Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, June  28, 1962 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a tuna fish sandwich left out in the sun)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I divorced Artie you know But I told you that already. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe. That dirty Jew cocksucker. He is a cocksucker you know. All of those theater type are homos.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah we heard about that keed. That’s a shame. But you shudda know that he was a sword swallower.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. But everybody is treating me different. I told you that most of them have stopped taking my calls. Sinatra dropped me. Dean won't answer the phone.  Even Jack won't let me visit him in the White House. I fucked him you know. Right in the Oval office under the desk where his children play. He stuck in me for about ten seconds and squeaked like a dog toy and came it two seconds. Why did he drop me Joe? Ain't I a good lay? I fucked his brother too. They made a sandwich of me in Camp David. Why doesn't he call me back. You always call Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear this shit. You life is your life but he don't wanna hear this. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? They all fucked me. Every one of them. I banged them all. Frank. Dean. Joey Bishop. I even did a three way with Sammy Davis and Mel Torme.  That's right. I fucked that little moolies eye right out with my clit. I showed that greasy prick Torme who had a golden fuckin' throat. I did em all Joe. So you ain't nothing special.
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you? You were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow. I fucked them all.   WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Sammy Davis. That little spook.  Tell Frankie Carbo I want to see Bumpy Johnson here tomorrow.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. They got rights now. Someday they will be running this fucking country. You wait and see. You don't want your fingerprints on this.

 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

The Babe Abides

"Hey keed don't stand too close. I don't want to catch no Chinese crud."
"We not Chinese Mr. Root. We Japanese."
"I don't care kid I just know one thing."
"What 's that Mr. Root?"
"You're all pink on the inside."
"Tee heeeeee Mr. Root."
"I just don't want any of youse with a runny nose. Or a runny cunt. I already dealt with that. So line up for inspection. I am going to stick Miller Huggins up there to see what's happening."
"Okey Dokey Mr. Root."

It's like butter.

Everything goes better with butter.

When we went to Trader Joe's last week there were some shortages. Not many eggs. Sparse stocking in the bread aisle. Not a lot of buttter.

You see we like the Trader Joe's brand of butter. It is relatively inexpensive and tastes great. But they were out. They only had unsalted. Fuck that shit.

Now I was stuck out in the car and was shopping by Face Time. The wife and daughter have banned me from the store since the Post Office fiasco.  The wife was inside and asking me questions about what to get. So when the butter was gone I was able to get her to buy the Kerrygold! What a score.

Kerrygold is just about the best butter on the market. Imported from Ireland it is as good as it gets. I love it but don't usually buy it because it is pricey. Necessity is the mother fucker of a budget. So we got some Kerrygold and I am in pig shit heaven.

With us being stuck inside I am cooking up a storm. Spaghetti Bolognese. Corn Beef and Cabbage. Swedish Meatballs and noodles in a brown sauce. Chicken Francese. And you know what makes that all taste so much better?

Butter.

I had been holding back on the butter because of our health concerns. But if we are going to die from the Kung Flu we might as well enjoy ourselves. Amirite?

No excuse me while I go out and make an apple pie. With a shit ton of butter.

Dear Tulsi

Dear Tulsi,

I can’t believe that you dropped out of the race and endorsed that senile kid toucher Slow Joe Biden! What’s the matter with you? I thought we shared some ideas and values. You know communism. Ending the wars overseas so we can use the military to control the American Public. Now that nudick Trump is doing it because of this bullshit corona virus. Listen. I have had a virus. I got in Cuba in 1975. So I don’t believe the hype

Please reconsider your endorsement. I can offer you a place in my administration. I can’t offer VP because I have to get a sharvtzer. But maybe you can be Interior Secretary or at the UN. That’s where they stick all the exotic bitches.

Call me.

Your friend,

Bernie

That was a big hole

Doing routine maintenance I notice something.

I didn't post anything for all of 2018. I don't know how that happened. I didn't plan it. I didn't realize it happened.

Hmmm. It reminds me of the rest of my life.

Lost Girl

I was flipping through the streaming services and I came across this independent movie called "Lost Girls" which turned about to be pretty good. I am usually not much for serial killer stories but this one took a different approach.

