American Idol is back and we are all over it!

American Idol is back and we are all over it.

Day one was in Boston and the crazy started from the beginning. The first one up was a foul mouthed Irish broad who was wearing a pink belly shirt. An unfortunate choice. She needs to find out how to dress because she could have looked great but she had to get clothes that fit. Anyway she kept jumping up and down and was a stone psycho. They had that twit Posh Spice as a guest judge so with Kara they made up a new act: The Skeleton Sisters. The judges got her out as fast as possible.

They had this girl who had a heart rending story. She came from a huge family and her next youngest sibling was a Downs Syndrome baby. Her family ending up adopting three more Downs Syndrome kids and they were all there to cheer her on. I admit I teared up. Of course the wife was weeping for ten minutes but she is a big softie. Anyway she was pretty good and I hope she doesn’t get lost in Hollywood.

They had a couple of other typical stories: Cancer Guy, family troubles the whole nine yards. But the worst was this little Irish pishser who came with his whole family dressed in t-shirts with his name on it. Man did he suck. Thank God he was kicked to the curb.

By the way Paula is really, really missed. The first dofus actually called Kara: “Paula” and she freaked. She also freaked on this dude with crazy eyes who was the last person to audition. She was in full bitch mode that nobody thinks she has earned yet and Simon’s disgust is palpable. No wonder he is quitting. I mean at least with Paula next to him he could entertain himself by making her crazy. Now he just wants to get the hell out of there.

The next day they were in Atlanta. Mary J. Blige was the guest judge and she had a real hard time not laughing at the idiots who were singing. She had to keep hiding her face and would shout out stuff like “Oh no!” and “My Lord” and all kinds of stuff. Pretty funny actually.

Now there were a lot of goobers in this show. One young girl is being set up to be this seasons Kelly Pickler. They pimped her with a video and a visit to her one horse town in Tennessee. I think she lives next to the Instapundit’s trailer. Anyway they show her jumping off a bridge in a bikini. Now some of these guys should really jump off a bridge but this was all in good fun. She made it to Hollywood singing a Loretta Lynn song in a real country voice. It’s a Loretta Lynn voice because you can listen for about two minutes before you change the radio dial. Unless you are a goober of course. She will not survive Hollywood.

They totally mocked this other skinny inbred bad tooth goober dude. They had videos mocking him and everything. But everybody wants their ten minutes and he got his.

Then they had the perfect American Idol contestant. It was a guy who looks like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch dressed in a bowling shirt and telling everyone he is the “Great Sibowsky.” Now what can be better than being a black dude singing Motown while pretending to be Polish. It was brilliant I tell you. And he really sold it. He even misspelled the name on his bowling shirt. You can’t get more Polish than that! He made it easily.

Then they had this cop guy they were pimping with a couple of videos. He is pretty old and he doesn’t sing that well but that is not what is really funny. He is a really pale and pink guy and he shaved his head except for a wispy tuft of a Mohawk on the middle of his head. So when he pursed his lips and wailed in all his pink skinned glory, he looked like nothing so much as, well a pig. Talk about stereotypes. Yikes.

The final guy was a portent of things to come. He was an angry black dude who had shaved some sort of design into his eyebrows. He was pissed from the minute he walked in. Simon was so disgusted he had already left. That’s gonna happen a lot. Anyway this dude shouted out Seal’s song “A Kiss from a Ross” in a gruff tough voice like he was singing in the prison shower. When they told him no way, he really started flexing and shouting and acting out till security got him and escorted him out of the joint. They followed him all the way down the elevator and out on to the street. Just about the last thing he said was “Fuck that Kara. What the hell does she know? Paula never would have done that.”

Truer words where never spoken.