It's all there in Black and White....

"Hello who is it."
"It is me Trey. Selina. I know you have missed me. Admit it. You think about me all the time. It has been a long time."
"Yes it has been a while Selina but all of that is in a past life. I don't go back to the institute anymore. The problem with an insane asylum is that it is full of lunatics."
"That may be so Trey but we had something special. Come. I have dressed up for you. Let's dance. Don't you want to hold me in your arms like you used to do?"
"I can't do that anymore Selina."
"Yes you can Trey. Here let me touch you all over your body with my body. I just won't use my hands."

"Hamana, hamana, hamana, uuuurrrrpppphhhhh!!!!"
"OH TREY.....YOU'RE BACK!!!!!"

Deep Thoughts.....by Titus

Titus said...

Even though I gained a little pedigree I am still a midwestern farmer's daughter.

You can take me out of Wisconsin but you can't take the cheese out of me.

Or maybe it is just smegma.

tits.

The is no defense for that fraulein.....

"I am going on the stand Major but I hope you will not be too hard on me."
"I think you like it hard fraulein. Why else would you go out in the words with Robert Blake and Sargent Carter. Let alone the likes of edutcher and Seven Machos. You protest too much leibchen. You like the abuse. Admit it. In fact I can prove it."
"What do you mean? How can you prove it?"
"That dress! PLAID!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY BITCH YOU ARE JUST ASKING FOR IT!"
"Ohhhh boo hoo booo hoo boo hooo!"
"You make me sick. I have no pity for you."

It's not Amy's Garden it Strawberry Fields Forever!

Captain Queeg: Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officers...
Lt. Barney Greenwald:Who are they trying to protect Captain?
Captain Queeg YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!......well everyone knows. They assume other identities to confuse me but I know who they really are.... I am the only one....the only one who is loyal and true...Why doesn't the powers that be acknowledge me....I am the only one who really believes...WHY DON"T THEY CARE!!!!! WHY DON"T THEY TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whose that girl?

Her TV husband just shuffled off the mortal coil but she is going strong. She comes from a famous show biz family but her Dad wasn't Natty or even a King. I think there is no way you can call her unforgetable.

And you need eight kids nowadays to get your own show.

Whose that girl?

Seven Machos Unmasked!!!!!!!

He was so busy partying at a Mitt Romney festival that he stripped off his mask and fluffed a bunch of Mormons. He was overcome by Justice Roberts Rhino fever and he had to boogie down.

It is from Ryan Seacrests website.

Only in America!

What ever you say Mr Roberts....

---

Doug Roberts: You pretend you want me to improve your mind. You've never finished one book I've given you to read.
Ensign Pulver: I've finished "The Federalist Papers," Doug boy! And that Constitution thing.
Doug Roberts: I didn't give you that. He's been reading "God's Little Acre" for over a year now. He's underlined every erotic passage and added exclamation points. And after a certain pornographic climax, he's inserted the words "well written." He has never read the Consititution. Otherwise he would know that it is really a tax and not a mandate. Now leave me alone while I look for another excuse to make Chris Matthews love me.

Look out Sixty.....

It't the camel toe of your dreams.......oh....and whose that camel toe?

Hey for all of youse guys who hate banks and government grants....

Here is your chance to strike back and help me get one. Hee.

My bank Chase is doing a promotion where they will grant $250,000 to a small business. Now even though we had the show and all and we are doing good this is free money. Well at least it is money that I have been paying taxes and fees to give and I want a chance at getting some of it. It will let me open my factory and employ more people as I will put it right back in the economy.

So if you want to strike a blow for a Republican to get some gelt from the government please follow the link and vote for Lee Lee's Valise to be considered. I have to submit essays to see if they will pick me for the grant. I doubt that they will but I would love to be considered. Here is how you do it....

Go to this link.....

or put this in your browser do hickey.

https://www.missionsmallbusiness.com/?MSC=&iq_id=48981849&jp_cmp=cc/TESTMissionSmBusExact/sea/na/General

Scroll down and click on log in & support.

Enter Facebook account info.

Scroll down and search " Lee Lee's Valise" under Vote Locals.

Scroll down again and you will see Lee Lee Valise and click on VOTE.

