Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

I am tired of writing to you. And I am tired of waiting for Steve to call me back. I don't know how you can use your mutant ninja turtle mind control techniques to block my calls and emails but I don' t think it is worth it anymore.

Tell Steve that I have a new lover. He is a lot older than me but a real classy gentleman. He just quit ESPN because they wouldn't let him date me if he wanted to work for them. So he chose me. THAT"S RIGHT!!! ME YOU BITCH!!!

I mean dating an older guy like Petey is great. Well his petey ain't great. It doesn't work most of the time. I mean I have to dress up in a big red sox for him to even get a little hard. But he makes up for it with attitude. I mean when he takes his teeth out and puts the in the glass by the side of the bed he is ready to rock. When he gums my nipples and then munches on the fish taco he sends me to heaven. Much much better than Steve ever did those three times we did it in my Acura in the parking lot. So there Steve Phillips. I don't need you.

Petey and I are very happy together. I just have to sneak into the assisted living facility and hide in the closed until the orderly does bed check. But it is worth it to be with someone who loves me. I am going to stick with this for the long term. So you can forget about me Steve.

Cause when Petey goes to the big ballpark in the Sky I am going to give Tiger Woods a call.

Toodles.

Your Pal

Brooke