Do you think the Good Lord still sends us tests to see what we will do?
I still have the uneasy feeling that I failed a test with the Ashes on Ash Wednesday thing. I am very ambivalent about it. I feel I should have taken a stand but greed or fear or something made me acquiesce. I didn't have to sacrifice my first born. I didn't even have to lose my job or be a martyr and get eaten by a lion or something. I just had to stand up to someone who hates religion and religious people and Catholics in particular.
This came up again this weekend. We have a friend of ours who flies in from Florida to do Lisa's hair so she can have the color and cut she wants for the show. It is very important to her so it is very important to me. This friend flies in from Ft Laudable at his own expense and the only day he could do it was on Sunday. So we had to go to Mass on Saturday night. We were filming on Saturday and I went in and told them the we had to leave at twenty after five to get to church on time. The show runner said "Sure no problem." We proceed to film all day and they are rushing things along going "We have a hard out at 5:20 so lets not waste any time." I wait humbly and patiently through all of this until it is time to go. They are filming but I come out and say "We have to go." "Yeah but one more thing." "Wait I have a guestion." "I have some clips you can see but I guess we have to wait till you get back." He was doing every thing he could to delay us and keep us for going or at the least to make us be late and walk in the middle of the Mass. Which everyone knows I hate to do because I want to get there for first pitch.
We were firm and left and were only a few minutes late. I didn't get angry because I gave up rage for Lent. But I keep thinking I should have done something different. I should have said "I am wearing my Ashes and you can call the network if you have a problem with that." I don't think they know anything about this. Or I coiuld have insisted that we leave for the 7::30 distribution and they could have cut filming short that day because we walked out.
In St Mary's they have a giant mural of Abraham about to sacrafice his son and the Angel who stays his hand. I sat at Mass and stared at it as they did the readings and thought how far I am from Abraham and his faith. How I fell short. Again. How I have to do better. To be a witness. To stand up to those who attack religion and the people who practice it. The might be big name bloggers. They might be media personalities. They might be Presidents.
I have to try to do better.
24 comments:
Dude, we all fall short.
Trooper, you care. That means a lot to God. Peter denied Christ in a major way three times, and was given the chance to redeem himself. I'm certain you'll get the same treatment.
I hope so.
I hope he forgives Titus too even though he forgets about Jesus every time the cock crows.
Just sayn'
Do you think the Good Lord still sends us tests to see what we will do?
Sorry, I didn't answer your question, in my haste. I think God knows what we'll do. The tests in life are to show us what He will do, to demonstrate Who He is in terms we can relate to.
I hear you, Trooper. But I will leave all moral, theological and/or spiritual comment to Ruth Anne, if and when she shows up.
We should call Ruth Anne "Phoebe," and make her the unofficial διακονία of this site, just as she was the unofficial historian of another site all those years ago.
Sixty beat me to it, but I'll say it anyway, we all fall short of the glory of God. Those who strive to do the thing their conscience and principles direct them to do are the powerful souls God wants us to be, my opinion. We are all capable of it, but sometimes life just gets in the way of greatness, doesn't mean we should stop trying.
I should clarify, it's not greatness we strive for for, but to emulate greatness of those that came before us, Jesus, and humans we know led meaningful ives here on earth.
I'm agnostic, I don't know what or who the higher power is, but my instincts tell me that whatever, whoever IT is, IT understands just how difficult it is to be human.
Lives
OK, one more thought, I envy those of you with unshakable faith, I would never disparage those of you who believe, I wish I had some of that.
How do you know your hand wasn't stayed?
I'm no theologian by a long shot, but isn't the whole idea of faith that you never actually know the answers to your questions?
Even if I find the binding of Isaac to be one of the more disturbing and harder to justify stories, there should definitely be a way for you to stand up for what you believe. I think calling them on whether they'd call the network might have worked. Hindsight's always 20/20, even if in this case it's hard to know for sure. We all live and learn. If it gives you a better idea of how to try approaching it next time then your missed sacrifice couldn't have been in vain.
We are all lacking at times. I am a shameless wound licking blogwhore. So trust me I know. We can only try to do better when we fail. It is not about guilt (although Catholics have plenty of that) it is about doing better and acknowledging when we screw up. It is bothering you because you know you were not true to your own beliefs and faith. So acknowledge that, recognize it, and do better.