　

Scroll down and click on log in & support.

Enter Facebook account info.

Scroll down and search " Lee Lee's Valise" under Vote Locals.

Scroll down again and you will see Lee Lee Valise and click on VOTE.

We only need fifty more to be in the running.

Help a brother out.......

Still the same ...no this is really different...and why I don't go to da club!

Still The Same

Whose that girl?

She was in just about every TV series in the 1970's in the roles that Kay Lenz didn't get. And she used to compete with Jane in a game of telling Henry "whose my daddy?"

Gary Numan wrote a song about her.

Whose that girl?

Allie changes her avatar....

Allie is spending her summer sprucing up her avatar and her commenting style for the summer.

It is gonna be hairy. Just sayn'

Chickenlittle is spending his summer doing a dinner tour!

He is traveling throughout the USA for work and contacting fellow bloggers and commenters to meet up for dinner and drinks.

Recently he visited Cheeseland and had a fabulous din din with a certain blogger and her gardener.

I can't wait till he gets to New York so we can go to Marco Polo for some Panini's and pasta and grappa!

Expect a full report.

Sixty Grit is looking for "Lovey" in all the wrong places!

Sixty wanted to indulge his Mr. Howell lifestyle so he bought a boat and he will be sailing around this summer. Enjoy my friend.

Summer is here and we have to get ready.....

So get ready for all the fun in the sun.

Oh by the way Darcy asked me to post the bikini shot that she deleted. I think it will be a great new avatar. Just sayn'

Hey we are just keeping at it.....

I am really busy....you see we have to keep at it as best as we can. I am trying to set up podcasts for Lisa to do to hold onto our fans. We are huge in Canada for some reason. BBC loves the show and is marketing it for overseas distribution. So who knows? We could be big in Europe and that will drive the engine. We are pulling out all stops to keep the momentum going as best as we can.

It is exhausting but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Of course we love pussy too.....

I have to get to some good Catwoman posts!

I mean just because Trey doesn't come back here anymore doesn't mean we can't continue the series.

Yeah that's the ticket. Maybe I can revive some of those old series. "Tales of Amy's Garden." "The Catwoman." "Tyler Perry's White House of Pain."

Yeah that's the ticket.

Cheer up Sixty....ask and you shall receive....

Sixty Grit said...
Well, I am more hurt than offended, having lost a beloved pet yesterday. You could at least change the picture to a pile of dead lawyers or law professors - that would cheer me up.

Hey I love dogs too........

I

I really do. It is just I have to go back to basics. Back to the fundamentals. Back to reason why this blog exists.

Because I am a Dick and I have to act like one as much as possible.

It helps me get along in my real life without killing someone. Just Sayn'

I do love it when Nick goes after someone....

Nick is a guinea after my own heart. When he gets his balls twisted about someone he is like a dog with a bone.

Which is very much like a butcher with a boner. Who beats his meat thinking like a fan boy.

I went to that thread quickly when youse guys started discussing it and caught that subtle "Valise" shot from the Grand Poobah of the ASS society. Nice.

Things don't change at TOP. They just get more boring. Glad to see I am not missing anything interesting.

I just want to point out.....

It's not my fault that Ann Curry is gonna get fired. I mean she didn't even do the segment with Lisa and Stacy.

We did get to meet her and she was very nice. But the whole Today show experience really sucked dead dogs (hey a theme).

The Wendy Williams show was a million times better. They were totally prepared and much more professional than the Today show. There was really no comparison.

More about the two shows when I have a little more time.

Stay till the last dog dies......

Is an expression that I often use.

I have to stay sending out packages till the last dog dies. I would love to post some new threads but I am just too busy sending out clothes and dealing with all the problems.

We are crazy busy trying to get things done and not catching up at all.

I have a lot of ideas in my head for new stories and they will be up soon.

Don't stop stopping by just because I am swamped. Just sayn'

There's more to the picture than meets the eye....

Yes my pretty....fat people!

"Let's mock them. Laugh at them. Talk about them."
"Uggga bugga ugga!"
"That's right my pretty. What can they do? The Great Oz is silent. He can not stop me. He never comes here anymore and he can not protect the chubbies!"
"Ugga bugga ugga buggga hee hee!'
"Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!"