You see it looked at the Mom of one of the victims. Mari Gilbert is the Mom of three girls one of whom was prostitute who went missing on Long Island. They live in Ellenville New York which is a real upstate shit hole. This show gives one of the best depictions of working class life I have ever seen on film. The way they are on the edge. Working three jobs just to keep things level. How young girls get exploited.

Anyhoo this movie is really well done. The star this actress Amy Ryan who was from "The Office" is really vulnerable. They film her without makeup wrinkles and all. Very impressive star turn.

I was vaguely aware of the case but didn't know the details. The kicker is in the final coda of what happened to Mari Gilbert after the events depicted in the film.

Highly recommended.

Just like my Grandma used to make

So the wife was annoying the piss out of me by listening to De Blasio's press conference. I couldn't take that commie bullshit anymore so I used my usual solution.

I got my headphones and I went on Youtube. I have been searching out new things to cook because I think they are getting tired of my normal recipes.  I had laid in a bunch of chicken and meat and stuff and decide to make a different type of chicken dish. As I went through the site I found a bunch of videos made by this old lady Gina who titles her posts as "An Italian Grandma cooks....." something. In this case it was Chicken Francese.

It is exactly the way my Grandma used to make it. I adapted it a little as I didn't use any wine so my mother-in-law wouldn't bitch. I really pounded the cutlets to make them thin. (not a euphemism) I used my home made chicken stock but I did add a lot of capers. It came out great. They actually both loved it. That almost never happens.

I guess I will be watching a lot of YouTube.

I got your shelter in place right here....

I can't believe that so many people are listening to the panic being spread by the mainstream media and stopping their life. I had to go to the Post Office to bring our on-line sales this week. Of course the wife insisted I wear gloves and a mask. We got the mask from a nurse we met in Stop and Shop earlier in the week. We were talking about it and when she heard about my health status she went to her car and got us masks. So the wife forced me to wear one.

When I got to the desk the half a retard who works there was wearing a mask and gloves too. Of course was touching everything and then rubbing his bald head so I don;t think he protected jack shit.  Still and all the office manager was there. I used to know him when he was a lowly mailman and my office was in Rockville Centre. He goes "Jim I never thought you would be wearing a mask."
I said "Well I know I am going to die because of the corona virus. Not from getting sick but because I am going to get nagged to death."

You see my wife and my mother-in-law are the Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig of naggers. They never stop. This bullshit panic has them going crazy. Then when I posted this to face book my daughter started rage texting me from Florida about not going out. What a fucking mess. Somebody is going to have to pay for destroying our economy for a flu bug that is going to end up being slightly worse than a normal flu season. I just can't believe how people give up their basic civil rights so easily when the government decides to tell them what to do. Don't they know when they give up these rights it is very hard to get them back. Look at what happened after 911. After that mess they passed the Patriot Act where they set up the bogus FISA court and spyed on the phones of most of America. You think they would have cancelled that after what they did to Trump and the people on his campaign. But no they are going to renew it. The only thing stopping them is Senator Ron Paul. I don't know if he can hold the line.

This bogus crisis has tinpot dictators trying to control every aspect of our lives. They are destroying businesses and peoples lives. The cure is a lot worse than the disease.

The Sixto Sense

"Sixto is not happy with the besibol.".
"Sixto really doesn't like Milwaukee. Wisconsin is no muy bueno. Only crazy blond lady who takes pictures of drains and some guy named after a garage. Is not me favorite place."
"I have the new idea. A musical group. We can get funny hats and sing about places where the men congregate. The Navy. The YMCA. The lockerroom."
"It takes a village for these people."

When you have nothing to do all day.....

You spend your time enjoying the classics.

Does Ronan Farrow know that his granny liked to show her cooter?

No wonder he is all fucked up.

The Summer of Boo Boo

Everything started to fall apart in the Summer of Boo Boo. Mother bear began drinking and her gradual descent into sexual degradation as she tried to molest Brother Bear.  Papa Bear started smoking met and gambling away his paycheck. Brother Bear was confused and started stalking brown haired campers. But the worst was Sister Bear.

