In 1975 I went to "Crazy Eddies" to buy my first calculator. It was a Casio and had big buttons and could do all kinds of cool calculations on it. Much better than the adding machines we were used to in the accounting biz at the time.It was sold to me by Irving Shapiro who was wearing a shirt and tie and was very knowledgeable about the product without overselling it.
At the beginning of the week the wife started busting my chops that we had to go to the Apple store to get her phone fixed. It kept shutting off and not working properly and she was getting very frustrated. So we decided to go on our day off which is Tuesday to get it fixed and have a day in the city. What a fiasco.
We called for an appointment at the Apple store in Soho and the only one we could get was at 5pm, Primetime for shitheads. I had never been in the Apple store and didn't know what to expect. When you get there they take your name and put it in their I-pad which I guess gets it into the system. Then you sit at the "Genius Bar" and wait till they call your name. Which took about an hour.
Now I was looking around at all the workers and customers and other than one other older couple there was one word to describe them all: Scievy. They all looked like they didn't wash. Everyone of the employee wore jeans and a red apple t-shirt and sneakers and looked like they were either homeless or they were waiting for the fuckin' comet to show up. They had dreads or soul patches or tons of tats or funky dirty knit hats. WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE WAS IRVING SHAPIRO FROM LEVITTOWN WITH THIS THREE PIECE SUIT!!!!!!
The customers were even worse. Some dude in a knit cap sat next to us for two hours and didn't do anything but nod out. Nobody approached him to find out what was what. I had to keep a hawk eye on him and the wife's purse so they didn't disappear together. He must been hanging out until it was time to go push someone in front of the train. WHAT THE FUCK APPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally this hipster douchenozzle with a soul patch and a dirty knit cap calls our name. He goes over the problem and says he has to wipe the phone. So of course the wife has to back up her photos. She had 5,000 photos on her phone. Yes that right. 5,000. She had the highest storage and memory on the phone so we had to sit there for two hours for the photo's to download. Then the douche wipes the phone and says she just has to put the apps back on and everything should be fine.
In the meantime they were having a concert at the Apple Store. I guess to drum up business they have live music. Some young Justin Beiber type dude sang. There was a huge crowd of young girls who weren't buying anything but I guess there must have been some reason for that.
We finally finish our business with the wiped phone and got to leave four hours later. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Of course the wife had to buy some Apple accessories shit so that took a little bit of time.
We get out and decide to go out to dinner at one of our favorites 'Incognito." (More on that in another post)
When we get home guess what happens? The I-phone is still broke. It keeps shutting off on it's own and not working even when there are no apps or programs running to screw it up.
The wife tells me we have to back to the Apple Store.
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 comments:
It was a Casio and had big buttons and could do all kinds of cool calculations on it.
It wasn't my first but my favorite calculator was an HP-11c that used reverse Polish logic (function key pressed at the end of each sequence like a German verb). I still have it, though I no longer use it.
My iPhone 3G went on the fritz last week--the little thumb button stopped working and so I had to turn it on and off to change apps. I always synch my phone to my laptop though so there was no info lost. Annoying. My wife wanted new phones so she went out and got us the 5G upgrades. Turns out though that my laptop is incompatible with the newest iTunes. So I have to upgrade my operating system.
The new iphone looks cool though with movies, a flash and Siri to talk to.
The response to your bride is, "Who's we Kemosabe"?
I have remarked, upon more than one occasion, when talking about Apple store employees, that "They are fat, dirty, balding, smell bad and have odd facial hair. And the men don't look any better."
The whole store reeks.
My son works at one.
Sixty it was unbelievable. I mean I was losing it. They were just fuckin' dirty man. Like they didn't wash. What the fuck?
I want somebody who at least looks clean and presentable. If you can't keep your fucking cooch clean how the fuck are you going to keep you data clean.
Plus they would all take the phone and bring it to the back. I wanted to go "Hey dude....just bring the out the chinaman you have chained to the radiator who actually repairs this shit instead having to deal with your fucking soul patch you douchenozzle!"
Chained to the radiator - dude, you are killing me. Or he is killing himself or something.
I bought an iPhone so I could take credit cards when I sell, and it does that well. It takes adequate pictures. I ignore the rest.
I occasionally get an error message that my software needs to be updated - well alrighty then, let's see what that entails. Holy schnike - what a freakin' nightmare - and I can't even get past the password stage. Last time I talked to my son I mentioned the absolutely fucking stupid routine you have to go through to get logged in - he accepts that as part of the Apple cult. Well, I don't. Fuck them and their fucking religion. Their software is the user hostile, apparently on purpose.
And none of this would have happened if Steve Jobs was still alive, believe you me!
And none of this would have happened if Steve Jobs was still alive, believe you me!
Apple has gone straight downhill since Steve Jobs phoned in iDead.
Last month I bought a nice new ASUS laptop from my computer guy. Great proce, super service, free memory upgrade and data transfer. Could not be happier.
Until I tried to sync my iPhone. Apple and Windows 7 do not paly wekk together. In fact, the shitty Apple software screws up everything ti touches. Sync my contacts? Clusterspork. Sync my calendar? Senor, your events have all disappeared.
So friggin' angry. The gimmick, of, course, is to make the consumer want to buy all Apple stuff so it all works together. Which I won't do. Paper address book and calender and I'm good to go. And when my cell contract is up in March, both iPhones are being replaced with non-Apple phones.
Assholes.
And every time I go to the Apple store all I get is gibberish from some mope or mopette who speaks klingon.
I just had to reformat my phone to get the headset to start working again.
It's come to this: We have to reformat our phones.
Computers wreck everything.
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