Commenter Memories Number 121 ND channels Frank Cannon

"Hey sugar how are you baby?"

"You want a date? 1967. You ain't a cop are you? You the fuzz? Cause you can't get past the fuzz if you is the fuzz. You feel me sonny?"

"I bet you want to feel me don't you boss? What yu a prison guard? You must know my man. Tell you what. Half and half at half price if you smuggle something in for me."

"Where did you get this car? From Frank Cannon? He is always driving around with that old cat trying to score some strange. You ain't a freak like him are you. I ain't gonna eat no sugar donut offa your cock now. That be too weird even my ownself."

"Ain't you kinda young to be bald like that?"

"Ok drive around the corner and meet me behind the 7/11."

Hey help a sister out!

"Hey help a sister out!"
"You know where you have to shop."
"You will really be doing a mitzva. But we can't talk about it. But you know you want to help me make some cheese. Seriously."
"I have so many nice things. My precious."
"Heeeeellllllppppppppmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You might as well finish up!

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer and carrying on with another married member of his congregation.

The reverend thought this was outrageous and not something a member of his congregation should do. He walked through the open door of the bar and started berating the woman. "Mrs Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. This is not something I can let you do. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk."I know you want a piece of this. I see how you look at me on Sunday. Com'ere you big sweet hunk of cheese."

When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up laying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. She wasn't wearing any panties.

The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here buddy, we won't have any of that shit out in the bar! Take it outside to the parking lot."

The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."

The bartender nodded and said, "Hell then, if you're that far in, you might as well finish up."

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

You might not remember me but I have written to you before. My name is Kim and I used to be married to a ballplayer. And he was not just a player let me tell you. Not any plain old Sortarican that they imported to play the beisbol. It was that piece of shit Art Shamsky who was a big deal with the fuckin shit ass Mets thirty years ago. And he is still eating off of that shit if you can believe it.

You remember how it was when you were married to the General Manager of the New York Mets. It was a big deal. Well to the morons who follow the Mets. I mean regular people didn't give a shit. Being married to a Met is not as cool as being married to a sanitation worker or something cool like that. But it got you into Shea Stadium for free and you got free hot dogs. Well at least the ones they dropped on the floor.

You must have heard how Art divorced me and refused to pay alimony or anything. I thought I had him with his notes about how he was molesting my dog but the lame ass judge didn't care about that. You would think that a judge would have some compassion but he didn't give a shit. So I never go paid just like you are not getting paid.

I know Stevie was trying to get a new gig. I don't know why he didn't. He should call up the Red Sox. I hear that they hired Bobby Valentine as their manager so it is obvious that they are hiring all the Met's rejects to staff their team now that the boy wonder Theo Epstein has left. They want to hire ex-Mets to piss off the Yankees but since George is dead I don't think the Yankees even notice anymore. And it is getting ridiculous. I mean I can understand hiring Dwight Gooden to handle the Pharmacy and Darryl Strawberry to do your taxes but why would you hire Rusty Staub to give Big Papi a sponge bath. It is just too fuckin weird you know what I mean. Maybe Steve can hire on to run their sexual harassment seminars or something. It seems like something the Red Sox would do.

Anyhoo I figured I should give you some advice. After fighting all those years with Art I took my twat in my hands and decided to do something different with my life. I met this elderly garmento guy named Bobby. He owned a fabric store and I basically trapped him by having wild monkey sex with him a few times. I had a makeover and even changed my name. Now everybody calls me Jill Zarin. You have seen me on TV. You can do the same thing. I hear they are hiring on the Real Housewives of New York now that they fired....err now that I quit. So you can get a cool gig and lots of ink.

You can't go the way of our mutual friend Brooke Hundley. Well she is my friend. I know you hate her guts because she was banging Steve but I mean why hold a grudge. Steve would have screwed the Crack of Dawn after all. Poor Brooke had a short relationship with Peter Gaamons that old pervert Sportswriter from ESPN who likes to whack off in the jocks of old Red Sox players. I think the last I heard she hooked up with an assistant basketball coach at Syracuse University. I wonder how that turned out. Let me know if you hear from her again.

I just want to know that you have to let it go. That is why when I went to the author graph show and saw that Art was signing I didn't go over to confront him. I stood at my table with Kelly and Cindy and Danielle Staub and signed with them. That was the first time I met Danielle Staub. I asked her if she was related to Rusty and they are cousins. But they are very different. Danielle like girls.