She started cursing like a sailor. It must have been the atmosphere of unrestrained sex and degradation that drove her to this. Still and all it was weird and off putting.

It got so bad that Google stopped her from posting on her community blog since it meant they would cut off the Google Ads that was Ranger Smith's rice bowl. She didn't want the poor sap to lose money so she had to go back to writing on the bathroom walls.

But that was fine. She kind of preferred it.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Carl Douglas Kung Flu Fighting

Shut up bitch before I show you some Kung Flu fighting!

Did you see that latest interminable press conference where some liberal cunt was ranting at the God Emperor because he was calling it the Chinese Flu? She lied about dozens of attacks on gooks and chinks because of people being pissed that the entire economy was shut down because mamasan wanted her bat soup in the wet market in Wuhan. This is what they have to worry about..

I will admit that China had one good idea. They threw out all of the liberal media form their country. President Trump should do the same with the Times, the Post and the Networks. Just have science and technology reporters asking relevant questions. Not Democratic talking points. Listen Lincoln did it in a national emergency. If you are going to shut the bars you can at least shut these fucking liberal pie holes.

Why are you over there?

"Why are you hiding over there?"
"I have to watch out. A bunch of chinks have been chasing me. They want to make soup out of me. What's up with that?"
"I don't know that doesn't sound right. Do you have a birds nest under that mask?"
"No. Just a couple of horns. But that's another story."

You want try bat soup Hossaroni?

"You want try my special bat soup Mr. Hoss?"
"It very good for you."
"Many people back in Wuhan love to eat the bat."
"The only thing like to eat bat more than Chinee people is robin."
"But that different show Hossaroni."
"I make for you. Chop chop."

No patty fingers if you please!

Raglan Road

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Happy St Patrick's Day to one and all and anyone visiting the Trooper York blog today. I know all of us are stuck at home because of this bogus coronavirus bullshit. I never thought that the Irish would be such pussies as to cancel the parade but things have gone to shit and there is no coming back. You know they found a snake in Ireland last week. You know they allow abortions there now. So it is all of a piece.

I have made many Paddy's day posts over the years and you can see all of them if you click on the tags. If you delve into the comments you will see a bunch of people who used to comment here but have moved on for one reason or another. Some of them are at Lem's and some have just wandered off somewhere else. Just like a bar.

I used to hang out at bars every day. Catch a lunch at the Quiet Man. Late night dinner at O"Lunney's while Junior from the Soprano's would sing Italian songs. Saturday night at Cousins to listen to Jazz. Hanging at the Last Exit with the younger crowd when I got to be an old bastard. Tons of bars. Tons of drinks. Tons of good times. Tons of crappy ones.

Paddy's Day was always crazy. It was the day when all of the idiots would come out of the wood work and get drunk and make a mess. The best description of Saint Patrick's Day is by that asshole Dennis Leary who said St Patrick's day is when a steroid using apprentice plumber from Long Island wants to kick your ass because you sat on his Jet's jacket. That just about sums it up.

We are spending Paddy's day at home. I made corn beef and cabbage with potatoes and carrots. Not a beer in the house. Still we are relatively healthy and doing the best we can. I hope that youse guys can say the same.

Happy St Patrick's!

Betty Rubble is a Dirty Girl

I don't get in trouble for posting "objectionable content."

Nobody can object to Betty.

Because Betty Rubble is a dirty girl.

Whose those girls?

I don't care if they give me a virus.

Your sisters ass.

The stupidest thing in this phony ginned up panic because of Tom Hank's disease is the run on toilet paper.

When we went shopping it was ridiculous how some items were off the shelves because of the bogus panic caused by the scumbags in the media. In the mainstream supermarkets where the poor people go like King Kullen and Stop and Shop there was no rice or beans or pasta. Fortunately there was plenty of gluten free pasta so we bought a couple of extra packages. But this was the state of the bread shelves:

Nary a loaf of bread to be seen except for the stupid whole grain shit that nobody would want to buy. Why the rush to buy all  the bread? What they weren't going to make anymore? It is all bullshit.

