Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have quite a few Haitians my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Nah, I can’t get into that accent. Plus that voodoo shit creeps me out. They always calling on me for shit. I mean I am pretty fucking busy you know, enough with the Haitians. Who else ya got?
Forcas: Well Marilyn Monroe keeps asking for another shot. She wants to know who she has to blow to get out of hell.
Lucifer: She always was a dumb bitch. No wonder Joe D dumped her ass. Keep her in the wind tunnel trying to blow out that candle. That will fix her ass. Who else?
Forcas: Well we have noted thespian and famous pompous windbag Pernell Roberts.
Lucifer: Oh snap! Adam Cartwright is here? Cool. I have been waiting for him ever since he quit Bonanza. That was a one way ticket right here to the hot seat. He fucked with one of my favorite shows. Get his dumb ass in here.
Forcas: Right away Sire!
Pernell Roberts: What’s going on here? One minute I was walking to a bright light and met a man in a robe with a clipboard and the next thing I know a trap door opens and I am roasting my tootsies off. Don’t you know who I am?
Lucifer: Yeah. I know who you are. You are one of the stupidest actors who ever lived. You dumped a show beloved by millions that ran for twenty years after you quit for a career of Shakespeare in the round in dinner theatre and a short run as a Dr. Zorba clone in a rip off of Medical Center playing second fiddle to retard. That’s who you are douche bag.
Pernell Roberts: But I was a serious actor. I couldn’t prostitute my talent with the banal in the wasteland that was episodic television. I had to follow my muse. I was too good for a cowboy show.
Lucifer: Who the fuck do you think you are? David Caruso? You bore me. Take him away boys.
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Pernell Roberts and drag him away as he protests feebly that he is a serious actor)
Lucifer: What a maroon. I know. Send him to the playhouse and have him perform with John Barrymore, Gilbert Roland and Fatty Arbuckle.
Forcas: What will they be performing my Lord?
Lucifer: Oh. They will be reenacting season four of “The Facts of Life.” You know the one we used to send messages to our minions on Earth. Have him play Natalie. I think she was a thespian too. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hee.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have quite a few Haitians my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Nah, I can’t get into that accent. Plus that voodoo shit creeps me out. They always calling on me for shit. I mean I am pretty fucking busy you know, enough with the Haitians. Who else ya got?
Forcas: Well Marilyn Monroe keeps asking for another shot. She wants to know who she has to blow to get out of hell.
Lucifer: She always was a dumb bitch. No wonder Joe D dumped her ass. Keep her in the wind tunnel trying to blow out that candle. That will fix her ass. Who else?
Forcas: Well we have noted thespian and famous pompous windbag Pernell Roberts.
Lucifer: Oh snap! Adam Cartwright is here? Cool. I have been waiting for him ever since he quit Bonanza. That was a one way ticket right here to the hot seat. He fucked with one of my favorite shows. Get his dumb ass in here.
Forcas: Right away Sire!
Pernell Roberts: What’s going on here? One minute I was walking to a bright light and met a man in a robe with a clipboard and the next thing I know a trap door opens and I am roasting my tootsies off. Don’t you know who I am?
Lucifer: Yeah. I know who you are. You are one of the stupidest actors who ever lived. You dumped a show beloved by millions that ran for twenty years after you quit for a career of Shakespeare in the round in dinner theatre and a short run as a Dr. Zorba clone in a rip off of Medical Center playing second fiddle to retard. That’s who you are douche bag.
Pernell Roberts: But I was a serious actor. I couldn’t prostitute my talent with the banal in the wasteland that was episodic television. I had to follow my muse. I was too good for a cowboy show.
Lucifer: Who the fuck do you think you are? David Caruso? You bore me. Take him away boys.
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Pernell Roberts and drag him away as he protests feebly that he is a serious actor)
Lucifer: What a maroon. I know. Send him to the playhouse and have him perform with John Barrymore, Gilbert Roland and Fatty Arbuckle.
Forcas: What will they be performing my Lord?
Lucifer: Oh. They will be reenacting season four of “The Facts of Life.” You know the one we used to send messages to our minions on Earth. Have him play Natalie. I think she was a thespian too. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hee.
5 comments:
"Well Marilyn Monroe keeps asking for another shot."
ooo, ooo, pick me.
Funny!
Caruso's contribution to acting amounts to putting his sunglasses on when he wants to fake coolness.
Sadly, I didn't see it.
Well, I did. But I don't remember him. I also remember Marilyn but that's different.
Born in '61 so I remember the Parnell era of Bonanza mostly in reruns. My dad always told me that he quit because he felt he was above the show, so everyone else got rich off of it and he did a lot of dinner theater.
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