shopping.
Yet, in bankruptcy papers, Teresa and Joe claim to spend just $400 a month on clothes.
On a recent "Real Housewives" episode, Teresa boasted that she dropped "a fortune" on daughter Gia's televised 9th birthday party. The child got an all-terrain vehicle, along with a trip to a spa in a pink stretch limo for her and her friends.
Joe, who "owns several successful businesses throughout New Jersey," according to his wife's Bravo bio, owes more than $5 million, including debts to former partners associated with his Section 8 real-estate deals.
In court papers, Joe, who owns a stucco and stone company, lists his monthly income as $3,250; Teresa pulls down $3,333 a month for her Bravo gig. The couple gets another $10,000 in "monthly assistance from family members."
Spendaholic 'housewife of NJ' owes a big-hair-raising $11M
Behind the bankruptcy filing
What the Giudices make a year:
$79,000 (plus $120,000 in “assistance” from family members)
What they owe: $10,853,648.04
Credit Cards $104,000 including $20,000 to Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom
$1,280 monthly payment for Cadillac Escalade
Mortgages$2.6M for eight mortgages on three homes (two have been handed back to lenders)
$5.8M Joe's business investments
$85,600 Home repairs
$12,000 Fertility treatments
$2,300 Phone billRead more

Holy Visa and Master Card Batman! Somebody is going to be turning over some tables.

Commenter Memories Number 9

"reader_i_am said.......

No one ever said there aren't assholes from the right and the left. Did anyone?

There are plenty from the middle, too. Didn't intend to leave it out."

This is very true.

It usually is in the middle.

(Please note that this is not an image of reader_i_am or provided by her or meant to reflect on her in any way, shape or form. Any use of this image without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited)

Commenter Memories Number 8

The Crack Emcee said.....

I know Trooper was just kidding, but I think it's fascinating that, every time someone online decides to depict me, they want to see me as a hobo or a crackhead - because it couldn't be farther from the truth: it's just my stage name, The Crack Emcee (and, yes, I drew that) but I still think it says something. No one ever sees me as heroic, except in person. (Today, one guy at work said I'm the best looking person in the office - and we have lots of women where I work.) Just to fill in the picture a bit, here's the photo you know.. Also, here's a few - including a shot of me when I was a youngster in the Navy. Another performance shot is here.

Why did AL and Tipper break up after all these years? Part two.

You see Tipper understood AL's fetish. You see as a young boy he witnessed a three way between his Mom and his auntie and a Polar Bear.

And when the Polar went to eat his auntie.....well he got carried away.....and he ate his auntie.

His dad the Senator hushed it all up. Said she died when the still blew up.

But AL was there hiding in the loft of the barn. He knew the truth.

He was never the same.

Commenter Memories Number 7

El Pollo Real said.....

When I was 15 my dad took me on a scuba trip to Lake Superior along Minnesota's North Shore. My brother and I had been around diving since we were little kids, but he waited until we were older and had passed a certification course before taking us up there.

Why did AL and Tipper break up after all these years? Part One

She got tired of all the polar bear porn.

Commenter Memories Number 6

Our old friend Theo has not commented here in a long time. Or even very much at the evil blogger lady's joint.

Now he did say he was giving up commenting for Lent. But Lent is long gone. I guess he is just real busy.

Or perhaps he is just staying at home fingering his flute.

But we miss him.

Commenter Memories Part 5

Ann Althouse said...
"if slightly sloshed"We bought one glass -- as the post says -- and shared it. As you can see, the glass is nearly full. Thus, I have had no more than a sip!
2/27/10 9:01 PM

Commenter Memories Part 4

El Pollo Real

I just came across a box of photograhs from my granddad's acttic from his trip to Worlds Fair in New York in the early sixties. It seems he met up with these two sisters....and well he banged both of them. One of them had a baby girl and then in turn she had a baby girl.....and well....I don't know how to say this but.....Snookie might be my aunt..... or something.

Commenter Memories Part 3

I am sorry if I ever hurt RH Hardin's feelings because I was teasing him about his strange affection for chickens.