Later we went to the pricey organic supermarket where all the rich people go. Guess what? They had plenty of everything. Of course everything costs two dollars more than in the mainstream stores but the rich bastards didn't have to worry. We only get very selected items there that we can't get anywhere else but that goes to show you.

What I really feel to understand is why there was no toilet paper or paper towels. What did everybody shit at work so if they had to stay at home they had to have a lifetime supply in the shed in the backyard? Now we were lucky since they had a big sale two weeks ago and we stocked up.But still and all is this going to be the new cocaine? I read a ridiculous article about this guy who went around and bought up a bunch of hand sanitize bottles and wanted to sell them on Amazon for $20 a bottle. Only Amazon stopped him because they said he was a profiteer. Look assholes he is a capitalist. He is selling and people want to buy. He isn't holding a gun to their heads. Who the fuck is Amazon to tell him how much money he can make from fleecing stupid people. A bunch of people went to Costco and bought up a bunch of toilet paper and are selling it on EBay. That's the freakin American way for fucks sake.

This ridiculous overreaction is being driven by news medias obsession with destroying President Trump. A news bunny on Fox News told this essential truth and was taken off the air immediately.  The sheeple are going along with the abrogation of their individual rights. There is going to be  a bill to be paid when this is all over and we find out that more people were killed walking in Baltimore than by this bogus pandemic.

I think we should take the news media types and hang them from the nearest lamppost.

The Summer of Boo Boo

We were really excited about our new neighbors. They came from overseas. In fact they were Chinese. Mama was happy because she thought she could get them to do the laundry. Brother Bear kind of liked their young daughter. He even stopped playing with himself and stalking campers with long brown hair. 

Only Papa Bear was not happy. He didn't trust foreigners. Especially slant eyed Bears. He was right for once.

You see the Chinese girl gave Brother Bear a Virus.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Wake up....Trump got rolled

Donald Trump just got rolled. He turned into John McCain canceling his campaign and rushing back to Washington to solve a bogus financial crisis. He gave into the panic generated by the Fake News that has blown everything out of proportion with the current flu crisis. I though he had a handle on it when he was saying that at worst this will be slightly more the number of people who die in a normal flu year. He let the news media and the Democrats and the Never Trumpers and even the people in his own administration that have their own agenda take him to the cleaners. Instead of holding steady and doing what he was doing he made a speech to the nation and closed the borders. Set up an economic dislocation that could very well lead to a recession. Undoing all the good work he did with the economy in one fell swoop. What a big mistake!

I remember when the world came to an end during the Y2K crises. Don't you remember when all the computers stopped working? How it took years until it got back to normal.

Or how about how killing that Iranian terrorist guy caused World War 3. Didn't that happen just a couple of weeks ago? I remember all of the usual suspects telling us that would happen.

When did we turn into a nation of faggots. I remember when the NBA let Magic Johnson play and he had fucking AIDS! Now somebody got a sniffle and they cancel the season. Even a white sport like baseball is cancelling their season. The Broadway Shows are cancelling when they were content to fuck each other in the ass nonstop spreading AIDS and it was business as usual. It's just ridiculous.

This so called crisis is totally overblown. Look it is much more dangerous to go for a walk in Baltimore than having someone sneeze on you.  You are more likely to get hit by lighting or find a feminist you would want to fuck than you would die of this corona shit. Sure old bastards like me and Sixty have to watch out. But the rest of the world can go on living and loving and watching the fucking game for fucks sake.

This is an unmitgated disaster. Not because of a flu that is going to kill marginally more Joe Bidens drooling in  their depends. But because of the econmoic dislocation and the way people are giving away their civil liberties. The sheeple are letting scumbags like Cuomo ban gatherings of more then five hundred people! Letting him call out the National Guard and stopping people from living your lives. That's how you got the Japs in concertration camps and limitless abortions and the Kardashians. By letting the lying news media and greedy politicians tell you want to do.

WAKE UP AND TAKE YOUR COUNTRY BACK BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!!!!

Marilyn's Diary

In the Munster family I was the one who was artistic. As opposed to Cousin Eddie who was autistic. At least that was the excuse we used to use when he was arrested for peeping in windows or stealing ladies panties off of clotheslines. Eddie was a little pervert.