Why is he posting this picture?

Especially after not posting anything for so long.

I will let you geniuses figure it out.

I have too many fuckin' cookies to make!

Sorry that I have been missing in action but the tidal wave of orders we got because of the show is keeping me working day and night.

We stayed to five in the morning yesterday just boxing up orders.

I need to talk to or be in contact with almost everyone who buys or posts on our facebook or twitters or whatever because this is what we are getting for having a TV show. So I have to do it while the window is there.

Of course people are pissed at me. Marilyn Munster mailed me a dead bat. The Devil can't believe I am dissing him with Rodney King today. And Laura Bush has two new diaries that she can't wait to post. But it all has to wait.

Tomorrow Lisa is appearing on ABC radio and doing a couple of interviews so we have to do what we can to pump it up before the final two episodes.

I will be back soon.

the Glamorous Life

Comfortably Numb

FFFRRREEEEEEEEE BBBBBIIIIIRRRRRDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes we cry!

Days Like This

HOW U DOOOOOIIINNNGGGG!!!!

So Lisa is going to appear on the Wendy Williams Show tomorrow Tuesday June 12th at 10pm. She is doing two makeovers of studio audience members.

What they might not say is that they won a contest and came to the store last week to be fitted for clothes. There was a bit of an issue with payment for the clothes but Wendy Williams and Lee Lee's are splitting it. I figure why not get the advertising and the goodwill.

The fucked up part is that TLC doesn't want us to talk about the time slot change. They don't want us to go off on them for doing what everyone does to plus size. You are the first one to get cut. The one they put in the basement. They don't want us to lead a torch and pitchfork wielding mob of villagers to burn down Frankensteins castle.

We can't alienate them too much. We still have a decent chance of being picked up. If not by these guys then by the people who will replace them. It all remains to be seen.

TerriW said...
 I saw on FB the store post about them screwing with your timeslot. Hope all is well. 

MamaM said... I saw on FB the store post about them screwing with your timeslot. Hope all is well. From what I'm reading, it sounds like they're switching it to an afternoon slot. If so, I'm not liking the change. It sounds like the show is being pigeon-holed for women watching afternoon TV, when the clientèle shown so far has been mostly working women. 

Yes they are changing our time slot to the afternoon. Not good for us.

What has happened is that "What Not To Wear" has imploded. They have the worst ratings they have ever had. Cancellation worthy ratings. So they are panicking. The entire TLC lineup has been destroyed. Every show is down severely in the ratings. Even the Cake Boss. So the executives are scrambling like crabs in a bucket. They have to save WNTW which is a flagship franchise for them. So they are slotting in two new "Cake Boss:"episodes at 7pm on Tuesday and sandwiching the new WNTW with two repeats. I don't think that is going to mean anything. WNTW is a spent force. It has been around for ten years and people have moved on.

The one thing I was counting on was that we had Stacy in our corner. I hoped we would have a chance to develop an audience. I figured they didn't want to screw with Stacy so they would not screw with us. But now that WNTW is in question they are not worried about pleasing her. If they don't turn it around then WNTW goes down the tubes. And Stacy will move on and be just fine.

We are not worried. We got a massive influx of sales and new customers. That is what I have been dealing with right now. BBC who produced the show doesn't want to turn in the towel. We did what we were supposed to do. As a new show we kept 2/3's of WNTW's audience. The goal was to keep at least half and grow from there. We did better than that. But if WNTW was a 2 rating and we were a 1 there would be no problem. But if WNTW is a .7 and we are a .4 then all bets are off.

We might do well in the afternoon.

The new executives who will come in will reevaluate everything. Another channel might be interesting. Our numbers would be great for Lifetime or Oxygen network. So they might come sniffing around. Lisa is a hot commodity in the TV world because she is a natural and they would love to build a show around her. It would be great if I was not on camera since I hated almost every moment of it. A show with Lisa doing the makeovers of one per episode would be so much better. We don't know what will happen yet. Nothing is written in stone. A million different things could happen. Stacy told us that they waited till the day before the option lapsed before renewing WNTW in her first season. Our option extends to a year after the last episode airs. So we have to see.

