The Tail of the Bleeding Rare Clumber

My dear Holmes,

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. It has been almost a year since I have last requested your assistance in the troubling matter of the disappearance
of Lord Douchebag.Today I must inform you of certain changes here at the Yard that are both significant and troubling.

It seems that poor Inspector Gregson has been sacked and is no longer a member of Scotland Yard. As you might recall he had gone undercover in the talking shop that is the salon of  Lady Chatterley and her scruffy gardening inamorata. Gregson had picked up some strange and unsettling habits that most attributed to trying to blend in with the motely crew of malcontents and perverts that populated that nortorious den of inquity. He adopted two strange canine companions and began to be obessed with his bowel movements. The daily
recitation of same had driven most of his compatriots to distraction and led many of them to avoid any social intercourse with him.

Thus Inpsector Gregson was forced to find intercourse in other areas not consistent with the behavior of an inspector of Scotland Yard. In fact the manner of his intercourse has become a matter of scandal and speculation in the Force. Gregson has never had a fiance or even been seen with a member of the fairer sex. Instead he has a succession of roommates who at best could be consider fops and posuers. Recently he has acquired a roommate who was a Sepoy from Her Majestys forces in India. It was a most unsettling situation.

Recently it has come to our attention that Inspector Gregsons canine companions have been bleeding from their anus and are very skittish as they nip at anyone who tries to stand behind them.  Inspector Gregson has been overheard making threats about the families and children of other members of the force and this we could not tolerate. He was cast out of his position and is dead to us here at the Yard.

Therefore I would humbly request that you not receive Gregson in your rooms and not have any further congress with him in the future. You of course the proper judge of your own course of action and my missive is simply a means of informing you of these unfortunate occurrences.

My best to Doctor Watson and I hope he is feeling better. It was indeed surprising that he taken ill after licking his cat but then who can tell where these obscure malady's might originate.I trust he will recover and join you in your efforts in scientific detection.

I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
November 12, 1898