Ok I will admit that I did have Eddie Munster go over and give Artie a wedgie and knock over all of his books. They threw Eddie out but they do that all the time at these shows. All I had to do was pee in my panties and give them to that little washed up perv for a cum rag. Art never knew I was behind it. Just like I never knew he was behind me when he was trying to get it in. You should do the same thing.

Remember. Living well is the best revenge.


Toodles,
Your friend
Jill (Kim Shamsky) Zarin

Hey Bobby the only thing that sucks more than Boston is you!

This can't get any better. The Red Sox are hiring Bobby Valentine as their manager. Whatz the manna they could get Wes Westrum? Art Howe? Joe Frazier?

When you go to get a manager you go to one of the worst managers from one of the worst franchises in baseball history?

Thank you Red Sox morons.

It is gonna be a fun summer!

Oy my little yiddisher pickel

"Ripic I am gonna knock you on your keister."
"Where have you been. You haven't writtin me a poem in months."
"What so you are occupying Hester Street?"
"Don't make me come through the time machine and knock you out."

Just because!

It has been too long.

I think you gotz the vapours. Or the vespers. Or something.

Just because.

Marilyn's Diary

When Uncle Herman and Aunt Lily first started having problems they tried everything. They went out for date night. They went on romantic vacations together. They even went back to the old country to breath the stale air of the coffins where they first met.

They even went to counselling and saw a therapist but it just didn't work. Uncle Herman would get mad and stamp his feet and the bolts would get all tight in his neck and he would scare the shit out of the doctor. So Aunt Lily would have to suck all of the blood out of him. They were a good team that way. It always worked out great with bill collectors and the Utility guys. We never had to pay for anything.

Aunt Lily was very genteel for a member of the Undead. Not like these Twilight hipsters we have now. Aunt Lily was an old school vampire. She didn't make a big deal out of it. When she sucked it she did it right.

In retrospect you have to wonder why she and Uncle Herman didn't stay together since she was so talented.

I guess that Carol Herman must really suck. She must totally suck.

That is the only explanation.

If Star Dates were like J Dates

"My God you are so hot. I never had sex with a hologram before. This will be so popular once they iintroduce it to the rest of the population. Thank God they let us test it on the Enterprise. So what's you're name?"

"Amy Winehouse."

"Really I have never heard of you."

"Oh I am an archtype."

"Really? What kind?"

"Stand still and I will show you....."

"Well ok but.....arrrrrggghhhh...you just threw up on me!"

RIP Patrice!

I just saw on MSN that one of my favorite comedians Patrice O'Neal has passed away after a stroke he had in October. I didn't even know he was sick. He was part of the crew with Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton on their radio show. He also was great on Colin Quinns old show "Tough Crowd." You need to go on Youtube to download some of his stints on O and A because he was one cool dude.

It always is upsetting when a young guy like that passes away. I mean he was a fat fuck just like me and he stroked out and died. And he is about 13 years younger than me. That's some scarey shit right there.

My prayers go out to his family and I hope he can rest in peace. He was a very talented and funny guy and he will be missed.

One Adam 12......See the Yenta

"What seems to be the problem Ma'am?"

"It's my son ricpic. He doesn't want to go to schul. He won't play with his dradle. He is eating Ham and cheese. And he is obessed with shiksa whores."

"I can't deal with this. This is too meta."

"What like his cousin Zubin? What are you talking about your goyisher dummy. Take his skinny ass to jail right this minute!"

"Sorry we can't do that Ma'am."

"Why do I pay you salary? Oy! Let's go you shemdrake. Enough with this goyisher nonsense."

Eggs and sausage!

nighthawks at the diner
of Emma's 49er, there's a rendezvous
of strangers around the coffee urn tonight
all the gypsy hacks, the insomniacs
now the paper's been read
now the waitress said

eggs and sausage and a side of toast
coffee and a roll, hash browns over easy
chile in a bowl with burgers and fries
what kind of pie?


In a graveyard charade, a late shift masquerade
2 for a quarter, dime for a dance
with Woolworth rhinestone diamond
earrings, and a sideway's glance
and now the register rings
and now the waitress sings

eggs and sausage and a side of toast
coffee and a roll, hash browns over easy
chile in a bowl with burgers and fries
what kind of pie?

the classified section offered no direction
it's a cold caffeine in a nicotine cloud
now the touch of your fingers
lingers burning in my memory
I've been 86ed from your scheme
I'm in a melodramatic nocturnal scene
I'm a refugee from a disconcerted affair
as the lead pipe morning falls
and the waitress calls

eggs and sausage and a side of toast
coffee and a roll, hash browns over easy
chile in a bowl with burgers and fries
what kind of pie?