The main thing is that we made some strong episodes that still have to air. The last four are a lot better than the first four. Check them out and let me know what you think about it. It has been a wild and crazy ride.

And it ain't over yet. Not by a long shot.

"Talk Amongst Youse Selves"

I want to take AllenS's advice because I am busy working filling orders and answering emails and the phone and taking care of all the business we are getting from the show. So enjoy this cafe post. Think of it as a Dairy Queen post so to speak. Play nice and protect yourself at all times, don't hit after the bell, no low blows and have some fun.

Talent on loan from the Devil!

Sorry I haven't been around but so much shit has hit the fan that I can't keep up with it.


I do have good news though. They were so impressed by my visit to NPR that they decided to give me my own talk show. Not that they wanted conservative balance, they just want some fucking ratings.

So the "Ask Trooper York" segment will be on at noon on your local NPR station. Please tune in and call.

Big Brooklyn Style!

Well here is the place to talk about the two new episodes of "Big Brooklyn Style" that will be on tonight.

The website is fucked up again and we are going crazy but what can you do?

I hope you enjoy the shows!

You can be my cupcake!

We had a giant tree of cupcakes for the premiere party but I didn't have them distribute it at the end since I didn't have enough for everyone. So I just told people to go up and get them. What happened is that most of the people left without getting one so I have been eating cupcakes for a week!

The things you have to do when you star in a reality TV show!

IT'S CRAZY I TELLS YA!!!!!!!!!!!!

The website was down for a while because we had over 3 million hits in a 36 hour period. The web weasel said it would be no problem but he lied as usual. So we have been scrambling to get the site working.

It has been on and off and even with that problem I have an enormous amount of on-line orders and people coming in the store and calling us. I have a giant pile of UPS packages that I am processing. I was in the store till 3am yesterday and will be doing the same today to get everything out.

Lisa has been dealing with the site and I have been handling the store and the phone. They are happy to talk to Chumley so they are not too upset that they don't get to talk to the star. I haven't had much of a chance to do anything.

I mean I know that Hell needs a new PA announcer who will kiss everyone he is talking to so I will get to it soon.

Also I will put up a post about the shows that you will see this Tuesday. The first two will replay at 7:oopm and the new one will be on at 10pm.

Be back soon.

The Family

Here we are at the step and repeat where you take photo's. Me. Lisa. Stacy. Brianna our granddaughter and Melissa our daughter.

They all had a great time at the party.

You have to enjoy the ride. Just sayn'

Hey it was a great party...but now it is back to work!

The premiere party was off the hook. About a hundred people showed up when only about 70 confirmed. But when we throw a party everybody shows up and they bring their friends.

Luckily we accounted for that so everyone had a good time and enjoyed the show. We were monitoring the website and we had over a million hits. Of course it crashed.

The fucking web nerd said it was no problem that he had moved us to a new server which could accommodate the traffic. What he didn't know was that our original server wanted to fuck with us because we left so they set a trap. A million people could click in but if more than ten at a time ordered the whole fucking thing would blow up.

We were devastated. All of those hits and no sales!

We got back on line and the sales have been phenomenal. I can't keep up with them. The phone calls, texts and all around interest has been spectacular. So we have no complaints. I might sue the web company. Or at least sic a lawyer on them with a contingency fee. I hate to do it but I can't get fucked like that. I don't think I am going to get any money but at least I can make them shit a little.

So let's party!

After all of the nonsense we retired to Marco Polo for a big party to watch the shows!

We had about one hundred people! Family, friends, people who were on the show, people who worked on the show and a bunch of people who free loaded.

Stacy came and had a great time. It was crazy fun.

Luckily I am always prepared.

As we were walking back upstairs we passed Rachel Maddow's studio.

Luckily I saved my sign.

The director who was escorting us upstairs turned around and saw me. He goes "Commies...really!"

I had to laugh.

Alice gets pissed off!

All of these news shows are totally disorganized. First you are here but you supposed to be there. They take you to the wrong floor and then get pissed because you are not in the right spot. They are just morons.

Anyway the New York Live set is in the MSNBC studios. That's right!

