Toot’s Shors Saloon, August 1, 1958(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back with her new husband Arthur Miller)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…with Artie Miller….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: ( stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? You remember my husband Arthur. (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear)
Joe DiMaggio:
Arthur Miller (extends his hand) Nice to see you Joe.
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…with Artie Miller….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: ( stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? You remember my husband Arthur. (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear)
Joe DiMaggio:
Arthur Miller (extends his hand) Nice to see you Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: (Doesn’t say anything or offer to shake hands. Arthur Miller uncertainly lowers his hand)
Marilyn: Arthur be a dear and go over to the bar. I have to discuss something with Joe. Old business and I want to do it in private.
Arthur Miller: But I think I should stay Marilyn. Why should I leave?
Marilyn: (Shrilly screams) JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU!
Toots: Com’om Artie lets go over to the bar for a snort. Look there’s that Mel Brooks. He’s one funny hebe. You’re too serious, com’om…(Toots grabs Miller by the elbow and ushers him to the bar).
Marilyn: So Joe. I have a problem. A big problem. I’ve been making a movie with Tony Curtis. “Some Like it Hot.” Well Tony and I had a thing back in the day so we fucked for old times sake you know. It didn’t mean anything it was just something to do. You know we could do the same thing sometime if you want?
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: Anyway I got knocked up Joe. I know it was Tony because Artie can’t get it up. He can only come if I blow him for hours. I mean I give a great blow job right Joe?
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: Anyway I can’t have a baby and I don’t know what to do. Tony is married to that pointy titted whore Janet Leigh and she’s knocked up too! What am I gonna do Joe, I can’t tell Artie? Can you help me Joe….for old time’s sake?
Joe DiMaggio: I’ll take care of it. Expect a call.
Marilyn: Ok, I am going to make a big scene so Artie doesn’t get suspicious. He’s pretty dumb about things for someone who is supposed to be so smart. Thanks Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon) Let’s go Artie! RIGHT NOW!
Marilyn: Arthur be a dear and go over to the bar. I have to discuss something with Joe. Old business and I want to do it in private.
Arthur Miller: But I think I should stay Marilyn. Why should I leave?
Marilyn: (Shrilly screams) JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU!
Toots: Com’om Artie lets go over to the bar for a snort. Look there’s that Mel Brooks. He’s one funny hebe. You’re too serious, com’om…(Toots grabs Miller by the elbow and ushers him to the bar).
Marilyn: So Joe. I have a problem. A big problem. I’ve been making a movie with Tony Curtis. “Some Like it Hot.” Well Tony and I had a thing back in the day so we fucked for old times sake you know. It didn’t mean anything it was just something to do. You know we could do the same thing sometime if you want?
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: Anyway I got knocked up Joe. I know it was Tony because Artie can’t get it up. He can only come if I blow him for hours. I mean I give a great blow job right Joe?
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: Anyway I can’t have a baby and I don’t know what to do. Tony is married to that pointy titted whore Janet Leigh and she’s knocked up too! What am I gonna do Joe, I can’t tell Artie? Can you help me Joe….for old time’s sake?
Joe DiMaggio: I’ll take care of it. Expect a call.
Marilyn: Ok, I am going to make a big scene so Artie doesn’t get suspicious. He’s pretty dumb about things for someone who is supposed to be so smart. Thanks Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon) Let’s go Artie! RIGHT NOW!
Arthur Miller: Sorry Toots, put it on my tab.
Toots Shor: Don’t worry about it Artie. (Miller rushes out to the street)What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Frank Sinatra’s mother on the phone.
Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUP!!
Toots Shor: Don’t worry about it Artie. (Miller rushes out to the street)What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Frank Sinatra’s mother on the phone.
Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUP!!
4 comments:
I heard that Tony Curtis was asked what it was like kissing Marilyn after they filmed the wonderful "Some Like It Hot."
He said it was like kissing Hitler. Tony is Jewish.
Seems he got a trifle pissed of at her lack of professionalism, endless takes, and not showing up for work at all some days.
Trey
Today he said in pimping his authorbiography that he had knocked up Marilyn when they were filming Some Like it Hot and that she eventually had a miscarriage.
It's most likely bullshit just to sell books, but that doesn't mean I can't use it as grist for my mill. So to speak.
Plus they said Hitler was a pretty good kisser.
Eva always said his moustache tickled. In a good way.
That's a bit of an overreaction on Tony's part.
But I believe it about Artie. Yes, not getting it up goes with the intelleckshal life...or maybe causes it.
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