A Christopher Hitchens Carol, Part 5

(A despondent and exhausted Hitchens starts awake on his urine stained sheets. He doesn’t know if what has happened was a dream or reality. Of course that was nothing new for him. He often had trouble deciphering what was real and what was an alcoholic blackout dreams).
Voice: Hitchens, Hitchens, old boy.
Christopher Hitchens: What is this shit? Am I being haunted by Charles Nelson Reilly?
Dr. Zachary Smith (the one from the TV show, not the movie) No, no dear boy. I am the Ghost of your Christmas future.
Christopher Hitchens: Wait aren’t you that fey fictional doctor from Lost in Space who was always trying to felch the robot. Didn’t you have a very creepy and troubling relationship with that young boy on the show?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Who, young Master William. Really Mr. Hitchens that is just a cultural misapprehension. You don’t understand the future and our ways. You are not capable of judging me. After all, aren’t you an atheist? Such a medieval attitude. Anyway, you must come with me to see your future. Here step into this picture of a graveyard taken by an obscure law blogger with a Tim Burton fetish.
Christopher Hitchens: No, not a blogger. Isn’t she a famous diva? I can’t deal with their self-important portentousness.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Pot meet kettle.
Christopher Hitchens: Plus the comments. What self important drivel. Those fools think people care what they think. Babbling about nonsense, they should get a life.
Dr. Zachary Smith: It is your life we are talking about my dear boy. And it is not a wonderful life.
Christopher Hitchens: Can’t you plagiarize one story at a time?
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)