Dear Mrs. Steve Philips
Well I hope you are happy you frigid bitch. After you complained about my last letter Petey threw me out of the house. He said that you contacted Major League Baseball and they said that they wouldn’t let him cover the ballpark if he stayed with me so I had to go. I can’t believe that you would do that to me!
I couldn’t go back home since it all came out about Steve and me doing it three times in my Acura in the parking lot. My father has disowned me and said he never wanted to see me again. I was living in my car for a while until I got this new job at the massage parlor. It isn’t the greatest but it’s a living. And now everything is going to be all right.
You see I met this new guy. His name is Al and he was an outcall customer but now we are in love. He especially loves my special lower belly massage. You know the one that Steve liked me to give while he was reading the scores on Baseball Tonight. It is a home run every time out.
Anyway Al is very green. And not just his skin. Well his petey is a little green. Not like Petey Gaamon's petey was green. That was just old age and dry rot. But Al painted his green. For the earth. He said I smelled like the earth. Like Gaia. I said “What you mean like Teresa’s little daughter from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey? What are you a freak?” But he didn’t mean that. He meant like mother Gaia, you know the earth mother. Now Steve never said I smelt like the earth. He said I smelt like Chicken of the Sea. Which used to get Petey Gaamons all hot because it reminded him of Ted Williams. So there.
Anyhoo Al is very normal. But not a square. I mean he does like me to dress up. I have to wear this polar bear costume with a hole cut in it. Which is much better than that Mr. Met Hat that Steve made me wear all three times we had sex in my Acura in the parking lot. That always smelt like splooge. My Al just likes me to be all furry. Well almost all furry. He makes me shave my chucky. He says it is because he really hates bush. Whatever. It’s little enough for the love we share.
I don’t want you to think I have forgotten about you and what you did to me. You broke up me and Steve and I can’t let that go. So you will be hearing from me soon.
Oh and maybe you should tell you kids to look both ways when they cross the street. You know what I mean. When I was following them….I mean when I saw them last they just kept running across the street without looking.
As for you. If you see a brown Acura with a broken back window you better run like hell. Just sayn.”
Toodles
You friend
Brooke
Well I hope you are happy you frigid bitch. After you complained about my last letter Petey threw me out of the house. He said that you contacted Major League Baseball and they said that they wouldn’t let him cover the ballpark if he stayed with me so I had to go. I can’t believe that you would do that to me!
I couldn’t go back home since it all came out about Steve and me doing it three times in my Acura in the parking lot. My father has disowned me and said he never wanted to see me again. I was living in my car for a while until I got this new job at the massage parlor. It isn’t the greatest but it’s a living. And now everything is going to be all right.
You see I met this new guy. His name is Al and he was an outcall customer but now we are in love. He especially loves my special lower belly massage. You know the one that Steve liked me to give while he was reading the scores on Baseball Tonight. It is a home run every time out.
Anyway Al is very green. And not just his skin. Well his petey is a little green. Not like Petey Gaamon's petey was green. That was just old age and dry rot. But Al painted his green. For the earth. He said I smelled like the earth. Like Gaia. I said “What you mean like Teresa’s little daughter from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey? What are you a freak?” But he didn’t mean that. He meant like mother Gaia, you know the earth mother. Now Steve never said I smelt like the earth. He said I smelt like Chicken of the Sea. Which used to get Petey Gaamons all hot because it reminded him of Ted Williams. So there.
Anyhoo Al is very normal. But not a square. I mean he does like me to dress up. I have to wear this polar bear costume with a hole cut in it. Which is much better than that Mr. Met Hat that Steve made me wear all three times we had sex in my Acura in the parking lot. That always smelt like splooge. My Al just likes me to be all furry. Well almost all furry. He makes me shave my chucky. He says it is because he really hates bush. Whatever. It’s little enough for the love we share.
I don’t want you to think I have forgotten about you and what you did to me. You broke up me and Steve and I can’t let that go. So you will be hearing from me soon.
Oh and maybe you should tell you kids to look both ways when they cross the street. You know what I mean. When I was following them….I mean when I saw them last they just kept running across the street without looking.
As for you. If you see a brown Acura with a broken back window you better run like hell. Just sayn.”
Toodles
You friend
Brooke
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