Bill Clinton, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese escort to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, Bubba knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.

The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! A hole in one! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friend Slick Willie joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "What do you mean wrong hole?"

Whose those girls?

Yes that is the question. Can you identify those coconuts? I bet you don't need to be a professor to figure that out.

But that picture might let you settle the eternal question.

Whose those girls?

One Adam 12....report of gang activity!

"Where is your Mom son?"
"She is inside officer but I called the police."
"You did. Why?"
"It's my girlfriend. She won't talk to me anymore. And she is cheating on me. I think she joined a cult."
"Are your sure son. Maybe it is because you are a Negro."
"That can't be it. She is too! This is 1968 you don't think I can date a white chick do you?
Damn you are dumb son."
"Calm down son don't get all agitated."
"Don't tell me to calm down you honky motherfucker! You better leave know or I am gonna give you the Macho Response!"
"Here's a tip for you son. Nobody cares. Now why don't you go inside and watch some TV."
"Jive ass turkey."
"Now cut that out. This isn't Starsky and Hutch. Let's go Jim."

One Adam 12....report of juvenile delinquent!

"I am sorry Ma'am. We arrested your daughter as she was trying to give financial advice to other students in Berkley. But they said they were communists and didn't want to listen to the Man and make money. She became very irate."
"Thank you officer. I will be taking her home."
"OK you are free to go."
"You are grounded for life missy. You will be cleaning the house for the rest of the time you live at home. Every corner. Every nook. Every cranny. You are going to be the queen of dust bunnies. Wait and see."

One Adam 12....report of EDP badgering neighbors!

"Excuse me Missy but we have been getting a lot of complaints about you."
"Me. What did I do? I am just minding my own business."
"Well your neighbors are complaining that you are banging on their doors and demanding they buy Avon products so you can get a commission. Aren't you a school teacher or something?'
"Yes or something. What do you care? This is a free country. And they owe me. They get to see me running around for nothing. That is worth something isn't it?"
"Not as much as you think sweetheart. Oh and please stop raising your nightgown over your head. You are scaring the squirrels."

One Adam 12.....Report to the Emergency Room!

"One Adam 12....One Adam 12!"
"Roger Rampart Division."
"Report to the Emergency Room. There is a nurse who is melanchonie and has a blockage. She needs a nice young patrolman like Jim Reed to show up to clean out her pipes."
"Roger Rampart Divsion...One Adam 12 out."

Whose that girl?

You couldn't stifle her love for meat. Just sayn'

Whose that girl?

What would give you a splinter in your twat?

Woody was always part of the avant garde in Toon Town. He used to come with his latest co-star to parties at Mickey Mouse's house and throw his car keys on to the table and swap with the other cartoon couples. He banged them all. Minnie Mouse. Penelope Pittstop. Velma. Olive Oyl. He even had a tree way with Ariel and Namor the Submariner. He was a nebbishy little dude but he was a goer. Sensation was everything for him. He was always looking for something new and excite.

He was the first cartoon character to put cocaine on his cock. It drove Betty Boop insane when he did her that way. But it was never enough. He always had to try something new.

One day he was sitting around with Bluto and Barney Rubble and they were smoking opium and talking about how bored they were. Woody was just idly pecking away at the wall to pass the time. He was paying attention. But eventually he made a pretty big whole. What he didn't know was that there was a bathroom on the other side. Even in their befuddled state the three cartoon horn dogs realized something.

Woody had invented the glory hole.

(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)

Marilyn's Diary

Aunt Lily had a very strange relationship with my Uncle Herman. When I first went to live with them they couldn't take their hands off of each other. They were doing it all the time. The whole house would shake and the cobwebs and dust would go flying when Uncle Herman would be pounding Aunt Lily and banging the headboard against the wall.

Even when Uncle Herman started playing around with me they were still fine with each other. You see Aunt Lily wasn't jealous of me. After all her father had turned her out and made her a vampire. So this kind of stuff ran in the family. Like in Tennessee or Alabama or something.

But then Uncle Herman started fooling around with the whore Carol Herman. Aunt Lily was pissed. She got her basket of knives and started slicing off pieces of Uncle Herman. Lucky for him that he was one of the undead so all we had to do was sew it back on and he was as good as new. So Aunt Lily gave up.

But she kept her knives for her next relationship.

It might be at cockcrow!