I didn't realize his family situation.

I can understand how he could be mixed up.

Those Oedipal feelings can really screw with your psyche.

I apologize dude.

(But you still freak me out)

Commenter Memories Part 2

ricpic said...

That picture brings back a memory. When I was 5 or 6 and my mother would have a bunch of ladies or girls or women over to the house (well, not the house, the apartment) I would lie under the kitchen table in my little box that my mother put me in when they were gathered around it drinking tea or coffee or gin and stare up their legs. Even then I knew that up there was IT.

I would always get wood.

I was no dummy.

Helen Thomas has a hot date!

"Listen I don't know why you stood me up?"

"I mean I didn't mean what I said."

"Everybody knows I am a Joker."

"So to speak."

Yes we are here for the charity event, we are at Danielle's table.

"Yeah she invited us."

"But you didn't pay and this is a charity event."

"What...I gotta smack you one....Danny told me it was cool....and one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Stop staring at my wife's tits!"

Commenter memories...Part 1

ricpic said...
That picture brings back a memory. When I was 5 or 6 and my mother would have a bunch of ladies or girls or women over to the house (well, not the house, the apartment) I would lie under the kitchen table when they were gathered around it drinking tea or coffee or gin and stare up their legs. Even then I knew that up there was IT.

Youwza!

Helen Thomas has a hot date!

How is it that Helen Thomas can get a hot date and Maureen Dowd has to go home alone with a bottle of cold duck and some lubricated banana's?

Helen Thomas has a date!

Hey I will be posting some photos from the blind date that Helen Thomas just went on.

I am kinda dissappointed in Cedarford. You think he could stay awake with such a hot chick!

Now this might be a tough one!

Whose that girl?

She tried her best to fit in but she just ended up a Misfit.

And she is featured in many posts here on Trooper York.

Can you guess who it is?

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"They Want To Hold My Dick- The Untold Gay History of the Beatles."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Circus Boy-The Cedarford Story"

"Why I Ran Away From the Circus To Join Hitler Youth!"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Oh, I Don't Want To Do That- The Untold Story Of Billy Graham."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"You're Like Shit On My Shoes-The Joey Bishop Story!"

Summer Movies you don't want to see

"Let Me Help You With Those Spanx"

"The Lee Lees Valise Story!"

Summer Movies you don't want to see

"Sex in the City-Tokyo Style"

"Godzilla's coming, over and over again. Meet the real "Big.""

Summer Movies you don't want to see!

M.Night Shyamalan's new horror flick:

"I SEE PUSSY"

Hey let's see if we can get him to move stuff

"Hey let's see if we can get him to move stuff"
"What stuff?"
"I don't know.....heavy stuff."
"Well how do we get him to do that?"
"We could just start making out."
"Works for me."

You can get "Lost" in those eyes!

Quick, whose that girl?

She was lost and then she was found. Well found drunk driving but what the hell. She was always doing what Meade is doing these days.

Can you guess whose that girl?

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo shows you how to do it right.

You can't pretend to be cool. You can't learn how to be cool. There is no book you can buy. There is no class you can take.

If you are cool....well man you are cool.

Steve McQueen was way cool.

Garage Mahals Road Kill Korner

In between knitting scarves for Hamas and working on his collection of World War II Mercedes staff cars, Garage Mahal keeps emailing us photos from the world of Road Kill Korner.

He tried to start off his kids young, so he had them use their GI Joe's to bag the occasional road kill squirrel.

Well done.

At least I hope he cooks them till they are well done.

Hey thanks for emailing me the photo's

It's amazing what people will email you when you say you are going to post the photo's on-line.

Look at this. Barack Obama's step brother emailed me this photo of him from when he was a kid in Indonesia.

Now that's pretty cool.

Hey there are a lot of new villians these days.

You know in reality television there are always a lot of new villains. Some of them are just villains from the beginning and never stop bringing the vile like Danielle from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Or bringing the overbearing douchyness like Vicki from the Real Housewives of Orange County.

