Lucifer: Forcas I am getting tired of waiting to find a new PA Announcer. Did anyone even vaguely appropriate fall down the chute?
Forcas: Well we have several new candidates you can choose from. There is a former teen heartthrob who fronted a Musical group from the sixties.
Lucifer: What that douche bag McCartney is finally here? Thank God. Fucking Lennon has been such a pain in the ass all these years. Now I can have them play Black Sabbeth songs through all eternity. Or some of those Helen Reddy classics. That would be cool.
Forcas: No my dread Lord it is not one of the Fab Four. It is Davey Jones from the Monkees the Pre-Fab four.
Lucifer: Oh that sucks we don't need that shit. Who else?
Forcas: Well we have a lot of people from Indiana who died in a tornado. They are here because they are Reggie Miller fans.
Lucifer: Please not more Hoosiers. They are just fuckin boring. They think riding a fuckin bike is a big fucking deal. Who else you got?
Forcas: Well we have Don Mincher
Lucifer: WHAT? HOLY SHIT I HATE THAT FUCK! SEND HIM DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!
Don Mincher: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas , he blearily rolls over on his heavy gut and pushes himself up) What the fuck...where am I?
Lucifer: You are in Hell you douchebag. Man everybody hates you here in Hell. All those stupid music shows you used to produce in the seventies. Ann Murray. The Bay City Rollers. Sister fuckin Sledge. What a crock of shit. You are gonna burn in Hell for all eternity just for the Captain and Tenille you fuck you!
Don Mincher: Music? What music are you talking about? I was a fuckin' ballplayer. I hold the record for the most home runs but the guy with the biggest gut from 1970 to 1975. I didn't have nothing to do with Music. Lucifer: Aren't you the douche that did the Midnight Special?
Forcas: You are thinking of Don Mischner my dread lord. He is still alive. And Burt Sugerman did the Midnight Special anyway. Sorry.
Lucifer: Shit I hate to be wrong. Well burn this asshole anyway. (Two burly demons grab the Oakland A's old first baseman and throw him into the firey pits of Hell) Let's go get some wings Forcas. Extra hot! And some beer. I hate it when I make a mistake. Let's go watch Eleanor Roosevelt do Jack Kennedy with strap on. That's always good for a laugh.
9 comments:
Rhymes with pincher.
Over to you, Titus.
When I was a kid, my old man took me to a game @ the Stadium against the Twins. The Twins had some bangers. Mincher hit 2 into the right field bleachers. One was right down the line..~300 feet, the second was a shot, out in any ballpark. The Twins won that game. I also saw the great "Killer" hit one @ the stadium in a different game. There wasn't a big crowd and you could hear the crack of the bat. I have NEVER heard that sharp a sound before or since. It had no lift, it looked like the shortstop could have caught it. There were virtually no fans in the left field seats and you could hear and see the ball rattle of the seats. The entire crowd was in awe. Killebrew was a great player and guy. Two Twins from the glory days dying in less than a year. It makes you realize you're getting old.
Don Mincher? Don Mischer? Don Kirshner?
Hey, Don Kirshner died last year.
Hey I get them all mixed up with Dick Clark who in fact is Lucifer.
Dick is selling Bedrock
Awww. I went to school with his daughter. The daughter of the Devil, I guess.
One of your all-time great Seattle Pilots!
Don't know who they might be, but I'm sure they were better pilots than Thurman Munson and Cory Lidle.
ChipS, w/ the witty retort!!! The Seattle Pilots had a shorter stay than some of my fucking inlaws.
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