I had a problem in college. Well I had a couple of problems because Uncle Herman would ream me out when we made love and I had to walk bowlegged most of the time. I told every one I had a horse. It was not that much of a lie. I was riding a horsecock every night.

My main problem was I didn't know what to major in because you have to remember it was in the Sixties. Women basically had the choice to be teachers or to get knocked up and marry some guy from the frat next door. I never wanted to teach so I decided to study art for a while.

I liked to paint. Mostly watercolors. Mainly because Uncle Herman loved water sports. My true vocation was in sculpture. I wasn't much for hammer and chisel. I loved to work in clay. I would often sculpt members of the family. Of course my favorite was my beloved Uncle Herman.

I would love to stick my fingers in the malleable clay and shape his bust. Almost as much as he liked to thrust his fingers in my young firm nubile malleable bust and squeeze and shape them every night. Of course that was not my favorite thing. My favorite was the plaster casting.

You see I had this friend Cynthia and her thing was to make a plaster cast of rock stars dicks. She did all the big time guys. Jimi Hendrix. Van Morrison. He was Irish so it was tiny so we saved a lot on plaster. Jim Morrison. Mick Jagger. I was able to help get started by introducing her to the Beach Boys. Aunt Lily was great friends with Dennis Wilson who was also buddies with Aunt Lily/s good friend Charlie. We were able to sneak into a jam session and Cynthia was able to cast a bunch of them. Dennis. Mike Love. Even Brian which was surprising because he was catatonic at the time. Still it was harmless fun. None of them held a candle to my Uncle Herman.

I still take the cast to bed with me every night. You can understand why.

Misposted form WKRLEM: Very different without productions values

Betty Rubble is a Dirty Girl

You can get in trouble if you post things that Google doesn't like.

But you never get in trouble if you post dirty photos of Betty Rubble.

Because even the beta geeks at Google know......Betty Ruble is a dirty girl.

The Captain Abides

The Captain became the second of the Core Four to be elected to the Hall of Fame today. He was a first ballot inductee but he still got screwed. One moron didn't vote for him so it wasn't unanimous as was the ballot for the great Mariano.  Along with Larry Walker in the regular ballot and Ted Simmons in the Veterans Committee bullshit. Another deserving nominee Red Sox asshole Curt Schilling was denied again because he is an out conservative and most sports writers are communists.

The voting for the Hall has always been screwed up as there was a big movement to not put players on in the first year of eligibility. Which is bullshit because you are a Hall of Famer or you are not. You don't magically become more of a Hall of Famer in one year. The other is that people who are definitely Hall of Famers but are denied for reasons other than their performance. Curt Schilling. Pete Rose. Now it is Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. Now I hate Roger like the Arabs hate the Jews but I have to admit his performance demands that he be elected unanimously on the first ballot. The same for Bonds and Rose. Look they always do comparisons with players that in the Hall already.  You have to let in this outfielder or that because Harry Heilman or Reggie Jackson have much worse stats. There are a bunch of people in the Hall who did terrible things including murder. You have to go by their performance not their moral character. At least that's what I think. I would have to swallow letting Clemens in and Rose as well Their performance demands it. You are not in their because of you character. You are there because of you performance on the field.

Now we can wait for Spinelli's rant about how they should never be in the Hall.

By the way I hate that I have to stick up for famous Red Sox assholes like Schilling and Clemens.

Because you know one important fact that negates all others.

Boston Sucks.

Remembrance of things Pabst

Those of youse guys who were readers of the old Trooper York blog might remember this series. Where I would detail all of the many joints I might have bounced around to for dinner or drinks. Those days are over now. Due to my health requirements and Lisa's dietary limitations there are not many places we can eat out. There are very few places that offer decent gluten free options and I really can't eat salt and everything you get in a restaurant is salted up the wazhoo.

So gone are the days of Marco Polo or Casa Rosa or The Red Rose or Mezcal's or any of the other places we used to frequent. But some days call for eating out and our recent anniversary called for just such an unusual night out.

We went to place called Meta Osteria which actually has a gluten free menu. They don't have a separate kitchen so I can't be sure there was no cross contamination but Lisa seems to get by all right there so it was the only nice alternative.