They sent us to the wrong floor and the director of the show had to take us upstairs to the green room. Anyway when it was time for us to go on they took us downstairs and we had to wait in the hallway outside the studio. As we are waiting this elderly actress and her entourage are walking down the corridor to go on first.

Right away Lisa goes "Look it's Mel's Diner." She never remembers names.

So what do I do? Why I start singing of course!

:"THERE"S A NEW GIRL IN TOWN AND SHE"S LOOKING GOOD...A FRESH NEW FACE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD?"

She looks at me witheringly and I go "Bet you haven't heard that very often"

She goes "That was the very first time."

I don't she was too happy.

Sometimes I hate myself I am such a douche.

In the Belly of the Beast

Then we went to tape a couple of segments for NPR. They agreed to pump the show so what the hell we decided to do it. Only Lisa got to speak but I went into the booth with her. The disc jockey was in Washington
so we were alone in the studio.

We got there early so the receptionist lead us to a holding area that he called the "Lounge." It had a few chairs and couches and a coffee table with a bunch of magazines like a dentists office. But the best thing they had was a wall of autographed photos of all the big names. Terry Gross. Amy Goodman. Brian Lerher. So there was only one thing I could do.

I went into the conference room and found a piece of paper and a big sharpie.

I printed out a sign and my granddaughter took a photo of me holding it and pointing at the stars on the wall.

I felt a little bad after they were so nice to us and all.

Actually, I didn't feel all that bad.

The look for the Today Show!

Melissa was wearing our Lulu Dress and the Franny sweater on the Today show. Lisa got to talk about them since they are the biggest sellers in our store and on our website.

It made up for the fact that the make up and hair people were the worst.

It wall went very well for us and we got a great response.

Then we went to NYC Live

Check out this great MSN video - Stars Of The New TLC show "Big Brooklyn Style"

It started with the Today Show!

The crazy day began on the Today show. We had to get up at four in the morning to get to the show in time. Hair and make-up for two hours. Then we had to walk what seemed like a mile through NBC to get to the Today show set. Lisa was on the show with Stacy and our daughter Melissa was one of the models. They had a great time and took a whole bunch of photos. When we got to the Today show set I went into the green room to sit down. My leg was killing me and I wasn't all that interested in the celebritys.

They had Charlize Theron and what not but who gives a shit. Lisa and the kids got to meet Ann Curry and Al Roker and Matt Laurer but I was in the green room putting cream on my ankle.

 I did feel bad that I didn't get to ask my one question.

 What the Fuck Al Roker?

"Big Brooklyn Style"

There is no way I will be able to post on the day of the show so this open thread is for youse guys to give your reviews of the shows. I hope you like them. Thank you for all of the support the past few months. It was really helpful to me and kept me from punching somebody out. Let me know what you really thing about "Big Brooklyn Style."

Don't forget our premiere Tuesday May 29th @ 10pm on TLC

We are on right after "What Not to Wear." Lisa and I will appear briefly on the WNTW live show and then it will go right into "Big Brooklyn Style."

Lisa will be on the Today show tomorrow in the 9 O'clock hour with Stacy as our daughter Melissa will model one of our dresses. They will be working to promote both shows.

Lisa will be on NPR that afternoon but I don't know when that will be on the air although we are doing it around 2pm.

Supposdedly both Lisa and I will be on WNBC Channel 4 in New York betweeen three and four as well. They are supposed to talk to us about the show and plus size in general so we shall see how that works.

Then the premiere will be at 10pm on TLC for two half hour episodes.

Wish us luck.

America the Beautiful - Ray Charles

What is truly strange about this video is that you hear people talking and laughing over it. It kinds of sums up Memorial Day for so many people. They laugh and barbecue and don't give a thought for the people who we should remember this day. Those who served and especially those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

I know that we don't forget them. We never forget them. Especially on Memorial Day.

Lest we forget!

Happy Memorial Day!

It's a shame they cut so much out......

The really sad thing is they cut out so much great stuff out of what we filmed.

The last episode I finally got them to film our daily walk along the waterfront. We went to Valentino Park near Red Hook and took some footage at the pier. The footage is beautiful and the scenery is not the cliche shots you get of the New York Skyline because I took them to the industrial parts that only a native knows about.