Be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come.
It is like a man traveling abroad. He leaves home and places his servants in charge, each with his work, and orders the gatekeeper to be on the watch.
Watch, therefore; you do not know when the lord of the house is coming, whether in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or in the morning.
May he not come suddenly and find you sleeping.
What I say to you, I say to all: 'Watch!'"

Because there might be fighting. Just sayn'

Occupy Wall Street? Been there done that!

Back in the day a bunch of my friends used to work on computers on Wall Street. They worked at places like Goldman Sachs and Merrill Lynch and what not as they had big computer departments before they farmed everything out to India. So on a Friday night I would hop on the E train to the World Trade Center and walk over to one of the bars to meet up with everyone.

Sometimes it was at Harry's of Hanover Square. We would only have a drink or two there because it was way expensives. As was Fraunces Tavern. We prefered the more economical joints like the Blarney Stone or the Pig and Whistle or Brannigans or Volks or one of the other pubby joints that came and went like toadstools back then. What used to happen is some of the Irish girls who worked in Midtown during lunch might get a gig downtown at night and tell me to come down to the St James Bar or Cassidy Liquid Assets or something. We would get an "in" because they knew we were spenders and big tippers so it worked out great for everyone.

After we got well oiled we would stagger over to the Seaport. We might hit the North Star Pub or just buy an Foster's Oil Can full of beer that they had in this big cast iron tub filled with ice and stuff. Thousands of people would stand outside and drink and talk and laugh and flirt. We might go on to Fluties on Pier 17 or maybe down to Jeremy's Ale House to lose a tie or a bra (don't ask).

We were basicly all over the Wall St area in every joint that had Bass Ale and pretzels or what not. From the Yankee Clipper to Sloppy Louies to the Doll House to Suspenders to the Pussycat Lounge we occupied the fuck out of Wall St.

Ok I admit there was a lot of vomiting and pissing in the street and bad behavior all around.

But one thing.

We weren't political.

Mix up the Mushrooms dude!

I had a bunch of mushrooms left over from Thanksgiving so I decided to make up another batch for an appetizer last night. But I mixed it up a little.

As usual I used parsley, bread crumbs, garlic and pecorino romano cheese but I mixed in a healthy amount of ricotta before I stuffed the shrooms. That made the mixture nice and creamy. In the joint where we had the wife's party they made mushrooms with ricotta and spinach but this mixture turned out a lot better. The bread crumbs made it crunchy but the ricotta made it creamy.

It turned out pretty good.

Well there are worse things than splinters you know?

MamaM said...
Rata-tit-twat!SonM came home from the Farm Store this week with a story about a customer who was in looking for a way to get rid of woodpeckers. The guy didn't know what to do because he'd let loose with a shotgun on a woodpecker that was drilling holes in his 130 year old pole barn and thought he'd taken care of the matter, when according to him, the very next day "this big assed woodpecker shows up".

Now, in addition to the smaller Hairy and Downy Woodpeckers, our area is host to a 16-19 inch version called the Pileated Woodpecker. A big assed woodpecker the size of a crow. Chances are this is what he saw and he was spooked, thinking the King of all woodpeckers had come back to haunt him and finish ruining his barn. Especially since it was "a fast bastard" that kept flying off whenever he'd come out with the gun, before he could get a shot at it.

Hanging CD's near the area where these birds are pecking is one way of discouraging them naturally, but there was a long pause when this was suggested...followed by the plaintive delivery of words that delineate country from true country, "But I don't got any CD's".

He was hoping for some Woodpecker specific poison to smear on the barn and take care of the bird once and for all, while whatever is luring the woodpeckers continues to consume his wood.

What he can do is hang an inflatable woodpecker with some poison smeared on it's little inflatable mouth and his little inflatable anus.

That's how they got rid of Jeremy.

It's even better than one of those sticky glue board thingy's. Just sayn'

It's just too easy!

To order stuff on your kindle. A couple of great friends of mine gave me a gift certificate to Amazon for my birthday and I just started to use it today. I was able to order book after book to add to the kindle list. It was great. The books I just ordered were:

The Cut (Spero Lucas) [Kindle Edition] George Pelecanos a new series by one of my favorite authors. It is based in Washington DC and is a hard boiled mystery. Highly reccomended.

Outlaw [Kindle Edition] Angus Donald an novel of Robin Hood about a young man joining Robin Hood with a different view of the traditional hero. I heard good things about it but I have never read any of his work so we will have to see.