But sometimes a character can go from being the hub and the central feel good vibe to being the bitch that everyone hates. That sort of happened to Jill Zarin on the Real Housewives of New York. She makes it all about her and it became so clear this season. I mean she show want a bitch she is in the little moments that she doesn't realize show her true character. She was pretending that she wanted to make up with Bethannay all episode and tried to fake being humble but when Alex approached her she just went "No thanks, there's nothing in it for me get away from me." In the previews for the reunion show she is shown stalking off in a huff.

I think it would be great if Bravo did a show with some of the villains of the various franchises together for a couple of weeks. Kim or Nene from Atlanta. Danielle from New Jersey. Viki from Orange County. And the big Kahuna, Jill from New York.

It would be like one of the extra special Batman episodes.

I just find this endlessly fascinating. And I don't know why.

You know LT is not taking this arrest thing seriously

But why should he since he didn't even get one vote as the worst NFL douchebag.

I quess underage hookers isn't such a big deal anymore.

Showdown on the Real Housewives of New York Tonight

Tonight is the big showdown with Jill Zarin and Bethenny finally meeting to thrash out all of their differances. Jill has looked really petty and bad these last few weeks and Bethenny has gone on to have her own new show, get married and have a child. So it should be kind of interesting.

The newest housewife Sonja Morgan got pinched in the Hamptons for a DUI. That should be a lot of fun to talk about at the reunion show. Hee.

For some good clean hate check out this funny site "I Hate Jill Zarin."

Check it out you will laugh your ass off.

Oh and check out the girls tonight. It should be fun.

Garage Mahals Road Kill Korner

Garage is keeping up with the Road Kill Korner. Here is some photo's when he went a hunting trip with Cedarford. I kind of thought that was overkill but then I am not a hunter. He assures me it's all good.

You see they were Jewish squirrels.

Now what did he mean by that.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene says "Keep those cell phone photo's coming."

I want to thank all my readers and lurkers who are emailing me photo's. Especially those cell phone photo's from the bathtub. Thanks Megan.

Oh and Garage, the ones with you and the raccoon in the bathtub is just disturbing dude. Seriously.

Boy the TV Powers That Be are enjoying making fun of the Italilans!

So we took Memorial Day off and slept in. No work. No blogging. No facebook. No emails. No nuthin!

Just enjoying lounging around and watching some TV. What was funny was that it seemed that all the reality shows that were on were sort of making fun of Italian people. At one point we were flipping from the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" to "Jersey Shore" on MTV! It was guido's galore!

The funny thing about the Real Housewives is how they play up the New Jersey "Mafia" angle. It's like everybody wants to be in the Soprano's. The first run episode was a classic though. Did you see it?

In it the villain Danielle Staub goes to a benefit for a sick kid at the catering hall owned by the mobbed up Manzo's who are her rivals in this show. Now the Manzo's are partners with the Gambino's and the Grandfather got hit because of some irregularities in his Shylock bidness but they are only associates. They certainly don't want any drama or bullshit at their joint as they are very respectable these days. But this Danielle character inserts herself into this fundraiser and shows up with about twenty lowlife scum including a couple of parolee's and what looks to be a phony Hells Angel guy. I don't think the Angels would be involved with this but you never know. Anyway there is a big to-do about nothing but it is very interesting.

Check it out if you get a chance.

Then we caught this new show called New Jersey Couture which is basically a dress shop in Jersey where this loud Italian family sells prom dresses and what not. My wife just sat there amazed. If we pulled that shit in our store we would be out of business in a week. It was way over the top.

It seems that all these Italian American shows are way over the top. Like the producers are laughing up their sleeves. It just doesn't sit right with me.

Garage Mahals Road Kill Korner

Hey our old buddy Garage Mahal sent us another photo of him field dressing an elk. And he isn't even wearing his man Spanx.

He is extra special happy. But that is only because he is pulling out the guts of an Israeli elk. Just sayn'

Todays Gratuitous Bathtub Photo is the case of the Twittering Twat

Every Twat likes to twitter but is every twitterer a Twat?

You make the call.