I tell Lisa "One hundred years ago in 1902 my grandmother came over over on the boat a frightened young girl from Ischia and immediately went to work in a factory sewing shirts. It was just blind luck that it was in Brooklyn and not at the Triangle factory. Then when she had a family they made extra money sewing buttons on cards for a few pennies. Now one hundred years later we built a shop where we make clothes manufactured in America that people come from all over the world to buy. It just goes to show you what a great country America is."

Then we kiss and as we do you can see the Statue of Liberty out in the harbor so close it feels like you can touch it.

They didn't like that. I think they just don't love America.

I don't want to spoil the surprise

So I don't want to spoil the surprise.....but "Big Brooklyn Style" will premiere at 10pm on TLC on Tuesday May 29th right after "What Not to Wear." It will feature my wife dressing three women who need help in finding plus size clothing because of various issues. Lots of human interest and some drama. Some laughs. Some tears. Some seltzer down your pants.

Oh by the way.... did I tell you lately that the New York Giants had won the Super Bowl?

I didn't even get to do the hucklebuck

Almost all of my contributions were dropped because they didn't appreciate my point of view. And they wanted to concentrate on the dresses and the makeovers.

But it sucked that they dropped my interpretation of the hucklebuck.

It was a classic.

I have to concerntrate on the business side of things....

I have to concentrate on the business side of things since I have been pretty much marginalized in the show and won't been seen hardly at all. The original concept was that it was about the two of us and the family and how we ran the shop but that went by the wayside pretty quickly as they decided to focus on Lisa and make it more or less a plus size "What Not to Wear." So the focus is solely on Lisa and making over the women. In other words "Dress Boss."

I saw the opening of the show and it just has Lisa in it as she is running around and doing stuff. I won't be part of most of the interviews. Lisa will be on the Today show on Tuesday May 29th at 8:30am with Stacy. Our daughter Melissa will be one of the models as they talk about fashion. Lisa will also be featured on NPR that afternoon since they figured I was too ugly for radio. A segment was already filmed for WPIX which had Lisa and all the girls in the store modeling clothing. I am tentatively scheduled to appear with Lisa no "Live at Five" on WNBC TV but who knows if that is going to happen.

I just have to concentrate on maximizing the money we can make off of this wonderful marketing opportunity. So I will be monitoring the on-line sales and the store so we can cash out as much as we can.

We are so freaking busy....

Sorry I haven't been posting but we have been crazy busy.

There has been a nice little uptick in business as the promos have been on and we are in national publications like OK magazine, People and other tabloids as part of the TLC Red Door campaign. We have all new employees so I have been working with them.

Then we have been setting up the premiere party and as usual Lisa is way over the top. We have a step and repeat which is the back drop with the red carpet that you see at the Oscars and Emmey's and what not. We have one with the show logo on it of course. That fuckin cost me let me tell you.

Then they invited every free loader under the sun who is going to show up and guzzle drinks and chow down on my dime. I wanted a small intimate gathering of family, friends and our good customers but that went out the fuckin' window fifty people ago.
 
Of course we have to have fuckin' gift bags so we got a bunch of free shit to give out as swag to the people who come to the party. We have to make sure that they all get credit and somehow we thank them properly.

And of course we have to get ready for the interviews on Tuesday.


 Plus the shop is open every day.

 So it has been busy.

Deep thoughts......by Titus

Titus said...

Do you guys all know my husband is a certified scrum master?

And so am I. We have the paperwork to prove it.

So there.

          Although it usually comes with a cute bag.

I got hacked!

Some of you might have got spam emails from one of my email accounts. It seems I was hacked but I went in and changed my password so we should be ok.

Sorry if you got an ad that you didn't want (although spinelli should check out the one for penis enlargement, just sayn)

I don't care what they do to me as long as I still get wood when I see a pretty girl.

So to speak.

I think I have to start watching Japanese baseball

I don't know but I hear it is really cool.

My new team is Nippon Fun Bags of the Honshu league.

Commenter Memories Number 142: Ricpic was Rico Suave at the Yashiva Beth Shalom mixer

He had it all going on. Just sayn'