Lionheart [Kindle Edition] Sharon Kay Penman who is one of my favorite historical novelists. She writes of this era and is a wonderful writer with an amazing take on the period. Reminds me of another favorite of mine Mary Renault. Highly reccomended (especially for you broads cause it is kind of romantical but still full of daring doo doo)

Distant Thunders: Destroyermen [Kindle Edition] Taylor Anderson the next entry in the Destorymen series where a couple of World War 2 destroyers were transported to a world with Cats that walk like humans and evil insects try to destroy them. With a rouge Japanese battleship and eighteen century Brits as well. A great series but you should start from the begining. I can't wait to dive into it. Highly, highly reccomended.

Conqueror: A Novel of Kublai Khan [Kindle Edition] Conn Iggulden which is a pre-order of the next novel in the series based on the life of Gengkis Kahn and his descendants. It is a great historical series which is very accesable and a great quick read. Highly, highly reccomended.

I have a bunch of great books to read now. Taking a dump will be a great pleasure now. Well I mean it always is but now I have a lot to read on the throne. Just sayn'

Just because!

Most people don't send out Thanksgiving Cards is no reason why we can't start a new tradition.

Squanto on this right here baby!

What would give you a splinter in your twat?

Woody was a star for a long long time in Hollywood. He made features from the 1930's until the 1980's. He had many female costars. But it started to get ridiculous when he pretended that hot young lucious women were enamoured of his nerdy and fussy charms. Why would these beautiful woman want to endure the embrace of this nebbishy old man who looked like their grandfather. I mean you know why they did it. For the money and to star in one of his films. But it was just ludicrous.

It all came to an end when his long time love Mia Muskrat found photo's of him having sex with her adopted underage daughter Winnie. She found a bunch of photos of them in sexual positions and she always thought that her daughter had left them out for her to find. After the scandal broke Winnie moved in with her quasi-stepfather and they made films together that were only viewed by those who could stand to support a pervert and a child molester.

(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)

Commenter Memories Number 120 Allie remembers when the buck stopped at her table!

Allie remembers her first Thanksgiving in America. Harry Truman came to eat dinner over the house because they were good Democrats.

But then he tried to nationalize the turkey farmers and break thier union and Allies father tossed him out on his bowtie.

Thanksgiving memories.

Commenter Memories Number 119 Cedarford Loves Thanksgiving

It reminds him of the times with his family back in his homeland.

Even the pumpkins were white.

He just hated that the turkey was always deep fried. You see his family put the oven to an alternative use. Even on Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving Memories.

Commenter Memories Number 118 Crack Emcee chokes up when he sees Turkey

Because he remembers his Auntie who raised him and their Thanksgivings together.

His Uncle brought the rice.

Thanksgiving memories!

Just because!

She likes the feel of fur against her skin does not mean you need to be a bear Hossaroni.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Spicy meatballs!

We had a kind of tough time on Thanksgiving. The wife's Dad wasn't feeling well so we had to truck everything out to the island. I made most of the stuff there on Thanksgiving Day which was kind of hard because they don't have all of the equipment.

To save time I ended up making the meatballs the night before and we had a little pre Thanksgiving feast. One of our pattern makers was dropping off some samples so we had meatballs right out of the pan with a nice Côte du Rhône that we have been enjoying lately.

The wife loves them right out of the pan without any sauce on them so we put a little dipping sauce on the side with bread. They came out pretty good.

Just because!

They have no class in the White House nowadays is no reason that Al Roker can try to reenact the Spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp with a wiener.

WTF Al Roker?

Whose that girl?

She didn't hang out with the Coach from Penn State and she is no frills all the way.

Plus she married a famous communist.

Whose that girl?

Just because!

Elvis waited till he got chubby to make a Thanksgiving movie: Turkey Bake with Shelley Fabares and the Courtship of Eddie Fathers guy.

Shelley has looked a lot better though.

Just because!

There are no good Thanksgiving movies is no reason to remake Bullit starring a Turkey.

Plymouth Adventure .

Glen Campbell Rhinestone Cowboy

On Thanksgiving Day!

Johnny Cash - Pocahontas (Neil Young cover) Fan music video

Squanto on that buddy!

Listen to the Lion

On Thanksgiving Day!

Get stuffed!

So I will be making my usual stuffed mushrooms tomorrow.

I usually chop some garlic and parsley and add bread crumbs and pecorino romano cheese to stuff the shrooms. Lately I have also been adding ricotta and finely chopped scallions but I might omit the ricotta because everybody else likes it dry. I also squeeze a couple of lemons over them while I am cooking.