Here I am channeling Joe the Boss Masseria before Benny Siegel walked in and whacked him in Coney Island. I am enjoying the superb veal cutlet parmigiana that they serve here. Check it out:

That is a nice thick cutlet not a chop since there is no bone in it. Still and all it was dredged in flour and breaded and covered in mozzarella and a delicious sweet marinara sauce. Now this is a portion that is made for a man. Plus it comes with a side of spaghetti. So I was happy. It was really, really salty though so I paid for it for a week by filling up with water and having some heart complications. But it was worth it. Take a closer look:

See Chip doesn't document his delicious meals by posting photos of when he was half way through!
It takes a Brooklyn gavone to do that!

Oh I didn't post the appetizer. Here are the rice balls:

I started eating them before I took the photo so pardon me.

We ended it off with dessert. I had the tartufo and Lisa had some gelato:

All in all it was a great night out and a Remembrance of Things Pabst. We can't party like we used to but we still can enjoy a night out now and again.

Memories.....Misty water-colored memories of the way we were!

 I used to love Bat Day. Remember those? That was when you went to Yankee stadium and they actually gave you a bat. It was inscribed with the name of one of the players. The first one I ever got was an Elston Howard bat in 1965. That was a real bat. It was heavy. To heavy for a young Trooper York to use in the softball games we used to play in Carroll Park or Red Hook field, You see we used to go to the park with a team made up of kids from the block. We would bring our gloves and bats and a couple of clinchers and get into a game. Sometimes it was almost a tournament. You kept the field if you won. It was usually a triple header. 

I always would bring my Jim Lyttle bat that I got in 1970. It was perfect. It wasn't too heavy and I could whip it around like a wiffle ball bat which is what I had the most practice using. I loved that bat.

Jim Lyttle was an outfielder who had a cup of coffee with the Yankees for a couple of years. He hit 310 in 1970 in a limited role. Those were the Horace Clarke Yankees and it was a punishment from God on Yankee fans because Nuns were leaving the convent and they had the Mass in English. So we had to suck it up and take it like a man. I always followed his career when he bounced around the big leagues and later spent many years in Japan. I would check out the box score in the Sporting News to see how he was doing, Hey that's something nobody does anymore, It is all on the internet,

Jim Lyttle was one of the marginal Yankees that I always rooted for as a fan. I wasn't so much for the big stars like Bobby Murcer or Don Mattingly or even Jeter for that matter. I always rooted the most for the guy who was hanging on. Scrappy get in your face types. Jim Lyttle. Johnnie Ellis, Jim Mason. Steve Kline. Rusty Torrez. Jake Gibbs. Bobby Meachum. David Wells. Those were my peeps.

They don't do Bat Day anymore because I think they are afraid the people with hit each other over the head or something. Another wonderful thing from my childhood like full size Ring Dings and all white neighborhoods that are gone forever.

Still and all I will continue to root for my team. I hope youse guys root for yours. I know Lem will be rooting for his beloved Red Sox. I think he is rooting for them to get a good tan as they are on vacation.

Because as we all know. Boston sucks.

Dear Tulsi

Dear Tulsi,

I just wanted to drop you a line to thank you for the way you bitch slapped that uppity mulatto the other night. It was a pleasure to behold.

Not as big a pleasure as when I smelt your hair when I swore you in as a Member of the House in your first term. You were not the only member that was excited that night. I remember standing behind you and rubbing your shoulders and smelling your hair. It smelt like the Beach and Hawaiian Tropiic sunscreen. Oh those were  the days. When we Democrats were in charge of everything and the Orange Man was just on a TV show.

Anyhoo it doesn't look like you are going to make the next debate. I am sorry I would have loved  to smell....errr see you again. Just hang loose because I will be needing a woman of color for my VP and you are right up my alley Tulsi.

Ma-hole-o baby.

Your pal
Uncle Joe Biden

Dear Tulsi

Dear Tulsi:

There is a definite possibility that I will be killed in my attempt to get you elected as President. It is for this very reason that I am writing you this letter now.