You are a good man...
Blogfather wrote: I still am uneasy.
Good for you! Being "uneasy" means you're not slut.
I've followed your blog now (closely) for three years or so...IMHO you're a good person, Troop.
God is not a micromanager, tests do come but I don't believe their contrived..just serendipitous. You need to be aware of the Catholic guilt dynamic. I believe guilt is the most inequitably distributed trait. Those who don't need guilt are often overwhelmed by it, and those who could use a healthy dose often don't have a fucking lick of it.
Maybe the test wasn't for you alone.
I like windbag's take. That He knows what we will do. Seems to me like He got your attention. He made you curious. You most likely made others curious. This is good.
I also think, following on the heels of the loss of a happy political warrior who didn't seem to back down ever, that it is also good to resolve to witness whenever you are called to. The tricky part in matters of faith is "how"? Is it by not backing down on occasions like these, or is it by finding a way to make others curious?
One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Charlie Peacock.
This is what it's like to be loved,
This is what it's like to be forgiven,
This is what it feels like to be alive,
To be living in a way that you don't have to fear being zapped by God 'cause you don't measure up,
After all...
That's the point,
That's the point.
It's a point that's missed by more that a few, young and old, tried and true,
Sin is a cancer, not just a thing we do from time to time, like slipping or tripping, or losing your keys,
It's in you, mister,
Sister, it's in me.
This is what it's like to be loved,
This is what it's like to be forgiven,
This is what it feels like to be alive,
To be living in a way that you don't have to fear being zapped by God 'cause you don't measure up,
After all...
That's the point, (that's the point, that's the point)
That's the point. (that's the point, that's the point)
It's a point that's missed by more that a few,
I confess to it, how about you?
Sin is a sickness, not just a thing we do from time to time, like stumbling or fumbling, or having to sneeze,
It's in you, mister,
Sister, it's in me.
This is what it's like to be loved,
This is what it's like to be forgiven,
This is what it feels like to be alive,
To be living in a way that you don't have to fear being zapped by God 'cause you don't measure up,
After all...
That's the point, (that's the point, that's the point)
That's the point. (that's the point, that's the point)
This is what it's like...
This is what it's like...
This is what it's like to be loved,
This is what it's like to be forgiven,
This is what it feels like to be alive,
To be living in a way that you don't have to fear being zapped by God 'cause you don't measure up,
After all...
That's the point, (that's the point, that's the point)
That's the point. (that's the point, that's the point)
That's the point, that's the point,
That's the point, that's the point.
I LOVED that, windbag. Thanks!
Trooper,
I don't think you fell short. You needed to go to Mass and you went. It sounds like the film crew would have kept you there all day and so by leaving to be (almost) on time, you did what you needed to do.
We cannot know if He wanted you to be forceful about leaving or leave with as little friction as possible.
Trooper, you didn't fall short.
Have you considered that the real purpose of the television show isn't the show itself, but rather is to let the Holy Spirit work through you to put its hand on the shoulders of the television crew?
A woman was in the dentist's chair. The dentist began a long ramble about how God couldn't exist because of all the awful wars and troubles in the world. The woman couldn't answer back because of all the dental appliances in her mouth.
On her way home after the dentist appointment, the woman saw a hobo who had a mouth full of truly awful teeth. She took the man in hand and walked him back to her dentist's office. She asked the hobo to smile for the dentist, than said "Dentists must not exist because of all the awful teeth there are in the world".
To lightly say that God exists is one thing; to avail ourselves of His blessings and mercy is quite another thing.
Stay on the path; you're doing the right thing.
In text and picture, the drama taking place on center stage is not the whole story. Provision sits in the lower right corner, stuck in a thicket.
The TY maxim, things are not as they seem, holds here too. Abraham looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns...So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide.
The tv crew are a bunch of satan worshipers for all I know. What makes Trooper a better man is he does not know if he was right. He reflects on his own actions, rather than put the blame on the other side for putting him in the position. There is no whining, but introspection.
I am pretty sure God does not dig whiners. But sinners? God loved breaking bread and drinking wine with sinners. That should tell you something.
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