The wifes family likes tons of bread crumbs in everything and likes stuff a lot drier than I do. Since I am cooking for them I will make it the way they like it.

Me I like it juicy. Just sayn'

I didn't just get here on the turnip truck!

So I have never made turnips before. We are going to my in-laws. They were supposed to come to me but my father in law is not feeling well so we are bringing everything to them. My father in law wanted some turnips so I have to make them to cheer him up.

I have a handle on everything except for the fuckin turnips.

Now they are diabetics and the funny thing is that every recipe seems to call for a ton of sugar. White sugar. Brown sugar. More sugar than the Crack Emcee gets in a month of Sundays. So since I am a simpleton I am going simple.

I am going to peel them and quarter them and put them in a pan with salt and pepper and roast them of a while. When I turn them over I am going to put a big pat of butter on each slice so it melts and covers the turnip. When it is ready I will serve as is.

What do you think?

Any non sugar turnip recipes will be greatly appreciated.

A non traditional Thanksgiving.

I am making a pork roast over fanook, prunes, apples and a white wine glaze. No turkey. I hate turkey.

Also meatballs, sausage, raviolis and a big salad.

But no turkey. And that's final.

What would give you a splinter in your twat?

Woody became a tyrant as he became more popular as a director and star in his own series of films that were praised by the art house crowd. They didn't make any money but were considered art. He was famous for seducing his costars and having relationships with the female stars of his film. If you didn't let his slide his wood pecker into your twat you didn't get to star in one of his movies. It was interesting story how he got that wood pecker.

You see he had started out as producer and director working at Warner Brothers. He became enraged at Donald Duck who had seduced Woody's then girlfriend Daisy Duck. Of course they were both ducks so that had something to do with it as they like to stay with their own kind. So he refused to use Donald in any of the new Looney Tunes he was shooting. Donald was from New Jersey and he approached his godfather the famous gangster Don Vito who sent his consigliere Tom to approach Woody about using Donald in the new film "From Here to Maternity" where Daisy gives birth to an ugly duckling. But Woody refused and to terrorize him they put a horse's head in his bed. Which didn't matter to him because Woodpeckers are scavengers and he just picked it up and threw it away.

So they had Luca Brasi cut his dick off.

He had to get a prosthetic Wood Pecker.

That is why all of his costars end up with a splinter in their Twats.
(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)

What would give you a splinter in your twat?

Woody Woodpecker was a great director. He was the principal director of many Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons but then he started staring in his own cartoons. His signature Woodpecker song became very popular among college kids and pseudo intellectuals who saw themselves in his nebbishy character instead of more manly cartoon characters like Wiley Coyote or Pepe Le Plume. But his popularity went to his head and he thought he was invincible. He had a voracious and capacious sexual appetite and molested many of the characters who appeared in his cartoons. The last straw was when he began a sexual relationship with his adopted son Andy Panda. It seems that it began in college when Andy was trying out for the Penn State Football team. Woody was an unpaid assistant coach in charge of massages and he began to oil up his adopted son. A scandal ensued that ended his viability as a filmmaker except in ultra liberal and decadent areas such as France and the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)

Were Not Gona Take It

Bait Shop Lounge

By the way.

We ain't gonna take it.

Just sayn'

Bra fit tips for well-endowed girls from Lee Lee's Valise

Tbat's all I got to say.

Thanks for the email alerting me to the topic. I wouldn't have realized it otherwise.

Just because!

Everybody had a porno guy mustache in the 1970's.

Even Hossaroni!

But we still know who you are.

Just Because!

"Well I heard you have a Big Valley so maybe we can think of something else."
"I am sure we can big fella! We can recreate that Zane Grey Story under the Sweeter Water Rim Job."
"Well if you can do that it would be a cunning stunt."
"Exactly!"

Just Because!

It has been too long since we have seen her.

Commenter Memories Number 117: ND Spinelli almost lost his PI License

When got caught huffing spray paint with the Instapundit guy in the parking lot of a 7-11.

Luckily the surveillance photos sucked. I think they used one of those fish eyed lenses.

Commenter Memories Number 116: Shouting Thomas is ready to start dating again!

I just think he needs to use a different photo on E Harmony. Just sayn'

Commenter Memories Number 115: On the other hand chickenlittle is much more macho

He just doesn't brag about it. He was in a really tough motorcycle club back in the day.

"The Son's of Salmonella."

Commenter Memories Number 114: The Crack Emcee likes to tell us how tough and macho he is!

But you think he would have joined a tougher gang in High School.

Why would he join the "Son's of Melanin?"