As you well know by now, I love you very much. The past seven months I have left you dozens of poems, letters and messages in the faint hope you would develop an interest in me.

Although we talked on the phone a couple of times, I never had the nerve to simply approach you and introduce myself. Besides my shyness, I honestly did not wish to bother you ... I know the many messages left at your door and in your mailbox were a nuisance, but I felt it was the most painless way for me to express my love to you.

I feel very good about the fact you at least know my name and how I feel about you. And by hanging around your campaign office I've come to realize that I'm the topic of more than a little conversation, however full of ridicule it may be. At least you know that I'll always love you.

Tulsi, I would abandon this idea of doing what I must do in a second if I could only win your heart and live out the rest of my life with you, whether it be in total obscurity or whatever. I will admit to you that the reason I'm going ahead with this attempt now is because I just cannot wait any longer to impress you. I've got to do something now to make you understand in no uncertain terms that I am doing all of this for your sake. By sacrificing my freedom and possibly my life I hope to change your mind about me. This letter is being written an hour before I leave for the debate.

Tulsi, I'm asking you to please look into your heart and at least give me the chance with this historical deed to gain your respect and love.

With all my love,
John

Dear Tulsi

Dear Tulsi,

It's me. Kamala. Look bitch I don't think you want me to go upside your head you pineapple pussy skank. Wach you think dogging me like that at the debate. I thought women of color need to stick together. Didn't you get the memo or did I have to send it by drum or some such shit like they do in Hawaii.

Look so I smoke a little pot and I put a lot of people in jail for selling it. So what? Old man Biden passed lots of bills about sex abuse and he is always fingering 13 year old girls whose daddy's just got appointed dog catcher or sum shit like that there. Look at Spartacus. That dude dares to talk about his boo when you know when he is talking about T Bone he is talking about what he gets where the sun don't shine. We all be liars. We're Democrats for fucks sake!

Look don't make look you up. Keep my name out of your mouth. I didn't swallow so much of Willie Browns cum to go down like this. I will cut a bitch.

Wach your mouth bitch or I am coming for you.

Sincerely your colleague and soul sister,
Kamala

Baby come back

                                                             I am going to start posting here again. I know I said that before but it has been tough since I am not in front of my computer as much as before.



So I am going to try to use my iPad instead.

I can't get past how bad "Hero" turned out.

I posted about the movie "Hero" over at Lem's the other day. I can't get over how crappy that movie turned out.

I am a big Sam Elliott fan. So when I heard there was a movie built around him and his persona as a Western Icon I thought it would be good. You know. A man who personifies the values of the old West lost in the amoral world of today's Hollywood. They had a tiny bit of that but they turned him into a drug addled loser.

I guess Hollywood writers write about what they know.

What a waste. Don't watch it even if it is for free on Amazon Prime. It is a waste of your time.

Betty Ruble is a Dirty Girl...but Wilma is worse

Every so often the casts of the Flintstones and the Jetsons would get together.

Hilarity ensued.

Betty Rubble is indeed a dirty girl.

But Wilma is no slouch. Neither in Jane Jetson.

(Some things we have to keep from Lem. I don't want to sully his childhood memories.)

All My Sockpuppets are under the bed.

Things change. What was important last year is not a blip on the screen this year. Let alone things that happened three or four years ago.

Still people persist in their folly. I have a couple of people who email me tales from the darkside. Links to The Other Place when there is a particularly egregious example of bullshit. I think it is to get me to respond. To post over there. Or maybe it is just my ego. My thoughts are not all that important in the scheme of things. Who gives a shit about what I have to say? I mean I am out of the loop over there. I am sure most people who post at TOP don't know who I am since they have new people all the time as any normal person will get tired of the nonsense pretty quickly. So I don't kid myself. And I don't want those emails anymore because I want nothing to do with the dysfunctional circle jerk. I am just another insignificant blip on the blogger world. Nobody to listen too or care about my opinion since I have dropped out of the rat race.

None the less this last one is pretty funny. Someone claims that they never used a sock puppet because if they did they would just do it to be a "shitty person."

Trust me. You don't need to do that. You have already achieved your goal.

Bye Fiona.